Wash, Rinse, and Cut Ties...

When a flea attacks a dog, you shampoo the dog and apply a medicated treatment––and you avoid dog parks;
When a person (behaving like a flea) interlopes on your affairs––personal or business––you sever all ties and take a deep shower to wash away the gross.

Wait For It; It's A Process...

Sitting in an uncomfortable—but familiar—wooden chair at Starbucks staring at a blank page.

Waiting for the perfect sentence to appear in my mind; the torture of knowing what you want to say but struggling to find the most precise delivery. Like walking up to a broken water fountain completely dehydrated, desperate to quench your thirst.

Failed attempts of hurling words onto my page in the hopes that something would stick has left me in despair.

Write every day. That’s my objective, which usually leads to (at least) a sliver of creativity. Alas, today I’m waiting; sometimes creativity requires walking away.

Body; Issues

Loving yourself—in that newfound Zen outlook that you’ve acquired through years of yoga—means accepting the extra 5 (okay 10) pounds you gained over your birthday extravaganza.

It means remembering that you are a strong, healthy, beautiful person; now get over your body issues, because in 20 years you’ll wish that you had this agility and physique!

Holiday Pool Time

Wet bodies,

Beer cozies,

Laughter whilst lounging;

Reading trashy magazines.

Pause to remember and thank our heroes;

Then, a big dive into more fun!

Coffee: ASAP

A night out in Vegas,

Means a morning full of coffee.

Connectivity

I’m stuck in my hotel room watching Instagram story feeds;

Why do I feel the need to watch other people talk to a camera about their lives;

Perhaps the same reason some stranger is reading this blog?

Connectivity

Glamorous

Lounging by my pool after an emotionally and physically intense hot yoga clsss is not as glamorous as it sounds.

For example, we don’t have a pool boy, so I’m forced to make my own drinks;

And, well…I guess that’s about it.

Life is as glamorous as you think it is.

Chillax

Rain;
Coffee;
Couch (with my tracksuit on);
Journal;
Book;
Puppies (cuddling on either side of my body);
Creativity on my computer...
Perhaps yoga later?
The perfect chillax day!

The Struggle is Real: Drive.

My drive to create is strong;
My desire to drive in traffic is nonexistent.
A rough predicament for an artist living in Los Angeles.

Coffee Talk

The conversation I have in my head is almost as loud as the man holding a conference call in his “office” at Starbucks;

Welcome to LA.

Sleep Deprived...

Functioning on four hours of sleep;
I motivated myself to yoga class on the heels of a business call and two hours of writing.
After stuffing my face with Panda Express, I passed out on my sofa, where I remained the rest of the day.

Accept It; Now

Accepting what is, does not mean giving up on what could be;
Surrendering to this moment creates the space to be present, in turn providing a peaceful joy that sparks ideas for a new adventure tomorrow;
Today is here, though, so no use wasting it on wishing for something better.
Manifest tomorrow’s opportunities whilst mindfully living in the Now.

Working Through

Even the most enlightened Zen masters have setbacks;
If not, why then, “Fall Down Seven Times, Get Up Eight?”
The purpose of meditation is not to live in perpetual light;
But working through the darkness to return to the light.
Yesterday, I backtracked; that is in the past.
Today, I was given the opportunity to release and start anew:
That is the gift of Life: Presence.

This Feeling

Exploding rage contained only by a desperate desire to trust; I’m in conflict with my mantra.

Back In Los Angeles

Lying on the couch:

Cuddling with my puppies;

Binging on Real Housweive—New York to Beverly Hills;

Sipping on Starbucks;

I had a brilliant 40th Birthday celebration,

But it’s great to be home!

Travel Day

Airport stress reminds me that vacation is over;
It's the buffer between paradise and the daily grind.

Revitalized and Renewed

Letting go in paradise;
I found the space to breathe and smile.
My spirit was recharged in the mystical waters of Maui.
Here, I felt no pressure to plan, control, or focus;
Pure relaxation in the present––what a gift.
Now, my creative energy has been revitalized;
I’m prepared to return to “life” with a renewed sense of self.
I am inspired to write, perform, and choreograph once again.
With no other objective than to share my passion.
Balance at 40; it feels good.

Peace In Paradise

I sit in meditation as the sun energizes the morning sky;

The rolling ocean tide offers a Zen reminder:

You are here.

There is always peace in paradise; the challenge is to find paradise in the present—wherever you may be.

Mom

You gave me life;
You continue to give me unconditional love and support.
We laugh together, cry together, and shop together; and of course all the deep stuff, too.
You are the reason I’m addicted to Starbucks; thank you.
A warrior, fearless, confident, strong, gorgeous, creative, genuine, opinionated, witty, and wise...I’m not describing myself...it’s you!
Happy Mother’s Day.
I love you.

Mass on Maui

Shortly after stuffing our bellies full of decadent gourmet food from Mama's Fish House we drove towards the gorgeous sunset, where just a stones throw away from the beach, stood our favorite Catholic church.
St. Theresa's is a lovely semi-open-aired church with a congregation of happy Hawaiian locals and weekly tourist who are, no doubt, delighted to worship alongside a generous and loving community; the Tongan choir is arguably the best I've ever heard––certainly in church.
As I was sitting there listening to the readings of the Gospel, I felt a safety, joy, and peace of mind.
The church, religion, spirituality––it's a lot for some people––I cannot concern myself with other's perception; I only know that for me, it works.  I feel at home in a church.
Perhaps it's the theatrical event my soul seeks; it definitely appeals to my artistic inclination.
The alter, a stage; the pews, the audience; the incense, smoke effects; the candles, lighting; the Priest, the actor; the choir, the ensemble; the Blood and Body of Christ, the Intermission snacks...
Some may shout, "Sacrilege!"
I say, "Hey, whatever keeps me in the seats and focused on God's words."
In truth, I'm drawn to the connection I feel with God and The Universe; through prayer, meditation, and yes, the familiarity of my childhood Religion.  I also feel connected to my gram; who is no longer on earth, but with me in Spirit.
Regardless, during the service, I felt a deep sense of gratitude.  I am 40 years old and I have the world.
I released my past and accepted my present in mass.  I surrendered my dreams to God.
I've done it "my way" for the past 40 years, and I'm thankful for every adventure and blessing along the way.
My past was motivated by ambition; something to prove.
In mass, I relinquished control (not that I ever really had any), I gave into the power of God.  I have made a career out of saying "yes" to whatever was put in front of me––but it came with a lot of hustle, drive, and determination.
I lived 40 years trying to control the uncontrollable; Now, I'm letting go and leaping into whatever awaits me. I have no preconceived idea of what the next chapter of my life should be...for the first time ever, I am free!

That's Paradise

Yesterday––at the half way mark (but who’s keeping track) of my 40th Birthday Hawaiian getaway––I was struck with the urge to be creative.
Because I set ground rules for my vacation: no work, no hustle, no creativity, no action just pure relaxation and meditation; I quickly took note of my thought and released it.
Today, when I woke to the majestic Hawaiian sunrise over the crest of a monstrous volcanic mountain my heart and mind found peace and acceptance, while my soul was reminded that I will continue to create when I depart from paradise.
I’ve worked and pushed for so long, it often feels strange and lazy to let go and relax.  Hawaii has reminded me that it’s necessary to be still and unmotivated, to find the “nothingness” and out of that sparks a deeper state of presence.
It is in that Zen-like presence that I am recharge and invigorated; motivated to return to the creative process with a restored sense of self and newfound direction.

Keep The Faith Alive!

Lying in bed in paradise;

I woke up to a phone call from my manager.  "You've booked a small part in a film that shoots tomorrow.  ...Also, I'm pitching your next book to a huge publisher at 11:00 a.m."

The natural instinct in me was to panic and get on the phone immediate (there's a 3 hour time difference between LA, so it was 3:00 a.m) and call American Airlines to rebook a flight out of Maui.

Magically, before that imbedded response kicked in, I took a deep breath, rolled over and went back to sleep.

Only six days into my 40th year and I'm comfortable with my newfound confidence:

I will continue to create and receive opportunities when they are truly mine.

If 22 years as an artist has taught me anything, it's that despite all of the highs and lows; wins and losses; ebbs and flows––creativity will thrive when I keep the faith alive.

Sun, Sand, A Novel.

The sun drenched day fills my heart;
Lounging in the sand with a novel.
Time stands still;
In paradise, I am present.

Waterfall

What started off from a cold and bitter battle high above,
Slowly melts its way down through the lush rich land,
Winding around deeply set boulders, past the dense green trees, and eventually dropping into a pool of carved out earth.
The water is fresh with an exhilarating bite to remind us that nature believes in destiny, too.

Silver Linings...

When a storm cloud sails into paradise;
You order a Piña colada and dance in the rain.
It may be dark and stormy now, but the light will always return!

Hawaiian Vacation: Rest

Really
Enjoying
Sleep
Today.

Say It In Six Words: Hawaii

Ocean waves crashing against the shore.

Hello 40!

I opened my eyes this morning and saw my life with a new clarity.
Faster than a teenaged girl flips on her besties for a cute boy––I found peace with 40.
The dreams and goals of my past are there; my future will get here soon enough; presently I am overwhelmed with gratitude, joy, and acceptance.
Surrounded by people I love, who encourage, inspire, and support me––I feel unstoppable in a brilliant new way.
A force stirs inside of me encouraging me to release control and (honestly) enjoy the ride.
My passion, creativity, and motivation still burning inside; the need to set goals or accomplish dreams has shifted.
Things that once kept me constantly seeking more, needing validation, or proving my worth are less appetizing to me.
Relentless tenacity is in my DNA; thankfully, through yoga and meditation I found my quite voice: breath.
When I breathe in this moment, everything else falls away.
I know for sure that:
I am loved.
I share love.
I am most myself when I am creating.
I find bliss when I am with people who elevate my purpose through wisdom and creativity.
I can accomplish anything with faith and hard work.
I have nothing left to prove, but everything still to learn.
I am ready for a new chapter and have no expectations.
I am 40 and excited for Act II; wherever the story goes.

Thank You 30's; May 3rd: The Final Hours

The silent draw of the ocean in paradise;
Lost in a sea of thought, gratitude, peace, and faith:
In myself, God, The Universe, friends, family, for my career.
Half a life stands confidently behind me, more than a representation of a life well-lived; the memories, adventures, highs and lows, victories, losses, and unexpected opportunities serve as my back-up.
My personal body guard reminding me: you’ve got this!
I have no idea what’s next for me, and for the first time in my life, I love the idea that anything can happen.
It’s not for lack of dreams or goals; those have served their purpose––I’m not famous, I’m not rich, but I’m living my dream.
It’s not a loss of motivation, drive, tenacity, or creativity.
It’s simply time for me to breathe and decide what 40-year-old Matthew wants.
I’ve mastered the 9-year-old me; I crushed the 29-year-old me; and 35-year-old me nailed it; NOW it’s time to be present and thrive!

Thank You 30's; May 2

Flying toward paradise;

Two days away from my second act.

Hawaii, the perfect place to turn 40;

Sun, sand, Lava Flows, and the healing water.

You can’t run from the aging process;

But, when you reach a certain point, you can run to a place where spas and positivity are abundant!

Thank You 30's; May 1st

Three days away;

Not exactly how I saw it when I was nine,

But not far off.

Happy: yes;

Married: yes;

Homeowner: yes, (it’s not a mansion);

Working as a performer: yes;

Still living my dream: yes.

Blessed.