Six Word Essay on Wanting My Very Own Washer and Dryer...

Having to use a laundromat is busted!

I Love Errands!

I love a good errand day!

When you wake up early, prepped and ready to get out there and tackle the mile long list of things that you've been longing to cross off- but weren't necessarily a first class priority...

You've got the major things like; taxes, car registration renewal, banking, grocery shopping, laundry, etc. etc. etc.... The chores that have to be taken care of on a daily basis.

Then come the things that you really want to do, but know you're going to have to put off until you have a day that doesn't demand immediate action... like today.

I woke up and finally got to run the errands that make me happy; gift buying, printing out photos, buying frames to frame for mentioned pictures, dropping off a book that you borrowed from a good friend two years earlier, a quick pop in to my agent to say hello and remind them that I'm free and ready for a big audition, a trip to Book Soup (my favorite independent book store in Los Angeles) to check out the new releases this month... Then make my way to Starbucks for an overpriced Caramel Macchiato and my final stop to the post office to send off some letters that I wanted to send to good friends just because no one does that anymore!

I know I'm such a geek, but I love to run errands! It makes me feel like I'm getting things done... even though tomorrow there will be another twenty things I need to take care of!

A Journal Full Of Codes...

I find it very bizarre that I try to withhold things from my journal.
I mean what's the point of having a secret place to share my innermost feelings, if I don't confess my true innermost feelings?

In the past, I've even gone so far as to write in a special code that would require remembering what each code word meant... I could write out a legend and keep it hidden, so that years from now when I was ready to write a tell-all book, I would be able to decipher my cryptic entries a la the decoder ring from the movie A Christmas Story...

It reminds me of when I was in middle school and me and my friends would try to invent a secret language so that nobody else would be able to understand what we were talking about... In the end not even we understood half of what we were saying!
No- this just doesn't work! The entire point of writing in a journal is to release the trapped emotions in a safe non-judgemental place.
So what if someone "accidentally" stumbles onto it, opens it and reads several incriminating confessions and then feels nauseated with guilt, like I did when I found my sisters diary in high school! ...life goes on!

Besides, what do I have to hide? I spend ninety percent of my life sharing too much information (usually to get a laugh or deflect a bad situation) and no one believes it's true anyway!
So no more secrets from my journal!

I'm only disappointed that during the darkest hours of my life, when the pain and sadness was so overwhelming and raw, when I truly wrote my deepest, most honest thoughts and feelings (and I'm confident the material would; not only make for an amazing book- but actually help someone headed down the same lonely road...) and I can't find the damned decoder ring!

Old Friends

Old friends sitting at a bar in Pittsburgh.
Chatting about the good times we've shared.
Gossiping too much about people we don't really care for...
Why?
Because sometimes at the end of a long day,
it's nice to just blow off steam and B. S.
I'm so lucky to have a career that was born of my passion-
I'm even more fortunate to have amazing friendships that have blossomed...
Life long friends,
Our paths continue to cross.
It's a small world!
It's an even smaller business!
I love it!
...sometimes.

End Of The Day Thoughts

The end of the day,

My mind is numb and blank,

Sat in judgment all day, with a massive hangover-

Visiting friends is fun,

Working the next day is not,

Balance is the goal, except when alcohol is involved-

Life on the road,

Starting to get old,

Ready to stay home, and make my dreams come true-

Chillin With Fagan!

There is nothing like a slumber party with your best friend... even if we are thirty-something!
Last night I landed in Pittsburgh, PA (I'm judging a talent competition here this weekend) and it just so happens that one of my closest and oldest friends live here!
Melissa Fagan, my BFF, greeted me at the Pittsburgh International Airport with a huge smile and that crazy high pitched voice we both use to shout our happiness to each other... "What's up bitch face!" (That's the term of endearment we use for one another.)

I met Melissa when we were both twenty years old! She was actually best friends with my girlfriend at the time... and we hit it off right away. Our minds think EXACTLY the same way! We share the same crazy, some what eskewd but still humors personality. We have the same thoughts and judgements of people and society... And most importantly- we LOVE food! In particular: bowls of ranch dressing and tubs of cream cheese frosting! (When we both still lived in New York, we would go to Dallas BBQ's restaurant and order way too much food, and then each of us would ask for a bowl of ranch dressing and proceed to dip everything we could get our hands on in said bowl of ranch!)

Needless to say, our friendship continued to grow from our initial introduction. Melissa is also a performer, and it turned out that our careers followed the same path... We both performed in the Christmas Spectacular at the world famous Radio City Music Hall in New York City! It was amazing to be on that stage and look over and see one of the coolest people I know dressed up and performing as a Rockette! For a short period of time we shared an apartment on the Upper East Side of Manhattan... until I realized how much I hated the Upper East Side and I moved out!

Over the past twelve years our friendship continues to soar to new heights! She and her boyfriend of eleven years are a major part of my life... We take vacations together, we visit each other and we spend a lot of time raging to one another over the phone about the crappy events of our day to day lives.

So, I'm here in Pittsburgh at Melissa and Marc (her boyfriend's) home... laying in their king sized bed watching morning talk shows... (Marc by the way is in Egypt... he is a dentist and is away for an educational trip)
Last night, Mel and I picked up right where we left off the last time we were together... Which usually includes bottles of wine, ranch dressing and chocolate! Not to mention a lot of gossip and laughter! The laughter is really my favorite part... She makes me laugh harder than anyone I know. I just love her so much because she is never afraid to tell me what she thinks, she doesn't hold back and I love that!

I'm not sure what kind of adventures we're going to share in this weekend... but I'm positive it will be wild and full of life! She inspires me to think outside the box (more than I already do!) I'm sad that Marc isn't here too. He's usually our voice of reason (which is funny if you know Marc) and he keeps us in line!
I can only imagine the trouble Mel and I are going to get into this time!

I Hate Airports!

I remember when flying used to be so much fun! Growing up in my family meant fun vacations and trips to visit the grandparents! I loved the build up, the planning, the travel agent, the cool flight voucher with the red carbon print out, the pre-packing, the re-packing, the drive to the airport, the check-in process, the boarding, the in- flight breakfast and if you were really lucky... the little honorary flight pin!
I had so much fun pretending I was an important businessman on an urgent business trip... Or a movie star on my way to an exotic location!
Yes sir, I LOVED to fly! In fact, the only thing I didn't love about the airport was saying goodbye.

My passion for flying continued as I entered the wonderful world of adulthood...
My first professional job was as a concert dancer in a well known international dance company.
I spent the better part of three years on tour around the world! I lived for it... As much as I enjoyed performing on stage, the majority of my happiness came while flying between venues! ...it was like a childhood fantasy coming true!

Flashforward twelve years and ask me if I still enjoy airports...
The answer, of course is NO! As grateful as I am to have a career that continues to grow, I no longer find the joy in being on the road. As an actor and performer I realize that travel is a major part of my job... Dare I say, airports and flying are what make my passion feel like a job!

Especially since the tragic day in September 2001, flying is no longer a romantic part of vacation, business or pleasure!
The expensive airfare, packing everything to fit in one carry on, the long lines at security, the nasty (under paid) airline workers, the grouchy travelers, the over-stuffed overhead bins, the crying children, the cramped leg room, the lack of a meal, the over sold or delayed flights, the list goes on and on!

I'm sad that even now, as I sit at a gate waiting to board my flight to work a quick gig and catch up with one of my best friends...
I'm over it! I just want to get to my destination so that I can put this full day of travel behind me!

I'm Going To Disneyland!

One of the great things about living in Southern California is Disneyland...

In fact, if you're a Southern California resident the theme park offers a local discount on their annual pass.

Naturally, I own one! As do most of my friends..

I spend most of my time behaving like a child, so it seems natural to get excited about;

themed rides, junk food and fireworks... Not to mention one of me and my friends all time favorite rides:

The hotel bar at Disney's California Adventure.

But today, I think I reached my max for a while!

(Please know that I never thought I'd utter those words.)

Alas, not even the alcohol worked at helping me deal with the long lines, ruthless mommies with their strollers and the over priced food!

No offense Mickey, but this mouseketeer is out!

I think I'm going to try my luck at the ghetto park... or as they call it in Valencia:

Six Flags Magic Mountain!

I Love Food!

You know those health and fitness guru's that always talk about how you should, "Eat to live..."

Well, I'm one of those people who "Lives to eat..." and I'm not ashamed to admit it!

The only problem is I hate how I look fat! I'm too short to be even a little bit overweight...

I just look like an umpa lumpa! Not to mention... the whole health issues associated to carrying extra weight! Especially as I get older, I'm more careful about what I consume.

For example; if I eat an In & Out Burger Double Double with an order of french fries "animal style" and a chocolate shake... Chances are I'm going to be starving myself the next day!

(I never said I had healthy habits to keep my weight off.... just that I want to keep my weight off so that I don't get adult diabetes!)

I don't think that eating disorders are cool. Nor do I have one. I'm just very careful about how many calories from fat I allow myself each day. Once I hit the number... all eating comes to a halt until the next day...

So you can imagine how frustrating it is when I have a dinner that I hate! Like tonight...

I had a very long and busy day and I knew that I would be more satisfied if I got through all of my errands and rehearsals and sat down to a big delicious meal!

Sadly, that decadent meal sucked! I'm not going to mention the name of the popular healthy chain restaurant, the one that has "fresh" in the title... But no part of my dinner was "fresh" or healthy!

I'm so pissed. There is nothing worse than feeling full and unsatisfied... Because when that unmet craving lingers, you end up raiding the kitchen for EVERYTHING just to try and make that nasty, unsettled feeling go away...

I imagine it's similar to what Oprah must feel everyday.

So, I'm going to force myself to do something that Oprah would never do... I'm going to bed semi-full and completely unsatisfied!

Six Word Essay on Healthcare

Healthcare should be equal for all!

Competitive Threat!

It's always fun to show up to work and get physically threatened by a colleague... especially when said colleague is 6' 2" and (I believe) a massive steroid user!!

In case you haven't read my past essays and aren't familiar with how I make a living, allow me to quickly fill you in on my adventures in talent competitions.

When I'm not busy performing or creating work as director and choreographer, I spend my weekends flying to cities across the country as a judge for several large talent competitions. Very similar to popular television shows like "So You Think You Can Dance" or for those of you who remember... "Star Search." The format for these competitions is very similar, minus the television camera and the fame! It's a big business... a lot of money and prizes involved for all the contestants, and once regionals are through, the winners head off to the national level and compete against the best from all across the country. Most of the big winners receive scholarships to study at professional conservatories, sign with agents and continue to pursue performing.
Because of the popularity of the fore mentioned television shows, the hype for these talent competitions continues to grow.
Dare I say, the competitive world is cut throat!

What I discovered today, is that the kill or be killed attitude is not just happening on stage, or even backstage between contestants... But instead, with the judges in our dressing rooms. (To be fair, I've really never had a problem with any of the other extremely talented and knowledgeable judges that I've worked with at any of the talent competitions I've worked for.)

I'm still in shock and horror at what unfolded in our dressing room during one of our breaks between award ceremonies.
Our show manager decided to hold a quick meeting to discuss some irregular scores between judges. This is fairly common while judging because you have three different judges, with different backgrounds and expectations. Usually a great panel of judges are able to evaluate each performer based on their ability to execute the technique, their performance ability and finally the judges' preference (because lets not forget art is really subjective.)

Well today, one of our judges did not see eye to eye with me or the remaining judge, who happens to be a good friend of mine, she is extremely talented and a Rockette! (Let's call her Rockette.)

(From herein, I will refer to the third judge as Steroid Head)

Our manager sat each of us down in the dressing room, and began by asking basic questions regarding our reasons for placing certain performers where we had... Rockette and I had very similar scores and comments and of course this set Steroid Head off! He immediately began to accuse us of conspiring against him, and rigging the competition. Of course Rockette and I defended our actions and assured our manager that our scores were fair, unbiased and accurate based on what we expect from a certain caliber of performer.
Steroid Head was completely raging now... He began to stand up and scream, he threatened to quit, he called us liars and despite our managers best efforts, there was no calming the 'Roid-rage within him!

Rockette and I decided that it would be best to steer clear of the Steroid Head, allow him his feelings and continue to score as we saw fit.
Just when we came to a calm in the dressing room, and our manager returned to the stage to get ready for the second round of competition, Steroid Head decided to engage us in a back and forth... He'd say nasty things to get a response (like most of us did when we were in third grade...) and we ignored him. He'd make an accusation, and we ignored him. He'd make a lame joke and we ignored him... Basically, we ignored him.

Well I guess you can only ignore a Steroid Head for so long, before they decide to unleash the explosive hormones inside...
Because that is precisely what he did! He threw a chair against the wall, jumped over a dressing table and came toward me with his short, meaty finger and held it to my face, just gracing the skin on my nose. The bulging veins on his face looked like
worms that were just crawling under the first layer of skin. His eyes were yellow and red and on the verge of popping from their sockets, while his nasty steroid B.O. invaded my personal space...

He said; "If you fucking say a word to me the rest of the day, I WILL FUCKING CHARGE YOU! You hear me, I'll kill you!"

Rockette was shocked and on the verge of tears, while I stared him directly into his protruding eyes and didn't lose eye contact until he stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

I have never in my life been threatened like that. I was really shocked that someone could get that crazy over a talent competition. Especially one that they aren't even in!!! It became very clear to me that Steroid Head was very insecure and felt threatened that his scores and critiques did not mirror that of mine or Rockette's... and therefor, he had to show us who was boss.

I think he made his point loud and clear... You should never upset a 6' 2" gay queen on steroids (allegedly) while judging a talent competition!

Rockette and I finished the day safely... We happily continued to ignore Steroid Head.

Five Reasons Why...

I love Gossip Girl and I'm not ashamed to admit it:

#1. Every single actor on that show is hot! (Even the maids, janitors and extras!)

#2. It reminds me of when I was in high school. Even though my life was nothing like that, I pretended it was.

#3. From time to time I miss living in NYC and it's nice to have a show like Gossip Girl to remind you that you have to have A LOT of money to really love living there!

#4. My life needs more drama from time to time, and that show serves it up hot and spicy!

#5. The music on that show is worth watching alone... I LOVE the music and new artists they play on that show!

Focus!

Do you ever have one of those days when you have a million things on your mind, a ton of work to get done and no energy to decided where to start first?

I wouldn't describe it as overwhelming or paralyzing... because I've had those days too, and this is definitely not one of them...

This is more of an excitement! I have so many cool thoughts, ideas and dreams floating around in my mind, and I'm just not sure where to start first.

Every time I sit down to focus on one thought or idea, I find myself up out of the chair and pacing back and forth thinking about something completely different.

Even now as I write this blog entry, I can hardly concentrate on getting the words out of my head and on to the screen.

Thinking will always keep you busy! ...and I really like to be busy. Otherwise I have too much time to think!

I know you can really only do one thing (well) at a time, so I give my best attempt at directing my energy on one task, and slowly work my way to the next project... However, today all of the tasks and creative ideas are bleeding together and I can't make sense of where one starts and the other ends...

I guess I'll just have to force myself to forget about all of the projects and goals for a minute, sit in silence and wait for an urge to jump out at me...

At least I was able to figure that out! ...and look I got my blog entry done too!

Just Stand Up!

A few years ago, a group of my friends here in Los Angeles started a stand-up troupe. Though we were all actors and had done a lot of sketch comedy and improvisation, most of us had never tried our hand at stand-up comedy...

So naturally it made sense for us to break our comedic cherries together! ... Because nothing is easier than exploring new territory with a group of your closets artist friends, and their HUGE emotional chips. (Present company included!) To make it even more fun, we decided to have weekly meetings in one of the members living rooms and "workshop" ideas and eat a fun "family style" dinner! ...like one big happy family! We called it "Stand-Up Salad" because we were an eclectic group of aspiring comedians who gathered and usually ate salad. (The idea made more sense at the time...)

Nevertheless, the first few meeting were a blast... we laughed, we critiqued, we argued and we drank... a lot!

Then the time came to do our first "gig" together.

I will say this, it was wonderful to have a group of people to go to the clubs with and have that support and laughter... to bad we were the only people at several of the first clubs we performed at!

I remember the very first time I got up, I was on stage and I saw the rest of my group in the audience, a homeless man, and the barista (the venue doubled as a coffee house) whipping up a latte right in the middle of my act... It was too painful, but in many ways was an excellent buffer for what was in store!

The time finally came, after weeks of living room meetings and testing our material at crappy coffee houses and holes in the wall around LA...

We decided to have our first show as: "Stand-Up Salad!" Which we did in a great space above Red Rock Bar on the Sunset Strip!

I was so nervous, we had a packed house and I was second in line to go up... When I heard my

name called a nearly shit my pants, but somehow made it to the stage and actually really enjoyed my set! ...it helped that the room was full of our friends who were drunk and ready to laugh... but all and all I had a blast. There was no question I was going to do it again. Eventually we started doing so well, that we moved into the Friar's Club of Beverly Hills and began performing there.

That's the thing about stand-up, if you have a great experience it's amazing... I would say the best high ever! However, if you bomb- GOD help you! There is nothing worse than being up on that stage alone in a sinking ship... and sometimes there is nothing you can do except plug your nose and go down with it!

Over time our group slowly faded to a glimmer of what we were... (I want to spare all of the gory details as they are too painful for me to EVER relive...) The only thing that is important to know is that; friendships suffered, there was a failed reality TV show and I had a really bad set one night and vowed I would, "NEVER DO STAND-UP AGAIN!"

You know that old saying, "Never say never" ...well dammit I should have listened!

I don't know if it's because I'm a glutton for punishment, a masochist or if I just love a good challenge... but something inside of me is dying to get back up and try it again. I'm not one to shy away from a risk, and I really think life is too short to waste it wishing I would have given it another shot... so I'm gonna go for it!

Let's just hope I don't suck! ...again.

Green!

When I was growing up the color green was always my favorite color! Everything in my closet was green. Green sweaters, green corduroy pants, green Vans, green stripped polo shirts... You name it I owned it! In fact, it got so bad that when my mom and grandma took me shopping for school clothes they had to bribe me with toys and money, just so I wouldn't pick only green things.
As I got older, I started to diversify my wardrobe... if you look in my closet now, you will see every color in the rainbow (Except orange! Orange looks awful on me!)
Nonetheless, green still remains my favorite color to wear! Just look at almost any head shot or picture taken of me, you'll notice a common theme: Green.
Green is the color of money, nature, the environment, rebirth, love and lust! Green also happens to be my birthstone: the Emerald! (May 4, 19none of your business.) Please note: green is also the color of this link.
Sure, green is also associated with envy and evil in comic book hero's... But aren't we all a little bit evil?
My favorite reason I love green: My eyes are hazel green. So anytime I'm wearing even a hint of green my eyes become the exact same color as the color I'm wearing... How cool is that?

Plus, I just found out that green eyes are "the least common color!"
Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Be Yourself...

How much longer can I hide from the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?
We all keep secrets in our lives... Some are well guarded and may even die when we do... Others are shared only with close friends and family, then there are those that we even hide from ourselves.
The degree in which we manipulate the truth from the world is an interesting thought to me...

I'm a control freak and the idea of releasing too much information about myself and losing everything because of it may be my greatest fear!

The balance between who we are and how we are defined is delicate.
In large part, people believe what they are told. ...and why shouldn't they?
I'm all too aware that the things that I keep private, are one in the same with why the people who know me well think I'm funny and creative. (Their words not mine.) My fear is that my over guarded nature may be holding me back from getting further along in my career.

A good friend and colleague in the business just confided in me recently. She said, "I'm so glad to see the real you! You're so talented, funny and relaxed! You really stand out in a room... For so long I just thought you were too uptight and afraid to let go. The real you is so much more interesting and enjoyable!"

It was very hard to hear because I take great pride in my ability to bring the real "me" to every situation. I was confident that I always brought the best part of my personality to every aspect of my life. When she shared her thoughts with me I realized that I was not as open and authentic with people as I believed I was, and it might be holding me back from living up to my true potential.

Ironically, the very things that allow me to stand out from the crowed and might be the final thrust that launches my career... may also define my career in one specific and narrow minded way.
Which sends me into a panic of epic proportions-

I think that as I get older, and I work in this business longer, I realize that the more unique, honest and unafraid I become; the more I've accomplished. So maybe it's time to give in to the real me one hundred percent! I've certainly NEVER apologized for who I am. However, I do know that I have walked away from opportunities because I was worried that it might have a negative effect on future career goals.

Not that I regret my past decisions- I just have a more clear (and I think mature) point of view now: The more confident I become in showing the world my authentic self... the more the world wants to see me! Life is too short to fear what people think, especially because they're going to think what they want anyway! So I might as well have fun and show the world my "A" game, so that at least it's a fair competition.

At the end of my life I just want to know that I followed my dreams and entertained people doing so!

Eat, Drink... You Know The Rest!

There is a time in life for restrain and a time in life to live to the max!
Tonight, I loosened the belt and gave in to an excellent night of;
too much food, too much booze and just the right amount of merry!
I had a wonderful evening with friends and family in LA.
...makes me grateful to be alive!

Text Me Gram!

I talk to my Grandma every day, and have for most of my life. I find great comfort in her voice and wisdom.
Recently, my Grandpa passed and as you can imagine, as painful as it was on me- it was tenfold for her.
They were happily married for fifty-four years. I've never meet a couple more in love, and I doubt I ever will.
After my Grandpa passed, I realized that life for her was going to be completely new-
...Just a few days ago I found out that my Grandma had never pumped gas before!
(She confided in my sister that "Pops" always did that for her...)
My sister called my crying, and my sister NEVER cries.
It's just little things that continue to spring up now that Grandpa isn't here.
Make no mistake, my Grandma is a very intelligent woman! Strong, passionate, creative and brilliant... Nevertheless, there are certain things that she never had to do, because when you love someone as much as my Grandpa loved her, you take care of them.
...Another thing my Grandpa used to do is remind my Grandma to take her pills... A few years back my Grandma was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease. A devastating blow for everyone to hear, fortunately the pills that she has to take four times a day seem to really help fight the signs and allow her to function on a semi-normal basis (early morning and late nights are tough on her) but like I said, Gram is a tough cookie!

Once my Grandpa was gone, I realized that she would not remember to take her pills... which would cause the disease to rapidly take over her nervous system, and I am no where ready to lose her too!
I decided that my dad already has enough on his plate being the only son, and my sister has done so much for Gram already that I would be responsible for calling her on a regular basis and remind her when to take her pill...
I already call her once a day anyway... why not make it four! As luck would have it, my lack of a "real" job gives me privileges that most people don't have... time.

It's hard to believe four months have passed, and Gram and I have this down to a science. Because my time zone is an hour earlier in Los Angeles (the rest of my family live in Colorado) I set my alarm to go off an hour before... the first one wakes me up everyday at six a. m. sharp! I roll over, call Gram and she says, "Thank you! I'll take it right now... Love you!" and I hang up and go back to sleep.

But then there are those days when I have a mild panic attack. ...Today was one of them!
I go to call her on her home phone, and there is no answer. Naturally, I call her cell phone... and again, no answer!
The fear doesn't set in right away; first I call my dad, then my sister, then my dads wife, then my Grams neighbors... then after none of them know where she is, I start to freak!

She could be lying on the bathroom floor or on the side of the road for all we know! I'm all the way in California, so I'm no help. So I begin to dial 911... just as my Grandma calls.

Gram: "I'm here babe, I'm okay... I'm sorry. I was in church and forgot to turn my phone back on. I'm sorry I worried you!"

Me: "Gram, JUST LEAVE YOUR PHONE ON IN CHURCH! ...Everyone at my church does! So should you! I'm sorry, I don't mean to yell at you, but you had me worried sick! I almost called the police!"

(On a side note: I have to stop yelling at my Grandma.. She's seventy-four years old, she's not a child!)

I decided to come up with a plan. I'm going to teach my Grandma how to text message... This way, she can leave her phone on silent no matter where she goes, and I will always be able to get ahold of her! I can text message her to take her pill and she can text me back! I'm not exactly sure how I'm going to do this from LA, but where there's a pill there's a way!
I never thought I'd see my Grandma using a cell phone... so I don't think it will be that great a leap for her to figure out the text world. Let's just hope she doesn't find out about sexting!
Oh who am I kidding... she watches Dateline! She probably already knows!
I love you Gram!
P. S. It's time to take your pill!

On My Career...

Happily working to make it big, one low budget short film at a time...

Old Habits Die Hard...

We can't be perfect everyday, right?
Despite the fact that the past two months have been both a success and joy for me... I'm disappointed in myself today!
I realize that no matter how hard we try, we are going to have "off" days or moments where our spirits are down...
...and I know that focusing on the negative energy is much easier than forcing myself to seek out the positive.
What I keep trying to remind myself is that; although it's difficult to release the bad energy and just let go... When I have done so in the past, I experience almost an instant turn in fortune!
...so I'm not sure why I can't talk myself into giving up on the nasty ch'i and smile today...
I guess I just have to chalk it up to old habits...

I thought that writing about the issue would help me find some clarity, but all it has done is make me more upset that I can't even put a stream of thoughts down on blog, without judging the importance of what I'm saying or how poorly it's written.

I'm being a crazy freak right now! I just need to relax, take a deep breath, smile and let it go!
Okay, I'm letting it go in 3, 2, 1.... It's gone! ...it's not really gone, but I'm going to pretend it is!

Pick Up The Phone!.!.!. Please!

Why don't people pick up the phone?
I know EVERYONE on the planet owns one...
...I don't think it's too much to ask that my family and friends be at my beckon call...
Twenty-four, seven, seven days a week!!!
Isn't that why we have mobile phones? So that we can use them anytime, anywhere!
Uuuhhhggg!
I just need to ask you a quick question...
Fine! Don't answer!
IT'S NOT IMPORTANT!
Never mind!

My Car Is Homeless...

I can't even begin to describe the utter bliss I will feel when I no longer have to set an alarm to wake up and move my car twice a week!

There are so many perks to living in the Sunset Plaza / West Hollywood area of Los Angeles;

Great restaurants, shopping, night life, drug stores (I mean the kind like CVS or Rite-Aid not the kind with the big neon green signs in the shape of a leaf... though we have those too!)

Truly everything is within reach!

...everything, except parking!

Because I live in a desirable neighborhood, ALL of our street parking is permit only.

Which basically translates to this: Plan on spending about $100.00 a year on passes that you

affix to the windshield of your car, that give you permission to park on specific streets in the area surrounding your house...

Then, plan on driving around FOREVER to find a spot that isn't already taken by a fellow friend or neighbor! Then there are those people who don't even live on the street, but take the spot because it's free and they don't want to pay the $10.oo to park at The Viper Room or Whisky A Go Go... (They learn the hard way about permit parking when their car is towed and it cost them $350.oo to recover it from the impound lot with several dents!)

But for me, hands down the worst part of permit parking is the street sweeping twice a week.

If I had a place to move my car to, I would have parked it there in the first place...

There are twice as many car owners than parking spots on most of the street in Los Angeles, so on days that you have to "pick a side" to park on, it's like a fight just to get a spot!

...I'm not complaining... Honestly, I LOVE where I live.

I just don't love that my car is homeless!

I just look forward to the day when I can move a little further up the Hollywood Hill and my car will finally have the garage it deserves!

Don't You Hate It...

When you're in bed late at night, justing getting ready to fall asleep...

...and a stroke of brilliance pops into your head!

Too tired to wake up and fully realize the flash of pure gold that is sure to revolutionize your way of life, and possible millions of others too!

You don't even have the energy to roll over, turn on the lamp that sits next to your bed, and scratch down the idea in your "Amazing Ideas Before You Go To Bed" notebook that you bought for these very occasions...

You think to yourself, "it's okay, there's no way I'm gonna forget this!"

...then you wake up and you realize that you had this instance of utter genius, and you can't remember a damn thing!

Not even a flicker of the memory remains...

Well, that happened to me last night!

And I couldn't be more pissed off at my "glorious" idea and my lazy self!

Jonathan Ames Inspired Six Word Essay...

Los Angeles drivers really make me rage!

Bummer!

Oscar night is here! ...and I'm not.
Well, I'm here... Just not there.
...and by there, I mean at one of the four Oscar parties I was invited to... Not counting the one I usually hold every year too!
Instead, I'm stuck at DIA airport waiting to board a delayed flight... And because it's Sunday, ALL of the bars at the airport are closed, and because not a TV in sight playing the telecast!
So, I'm just going to have to hold my own Oscar party at 3 AM when I get home...
What a bust!
Oh well... Thank God for DVR!
Party at my place... 3 AM! I'll make pancakes!

Don't Judge Me!

I'm sitting in a theatre in the heart of the beautiful Rocky Mountains in Colorado Springs, CO.
For the past ten years of my life I've spent the better part of my weekends each year flying to cities all across the country working as an adjudicator for several of the nations top talent competitions.
Think "American Idol" meets "So You Think You Can Dance" with a splash of "Star Search"...
It's not as glamorous as it sounds. In fact, I honestly hate crushing the dreams of future show biz hopefuls!
There is nothing worse than sitting in a theatre watching someone perform their guts out...
...and I have to tell them that their guts are only worth a bronze medal.
I've been in the entertainment industry since I was ten years old (which I imagine is one of the qualifications that makes me a perfect candidate for this job) nevertheless, I have heard awful things along my journey...
Thank god for my super supportive parents who told me that I was perfect no matter what! ...along with my ability to live in a completely delusional world where I love everything I do, plus my drive to prove all those assholes that told me I'd never make it wrong!
Yet here I sit, doing exactly what's been done to me!
Though I must admit, I would never say some of the things that I've heard along my journey as an artist...
For example: I'd never say, "You'd be really talented if you just lost weight!"
Or, "You're really funny, but I think it's always going to come down to you and someone else, and the other person is always going to get the job..."
Just soul crushing statements, that have no relevance.
So please don't judge me for further encouraging the negative energy that goes hand in hand with the entertainment business. After all, I need to make a living too. Plus, from time to time I'm actually extremely inspired by the talent, passion and drive that I see in these young competitors... They remind me that there is hope for the next generation of artist and reinvigorate my idealistic outlook on the industry.
...still, it is very hard not to share with them that I'm their ghost of Christmas future! (Sorry Amy Claire I had to steal that line, it's too great not to use!)

...and I'm off!

My bags are packed, my boarding pass is printed and my ride is ready to go!
I'm off for my first (of several) gigs out of LA for the Spring season...
Today is extra special, because I will be flying into Colorado Springs, CO-

What makes Colorado so special you ask?
Well, aside from me... everyone in my family lives in CO!
So tonight, before the long weekend of work and no sleep, I get to have dinner with my dad and his wife and my Grandma Shaffer!
I think we'll have Mexican food!
...it's the little things in life that mean the most. (I'm talking about my seeing my family, not eating the Mexican food...)

On The Road Again...

Uuugghhh! I really hate flying now! There was a time when all I'd dream about was traveling;

family vacations, exploring new cities and being on tour with a show... I loved to plan my trip, pack my suit case just right, and set off to the airport.

Oh, how times have changed!

Don't get me wrong, I still LOVE to vacation, see family and of course when I get to travel for free because of a show I'm in...

Unfortunately, I DREAD going to airports nowadays. Between the stress of getting to the airport, going through the massive security line, barely tolerating the nasty (and really underpaid) airline and FAA employees and then being shoved on an oversold flight, in a middle seat with no air, food or entertainment!!! FLYING SUCKS!

It makes me really wish one of my childhood fantasies would come true.... That I could channel my inner "Hero" superpower and be able to fly on my own!

Nevertheless, I must wake up tomorrow and battle my way to the airport as my touring schedule as an adjudicator for a popular talent competition begins a new season!

I usually end up having a blast, and I'm always inspired by the talent I get to see each year as a new generation of artist compete to find their voice... I just DESPISE flying!

Fun Day On The Set!

What an excellent day! There is nothing better than waking up, driving to a set, and doing what you love...

Today I got to work with Megan Mullally, Rob Corddry, Malin Akerman, David Wain and more... on the set of the new TV show "Childrens Hospital" which will air this summer on Cartoon Networks: Adult Swim line up!

I was hired as a choreographer, thanks to a recommendation by my fantastic friend, Stacy Jorgensen!

I had a brilliant time and was able to snap a few photos too! It's a good thing I did, because in some cases I think pictures speak louder than words... Check out the joy in my

face in this one:

Organized OCD

I admit it. I am super OCD about organization! I believe everything has a place, and it should be put in it's place when not in use.

I come by this terrible OCD very honestly. My mom drilled it in my head from the time I was eight years old.

...MATTHEW JOSEPH SHAFFER!!!! ....GET IN HERE AND CLEAN UP THIS ROOM! ...AND YOU BETTER NOT STUFF ANYTHING IN THE CLOSET. FOLD IT AND PUT IT IN THE DRAWER OR BIN IT BELONGS IN!!!

...yes mom.

So really it's all her fault! Nevertheless, at almost thirty two years of age, I still stress out if I leave something undone. There are times when I can't even leave the house for a meeting or appointment unless I've properly; labeled, cross-referenced and filed something.

In fact, it's become a game I play. How fast can I: balance my check book, record the earnings in my Excel spreadsheet, label the category, make a note of it in iCal, and file it?

As of this morning, I'm down to almost 3 minutes flat for all daily balance activities!

But, in the grand tradition of trying to release and evolve... I'm forcing myself to relax a bit on the rules of proper organization. ...as painful as it is to see a stack of un-opened, un-filed, un-recorded bills and statements... I MUST REBEL and say NO! Filing is just not that important!

...But what is important is making the new labels for my matching white binders that I store all my important emails in (once they've been highlighted and three-hole punched of course...)

Got to go, the new label maker came in yesterday, and it has a cool new custom color preference!

Spring is In The Air...

Two months down... and here we are; March 1, 2010!

Spring is in the air! The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and the aroma of pollinated flowers fills the air.

I love springtime in Los Angeles! ...Who am I kidding, I love springtime everywhere! I love new beginnings. For me, that is what the spring represents. A fresh start. Beautiful new growth.

The past two months of this wonderful new decade have been excellent to me. You really can accomplish everything you want if you; stay positive, stay focused and work toward each goal.