Home Is Where The Heart Is...

I'm glad to be home after the never ending summer journey...
Sadly, I leave again tomorrow for The Big Apple!
Then off to Oregon for a wedding...
It seems the only thing at home, is an empty bed!
I can't wait to be back in Los Angeles for an extended amount of time-
I guess I'll have something to look forward to! ...in September!

Boat Trip!

Boat Trip in Lake Tahoe
Worth all the drama leading up to this!
Amazing-

Hung Over...

Head throbbing
Unbelievable pain
Need Advil
Good Lord!

One drink too many
Vomiting is near
Eggs with ketchup
Really need sleep!

Zen My Way

Peaceful morning walk along the lake.
The mind is calm.
Grateful for this beautiful view-
And the delicious caramel macchiato I'm gulping down!

I'm Not A Little Kid Anymore!

Have you ever woke up in the morning expecting to be in your childhood bedroom, just waiting for your mom or dad to come in and tell you it's time to get up and get dressed?
The moment feels so real- you forget that you're in the body of a thirty year old.
If only we could go back in time for a little "childhood vacation!"
I love being an adult; going where I want to go, eating what I want to eat, staying up as late as I please. Too bad I hate; paying bills, working and making tough decisions!
You always heard adults telling you to enjoy being a kid-
It's a shame you don't understand why, until it's too late!
Oh well! I have a great life-
Besides, who's business is it to tell me I'm not a little kid anymore?
Maybe the IRS? But other than them... I'm as young and carefree as I say I am!

Lake Tahoe

The brilliant aroma of pine fills the mountain air;
The vibrant, blue sky is crystal clear-
The gondola floats you up to the gorgeous Heavenly summit;
The lake is calm, crisp and magnificent-
Gods work is visible here;
I'm at peace- and getting paid for it!

Over It.

People who act like they care.
People who DEMAND respect, but offer none.
People who want you to "do it" their way, but make it your own.
People who forget they live in a glass house.
People who call themselves a friend, and offer no friendship.
People who take advantage- EVERY opportunity they get...
...and then act like you're the asshole for calling them out on it.
People who forget that we're ALL on the same "level" regardless of titles, money or
background- we're ALL human beings that deserve EQUALITY.

Introducing: Stand Up Storytime!

And now, for A Group Productions latest venture... I give you "Stand Up Storytime!"
It's the latest project I've been working on with my partner in crime Jeff Payton. The concept is simple and funny! (I hope...)
Each episode of "Stand Up Storytime" will be narrated by one of Los Angeles's hottest comedians and reenacted as the craziness unfolds!
For our first episode, I'm pleased to introduce straight from this season of LAST COMIC STANDING... The beautiful and talented Amy Claire!
With special guest appearances by yours truly, in addition to Jeff Payton, Maggie Miguel and the lovely Brooke Allison

A Letter to the Month of July

Dear July,

I know that you're usually a sunny, hot, celebration of beach and food;

But right now, you're really being a drag.

Then to go all "June Gloom" on us-

It really hurts!

I miss our summer fun!

When we were younger you took me to the lake;

we barbecued, went on long hikes, and beach days were a blast.

Now, you expect me to enjoy 65 degree weather in Los Angeles?!?

Well, I think you've lost your spunk...

I know you're coming down with the Global Warming and all...

But can't you just pull it together for one week?

I'll be on vacation soon- and I really hope you don't act like a total bitch then!

With all my love,

Matthew

I'm Back!

You know when you hear those stories of people losing their mind and going completely crazy off the deep end... and then in a life changing moment, they find their inner self again and have huge success?

Well that didn't happen to me, however, I totally understand how it might.

I'm not going to lie, the past three weeks were a little rough for me. Between moving into a new place, that was once my old place, and traveling every other week for work, I really let myself go! I gave into the negative energy, fear and doubt. Plus, I started overeating. Gross!

Fortunately, I intercepted the "dark side" before I completely derailed- or gained too much weight!

The frightening thing is, no matter how many times you've been in the thick of the storm, you never realize when you're heading right for it. It's not until cows, family members and ugly witches riding bikes are flying past your window, that you realize yet again that you allowed negative energy into your soul.

The good news is, I'm getting so much better at catching that negative oppression and killing it, before it kills me!

I made a promise to myself in January 2010, that I would stomp out; stress, negativity, fear and doubt the minute they entered my head-

Instead, I played right into the destruction during my move. No excuses. I fell victim to worrying about things that don't matter. In addition, I was working fourteen hour days judging talent competitions in theatres across the country, and forgot that I still had to pay attention to my goals and creative outlets.

Thankfully, after a long hike in the hills above all the glitz and glamour- I was able to take a deep breath, stand back and remember who I am and what I'm capable of. Beyond that, I was able to remind myself that I can either submit to the doubt or march forward with faith and a positive attitude.

Time and again I master the idea: It's always easier to give up. But the success and happiness in life come from enduring the set backs, rising to each new challenge and staying present along the journey.

"It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end."

-- Ursula K. LeGuin

So true- I'm glad to be back!

Lack of Creativity.

Woke up early today;

Planned on being proactive.

Between the distance from my bed to the shower-

I lost all energy to motivate.

Now I'm trying to create.

The key word: Trying

Strange how even the simplest tasks feel impossible when you're lazy.

I'll be happy if I get my teeth brushed before noon.

Okay, let's be honest, I'll be happy if I get my teeth brushed before I go back to bed!

Lindsay Lohan Ruined My Sleep!

Living where I do in the Hollywood Hills has it's major perks;

Great food, fun nightlife, shopping, and a beautiful view of Los Angeles!

Because of the great location a lot of celebrities live here too... Usually it's not an issue.

This morning however, I was rudely shocked out of a beautiful dream because four annoying helicopters continued to circle above my house for over an hour, starting at 7:45 a. m.

Why?

Just trying to get that one great shot of Lindsay Lohan leaving her house on route to the Beverly Hills courthouse where she would surrender herself for an earlier drunk driving arrest!

I was pissed!

Why do people care so much about seeing a washed up, bi-sexual, former child star, with crazy parents and an abusive relationship with drugs and alcohol drive herself to court?

Lame!

What's worse... the fact that NBC, ABC, Fox and CBS actually had helicopters to catch that RED-HOT MESS check herself into jail instead of covering important news!

What's The Big Ikea?

I don't know how they do it... and I don't care!

I love Ikea!

From the minute I walk into the big blue and gold fortress I'm surrounded by value!

How can they possible sell a Wok for $4.99? Which I might add is down from last years price of $7.99 as notated on their signage!

It doesn't matter to me that the majority of their products are made from pressed wood and self-assembled. The final picture is that of a clean, neutral and modern piece of furniture, that usually functions as a multipurpose piece!

Not too mention you can grab some delicious Swedish meat! You heard me, the Swedish Meatballs are amazing and you get a whole plate with all the fixings for just $4.99!

God bless the Scandinavians!

Perfect Cocktail!

Nothing says; "Perfect Dinner Party!" Like a delicious summer cocktail.

Tonight, I'm pleased to present:

A crisp Gin and Tonic with hand picked fresh mint, raspberries marinated in red wine, and a twist of lime!

Crisp. Fresh. Delicious.

Go Summer Dinner Party!

Cat Nap

Heavy eyelids struggling to read an adventure novel;

I sit upright in my comfy bed,

Loving the cool ocean breeze that brushes against my legs;

all the hairs stand on end-

Outside the aroma of a neighbor grilling on the BBQ;

No stress, no work, just decompression.

An HBO movie playing in the back ground;

The daydreaming begins.

My head jerks right to left waking me up-

only enough to reposition myself with a fluffy pillow.

I love Saturday afternoon cat naps!

Dinner Parties Are Fun!

Arrive at a lovely home you've never been to before;

Usually in the valley...

Enter into a group of people already happily socializing-

Wine, wine, wine;

Small appetizers passed,

Outdoor dinning room, perfectly landscaped-

One guest always brings that "Next Best Thing" in Hollywood-

She makes you laugh too hard-

Industry talk until everyone is "over it..."

Desert comes with more wine!

Everyone is merrily carrying on-

Dinner Parties are Fun!

Life's A Beach and Then You Marry One!

Remember those amazing T-shirts from the 80's?

Bright neon colors with "rad" slogans most of which involving the beach...

My favorite was "Life's A Beach and Then You Marry One!"

Of course I was around twelve or thirteen years old at the time, so I'm sure I only half knew what it meant. Obviously I understood the implied- calling your wife a "beach" and getting away with it, however, it wasn't until I got out on my own that I realized the many layers of that T-shirt!

I'm not sure why I thought of that saying today. It could be the fact that it's 85 degrees in Malibu and I could really use a beach day!

I know I've mentioned it several times in my blog posts, but the last month has wiped me out! I was on a creative high with our Real Housewives of New York City parodies, and then with the grand move, and the out of town work engagements have left me feeling uninspired, fat and lazy.

So, I've decided to get up off my uncreative, inactive, lackadaisical ass and get back on board the game of "life!" The first place I though of on a sunny day in Los Angeles: Malibu! The sand, sun and salty air might be just what I need to refuel my juices!

Today life is a beach! ...as for the rest of the slogan, I'm not sure I'm in any hurry to marry one!

Summer... and I'm Working!

I'm so ready for a fun summer adventure!
All I've been doing the past three weeks is either moving or working... or working on something I've moved!
I'm over it!
And I'm freaked out that summer is half way gone!
So, today was the last day I've allowed myself to work on any projects involving my apartment.
It's time to get my mind refocused on new creative projects and fun summer trips!
First stop; a trip to the beach tomorrow. Followed by a fun, action packed, summer movie Friday. Wrapped up with a day of summer pool partying on Sunday... That should put my mind at ease for a moment.
Just long enough to realize that I still have a trip to Lake Tahoe and New York City this summer...
Both are for work! But believe- I'm gonna do my damnedest to have a little summer adventure time too!

Starving At Home After A Long Days Work...

Thank. God. For Thai delivery!

Where Is Summer Going?

If you take too much time to think about how fast time is passing-
Then you've already lost too much time thinking about something that cannot be stopped.

Wedding Day...

When attending a wedding it's important to remember to make friends with the bartender...
I've realized that they're either your best friend, or your worst nightmare!
In the case of Jacqueline and James Snyder's beautiful wedding today...
our bartender Jolie hooked us up!
Congratulations Jacqueline and James! The wedding was perfect. The two of you were beautiful.
And everyone had a blast!

The Glamorous Life

Pounding headache,
Crusty dry eyes-
Aching knees and numb lifeless feet,
Lower back in full spasim-
Bloated gut full of junk food!
Sometimes living a glamorous life is less than desirable.

Six Word Essay on Summertime

Working so much I'm missing out!

Work Hard. Play Hard.

I take after my Grandpa Smith in my outlook toward my career...
My grandpa is the type of guy who never stops. He works hard and plays hard. He loves to remind me that, "there is plenty of time to sleep when you're dead!"
I completely agree!
I'm in Las Vegas judging a national talent competition-
The days are long.
But I promise the nights are longer!
When we're not in the theatre judging talent, we're in the night club- judging people.
There might be some drinking and dancing too...
I have to say- I have an amazing job.
I take it for granted from time to time, but I'm aware that I have a blessed life.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have a foot-long margarita waiting for me!

Freelander... I Don't Think So!

Do you think there's a rule in the universe that when everything seems to be going swell, and you finally have a little money that you're planning on putting aside-

Disaster sets in?

Even after moving into my new apartment, paying bills, buying some new furniture, and paying for my license and registration on my car... I had a little "pocket money" that I was so excited to finally tuck away into my savings account and earn some interest-

Just when the thought popped into my head, I heard a massive screeching sound from my the front breaks in my car.

Of course! I think there is some unwritten rule that anytime you get too delighted about finally feeling caught up... You have to pay a toll-

In this case the toll is: $452.oo!

Making me wonder why my car was named by the Range Rover company; The Freelander?

I think The Freeloader would be a better car title.

Slacking Off!

I'm a total slacker when it comes to my blog this month!

I've written several entries a day late and cheated and posted them with the correct date...

I'm pretty sure that was not a part of my resolution-

So I commit to posting something on the correct day!

...unless I forget.

Running on Empty...

I keep promising myself that I'll take ten minutes to write more than three sentences and call it a "blog post."
Sadly, I just feel like I'm running on empty...
Between moving and traveling for work, I don't have much time to spare.
I feel uncreative too-
So I don't see the point in wasting time forcing myself to compose a long contemplative essay or even a short story.
I'm fully aware that the entire goal of my January 2010 resolution (to write a blog post a day) was to stay fresh and keep the creative juice flowing...
So here I sit, fighting the urge to go organize something in the bathroom that needs to be arranged, or catching up on some desperately craved sleepy time...
And the funny thing is even now as sit here at my computer, I feel the drive to get my mind back on track!
Too bad I leave town again tomorrow for another week of judging a national talent competition in Las Vegas. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for the money and the free trip to Vegas (where I'm positive I won't sleep and I'll spend all my free time by the pool drinking) but, I just hope that by this time next Sunday, I'll be ready to complete a July project-
Other than rearranging the book shelf in my living room!

Happy Birthday America!

Today I'm thankful for my freedom.
It may not be perfect, but it's as close to perfect as I've seen anywhere else!
Happy Birthday America!

Work and Drink

Bed at 4 am.
Wake at 6 am.
Work until 7 pm.
Drink until 2 am.
Wake up and start again!

Pool Time in Orlando at One AM

Party
On
Orlando
Livin'

What do Dancers Really Eat?

I love how I like to pretend that I'm a healthy eater...
And then spend the day in a theatre judging dancers with amazing bodies, while eating a tub of peanut butter M&M's and a gallon of Cherry Coke!
Hey I don't have to look good! ...this week.