Monday, February 19, 2018
Sunday, February 18, 2018
Saturday, February 17, 2018
Friday, February 16, 2018
Thursday, February 15, 2018
I cannot convince the world to believe as I do, nor would I want to, but I continue to push boundaries with a fearless and positive tenacity in an effort to entice others to think for themselves.
Wednesday, February 14, 2018
Tuesday, February 13, 2018
Monday, February 12, 2018
Sunday, February 11, 2018
I’m a very happy person and have been most of my life, still, I would always find a reason to nag.
As I’ve grown––traveled, worked, studied, evolved––I’ve discovered that successful people seldom complain.
Rather than seeing a negative, I’ve habitually trained myself to find a positive in every circumstance.
Naturally I don’t always succeed, I’m still human, but I’ve found a balance in my outlook. Now, when I’m in a mood or struggling with a circumstance I force myself to admit: “This is life.”
Often, that simple admission is enough to return to the present.
When I acknowledge aloud that I know that I’m being ridiculous, I find it much harder to continue the destructive mindset...the situation is what it is; but I can choose to react based on my ability to breath and release, rather than out of fear and anger.
Saturday, February 10, 2018
A terrifying thought for many––especially if you’re not living in the present.
The moment you surrender to the honesty of life you realize that every day that you’re not dead you're living.
But are you truly living?
Friday, February 9, 2018
Thursday, February 8, 2018
Wednesday, February 7, 2018
Tuesday, February 6, 2018
Monday, February 5, 2018
Sunday, February 4, 2018
Saturday, February 3, 2018
Friday, February 2, 2018
Thursday, February 1, 2018
Wednesday, January 31, 2018
Tuesday, January 30, 2018
Monday, January 29, 2018
Labels that were surely meant to help us identify, communicate, and navigate life, have evolved into a trap.
We get so hung up in our minds overthinking everything.
Do you think a dog questions the purpose of life?
Or a flower challenges the existence of God?
Sunday, January 28, 2018
Saturday, January 27, 2018
Wind whistling; moving energy across the universe.
A river trickling past; the reminder that life never stops moving.
Birds singing; hope is everywhere.
Nature is full of messages; in stillness we are reminded.
Friday, January 26, 2018
Grounded and confident its branches sway and leaves rustle.
Through sunshine, rain, wind, and storms the tree remains fearless––not even the threat of fire causes it to be anything other than a tree.
Surely the tree is vulnerable to elements, yet it continues to provide shelter, food, and lodging to other insects and animals; some may even unknowingly hurt the tree; yet the tree continues to stand.
Nature can teach us a lot about being present.
I don’t have to be anything other than Me.
Thursday, January 25, 2018
Wednesday, January 24, 2018
Tuesday, January 23, 2018
Monday, January 22, 2018
Sunday, January 21, 2018
Saturday, January 20, 2018
Friday, January 19, 2018
I am a kind, strong, talented, outgoing, positive, creative, tenacious, loving person; I hope to share the gifts, passion, and faith that I have with as many people as I can.
Finding the inner light and giving myself the permission to shine.
Thursday, January 18, 2018
Ironically, it’s in those moments of fear, doubt, insecurity, or utter despair that we need to be present and breathe.
I catch myself thinking, “Once I’m through with this [ FILL IN THE BLANK ], then I’ll be able to smile again.”
My goal is to reach those moments if heightened stress and smile through them. Thanking the hurdle for challenging me to grow as a person.
Acceptance doesn’t mean giving up; it means surrendering to “what is” completely—allowing room for clarity. Once you know what you’re up against, you can choose the most appropriate tool to overcome it!
The most valuable lesson that I’ve learned through countless hours of meditation, yoga, prayer, reading, questioning, listening, traveling, and self-discovery is that I am present.
Undefinable based on what I’m working on, how much money I have, what clothes I’m wearing, where I live––and so on and so forth.
I am––a sacred space.
I am most at peace, when I accept what is in the moment and remain true to the version of me at that point in time; the Now.
Tuesday, January 16, 2018
The conversation that happened just seconds ago or the activity that is about to happen are just thoughts.
Accepting that this moment (right NOW) is the only thing we really have is freedom.
In this moment nothing from our past can prevent us from starting fresh, and nothing in our future can stop us from being present.
Monday, January 15, 2018
It says, “Achieve more. Be more. You’re not enough.”
The Present Moment says, “Take care of what’s in front of you. Be here. You, are enough. This moment is all there is.”
All of the goal setting, planning, and tenacious outreach to gain more gets in the way of the most important aspect of life: appreciating what is.
Be here now.
Sunday, January 14, 2018
Every flake is gorgeous and unique;
A mirror to humanity.
The snowflakes fall together creating a stunning landscape without the need to compare or be better than the crystallized ice that floats around them.
Saturday, January 13, 2018
The nagging reminder of all the insecurities, doubts, and judgments that exist in thought.
We have the power to overcome those damaging thoughts, but it requires awareness.
The ability to become present when we hear the destructive dialogue and remember that your ego feeds on the drama; but you don’t have to! When you become aware of the voice, recognize the ego and refocus your attention on the present.
Thursday, January 11, 2018
Where will my next job come from?
Will people enjoy my book, play, television appearance?
What will I do if I stop booking work?
The unknown can be a dark, terrifying place for anyone.
Yet, from the unknown some of my brightest experiences have been born. Unexpected adventures to foreign countries; last minute bookings on TV shows; wild parties full of A-list heroes; job opportunities that pushed my creativity beyond what I dreamed I was capable of...
It is in the state of not knowing where hope and dreams thrive; there in that uncertainty remains the idea that anything could happen!
Wednesday, January 10, 2018
Tuesday, January 9, 2018
Despite having a devoted and creative husband; a beautiful home; surrounded by brilliant friends and family; and a career that has allowed me to travel the world whilst building on my dreams—I found myself thinking, “I want more!”
My Ego exposed; it was not my finest hour. Yet, the revelation had me questioning my very purpose as a storyteller.
How can you exist in the entertainment industry happily? Every job—I was lucky enough to book—had me satisfied, no: elated! I made it! Then, the reality hit: this job will end. What’s next? I want to do this again.
Spending my childhood in endless dance, acting, and vocal classes; investing thousands of dollars and energy pursuing my dream as an adult; and finally receiving opportunities, it makes senses that I’d want more…
Artists believe that they need their ego to create anything worthwhile, what’s more, we believe that without Ego we won’t gain any attention.
When I found Eckhart Tolle the first time around, my Ego rejected his book. No thanks Oprah, he might be good enough for you, but I need my Ego.
Thankfully, I woke up a few years ago and recognized that if I wanted to survive this industry, I would need to find worth in myself regardless of my career.
When I accepted that my Ego, fear, insecurity, anger, joy are conditions that will eventually pass, I unlocked the peace of the present.
Since that awakening I’ve been more open to unimaginable adventures and my creativity, skill set, and job opportunities have flourished!
Monday, January 8, 2018
My mind wanted to escape the present—a beautiful yoga class—and I had to ask “why?”
We’ve become so programmed to constantly increase productivity and we’ve completely lost quality control.
When I focus my attention, breath, and Faith, on one action I can achieve a more meaningful result.
Sunday, January 7, 2018
My conflicted soul resisted the noise in my head like an activist at a Trump rally, but it wasn’t until my last year in high school that I finally found the courage to convince my thoughts to trust my heart.
Dissecting every possibility; over analyzing the obvious; carefully calculating the odds—it’s no match for trusting your instinct.
Life is what happens while you’re making plans; or so the saying goes…
Why not plan to release and go with the flow?
Saturday, January 6, 2018
Friday, January 5, 2018
My dad’s point was valid and has served me throughout my life. He taught me to be a watchful observer, to be aware of my circumstances, and to learn from everything.
Turns out he was a wise guy after all...
Thursday, January 4, 2018
I’ve always been attracted to chaos, not necessarily in my personal life, but among the talented circle of creative individuals I’ve surrounded myself with.
Then, I found myself on a project working alongside a dark, troubled, incredibly talented choreographer who thought it was a wise choice to create unnecessary friction between the cast. I would leave the studio with a headache and spend the evening in a mild state of depression.
Slowly, I started to pull away from the rest of the cast––I found a quite corner in the rehearsal hall and read, journaled, or listened to classical music.
That’s when I first discovered the magic of stillness. Throughout the remainder of the rehearsal process, my creativity and ability flourished; while the rest of my colleagues battled with injuries, struggled to stay positive, and continued to receive notes regarding their less-than-favorable performances.
That show was a wonderful opportunity for me to learn the value of serenity; giving myself permission to disconnect from the noise and find the gift of inner peace.
Wednesday, January 3, 2018
I gazed at a tree and explored the layers and depths of green, yellow, and brown that twisted together in the wind;
With careful surveillance I observed my Yorkie, Ginger inhale a cookie like a child devours an ice cream cone on a hot day, I could taste the joy and feel her gratitude, love, and pleasure––all from a simple dog treat.
When I allow myself the quite space to become aware of my surroundings without labels or judgments, I’m reminded of how simple yet detailed life is; we are all connected.
Tuesday, January 2, 2018
Constant chatter that clouds our judgment and forces us away from the present.
I could feel the vibrant energy of 2018 pulling me in even before yesterday;
Collectively we (society) agree upon the beginning of a new calendar year and the mark of a fresh start.
Of course, when we allow ourselves to realize (or accept it as the case may be), we have the opportunity––the gift––to approach every single day with the same awareness.
Silence can be scary for many people; those who seek distractions from the never-ending demands of the ego.
If, when we think of that soundless space, we allow ourselves to become aware of the present, we may just find a moment of peace and clarity.
Try it; give yourself permission to stop the barrage of unnecessary inner dialogue and invite presence.
Monday, January 1, 2018
Vibrant rays energize my body;
The California breeze sweeps past me as I sit in meditation;
Like a sound effect in a superhero movie, the world around me is silent; I’m in a bubble.
Then, clarity: silence is golden.
Sunday, December 31, 2017
In blatant disrespect of my yoga-Zen-Faith–seek-the-light-stay-positive-and-persevere general disposition, I spent most of 2017 confronting the Dark Force inside me, similar to the NEW Natalie Portman in the latest installment of the “Star Wars” franchise.
Then, I spent last evening in a yoga sound bath––yes, you heard me––*yoga sound bath, when it dawned on me that I’ve spent the past six months morning the death of my thirties.
I never thought I was that “guy” who cared about “age”, and (mostly) I’m not. Then it occurred to me that I went through a similar transition when I turned 29, which makes sense. Until we’re several decades in, I suppose we don’t really contemplate how quickly they seem to go. When I turned 39––six months into a year that started with Trump––a small part of me checked out. I let myself give into negative thoughts and lost touch with my inner passion, spirit, and drive. My thirties were magical, but my twenties were brilliant, too, which is why I have no doubt that my forties will be spectacular.
As the final vibration of bubbly sound poured over my wider-than-usual shavasana, I concluded that my subconscious mourning period should end with 2017. I have the power to replace every negative thought with a positive action; it has worked my entire life and subsequently attracted exceptional people and wild adventures.
*You’re dying to know what a yoga sound bath is, aren’t you? It’s a **yin-yoga meditation and stretch class with live music dripping all around you.
**You’re going to have to Google this one.
Saturday, December 30, 2017
Quick, painless, and expensive. (All of those post Christmas clearance sales?!)
I sit in peaceful meditation; contemplating the possibilities.
Endless adventure awaits those who can let go of last year's baggage and embrace a new set of luggage.
Friday, December 29, 2017
Thursday, December 28, 2017
I walked onto the campus wearing the perfect Colorado outfit; tan corduroy pants, a western button-down, and Kangaroos.
It didn’t take me long to realize that I stood out from all the blond surfers wearing Gottcha T-shirts, board shorts, and Vans; I looked like a ballerina in a hip-hop class: awkward!
Thankfully, one brave boy, Tom Swayer (YES, that was his real name), walked over and asked me if I wanted to sit next to him––thrilled that I had an instant friend, I said yes!
We transitioned from Cub Scouts to Boy Scouts; countless family vacations; soccer games; backpacking trips; he taught me how to body-board during the summer vacation between 4th and 5th grade; school dances, our first girlfriends, late night pranks, wild adventures, and countless conversations about sex, God, and everything in-between.
Yesterday, Tom passed away in a terrible motorbike accident; I am in total shock.
Our lives drifted apart after high school, but thanks to the (sometimes) positive benefits of Facebook, I was able to rekindle our friendship online.
I’m devastated that I missed an opportunity to see him a few short months ago, while I was visiting a few of my friends from my old neighborhood in the South Bay.
We always think we have more time; another lesson remembered: today is all we have––and today––I am mourning the loss of my old pal.
Wednesday, December 27, 2017
Tuesday, December 26, 2017
Full of love I’m happy; I feel at peace; my mind’s dialogue is calm; no nagging obsessive ambitions––still, continually work toward my dreams with purpose––and entirely fulfilled with my life.
I am present and that is everything.
Monday, December 25, 2017
Sunday, December 24, 2017
My answer caught me off guard, but it was true, “Not having to adhere to a tradition!”
I went on to clarify that throughout my life––and starting at a very early age––I’ve been blessed with so many adventures with family and friends during this time of year.
Whether we were meeting family in Las Vegas (a mutual agreed upon meeting point between my extended family in Colorado and our immediate family in Cali), or working on stage at Radio City Music Hall, I’ve been certain to find the gift of being in that moment. In many ways, it was the beginning of my quest to find the Present.
As I scan the brilliant memories of Christmas past, the common theme (tradition if you will) is that I’ve been surrounded by love, joy, Faith, and laughter.
Saturday, December 23, 2017
A Sugarplum Fairy flirting with a Prince;
Ethnically insensitive stereotypes parading around the stage in competition;
Beautiful bodies stretching and reaching, twirling and jumping around the stage;
Sounds like every party I’ve been too in NYC.
Friday, December 22, 2017
Thursday, December 21, 2017
Tuesday, December 19, 2017
Ginger the Yorkie sits waiting for a crumb––they’re for the ducks Ginger... she doesn’t get it.
We walk along the Los Angeles River; just a bunch of animals feeding the birds.
Monday, December 18, 2017
Today––whilst attempting to get downward dog in yoga––I had a flash of clarity.
Why am I fighting so hard to get into this posture? My body feels broken and my belly is full––why not “drop down” and give myself a break. (A sentiment that is often repeated throughout a yoga class.)
Yoga, just as in life, is a lesson in letting go and finding balance:
I have to know when to push; when to pull; and when to lie in shavasana.
I struck a healthy balance in class and discovered that moderation suits me.
Sunday, December 17, 2017
My downfall: cheese. I can’t resist the creamy, buttery, salty, lactose-I’m-SERIOUSLY-intolerably snack;
And the proof is every picture. Every party thus far I can be seen posing with a mouthful of cheese!
Saturday, December 16, 2017
Spread with a delicate layer of homemade chicken salad and Kosher egg salad.
The crust removed with care;
Stacked on silver tray and accompanied by an exquisitely brewed cup of tea.
A respectable holiday treat!
Friday, December 15, 2017
Seven years ago today my gorgeous niece was born, changing my world for the better;
Eighty-One years ago today my grandma was born; providing an instant fan for life and constant source of love and laughter––also the perfect shopping companion.
Today was a beautiful celebration of the many blessings I have in my life.
Thursday, December 14, 2017
Add to that my obsession for getting things done, and you get this shitty blog post.
Often, my most inspired work is born out of frustration and a nonstop mindset; this entry is an exception to that rule.
I’m literally venting in a public forum in order to release and go find Zen on my mat!
Wednesday, December 13, 2017
Tuesday, December 12, 2017
Monday, December 11, 2017
Sunday, December 10, 2017
Saturday, December 9, 2017
Friends will gather for delicious food and––thanks to the booze––good cheer;
Days of prepping and cleaning and decorating;
All for one evening where inevitably Allison will drink too much wine, Alice will complain about the music, Mark (Alice’s husband) will offend one of the gay couples, Jeff (my husband) will keep the conversation pleasant, and I will spend most of my time filling up wine glasses whilst simultaneously searching for my Jack & Coke––which I no doubt set down in order to shove more food in my mouth.
Friday, December 8, 2017
Isn’t it obvious I slept on the couch last night?
The silence is loud;
Yesterday, he walked on eggshells and attempted to engage several times;
I am too proud.
It’s not healthy to hold a grudge––and it’s completely out of character for me––but I’m having a hard time letting go.
I know what I should do;
But I don’t want to.
Thursday, December 7, 2017
Wednesday, December 6, 2017
Tuesday, December 5, 2017
Monday, December 4, 2017
Sunday, December 3, 2017
Saturday, December 2, 2017
The fireplace is ablaze, our tree is lit, and Christmas music plays softly in the background, furnishing a cozy and romantic holiday atmosphere.
I have absolutely no desire to leave this moment and thankfully I don’t have to.
I am blessed.
Friday, December 1, 2017
My appointment took less than twenty minutes––now what?
An impromptu adventure!
Window shopping at South Coast Plaza mall; dinner at The Capitol Grill; and a movie––Murder On The Orient––it was a perfect unplanned (but totally present) day.
Thursday, November 30, 2017
I travel for a living so I felt the energy building long before my friends in Cali. I knew the darkness would penetrate the light and take away everything that nearly a decade of change brought forth for my people. All people, fuck––for humanity.
The world buckled down with booze in both hands bracing for the nightmare that we’d have to live with––eyes wide open––for the next four years.
A sexual predator, a liar, a monster; our president; let that resonate.
Wednesday, November 29, 2017
Four months of bills, invoices, and important notes manifested into a mound of paperwork that was desperate for a file cabinet.
Today, I conquered Mt. Admin;
It took me three hours to sort and file the mess;
The vibrant laminate sparkles like the day we pulled it from the Ikea box,
And we are free to focus all of our energy on creative projects and parties in the month of December!
...now that’s a Christmas miracle.
Tuesday, November 28, 2017
My bladder is always full.
I pee every fifteen minutes;
“It’s only a problem if it’s a problem for you...”
Is the official response from my doctor.
It’s only a problem for me when I can’t find a restroom.
Still, I’ll suffer through he pain and my supply, moist skin appreciates it!
Monday, November 27, 2017
From your violet purple base to the wisps of your burnt orange tips, I’m mesmerized by your twirling silhouette.
Warming my heart with childhood memories;
Warming my feet as I cuddle up with my puppies.
Sunday, November 26, 2017
We drove down to Marina del Rey ready for a fabulous day at sea.
Overcast and chilly, we stepped aboard the yacht, and immediately started drinking the private reserve wine that was bold and buttery.
Layers of navy, white, and grey with a pop of coral––the perfect accent––for a socked in cruise on the Pacific.
Surrounded by people I love whilst eating mounds of rich cheese and laughing from too much vino; the crisp Cali air and misty salt water swept through our hair.
Just as we hit Malibu, the sun made a cameo––the silver lining was a delightful surprise.
As we made our way back into the harbor, a pod of dolphins danced around the boat and the day was complete.
When you’re sailing with loved ones, it’s impossible not to shine; sun or not, we’re on a yacht!
Saturday, November 25, 2017
It’s time to take a step back from the holiday temptations and reintroduce myself to vegetables.
The final warning shot was fired yesterday, whilst during a Black Friday shopping mishap, I popped a button off of a pair of Ted Baker slacks in “my size.”
Needless to say I left the mall without making a single purchase;
So hey, the upside to my weight gain, is that I’m saving my bank account from a weight loss!
Friday, November 24, 2017
Thursday, November 23, 2017
We walked to Starbucks for matching Gingerbread latte’s; a tradition that we’ve had since we meet 15 years ago performing in the Christmas Spectacular at Radio City Music Hall.
We returned to cuddle with our puppies on the couch whilst watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.
I used to watch the parade with my grandma as a child;
the Broadway performances, marching bands, floats, and of course––New York City.
The parade inspired me to follow my dreams.
Now, as I look back on that tradition––one which sparked my own journey as a performer––I’m overcome with joy and gratitude.
What better way to spend Thanksgiving Day morning––with nostalgic memories from my past––and of course, creating new traditions in my present!
Wednesday, November 22, 2017
Eating dinner at 5pm; in bed by 8!
I love lounging by the pool with a book...and an endless supply of Lava Flows.
I eat too much––because I’m on vacation––so parading in a swimsuit isn’t high on my list; but hey, that’s life. It’s 120 degrees out here, and I’m letting it all hang out!
Tuesday, November 21, 2017
The rich dairy and brilliantly seasoned beef have married in my belly and are sending up violent acid reminders to my burning heart: you are too old to eat like this!
Monday, November 20, 2017
Sunday, November 19, 2017
Saturday, November 18, 2017
Friday, November 17, 2017
Thursday, November 16, 2017
Ready to conquer a marathon of meetings, projects, and emails.
Cutting through the haze of 2017;
Mostly I stayed present, but there were times...
None of that matters now, I’m back in action and ready to master the moment!
Wednesday, November 15, 2017
Tuesday, November 14, 2017
Monday, November 13, 2017
Sunday, November 12, 2017
The smell of smoke permeates the crisp air;
Wrapped in layers of clothing, a beanie, and scarf, we make our way toward the studio;
Once inside, the warmth of dancers in motion fills my soul with gratitude;
I am living my dream.
Saturday, November 11, 2017
Friday, November 10, 2017
Thursday, November 9, 2017
Charging $300 for an airline ticket without a seat assignment, so that you can charge an additional $89 for a middle seat “upgrade” on each of the four legs of my flight is lame.
A Future Southwest Passanger.
Wednesday, November 8, 2017
Tuesday, November 7, 2017
Lying on a mat I felt the pain.
Downward dog, the blood flows to my brain, still the pounding continues.
I scan my body and realize I’m tense all over;
Isn’t that the point of yoga?
I wasn’t concentrating enough on my breath.
In through the nose and out through the nose;
I breathe through it.
Monday, November 6, 2017
Motivated and wide-awake I seek to create.
When the language flows naturally, I concentrate on the unforced words and share my story.
Saturday, November 4, 2017
Friday, November 3, 2017
Plácido Domingo; a passionate performer, with rich texture and strong physical presence––not just a famous tenor, but a true actor.
LA Opera; a breath of fresh air, full of zest and willing to challenge audiences with programs that are both important and beautifully mounted.
Thursday, November 2, 2017
When people ask me how I accomplish so much in one day, I could say that I’m great with balancing my time; I set manageable goals; I wake up early and stay up late; I practice yoga and focus on one task at a time; instead I offer up a simple truth: caffeine!
Wednesday, November 1, 2017
Lounging in the room with family and our puppies;
Watching trashy TV and ordering room service;
Leaving the beds unmade;
I love it!
Tuesday, October 31, 2017
Young adults dressed up as sexy / hot [Fill In The Blank];
Grown adults dressed up like former presidents or prominent former-leaders-turned-laughing stocks;
Then there are those who phone it in, with a tux and a martini glass a la James Bond––they might as well just buy the T-Shirt that reads, “This is my Halloween Costume.”
Monday, October 30, 2017
Sunday, October 29, 2017
Saturday, October 28, 2017
Friday, October 27, 2017
The chirping sound of birds is the perfect background melody to start my morning rituals;
Even the (usually) annoying toddler––stomping back and forth above––does so with the precision of a bandleader;
Today, is a beautiful day.
Thursday, October 26, 2017
Wednesday, October 25, 2017
Tuesday, October 24, 2017
Yes, and thank the Universe––and God––too, because 2017 has been a desert wasteland.
The moment I regained my creative conscious, I took action!
It’s one of the challenges of the entertainment industry; you can never know when the next job is coming––but you always have to keep the faith that it will come!
Monday, October 23, 2017
Sunday, October 22, 2017
Coffee and cartoons cuddled on the couch with my puppies;
The sound of football high-fives echo through the neighborhood;
Window shopping on Ventura Boulevard.
Yoga and church––both bringing me back to the present.
A midday nap by the pool;
I love a fall Sunday!
Saturday, October 21, 2017
Friday, October 20, 2017
Thursday, October 19, 2017
My journaling––born out of a need to hold myself accountable in high school––has developed into a habit over the last twenty years of my life.
At first, the journaling was a way to talk through things with myself before “putting them out there” to the universe.
An angry rant directed toward a friend, whom I really liked but felt betrayed by; my journal was a safe space to share.
Likewise, I was free to set goals, confess sins, and think. I did a lot of thinking, overanalyzing, reading, and of course, making lists.
In time, this freedom ushered a daily routine which has served me well.
Inspiring me to dream bigger, share bigger, and trust.
Looking back on any number of journal entries unlocks a memory from my past. No doubt a useful tool for a writer, I have called on these often dramatic transcripts to relive the agonizing pain or brilliant joy.
This morning I was working through my feelings and cataloging the hints of doubt about the past year.
“Did I do this or that enough...”
“Could I have pushed more here?”
“Have I been present?”
It only took me a few seconds to get back to the present. Simultaneously answering myself and feeling like maybe I have grown this year.
So far, this hasn’t been a year of huge outward strides; yet inside, I feel like I’ve grown more as a person and artist. I’ve held myself accountable for being present and releasing the need to overachieve.
I’ve found more balance and somehow managed to create more rewarding job opportunities, too.
I finished my journal entry and headed to yoga class feeling reinvigorated and reminded that by remaining present I have an opportunity to prioritize goals, jobs, and my life, so that I can focus on positive action without fear.
After a blissful yoga class, I walked out of the yoga studio to a voice message from production; I booked a job choreographing a TV show next week.
I’m not saying that positive energy will always get you the job; but I’ve noticed that I seem to attract the emotion I put out into the world. Today, I worked my way thought a negative thought pattern. The moment I was realigned with my perspective, I received validation.
Wednesday, October 18, 2017
Accepting circumstances that are out of my hands is one of the hardest challenges to my peace of mind.
The ability to let go, release control, and move on;
It’s why I yoga.
I need to hit the mat!
Tuesday, October 17, 2017
Therefore I’m fat.
I do yoga;
On a mat.
All the stretching, meditation, and sweat isn’t enough;
My inner peace is currently surrounded by a thick protective layer.
It’s time for a detox: mind, body, soul.
Monday, October 16, 2017
We sat for 15 minutes enduring the crashing, screeching noise of information and (the end of privacy as we knew it) transmitting into the vast unknown.
My point, why––in the 21st Century––do I still have to wait to get online?
And why is a 3-year-old computer as obsolete as a VCR?
Sunday, October 15, 2017
I’m not sure who is snoring louder––my dogs or my husband.
The crisp air snaps my arm back under the covers;
I should get up and start my day.
Then I remember it’s Sunday.
For a moment I contemplate falling back into my slumber;
But the allure of walking to Starbucks on this perfect fall morning is stronger;
I roll out of bed, throw on a hat, and bully myself into starting the day.
Saturday, October 14, 2017
Friday, October 13, 2017
Thursday, October 12, 2017
Why do I crave ink all over a calendar?
If I’m not overachieving, am I really succeeding?
Like a dancer falling out of a pirouette, I crave balance.
A deep breath and back to the mat;
Meditation for the mind, body, and soul.
Uncomplicated; life is how we react to it.
Wednesday, October 11, 2017
Tuesday, October 10, 2017
Monday, October 9, 2017
Confident in my path, and present enough to understand that both past and future are never NOW.
Accepting balance and appreciating the magic in the unknown;
My journey continues to reveal itself in bountiful ways beyond my childhood imagination.
Victories and setbacks––which have shaped my life––continue to motivate me and remind me to trust the circumstance that I’m confronted with today; with calm confidence.
Sunday, October 8, 2017
The sky outside my hotel window;
The color of the eggs at the hotel continental breakfast.
The feeling I have inside remembering that this is my last weekend of travel for a month!
Saturday, October 7, 2017
Friday, October 6, 2017
I’m reminded of the power that can be harnessed from the present.
Every tremendous victory that I’ve accomplished in my life––both personally and professionally––happened when I least expected it.
The moment I released expectation and accepted what is.
Thursday, October 5, 2017
Tomorrow offers false expectations and hopes;
Yesterday provides unfair comparisons;
The present offers all there is––good or bad––and the opportunity to triumph.
Wednesday, October 4, 2017
Whilst drinking expensive coffee and laughing at each other’s jokes.
Every opportunity starts the same way:
Twenty minutes talking about the weather, kids, and current events;
And then––a five minute pitch.
You hope you made an impact.
Tuesday, October 3, 2017
Monday, October 2, 2017
No doubt an act of homegrown terror; whether over race, religion, or perhaps he was just a very sick person.
Regardless, his access to a deadly weapon––one that so easily showered hundreds of unknowing and guiltless humans with death and injury––should have been prevented.
We have to unite as Americans and stand up for better gun control.
And while we’re at it, we need to do more to help the millions of people who suffer from mental illness.
Sunday, October 1, 2017
Walking a tightrope between overachieving and slacking off;
Giving myself the space to breathe and trust.
My need to push and fight––validated at some point during my childhood––has inspired me to reach for the impossible, and achieve my goals.
The million dollar question, “Would I have ended up in the same place had I not fought with all of my force?”
That’s what I’m exploring, NOW. Finding the present in 2017;
It’s been exhausting.
It requires Faith.
And letting go;
I have to allow time for the things that I’ve worked so long and hard for, to find their creative vibration and lead me to my next endeavor.
I’m not treading water, I’m sailing with the current towards my dreams.
Saturday, September 30, 2017
There isn’t a breath deep enough to endure a technological breakdown.
I don’t care what “doctors say”, and Apple a day just leads to frustration.
Friday, September 29, 2017
Thursday, September 28, 2017
Lost in the deepest cave of thought;
Seeking answers that will only be discovered when the time is necessary.
Demanding resolution––but acknowledging that the end is just the beginning.
These little things feel so much bigger now; but they won’t in time.
Tuesday, September 26, 2017
The chaos which lead to overwhelming and stressful situations;
Stifled creativity and quick to agitation;
Feeling uninspired and questioning my path.
Then––a deep breath and a flicker of presence.
A charge of motivation; I took action.
The work wasn’t brilliant––but necessary.
Throughout the darkness, I continued to search for light.
Radiating beyond the thick haze of frustration and fear––I found my voice, again.
I was fortunate to spend last week setting a new piece of choreography on the dancers at Slippery Rock University.
Their exuberant idealism and energy recharged my soul giving me the opportunity to release my thoughts and emotions on a canvas of talented artists.
The brought my journey, my choreography, to life.
Monday, September 25, 2017
Meanwhile, many of the people who support a president who dodged serving in the military and continues to do business with countries who would love to see our freedom destroyed, will preach that people should just “do their job.”
What if someone was going to take away your Second Amendment right, would you still demand that people remain silent?
Sunday, September 24, 2017
Saturday, September 23, 2017
Friday, September 22, 2017
I get to tell stories; my childhood dream has manifested into a career.
Dance runs in my veins.
I used to choreograph in grocery stores; now I set work on professional companies.
I’m living proof that passion, dedication, and determination will always lead to opportunities.
Thursday, September 21, 2017
My body feels stronger just looking at the evil machine.
My ass burns with every step up––no doubt punishment for the extra Ranch dressing I ordered last night.
I may not like the extreme excessive, but I know it’s enhancing my posture and personality (when I look good, I’m sassy!)
Wednesday, September 20, 2017
The perfect metaphor for my life.
True happiness is working in a city where your best friend lives;
Falling asleep mid-sentence, on a couch in their studio (their house is under construction), after a 10 hour day of traveling.
I’m up and ready to start choreographing!
Tuesday, September 19, 2017
I’m a sucker for a competition.
One can never spend too much time working on their mental, physical, or emotional health; but perhaps posting a leader board––with everyones class attendance––was a good thing, might want to revisit the whole, “Zen” thing.
Still, if a competition exists, you better believe I’m up for the challenge.
Too bad my body isn’t!
I need a day of hot water and bath salts.
My body is wrecked.
Monday, September 18, 2017
Sunday, September 17, 2017
I can almost see the cartoon-like waves of steam and rich caffeinated goodness.
The enticing bean is the only reason I’m able to coax myself out of bed; and away from my cuddling puppies.
I’m an addict.
Saturday, September 16, 2017
Friday, September 15, 2017
Simply channel your tools: breathe, smile, and binge eat a breakfast burrito from your favorite morning restaurant...
Thursday, September 14, 2017
I sit in a chair waiting;
The anxiety of a doctors office never dissipates.
So basically all of the self discovery books that I’ve studied, meditated over, and applied to my life are wasted on a moment like this.
It’s a simple procedure—I keep telling myself this—yet I can’t shake the fear of the unknown.
I return to the breath; it’s shallow—like my ego—I’ve got more work to do.
It’s remarkable what we learn about ourselves in a hospital waiting room.
Wednesday, September 13, 2017
I’m forced to drink my food today.
Juices, broths, and supplement drinks; delicious!
Maybe sarcasm will help me through my “cleanse.”
And by cleanse, I mean preparation for a medical procedure.
Welcome to adulthood.
Tuesday, September 12, 2017
I shared my work with total fearlessness.
The response was overwhelmingly positive.
In one instant, my years of training, struggle, tenacity was validated in the most honest and important way; a confirmation of what I’ve always believed in my heart––and why I’ve never given up.
I was reminded that I am an artist and I create because I’m meant to.
And even if only for another day, week, month, year––it was the encouragement I needed to keep on going.
Monday, September 11, 2017
Four airplanes––carrying unsuspecting passengers of every race, faith, political and socioeconomic background––penetrated landmarks in our country.
We came together to help those who lost, love those who were afraid, and support the heroes who served.
The pain, confusion, fear, and anger of that devastating day, when American soil faced the stain of global terrorism, has not escaped our memory;
But our hearts and minds have been hardened again as a country.
Now is not a time to allow powerful people to manipulate our present, because of our past; we must stand together––again––with compassion, love, Faith, acceptance, and equality.
We are stronger together; UNITY.
Sunday, September 10, 2017
Saturday, September 9, 2017
I slept in this morning.
I skipped my daily rituals and I’m rushing to yoga;
Where I’ll probably go back to sleep on my mat.
Friday, September 8, 2017
“If I feel tortured and angry, then I won’t feel guilty about living so far away from my family.”
I woke up next to my pool with the sun on my face;
The gentle breeze reminded me that the present moment doesn’t require judgement. I smiled and focused on the beautiful week I spent with my sister and niece, and then jumped into the pool.
Thursday, September 7, 2017
Twenty years ago––when I ventured out on my own to pursue my dreams––I had the startling realization that I was embarking on a path that would keep me away from my family, more that it would allow me time with them.
That choice has been something I’ve struggled with immeasurable times; holidays, family gatherings, graduations, the loss of loved ones––the sacrifice is real.
Thankfully, just under ten years ago, I found a new approach to my time away. It was just after my grandpa passed; before he died he explained how proud he was of me, he offered me this, “Don’t be sad, Matt––this is a part of life. You’re doing wonderful things, go and live your life.”
On his deathbed, grandpa gave me the permission to continue to follow my dreams, and the tools to find joy in every moment.
Yoga helped me with the next monumental discovery:
The present moment is all we have.
So, I’ve spent the past 10 years (trying––and more often than not succeeding) finding the positive in every circumstance.
My sister and niece’s visit was a brilliant week of laughter, love, creativity, and bonding.
The beach (twice!), Disneyland, getting my niece’s ears pierced, trips to the mall, the Farmer’s Market, visiting with childhood friends, eating at delicious restaurants, and Griffith Park Observatory were just a few of the adventures we shared.
But my favorite moments were swimming in our swimming pool––watching Jeff teach Kellyn how to swim; or sitting with my niece in the living room and helping her with her homework––she’s so bright; or cuddling on the couch and hearing my niece’s beautiful joyous laughter––I appreciate animated movies in a new way, now; watching my sister swim in the ocean––she looked so peaceful and free, it reminded me of watching her as a child, I love her so much; and my favorite moment: watching my sister as a mommy––patience, love, encouragement, humor, wisdom, confidence... my niece is in perfect hands.
It’s hard to believe that two years ago my sister was stuck in a hospital bed re-learning how to talk, eat, and walk.
I feel so blessed for this visit, and while saying goodbye is so brutal, I’m happy that I got to say hello. I will hold onto the positive memories while I’m dropping them off at the airport today, and for the rest of my life!
Wednesday, September 6, 2017
My belly is full of junk;
My wallet is empty;
My camera is full;
My niece and sister are happy;
My inner child is crying because it’s over;
My inner adult is laughing because we had a blast but I need a full day to recover:
Tuesday, September 5, 2017
Okay, I’m sure it can be done...but why on earth would you allow yourself to be in a bad mood at the Happiest Place on Earth?
My sister turns 37 years old today, and I’m so grateful that I get to spend the day with her, my niece, and my husband.
My sister has endured and conquered so many obstacles in her life; from cancer to a coma and everything in between, and she’s alive and well.
Even at 5 a.m. I’m smiling from ear to ear, because we’re about to embark on a day of laughter, junk food, rides...and of course, a lot of princess pictures with my 6 year old niece! *Hopefully some of the Disney princesses will pose with her, too.
Monday, September 4, 2017
Even after a massive spread including: popcorn, chips, dips, pizzas, salads, cookies, caramels, chocolates, cupcakes, candy, and a second round of pizza... my 6 year old niece was still hungry.
Apparently so was I!
I ordered the Number 2 (two cheeseburgers, large fries, and a coke) AND I added a four piece chicken McNuggets––because ya know, why not?
It's the exact meal I ate in high school. Everyday.
And I wondered why I had a weight issue.
Sunday, September 3, 2017
Saturday, September 2, 2017
I love waking up in the mornings and reading self-discovery books. I’ve read so many personal growth books that I should be a Zen Master; yet here I sit, questioning my path.
I close my eyes and deepen my breath. That feeling in my stomach isn’t gas––okay it might be, because my family is in town and we’ve been eating a lot of rich meals––still I understand that the knot in my stomach is from conflict.
This morning, while reading the “Power of Now” I came across that simple reminder above. I smiled and let go of all the noise in my mind.
My sister and niece are in town for a short time; all the drama and lists, and goals, and work, and worry can wait; I’m going to meditate and enjoy my day!
Friday, September 1, 2017
Sandcastles, swimming, seashell collecting, and too much sun with my niece, sister, and husband.
Watching my 6 year old niece discover sand crabs for the first time reminded me of my sister and me growing up––we would collect the sea creatures and keep them in a plastic aquarium that my dad bought us from a pet store.
Looking back I can see how inhuman it was to bring those little crabs back to our house––we thought that the ocean water and seaweed we gathered in the tank would sustain their lives––of course, we were wrong.
Fortunately, my sister and I learned our lesson and taught Kelly (my niece) that it’s better to observe the lives of all animals in their natural habitat.
She watched the crabs burrow back into the sand and picked up her bucket and started building a sandcastle.
That’s the beauty of childhood, you can let go of something and move onto the next activity without much thought or emotion; just let go.
It was so wonderful to watch my sister and niece enjoy the ocean together; the healing energy of the waves and the invigorating rays from the sun lead to a family bonding moment.
Thursday, August 31, 2017
It’s the total escape from reason; pure free flowing energy, which helps me stay focused and present.
Not just for teenaged drama queens (although I was that, too), journaling is my therapy.
Wednesday, August 30, 2017
In honor of the visit, Shiree decided to surprise Kellyn with a trip to the mall; Claire’s to be exact.
Anyone who has a daughter or grew up gay in the 90′s knows that Claire’s is the place for ear piercing.
When Kellyn found out why she was there, she jumped with joy and then her face washed with fear. “Is it going to hurt?” She asked concerned.
I promised it wouldn’t hurt worse than a shot... that seemed to satisfy her trepidation.
Once she picked out her earrings, she sat in the chair, the Claire’s “piercing experts” cleaned her ears and made a dot with a marker to ensure perfect placement.
While my sister held the iPhone to capture the momentous event, I held my nieces hand and Uncle Jeff kept Kellyn distracted with positive dialogue.
The Claire’s “piercing experts” conversed privately, deciding to pierce on count 2 (not three), and then they counted down.
1, 2, punch!
Kellyn didn’t even realize they’d pierced her ears.
I said, “It’s all done.”
She smiled and said, “It’s over?”
When we returned home, we couldn’t find Kellyn. I quietly snuck up on her gazing at her reflection––and newly pierced sparkling ears––in the guest bedroom mirror.
Tuesday, August 29, 2017
Disneyland, pool parties, and coloring books galore!
Growing up my sister was my best friend (minus a few troubled high school years), and I’m so grateful that we continue to cultivate our relationship.
She’s the strongest person I know; fighting through cancer, a coma, and questionable haircuts...
I’m excited for a week of laughter, eating too much, and movie-night slumber parties in our living room.
Monday, August 28, 2017
Last night I was in a room surrounded by my peers;
Talented, creative, loving, loud, obnoxious (in a magnificent way), and supportive.
Who says dancers are bitchy?
Oh, right... me in my 20′s.
Thankfully, people grow up.
I’m honored to be a working artists.
Sunday, August 27, 2017
My summer tour has come to an end.
All of the complaining about airports, sleepless nights in uncomfortable hotel beds, and borderline diabetic food options (without a trace of leafy greens) will come to an end.
What will I complained about now?
Most likely I'll moan about my dwindling bank account, because as much as I loath 14 hour days on the road—my pockets really appreciate the jingle.
For now, I'll find bliss on my butt, binge-watching Netflix while detoxing on lettuce, apples, and water with lemon.
After a week of irresponsible bum-like behavior I'm confident that my Type-A personality will demand that I motivate and make things happen.
That's the trouble when you're an overachiever; it's impossible to stop pushing.
So I'll find my Zen in yoga, and start the whole process again.
Saturday, August 26, 2017
Born from a desire to achieve greatness––before I understood what that really meant––I bullied myself to be perfect.
Eventually learning (and accepting) that magic is harnessed through imperfection; I refocused my approach.
Perspective is everything.
My journey has enabled me to evolve as a person and artist; grounded, confident, and fearlessly manifesting my dreams.
Still coaxing myself to reinvent my life––not out of fear––but of desire, to depart from this world as the best version of “me” I can be.
Friday, August 25, 2017
Thursday, August 24, 2017
I continue to extract answers through my creative work.
In what I haven’t yet achieved, I find the response I’m looking for:
Wednesday, August 23, 2017
We laughed, while enjoying sparkling rosé and grapes.
Just like the ancient Roman’s––minus the corruption, brutality, and servants fanning us with giant leaves.
Tuesday, August 22, 2017
I started to get in my head about my technique and performance, and then I remembered to trust my training and just have fun.
When I let go of the idea of what I thought I needed to be for the part, I found who I am in the part; finding my swagger in the freedom of a character.
It’s the entire reason I started acting in the first place, but as I grew older––and experienced more circumstances––I lost track of my fearless approach.
Whether I book the role or not is less important to me, than the self-discovery I remembered yesterday.
I’m craving more opportunities to create as a performer; time to start shooting content again!
Monday, August 21, 2017
Everything is possible.
In the early morning hours I spend my time in mediation––clearing my head (and heart) of the past––preparing for the present.
Mindfully, I work to release the energy of things that no longer serve me;
Faithfully, I breathe in the sliver of light that cracks on the horizon.
A fresh start.
A chance to reawaken my dream.