Enough!

How long can I spend in sadness and self-doubt?
Don't answer that question!
Because the only answer is-
Too long! I've spent too long in this emotional mind frame.
If I've learned anything from the death of my gram,
It's that time does not stand still.
Life continues.
Whether I'm on board or not.
So as long as I'm here, I MUST use my time, creativity, energy and spirit to better myself and others.
You're either living or dying.
I refuse to die without living.

Release. Trust. Release.

Woke up with a pit in my stomach...
Again.
I've got a lot on my mind-
Missing my gram,
Turmoil with dad,
Wanting to start a family of my own,
Ready to buy a home,
Striving to continue building my career,
How to afford everything and still spend time with loved ones...
I know that worrying about all of this isn't helping me achieve any of it!
Ordinarily I'm really good at releasing the fear, and focusing on efforts to accomplish each of these goals and dreams.
But after losing my gram, I STILL haven't found my rhythm of release and trust.
I know that I was placed here for a purpose,
I believe there is a path for my passion and spirit,
I have to release my fear,
And trust in my faith!

AdventureLAND

So far, my summer has been filled with work, travel and more work!
Notice I said "travel" and NOT vacation.
This weekend I did get to enjoy a weekend of wine, friends and wedding festivities in Napa, which was a nice treat.
But today, my summer vacation really takes off-
I'm going to Six Flags Discovery Kingdom with my niece and nephews!
The only thing I love more that family fun...
Is family fun on a roller coaster!
So without further ado,
I'm off to AdventureLAND!!!

Life In A Bag!

Waking up in a different bed, in a different city-

Clothes you're so sick of wearing,

Does this smell clean enough?

Driving 30 miles to make an appearance,

Then back on the road for the next gig.

Lack of sleep,

PLUS

Lack of gym,

Equals: raging, tired, emotional fatty!

All part of living life out of a bag.

Six Word Essay on Rehearsal Dinners

Don't drink too much or else!

Wedding in Napa

Day 1
Wine bus that seats sixteen;
Five vineyards on the tour-
Tastings, tastings, tastings galore!
BBQ at the bride and groom to be's gorgeous house.
Day 2
Sleep in and a late brunch,
Champagne toast with the bride to be-
Rehearsal (dress tech!)
Rehearsal dinner and dancing!
Day 3
Wedding day!
Sleep in,
Lounge by the pool,
Ceremony,
Cocktail hour in a champagne cave,
Dinner is served,
Dancing on a cliffside bluff,
A drunken wonderful time!
Day 4
Brunch with the Bride and Groom.
More pool time,
Lazy afternoon.
I LOVE weddings like this!
Congratulations Bevin and Lee

Big Belly Blues!

Sitting at the airport waiting to board another flight.

Traveling has its advantages and disadvantages-

My number one complaint,

The disgusting feeling I experience after spending weeks eating non-organic, gross, fried, salty chain restaurant food!

Coupled with the lack of a regular workout regimen,

And I feel like a bloated water buffalo-

No, worse.

An uncomfortable Buddha wearing clothes that are too tight!

Mental Wondering

I've got a lot on my mind.
No matter how hard I try,
My ability to "release" has been suspended.
Missing gram,
Getting married,
Spending the past month working away from home,
Setting up meetings,
Planning a fall work schedule,
Stressing about what's next,
Angry that I can't seem to achieve balance right now,
Upset that I'm angry.
The choice to release all of this and trust in my FAITH remains,
Yet I continue to drown myself deeper the pool of thoughts in my mind.
I need a life preserver from my mental wondering!

HIt Snooze

Blaring in my ear,
It's way to soon.
I just got to sleep!
HIT SNOOZE!
How many times can you hit snooze anyway?
I guess we'll find out.

Life in a Hotel

Living out of a carry on is so much fun;
Miss matched clothes,
Full of wrinkles.
Clean or dirty? It's a guessing game!
Airline vouchers, balled up receipts and random business cards, shoved in various sections of your brief case,
A laptop that doubles as your television set,
(Thank you Netflix!)
Maid service, but don't get used to this!
No one is going to pick up your dirty towels at home.
You're also never going to find a bed that is as inviting as the one you have at home.
Life in a hotel isn't all bad-
I mean you can get room service,
Free (crappy) toiletries,
and occasionally a wonderful pool to hang out at!
But I am so ready to return to my walk-in closet and familiar home!

Remembering Gram

The past three weeks since my grandmas death has been full of ups and downs-

I've been swamped with work, which has provided a needed distraction, but the moments of intense sadness and loss still overwhelm me. 

When I first wake in the morning is generally the worst.

Still, I'm able to recognize that all of the sad thoughts, regrets and wishing for a different outcome, won't bring gram back to me-

Nor will it encourage me to continue to pursue the goals and dreams that I have been working for my entire life. No one believed in me more or wanted these dreams to manifest for me more than gram did.

She understood my passion, inspired me to work at my dreams and never give up!

So rather than allowing the despair to conquer the spirit that my gram ignited in me-

I must celebrate her memory and her spirt that lives on in me.

I owe her the honor of continuing to be that man she believed I could be.

I have to release the negative and embrace her light.

I know she'll continue to inspire me to shine!

Blessed

I have my health,

My family and friends.

My passion and creativity continue to thrive,

A beautiful home filled with puppies and love,

Food and water- I've never gone without.

Despite the loss and setbacks in life,

I'm grateful. 

I know I have been blessed with wonderful opportunities, and I must remind myself to be thankful for the beauty in my life.

Six Word Essay on Airports

Transferring terminals for a layover sucks!

Coffee!!

The smell alone is killing me...

This line is so ridiculous!

Why must all these people take so long?

Have you never been to a Starbucks before?!

Raging!!!

Six Word Essay On Sleep

I never get enough of it!

Life on Tour

Bloated and tired,
I lack sleep.
Trying to catch up on "life" at home,
While working and living out of a bag.
It's fun for a day in every new city...
Then it just becomes another hotel room that IS NOT your home.
Friends are near to keep you smiling,
Even if your laughing at the conditions.
Grateful for the opportunities,
Just wish I could go to the bathroom...

I'm Up!

I'm up two hours before I'd like to be...
I'm up two hours before I need to be...
I'm up for a call time that I WON'T get paid for...
I'm up for NO reason at all...
I'm up because it's my job, and I'll do it with a smile...
I'm up on tour, and wish I was at home with my family!
I'M UP!

Life on Tour

Eat, sleep, work, travel-
Pause: to return home for my gram's funeral-
Back on the road;
Eat, sleep, work, travel-
Pause: to get married! An event that we planned in half a day (while catching connecting flights at two different airports.
One night at home as a married man-
Then;
Travel, eat, sleep, work...
Life on tour never gets dull.
I work twice as hard to stay focused, active, creative, outgoing and happy while I'm out of LA.
Otherwise, I'd just be a cranky biathc!

It's Official!

After 11 years of happiness, love, success and a lot of laughter...
It is official!!!
I didn't think I'd feel a "change" but I was wrong-
Nothing would have prepared me for how huge an impact yesterday was.
I'm so blessed to be surrounded by a loving, accepting group of friends and of course my family!
Here's to a lifetime of continued joy!

Tying The Knot

After 11 wonderful years,
A proposition of hate,
And a ruling for Equality-
Love will prevail today.
Jeff and I are tying the knot.
There's never been a person in my life that has influenced, inspired, challenged or loved me more!
I hope that I can be that for him too!
For the rest of our lives.

Forced Happiness

It's a goal of mine to remain happy-
Grateful for the blessing (and there are a lot of them) that I have in my life.
Nevertheless, I have those days when I wake up, and the weight of the world is on my shoulders.
Dealing with the loss of my grandma has been tough.
I know life goes on, and I've thrown myself into my job and creative projects to ease the pain-
But this morning I woke up and I just can't shake it off...
It's in these moments that I default to something I refer to as:
Force Happiness.
I'm not happy in any way,
But I lie to my self, and tell myself that if I pretend to be happy I will trick my mind into believing it.
I'm not sure that its working, but it's better than walking around in a state of depression.

The Art of Packing

When you spend half your life living out of a suitcase, you get used to packing.

The secret is to fold your clothes and then roll them up like a burrito. 

You can stack twice as much that way!

It also helps if you buy clothes that can be worn in a number of matching combinations, allowing you several outfits without overpacking!

Life on Tour

Laying in bed awake,
If I fall asleep now I'll get 4 hours of sleep.
I have to work all day tomorrow!
Finally pass out...
Time to wake up,
I hope I stay awake today!
#IMissMyOwnBed.

Missing Gram

Woke up feeling sad,

Really missing Gram.

Her spirit is around, I know.

I just wish I could call her and hear her voice.

Trying to remember that she's no longer in pain,

I just wish I could say the same.

A Lot of Beer

...and a lack of sleep makes for a long day in the theatre!

Life on Tour

Day 1-

I'm up early,

Ready for a Starbucks session:

Iced tall coffee with soy,

Post my blog entry,

Write in my journal,

Catch up on email,

Post my Instagram, (Social Media!!)

I'm focused on staying in shape and committed to my daily goals.

Finding balance on tour is NOT impossible...

It just takes losing sleep.

Airport Goodbyes

Once again at an airport.

I've always associated airports with sadness-

Despite the fact that happy times come from visiting family and friends,

Not to mention awesome vacations...

Yet my lasting memories of airports is always from the end of a wonderful visit.

Saying goodbye.

This trip is especially difficult, because I had to say goodbye to my gram for the last time.

I'm always thankful for new adventures, but going to the airport is always bittersweet.

I've spent my adult life leaving people curbside.

I'll never get used to it.

But I'm learning to deal with it.

...very slowly.

Guardian Angel

Losing gram this week was extremely devastating.
She was my best friend;
No one has ever inspired me,
Or believed in me more.
She was the first person I shared my victories with,
She eased the sting of my setbacks.
She reminded me of my accomplishments,
She knew my worth, and had faith in my talent.
I know that my life will go on,
I imagine the pain will never fully go away-
I just keep reminding myself that I could not have a better person as my guardian angel!
I trust that she will be up there working double time.
And nobody is more charmingly persistent,
Or effective at convincing people to take a chance!
I love you gram.

RIP Gram

The worst part of life, is saying goodbye to the ones you love most.

Gram is no longer in pain-

That's the only comforting thought.

I will miss hearing her voice.

#Sad #LongDay

In Memory of Sharlene (Gram) Shaffer 1936 - 2013

Sharlene Marie Shaffer, 77, of Florence, passed away Saturday, June 29, 2013 with her family by her side. Sharlene was born in Canon City, CO on May 6, 1936 to Mike and Mary (Moschetti) Brator. After graduating from Florence High School, Sharlene began her journey as a wife, mother, grandmother, and community role model. She married her high school sweetheart, Anthony Lawrence Shaffer, and remained happily married for 54 years, until Anthony's passing in 2009.
Sharlene was an active member of her sorority Epsilon Sigma Alpha- the Omega Chi chapter, and just received her 45 year pin. Sharlene was a true leader. She used her creativity, intelligence and outgoing personality in every aspect of her life. She was passionate about every project, job or adventure she took on, including her involvement with St. Benedict's church, the Pioneer Day Board, the Library Board, Fremont County Democratic Committee, working at St. Joseph's Manor, in addition to co-owning Shaffer's Still with her husband for 15 years.
Her favorite pass times always involved her family and friends. She loved trips to Las Vegas and Cripple Creek, playing bingo, dancing at Karaoke, playing in multiple Pinochle clubs, volunteering in her community and bragging about her grandkids.
Sharlene was preceded in death by her husband; Anthony Lawrence Shaffer, parents; Mike and Mary (Moschetti) Brator, and many other cherished relatives. She is survived by her son Tony (Louise), grandchildren; Matthew, Shiree, Julianne, and Abby, great- grandchildren; Kellyn, Seth and Olivia, and numerous cousins, nieces, nephews and friends.

The Price Of Death

Never mind the emotional loss,
I'm shocked and overwhelmed with how much it cost to die.
Everything has a price tag!
On the positive side;
There has been a nonstop barrage of;
donuts, deli platters, cheese plates, veggie trays, fruit salads and beverages!
...and plenty of company to eat, remember, cry and rejoice!
#IMissMyGram