Pissed Off!!!

Right now, I'm so pissed off... About a lot of things really. But mainly, I'm up at 3:26 in the morning (because I can't sleep EVER!) and I noticed a typo in my previous blog, 'Crazy or Idealist?'
Anyway, I went to edit the improper grammar, and the f*&king blog editor erased my entire entry!!
Of course, I print out a back up, because God knows, as fun as technology can be, s@*t like this happens.
Long story short, the editor will not recognize separations in sentences or paragraphs! So there you have it!
Once a well written essay on how I never smile anymore, and now one crappy run on sentence!
Don't even get me started on Washington Mutual...
I love that the new CEO Alan Fishman, only on the job for three weeks, will walk away from the now seized financial institute with a severance package of $11 million dollars, not to mention his signing bonus of $7.5 million!!!

Meanwhile, if I were ONE day late with my credit card payment, they would call me, send me letters and raise my interest rate from 8% to 30%!!!!

...It's people like Alan Fishman, and other rich, old, white men (for the most part) who only care that they walk away with more money than God once they've left the company they are supposed to be in charge of in complete chaos! Who cares about ALL of the employees and their families, who are left without a job, without severance and without their retirement!I think Alan and people like him, should be less concerned with covering their ass when the company they take over fails, and more concerned about making changes so the company doesn't fail!
Isn't that their job? Why can they get away with not doing their job, screwing over everyone in their path, and still walking away a multi-millionaire?
Thank God our government stepped in... Oh wait, that's right... Our economy is worse than ever thanks to our superior leaders in Washington D. C.



Look familiar? Remind you of anyone else?
Well this is Alan Fishman, I just wanted you to have an image of the man who stands to walk away with over $18 million dollars after only 3 weeks of his job of 'saving' Washington Mutual.

Crazy or Idealist?

I hate the word depressed. Truth is for the majority of my life I've taken pride in the fact that whatever setbacks big or small, I can keep moving forward.

Most recently, major milestones in my life have come to pass...
I turned thirty.
Wow.
I've said it aloud a few times in the past five months, but this may be the first time I've put it in writing.
Aside from hitting the next decade in my life, I've also been struggling with rather inconsequential things i the grand scheme of life. Never the less, the aftermath of these roadblocks have left a larger scar than I've ever noticed in my overall well being.

I walked passed a mirror in a department store the other day, and I noticed a terrifying display.
It was my face without a smile... To some it may not seem like much, but to me, it was a major bummer.
Beyond the fact that I just look more desirable while smiling... It was a sad realization that my inner feelings have somehow made their way out.

I started to take stock in my observation:
I don't laugh as often or smile as much.Which lead me down a chain of events that kept me searching for answers and asking questions to ideas I was sure I had already figured out.


Am I an unhappy person? Do my friends view me as someone who is always depressed? Is it because I'm not where I thought I'd be? Is it because I'm not sure I want the things I used to?

And my biggest fear of all:
Do you really loss your idealism slowly, silently and with certainty?When did this happen?

As I explored my feelings, I accepted many concessions.
First, that turning thirty has had a greater impact than I've let on to myself. Another, that goals and dreams that may not have been as important to me in the past, are gradually taking hold of my attention.
In the past week I've been more aware of feelings I would ordinarily turn a blind-eye to. I took note of what made me smile or laugh. How I felt while I watched a movie. How passionate I got while watching a political discussion on TV. Or how pissed off I've become at a friends unwarranted attacks.

Evaluating my day-to-day events has reminded me that at the end of each day, I am the same person I was ten, fifteen or more years ago. My hopes and prayers are the same. My struggles are very similar, despite some on a more heightened level.
I uncovered what I want, although in a different order of importance, is still very much the same.
I remembered that it comes down to my choice.
I was in church this past Sunday, (yes church...) and the priest reminded me that, 'strength comes when we need it...' We are capable of much more than we think, and sometimes need to be inspired to reinvent an idea or dream.
Equally, he continued to evoke my conviction to triumph over my current struggles with this, 'Our mothers' greatest suffering, produced what most would consider their greatest joy:
a child.'

It left me in such an inspired mood. Not to give in to my self-inflicted ageism, insecurity and fear.
The fascinating thing is, no sooner than I began to shift my sad thought into a plan of attack for getting on with my life-

I received a call that I booked a job.

I'm always amazed that no matter how long the suffering and hopelessness exists, all it takes for me to get back on the horse, is one phone call!
Does that make me crazy or just a slightly older idealist?...
Who cares, today I'm smiling!

Video Music Awards... Really???

Is it just me, or was watching the 2008 VMAs an experience you hope you can forget!
I can't believe I wasted valuable DVR space recording the crap MTV called an award show.

For those of you old enough to remember...

Watching tonight's broadcast was liking watching and episode of Beverly Hills 90210 (old cast) "Brandon Tries Drugs at a Rave."

Season 2, Episode 15: U4EA

The idea to host an awards show on the backlot of Paramount was probably the first mistake. It was bad enough to hear Riahnnon sing in that space that was designed to control sound, and not amplify it. Then they would cut to shots of a lackluster clump of "guests" sitting in what looked like metal folding chairs that we use at our family reunions each summer in my grandmas backyard!

The highlight for me however, was experiencing the Jonas Brothers for the first time. I honestly thought it was a joke... The three tweens sat on a fake stoop in 1940s style garb. The super cheezzzzzzzeeeeee facade was supposed to look like NYC (I think...) and instead looked like a busted version of "Sesame Street." No offense to "Sesame Street" even they would have pulled the plug on that idea!

Even OSCAR winner Jamie Foxx couldn't get the audience motivated to get up on their feet.

The only glimmer of hope was a performance by Pink. Proving that an artist can overcome one bad idea after another. And all the campy schtick if you just sing your guts out and show some T and A.

Oh yes, and we should not forget Britney. She won her first VMA, thanked God, and was out of there... EVEN SHE realized how busted the night was going to be!

Practically the only thing worse than watching the VMAs, would be watching a bunch of dumb-ass people jumping through cardboard cut-outs for an hour long game show...

Oh thank heavens, Fox is more than just fair and balanced news...
tomorrow night they will be enriching the great American audience with the premier of "Hole in the Wall!"

Now that is TV worth watching.