Loose Ends

Mend what can be mended;
Finish what can be finished;
Let go of what can’t be solved;
Resolve to start fresh daily;
Stay present!

Gathering

Joining with talented, likeminded artists to breathe;
Yoga and creativity connected in one room;
Unstoppable!

Refocusing:

Reflect;
Release;
Refocus.
Patterns change in the present.

Stillness

Surrounded by stillness after the holiday storm;
The space between Christmas and the beginning of a new year is always curiously reflective for me.
Reflecting on the past—not for too long; I don’t want to get lost in a moment that can’t be undone.
Hopeful of the future—but pleasantly present.
Expectations and uncertainties are nowhere in sight; I enjoy the peace and quiet.

Clean Slate:

Waking up to a clean house;
The world is restored;
Let’s pretend the past two months of holiday cheer didn’t count… .
… Could someone please relay the message to my scale?

Christmas Crash:

The day after Christmas is always hazy;
Toxic levels of indulgent food, sugary treats, and boatloads of booze tend to torment my body;
A sudden urge to purge pops in my head—and just like that—Christmas is DONE.
With my partner in crime bouncing behind; we unravel Christmas:
One decoration at a time, back in the box!
Two hours, a vacuum, and some elbow-grease later … Christmas has been boxed up tight.
We need some distance from the merriments!

Christmas:

Midnight Mass marks the start of my day—glorious music and Faith;
My husband and puppies cuddled in bed;
A bountiful barrage of voicemails and text messages from family and friends;
Off to a movie—visiting with a new (old) Disney friend;
Dinner and games with a gaggle of friends;
Cozy on the couch with my favorite creatures, full circle Christmas.

Skipped

Nobody's perfect;
I strive to accomplish my daily creative habits;
Alas, I dropped the ball.
My mind needed the break and my computer is tired, too.

Mission Accomplished

The words poured out;
The edits are done,
Another deadline met;
And it’s time to move on.

California Winter

Sun soaked by a pool;

Palm trees dancing in the wind;

Christmas music blasting;

Baby, it’s GOLD outside!

Dinner Party; The Morning After

Bloated gut;
Kitchen in shambles;
Wine-stained carpet:
Mission accomplished!
We need a maid. . .

Be Present

The dread sets in before you can convince yourself to stay in the light;
It's not too late.
Close your eyes, squeeze them tight, focus on positive energy until the tingling in your brain turns white:
Transformation; snapped back to the present.
Stay here.

Venice Beach

Standing in stillness;
Surrounded by sand, sea, and the dazzling moonlight.
Friends breathing together;
Bon Voyage to the past: Hello present.

Technology

Hours on hold;
Then––an automated agent.
How do you explain that you're having problems with an online system to a robot on the phone?
The machines are conspiring against us;
I'm logging off!

Change; Your Mindset

Sitting in meditative stillness;

The silent energy moves me.

My most treasured yogi mentor is advancing in her evolution as a healer.

Change can be brutal;

Thinking of her manifesting her passion—a priceless act.

Change—the way you view something—and welcome the possibilities!

Soaking Up Sleep

Lounging poolside;
Catching up with my long lost friend:
Sleep.
Lazy post show haze—I soak up the warm LA winter.

Happy Anniversary

Sixteen years ago today, I met the man I knew I’d grow old with.
Every aspect of my life has flourished thanks to our mutual respect, willingness to accept change, and embrace our evolving partnership.
I am a better man and artist—thanks to the partnership, wisdom, love, laughter, kindness, patience, and faith that Jeff shares with me.

Holiday Themed Coffee Creamer

I love your deliciously, rich, incredibly artificial flavor;
Adding a vibrant, peppermint burst of life to my caffeinated cravings.
Mocha magic in my mouth!

Crunch Time

My abs need the workout, but I’m talking about my writing. . .
Down to the wire;
My deadline is near.
My fingers are typing as fast as they can;
My brain feels foggy, the words are not clear.
It’s time to kick up the creative juice into high gear.

Caffeinated Writing Session:

My cramped hand furiously scratches the page;

A cohesive collection of words.

The caffeinated charge motivates me closer to my finish line!

It's Electric

The delivery service called, they’re on the way!

Our kitchen eagerly awaits shiny new friends;

The stainless satisfaction of a renovation.

Mat

My yoga practice has deepened my ability to stay present;

Allowing me to grow as a person and artist.

Thankfully it tones my body, too.

Sunday Matinee

Children and senior citizens an unlikely duo;
Filling the theater with laughter.
Opera, bridging the generational gap!
#HanselandGretel

Touch Up

A minor blemish on an otherwise elegant wall turns into a tragic Picasso knockoff thanks to my “touch up” paint job.
Proving once again: I am not a visual artist.

F_cking Tack-wheel

Spinning uncontrollably;

Your rainbow color infuriates me!

I’m positive Apple is rotten;

Intentionally poisoning computers to crash.

It’s the 21st century. Shouldn’t technology be more advanced?

Corporate greed forcing people to buy a new computer every two years!

Lame.

Rainy Winter LAnd

Pouring through the night, our landscape drowns in nourishment.

Darkness during the day like a true east coast winter.

LA drivers are unskilled with the crying skies.

All around me, soggy faces:

Get over it, we need the rain!

Quiet, Rainy, Words.

Sitting quietly while the rain falls outside;
The clicking of my fingers to the keypad reminds me of my first typing class in high school.
The majesty of letters, forming words; becoming sentences.
Composing my story, daily.

Chips and Salsa

Salty, spice, crunchy, burning, delicious; done!

Charged Up

Plastic currency keeps me stressed.
Career success doesn’t always translate to a bulky bank account.
Gratitude for my health, husband, and happy adventures.
We have more than we need; still striving for a big break.
Breathing helps me to return to the present, and it cost nothing.
Release everything that isn’t light.
I am blessed.

Chug

Cold and strong;
Straight to my brain;
Caffeine over ice, I can’t drink it fast enough!

Six Word Essay on Weddings.

Love and laughter bonding eternal unity.

New Beginnings

The reemergence of light;
Unexpected rain washed away stale energy.
Baptized in gratitude and ready to welcome new beginnings.

Balancing Act:

Decipher the undone;
Prioritize by passion;
Release the rest.

Release: Yoga

Dropping to my mat;
A pool of water, not from sweat, but tears;
I don’t usually cry in yoga.

Outter Space

Contained in my personal bubble;

Surrounded by crying babies at the “Happiest Place on Earth.”

Stand by for 2 hours;

Fast pass into space.

A mountain of fun!

Disney Day 1

Lack if sleep;

Early alarm;

Starbucks ASAP:

Look out Mickey, I’m coming your way!

Sunday

Yoga;

Opera;

Party at Disneyland!

Balance

Patty melt and French fries;

Yoga;

All is well in my world.

Thanksgiving Aftermath:

Tummy full of turkey;
Heart full of gratitude;
Soul satisfied.

Stuffed:

Our mats were touching;
Sweaty bodies getting downward dog.
Sculpting our bodies in preparation for the day ahead.
Lifting weights in hopes that we won't gain weight. . .
Wait? Isn't that what Thanksgiving is all about?
Grateful for my family, friends, and health.
. . .and carbs! Plenty of carbs!

Six Word Essay on Holiday Shopping (before) Black Friday:

Pajama clade, selecting sizes on Amazon!

Six Word Essay on Rewrites:

There isn’t a thesaurus large enough.

Let's Do This!

My mind, body, and spirit are ready to “unplug” for the holidays;
But my career requires work!
I open up my laptop and dive in.
The creative process demands action.

Fireplace Nap

Cozied by the amber heat;
A puppy in my lap and a glass of wine on the coffee table.
I doze off dreaming of Thanksgiving dinner; I love food.
The cheesy Christmas movie plays in the background:
The holidays are here!

Breathe

When confronted by pain, fear, anxiety, or someone else’s judgement:
Breathe.
Send that energy out with the release of every breath; return to the present.

Break The Cycle

I body shame, because I shame eat.
I shame eat when I allow the present to be less important than the past or future; neither of which are here.
A walking coma—stress plays a major role when I allow it to dictate my path.
Awake, I see the journey clearly in front of me:
One step at a time.

Try Harder

Talking in circles, saying the same thing, and still misunderstanding;
Anger, frustration, and sadness:
I don’t want to argue.
Deep breath in, I gather myself, return to the present, and smile in hopes of changing the dynamic.
Continued miscommunication makes me feel depressed.
I miss our lighthearted, joyful adventures.
Defense’s are high; I walk away.
We’ll have to try harder.

Starbucks

Strong grounds;
Texture and rich.
Aroma that reminds me of childhood.
Ready for anything;
Better with caffeine…
Unapologetically addicted.
Coffee is my drugs of choice.
Keep the refills coming!
Seriously, thank you Starbucks.

Orchestra

The harmonious sound!
My character comes to life;
Feeding on the soul of the story.
I float on the melody;
The music is my guide.

One Word On My Mood Tonight:

Bloated.

All Is Well.

Morning cuddle;
Mass;
Starbucks Mint Mocha, and three books from Barnes & Noble;
A two-year-old’s birthday party;
An argument in a car;
Bohemian Rhapsody: The Movie;
Panda Express (because sometimes you should cheat), and puppies by our fire.

Scene Change

Waiting in the wings;
The flats fly-in: I wait.
My entrance is called;
On with the show!

Six Word Essay on Letting Go:

Yesterday is gone; begin anew—now!

Foiled

Woke up with a premeditated for an adventurous day;
devastated—another senseless barrage on innocent Americans, perpetrated by an American.
Mental illness, rage, fear, racism, radicals, extremists, lonely people.
Sinking into my whiskey;
comfort comes with a headache.
An overwhelmed, emotional outburst,
And neglected movie tickets

Goodbye, Friend.

Your effervescent energy and mouth-opened-wide laugh was contagious;
We didn’t always agree on politics, but you always respected my opinion and I yours.
The first to come to my aid in times of need––or just when I needed someone to complain to––you never questioned or judged.
A solid character; full of wit, passion, and creativity.
Your presence will forever be missed, but your spirit and legacy live on in the hearts of every person who had the pleasure of knowing you.
RIP Chuck.

Vote:

Visualize a country without hate, fear, or divisiveness;
Orchestrate change;
Take initiative;
Elect leaders who empower equality and freedom for every America.

Not Getting Sucked In...

The advertisements disguised as news and pop culture information is alluring.
I have too much work to do; I can’t get sucked in.
I force myself to shutdown my Facebook app and open up my Word Doc.
I’m addicted to the 24/7 news and information overload––rather than falling into the dark web––I’m going to write what I know...

Pink; Fall in Love.

An explosion of pink, orange, yellow, and blue;
Fall in LA makes no promise of mounds of orange and yellow leaves scattered around the yard;
It provides something more meaningful:
Love—the sky nourish my soul.

When I Get Older I Promise I Won’t:

Set my smartphone to “speaker” and talk at the top of my lungs in a public place about the medications I’m taking and their reactions…
I get it, you’re tired, old, in pain, and probably cannot hear very well—but why not have that dialogue in the privacy and comfort of your own home?!
Everyone at Starbucks doesn’t need to hear about your nephew’s marital problems either.

Bustle

A symphony of honking horns blaring from the cars stacked waiting for the traffic light to change.  Completely unaware of the film shoot that has the entire street on lockdown.
Business people passing with coffee in one hand and their phones in the other; oblivious to the actors in full creature costumes.
A tourbus full of eager art enthusiasts unfold from the bus and pour into The Broad.
The scene downtown is like any you’d expect in Los Angeles: crazy, chaotic, energetic, and full of life!

Polished

A sea of silver candle sticks and antique collectibles handed down for generations;
Beautifully displayed throughout our house––sitting on shelves collecting dust and tarnishing.
Today, I take on the task of polishing the treasured collection.
Polishing the effects of time: revealing a wonderful shine––the memory of our loved ones!

LUMP

Lying in bed;
Unmotivated.
Maybe I’ll get up and get to work?
Probably not.

Wild and Blessed

Late night partying on a Monday night;
Leads to an early morning—sweating it out on my yoga mat—before a 10 hour tech day!
Play hard; work hard!
And I still found time for meditation, creative writing, and a Starbucks session;
I am blessed.

Double Down-ward Dog

When you’re attending multiple holiday parties;
Eating too much junk food and candy;
Drinking until you feel the Spirits;
And still have to look good––because you’re performing in a production at the LA Opera . . .
I have to double-down on my downward dog!
Today I took back to back yoga classes:
One for lengthening and strengthening and the other for toning and tightening;
Both for peace of mind.

Carved

I stab my knife into the orange pumpkin;
Scoop out all its guts;
Place the seeds on a tray and bake them––they taste delicious with sea salt.
Without a stencil or a game plan I make sharp, bold cuts on the smooth outer surface:
Plain, geometric shapes. . .
Nothing has changed since I was a kid.
I like the childlike simplicity!
#HappyHalloween

Six Word Essay on Quality of Life

Yoga and Whole Foods; expensive prevention.

Do Nothing Day

I lie on the floor watching endless docuseries’ on Netflix;
Occasionally I take a sip of wine and munch on a vegetable cracker with yogurt cheese.
It feels so good to be so lazy.
Especially, because I already practiced yoga and finished editing a chapter for my new book.
#Balance

Hours of Entertainment

Like most dogs––my dog Lily chases her tail;
Tired and dizzy she stops and plops down like a lazy obese man after taking two steps.
She scouts out her favorite squeaky toy and taunts me with it.
Lily is a smart dog; she understands simple commands and even knows that when we say, “Time for bed!” She runs into our bedroom and jumps on the bed, so I can’t understand why she doesn't get the concept of catch.
Instead, she chomps down on the chewy rubber and drops it three feet from my chair.
Maybe she’s trying to tell me something? Perhaps I’m the lazy obese man and she’s doing her part to get me exercising.
Doesn't she realize that I practice 8 hours of yoga a week?
Still, she pounces at another toy. . . stops, chases her tail––again––and plops.
God, I could watch this all day long.

Alarming Presence

The honking car alarm at 5 a.m reminds me to be alert; shocking me into the present.
Also, questioning: why do they still install car alarms?

It Happens...

I let my emotions get the best of me today.
I forgot to breath and remain present.
I woke up screaming at myself in a parking lot;
Took a breath, released the drama, and smiled.
I’m in the Now—again.

Monday

Mindful

Of

New

Directions;

Always

Yearning.

A Day Late...

Lost;
Forgotten.
Remembered;
Recovered.
It was only a matter of time.
Everyone drops the ball once––right?

Theater Hangover.

When it’s done well, there’s no greater escape than live theater;
A community of vibrant artists who share their passion on stage with uninhibited emotional abandon––their words explode into song and dance further connecting the audience with the deeper heart of a story.
Last night I devoured the first National Tour of Dear Evan Hansen.
Finally, a modern musical that understands the shifting landscape of pop culture and art.
I’m in a post show theater hangover and happy about it.
I’ll post my full review of the show for LA Dance Chronicle here, as soon as it’s uploaded.

Body Love

Today marks the fourth day that I’ve slept past 9 a.m. without guilt.

I’m positive that my body needs the extra rest;

it craves the complete stillness.

Rest, recharge, revitalize;

I welcome the body love.

Task:

An obligation to accomplish something in order to sustain a comfortable quality of life.
Why does it always seem that these duties, jobs, or errands end up making me resent how I spend my life?
I’m sure I just need to change my outlook and be grateful that I have the time, energy, and ability to get things done; but seriously––I’m ready to walk away from responsibility.

Six Word Essay on 6AM Yoga

Still sleeping; body moving on autopilot.

The Driving Force of the Present

Lost in doubt, darkness, and sadness thinking about my past;
it is gone, still I react.
Tears rolling down my face are a release of energy and a baptism for my soul;
they will not carry me through time beyond the memory.
Contemplating the future; a world in chaos, I question my path.
A crash in my bedroom, suddenly I’m jolted back to the present;
The wind has thrown my bedroom door closed; I open in and return to the NOW.
It is all we have. It is all we need. I exhale and smile.
This moment is everything.

Enough

The overwhelming drive to do or be more is quenched by the peaceful embrace of my yoga mat:

Mindful meditation;

Moving energy with my body;

Manifesting light through inner awareness;

The joy of being Present is enough.

Lazy; I'm Okay With It . . .

My depleted body frozen;
I lied in bed until 1 p.m. in blissful slumber.
A work-free Sunday is rare;
I seek balance in life––sometimes that means letting go of routines.
Habitual change; constant evolution; freedom from a schedule;
A full life lived in harmony, acceptance, and presence.

Rainy

Lounging on the floor in my sweatpants;

Puppies cuddled up on both sides.

Post yoga haze watching Real Time;

The wind blows enough to relax my stressed nerves.

The country may be in chaos;

The rain outside reminds me that clouds dissipate and leave behind a fresh new perspective.

Fact:

I spend more time waiting for my computer to respond than I do working on my computer.
Technology requires patience.

Reminder:

My grandmother gave me some advice years ago and it continues to provide the permission to get on with things . . .
“Finish what you start before moving onto the next; it might not be perfect, but it will be complete.  Finished, but not perfect is better than perfect but undone.”

The Truth:

doesn't have to hurt;
honesty is important, but can often hinder artistic growth.
I’m learning how to say less about the things I don’t love, and praise the aspects I do––which are often few and far between.
Encouraging artistic evolution without the judgement;
It’s a delicate balance––I’m still learning, too.

One Word About Today:

Replenished.

Six Word Essay; Monday

Back on the treadmill; coffee helps.

Present:

The greatest challenge of becoming present, is understanding how to release the idea of who you think you should be or what you think you should be doing in order to be what you are.

Typical; Airport

I arrived with plenty of time for a coffee;

The TSA Pre-check line was closed—of course—so I stand with the wise travlers who didn’t pay for the privileged pass that (almost) never works.

No time for coffee, I get to the gate;

Boarded just in time for the flight to be delayed.

#TheGlamorousLife

Fall

Fiery orange and red leaves rustle against the pink and yellow sky;
The smell of a wood burning fireplace lingers in the crisp morning air.
Dew covered insects stuck in the web outside my door;
Children on the playground in the distance.
I’m layered in LA––that’s saying something.
The fall is always a gorgeous time for cleansing and getting comfy.

Creative Writing Challenge; Writers' Group

She wouldn’t stop complaining, I had nothing left to calm her down and I was losing hope that she would snap out of it.  I shook her; I doused her face with cold water; I even tried tickling her, still she persisted to nag at me.  Finally, I sat down, took a deep breath and released a years worth of my own built up rage–––she deserved it after everything she’s put me through; I’m not sure if she was even listening to my rant, but it felt so good to get it off my chest.
This has been the hardest job I’ve ever worked, and there’s no sign of any chance for career advancement, I HAVE TO please her.
Once I had a dream that she would call me into her office and thank me.  Thank me for remembering to pick up her dry cleaning, or wash her car, or maybe, just maybe she would thank me for the stellar deal I helped her close.
I snapped back to reality at the sound of her $300 manicure scratching the side of the Eames lounge chair she was nesting in.

Trust

My body is here;
My mind is wandering.
I catch myself in thought;
Releasing that which isn’t, required faith.
Trust and learn.

Zen

My warrior stance is grounded and connected;
Soaring high above my mat I feel inner peace.
Breathing through the movement;
I reach the destination of each pose when my mind is clear.
Letting go of the need to plan or control;
I transition into Zen.

Yoga; Renew

The weight of the long wedding weekend is supported by my yoga mat;
Transferring my heavy body, I surrender to the Zen: breathe, release, renew.

Brooke & Todd Day 3

Surrounded by lifelong friendships, the gorgeous, generous, joyful couple tied the knot.

Majestic Redwoods and the sweeping ocean breeze served as the perfect foreshadowing of Brooke and Todd’s bond; deeply rooted and crisp and vibrant.

The room was overwhelmed with laughter, dancing, and unconditional love.

Brooke & Todd Day 2

A casual gathering of friends;
Coffee, laughter, and catching up.
A intimate stroll down memory lane alongside 200 of your closest friends...
I love a destination wedding.
The cliffs along Half Moon Bay seduce me into a midday walk before dancing the night away.

Brooke & Todd Day 1

It started in Napa with Jeff, Bevin, and Lee;
Indulging in wine, food, and laughter.
Two hours later we’re sailed into Half Moon Bay;
I love a lodge.
I adore my friends––they are my family.
We’re gathered here to celebrate the joining of two extraordinary people:
Brooke Kivowitz and Todd Cooper; #CooperIsAKeeper
I’m surrendering to this moment;
Receiving everything that comes my direction with light and gratitude;
Sharing our joy with Brooke and Todd as they embark on this new course––together, forever in laughter, love, creativity, health, and success.
Life is good.

NorCal Day 5

Time to get Sideways!

Sitting in traffic is not fun;

Picking up friends at the airport and heading to Napa for a day of wine and delicious food …

A lot more fun.

Adventure awaits those who release expectations and enjoy the fertile, rich winding road!

NorCal Day 4

Yoga,

Mani / pedi,

Movie,

Massage,

I’m really having a hard time relaxing …

NorCal Day 3

Lazy, do nothing day;
You know you’re spoiled when yoga is the only thing on your list.
It’s okay to relax on vacation;
Release the need to control.
Be present and enjoy a stress-free, sunny day.

NorCal Day 2

Yoga,
Video shoot,
Coffee,
Sports massage with acupuncture,
Shopping,
Movie,
Dinner,
Nightcap in the hot tub;
Life is great!

NorCal Day 1

Family and food;
Movies galore!
The house is full of laughter.
Stress free vacation from LA.

Dawn

The morning light wakes my soul;
A new opportunity to live my best life.
The fears and failures of yesterday erased;
Replaced with the power of the present:
Today is the only thing that matters.

Times Up

Whoever thought of a timed survey online,

Never had to deal with poor Internet connections.

I had faster speeds and ability from my dial-up connection in 1995!

#OverIt

Full Circle

The moment the student becomes the teacher.
I was confronted with my sixteen-year-old self today in the form of a student with a ton of passion and anger; unable to contain their emotion and ready to react without thinking it through.
He hates me now, but one day he’ll thank me—and maybe he’ll forgive me, too.

Shoot Me!

A last minute gig presented itself;

I cherish every opportunity to perform, so naturally I said yes!

Hours on set pretending;

Just like summer camp, I play the role of an eager actor.

Lights, camera, action: shoot me.

Six Word Essay on Early Morning Yoga

My soul awakes; eyes wide shut.

Fast!

As a dancer who has struggled with body issues my entire life, I have no problem depriving myself of food.
But tell me that I have to fast for 5 hours before a doctors appointment, and I act as if I’m going to starve!
I need food, fast!

Children's Birthday Party

Too much cheese,
Sparkling wine;
The second day of saturated animal fats;
And twenty four-year-olds screaming in a bounce house: welcome to 40!

Wine & Cheese

Dairy, you’re not on my diet—and my body will reject you—but with the perfect balance of crackers and a crisp bold wine, I’ll be FINE.
Fat
Irritable
Nauseated
Emotional

For Amusement;

Buy a ticket to Six Flags Magic Mountain;
Invite your GBF (gay best friend);
Drink (heavily) in the parking lot before entering the park;
Scream your face off on the death defying rollercoasters!

Hi!ves

The itchy crawling bumps that travel my body are an indicator that I might be stressed;
How could I not see this coming?
Editing my second book, preparing to return to the stage with LA Opera, hustling to save money (to replenish my 40th Birthday World Tour), and trying to be the best caregiver I can to my sister and husband; both struggling with chronic pain.
No wonder I have hives!
A deep breath, a smile, and the acknowledgment, “This, too, shall pass.”
I don’t have to address every situation, task, or plan, today.
I just need to be present and focus on what’s in front of me: NOW.

Yoga

My personal quest to live in the present;

Mind, body, and soul in harmony with the Universe.

Connected Faith in a higher power;

I release fear and invite light.

Trust through meditation, movement, and breath.

Nine. Eleven.

My hope:

The country will once again unite as we did September 12, 2001.

Love, Faith, and finding common ground.

We stand divided; because someone we were taught that it was okay to attack your neighbor for being different or sharing another perspective.

My hope is that we can find our way back to the fundamental core that makes America the land of freedom, opportunity, and equality for ALL.

Searching:

For music on iTunes that doesn’t have an ‘E’ for explicit next to the title is like meeting a teenager who knows what an encyclopedia is; they exist but they’re not very popular.
#INeedCleanMusicForDanceClass

Inner Joy

The giddy tickle in my gut;
An inner smile coats my body.
My breaths are deeper filling my soul and enriching my blood.
The conflicts from my past and the stress of my future disappear in the Present.
Wealth, possessions, obligations, and achievements are insignificant in the light of Joy.

The Op-Ed

An anonymous account of something most rational, educated, evolved citizens know to be true.
The nameless confession is a wakeup call;
Another endless news cycle focusing on “who said it?”
Who cares?
It’s like my grandmothers broken China . . .
We can all point fingers, but the expensive antique plate is still broken on the floor.
Now, how do we fix it?

Travel Day and I Still Found My Mat!

Usually on a travel day I miss out on yoga, which throws me into a manic state of unbalance and a neurotic feeling that I’m not doing enough.
Today I landed in Sacramento with several hours before I have to be at the studio to choreograph; and to my delight there is a CorePOWER yoga on the way!
A quick pop into Starbucks for caffeine and creativity and then I’m headed to get downward dog on a day that I would ordinarily be stuck without my Zen meditation.
I feel at peace.
Would I had I not found time to hit my mat?
Absolutely. Not. Which is of course a problem, but hey––one breath at a time...

Do The Work.

Waking up to a mountain of notes can be overwhelming.
After pouring a cup of coffee, I quickly hike the trail of thoughts, ideas, and changes;
With each switchback, the path continues to unfold and I can see the hardwood surface of my desk.
My computer cursor blinks off of the Word document . . . my manuscript is not going to edit itself.
“I wanted this”, I remind myself of my second book offer.
“You've got big dreams? You want fame? Well, fame costs. And right here's where you start paying in sweat.” to quote Debbie Allen’s character from the movie Fame.
Now, it’s time to do the work!

For My Sister on her Birthday

Her passionate, loyal, loving, opinionated, sometimes wild (but always grounded) disposition is admirable.

A one-of-a-kind character who can have me hysterical for hours with laughter—and on occasion anger—when her tell-it-like-it-is attitude catches me off guard.

I’ve watched her grow from a fearless toddler standing up to bullies on the playground;

To a confident, beautiful mom sharing unconditional love and wisdom with her gorgeous, talented, and intelligent daughter.

Always the defender of the underdog and never afraid to nurioush a stranger’s soul.

She overcame cancer and rose above a coma that kept her in the hospital for months fighting to regain her ability to walk, talk, and (thank God) laugh again.

I don’t always agree with her approach, but I’m always appreciative of her willingness to evolve.

Our bond is thicker than the shared blood that connects us; she is the Ethel to my Lucy—she allows me to steal the spotlight, she keeps me honest, and she’s always up for a crazy adventure!

I love you Shiree. Happy Birthday

Back To Work

A few days off allowed me to recharge;

Maybe, too much downtime…

I sluggishly drag myself back to the studio.

My body aches and I’m feeling uninspired;

The dancers enter and I’m quickly motivated to create.

They’re hungry for syncopated movement, like myself, they’ve spent their childhood working while everyone else watches.

I’m happy to be home;

I miss my family—but ya know—that’s work, too.

Passed Out

9 p.m. I’m a party pooper;

Passed out on the sofa for my sisters birthday.

Mexican food and margaritas left me plump and uncomfortable;

I cuddle up on the couch with my doggies, gut hanging out, I’m happy.

How To Cook In A Vacation Home:

Find the only pot in the house,

Spend twenty minutes searching for the can opener,

Give up and go out to dinner; you’re on vacation.

Morning After... A Night Out at 40

Up by 7 a.m. journaling;

No hangover.

Headed to yoga!

Feeling fabulous and ready for a Saturday full of adventure and creativity!

Friday Night Out at 40

Plenty of seats at the bar;

Can you please turn the music down?

I’d like the top shelf tequila—yes, I’m okay that it’s not on Happy Hour…

Do you have anything that’s not fried?

Oh, and can you please turn the music down?

“Hey, are you guys ready to get out of here? It’s starting to get crowded.” (Its 7:15 p.m.)

Option:

Fall victim to the demands of my day; allowing stress and obligations to send me into a panic where fear will inevitably lead to anger, frustration, and a total shutdown of my creative, mental, and physical well-being . . .
OR
Take a deep breath; return to the present moment so that I can find perspective; release the “big picture problems” and focus on what’s in front of me; and smile.
The choice is so obvious when you step back and return to the NOW.

Beat

Staring at a computer screen full of tiny black words, which are meant to be sentences.

Presently, all I see is shit.

I pace back and forth in my living room—I could go to Starbucks but I’m already experiencing a caffeine overload.

I pick up my phone; NO social media.

I convince myself to get through one more page, and then—I take a beat.

An action film with Tom Cruise might be just the creative inspiration I need…

Drunk on Chocolate

Dark, sweet, and delicious;

Not a moment of guilt.

OWM: The Problem

Listening to old, (allegedly) educated white men converse at Starbucks, reminds me that (even in LA) ignorance and insecurity is prevalent.

Also, entertainment professionals are often accused of being narcissistic and self-indulgent; but I assure these retired white men have more vanity and ego than any mega-star I’ve ever met.

Venice Beach

No public bathrooms;

No wonder the streets smell like piss.

Neglected

I spent most of yesterday cleaning, likewise, today will be full of scrubbing, dusting, washing, folding, and repairing.
When you spend half the year out of town, your home becomes neglected.
It’s the perfect metaphor for my soul, too.
I enjoy my adventures on the road whether for work or pleasure––turning 40 and spending time in Hawaii and Alaska was magical––but when you ignore the daily work (which undoubtably happens whilst traveling) your life suffers.
Thankfully I realized this in time to take action;
Before the darkness sets––it could be a long, depressing winter if you don’t seek light.
Again, I remember to invite balance into my life (and home) through breath, trust, and yes, work!

Feed Me!

My stomach is growling. You're not hungry....I tell myself.
I sit here trying to ignore the demand for (more) food.
When you've given in to the cravings for the past six months and you're trying to get back on track––you must be strong.
I pour myself another cup of coffee and pretend it's a juicy burger.
My stomach knows better, but my head is strong and forces my brain to enjoy the savory cup of caffeine.

Ice Cream

My stomach says no;

My mouth says yes;

My ass says take a look at the number on the scale, and then decide.

Pause

I’m struggling to find a theme;
I close my eyes and breath.
Reminding myself that no one has demanded that I write, post, or create every day; this is a self-inflicted directive.
Suddenly, my shoulders drop down and a smile washes across my face.
A good pause is all you need to remember not to sweat...anything.

Wi? Fi!

I’m addicted to the Internet.

I know this to be true, because I rely on it for everything:

Work, entertainment, meal deliveries, supplies, shopping, the list goes on and on.

So when I sit at a status bar that is frozen in time…I seriously lose my shit.

I’ve asked before and I’ll ask again, how can we put a man on the moon and still struggle to secure a consistent WiFi platform?

I blame #NetNeutrality

Monday

Mind

Obviously

Needs

Daily

Activity and

Yoga.

Six Word Essay on Sunday

Faith, yoga, food, and HBO—perfection.

Saturday Shine; A Cheesy Poem

A glowing tan;

Lounging by the pool.

California blue skies;

Saturdays rule.

Lazy

I just woke up; it’s 9:52AM.
I feel rejuvenated and lazy at the same time.
I hustle and work so hard most days, it’s no wonder I want to live like a slacker when I have “nothing” on my calendar.
It’s important to give myself the space to be bum.

Everything Bagel

Deliciously doughy;
Covered in salty, crunch bits of garlic and seeds;
Smeared with cream cheese...
You really are EVERYTHING to me right now.
#AddictedToCarbs

Stillness

It’s a quite morning in my house.
The stillness is calming;
I feel peace surround me.
Traveling can be enjoyable, but often overwhelming, too.
It’s good to be home.

Lazy

I made it to yoga before crashing on my couch and binging Netflix;
Some days you just have to let go of the plans, stop pushing for perfection, and admit that you are a lazy lump.

Yoga!

Finding stillness in moving meditation;

The breath guides me into a calm surrender;

I find balance in the present and melt into my mat!

Travel Day

Overstuffed bags;
A lack of sleep;
Rushing to the airport;
TSA Pre-Check––once again––saves me;
Boarding the plane, people are rude;
Five hours in the air requires meditation;
It was a fabulous summer, but it will feel so wonderful to be home!

Boston Dance United; Day 7

Another season of dance has twirled by.
Countless plane rides between twenty states and two countries; and thousands of dancers.
Somehow, I’ve managed to choreograph enough content to keep the work fresh and my Instagram feed engaged––because you know it’s all about the social presence.
I’ve been more inspired than ever, giving myself the permission to be in the moment and trust that my work will mirror what the music and the artists’ energy is asking for.
If I said that I wasn’t concerned about turning forty and––still––being relevant (or even capable of dancing full out in class), I would be lying.
Thankfully, with a lot of help from my daily yoga practice, I think that I grew as a teacher and danced alongside the students in my classes a lot more, too!
I feel blessed for the opportunities to continue to cultivate my voice in dance.

Boston Dance United; Day 6

The body is ready for the last day;
But the soul craves more dance!
Gathered with artists from around the world creating with love and laughter.
The final curtain is always bittersweet, but if I’ve learned anything in the past 25 years...there will always be another show!

Boston Dance United; Day 5

It’s remarkable what a night of quality sleep––and a break from alcohol––can do for the body, mind, and bags under my eyes.
At 40 I’m feeling the daylong dance classes, but I’m thoroughly enjoying the creative challenge: cultivating the talent of young artists and pushing myself to create new choreography every hour!
The evenings are filled with stimulating conversation with talented, intelligent, hilarious artists from around the world.
This is exactly why the path of an artist chose me!

Boston Dance United; Day 4

I’m awake;
My body aches everywhere;
Coffee, shower, food, and a smile...
I’m off to the studio.

Boston Dance United; Day 3

My feet ache, but my soul feels well-fed;
Working with eager young artists alongside my favorite peers;
Evening excursions that connect and cultivate common ground between dancers from around the world;
Days that promote creativity and life through movement.

Boston Dance United; Day 2

The night was filled with laughter, wine, food, and more wine;
Today will be packed with dancers, choreography, and an aching body:
It’s not as easy––at 40––to dance the night away and then wake up and dance all day, too.

Boston Dance United; Day 1

Gathered around the table last night catching up on life, love, politics, and everything dance...
Familiar friends and new faces collectively laughing, sharing, and considering a statement from a different perspective.
Our passion for dance––more specifically our drive to create and share our art––unites us and encourages understanding, acceptance, love, growth, and a bond so strong that it overcomes our differences.
This is Dance United!

NYC to Boston

From The Big Apple to Beantown!

Living out of a bag for two weeks;

The smell of sweaty clothes—thank you east coast humidity—and overstuffed suitcases.

Rushing through underground tunnels and racing towards jammed-packed trains; TSA lines, and cranky kids!

Summertime travel for work or pleasure is always drama.

…living the dream?

The Big Apple; Day 4

I must remember my worth; I must remember my purpose.

I cannot allow someone else’s fear or reaction to my creativity consume me.

I love performing, choreographing, teaching, and writing; whether I get to do so on the “World’s Stage” or my little corner of the world, I am grateful.

The Big Apple; Day 3

It’s the day of the show!

Four day summer intensive;

Dancers from around the world gathered in celebration.

Learning, evolving, exploring!

I feel so honored to collaborate with my lifelong friend; (hopefully) inspiring the future of dance.

Or at least participating.

The Big Apple; Day 2

Vibrant, eclectic artists running between rehearsals;
Finding their voice with their bodies.
Packed studios––not even the air conditioning can contain the heat radiating off the dancers.
Flooded with memories from my “youth”, my 20′s in NYC;
It was then and remains, a magical, overwhelming, adrenaline filled adventure!

The Big Apple; Day 1

Headed to the airport, it’s not the 5 hour flight that causes the pain, it’s losing 3 hours and heading straight into rehearsal.
This is something––in my 20′s––that used to feel glamorous; like I was living the dream!
Now, I just feel crumpled and achy, still...I’m living the dream.
I love New York City:
The bright lights, clash of cultures, collection of artists, and abundance of smelly street trash.  The energy is always vibrant.
It’s like a ripe, stinky cheese...delicious to the taste, but offensive of the plate.

Remember Your Worth

When I was in my youth I naturally walked tall; I stood with confidence and purpose:

Idealistic and flooded with passion.

I need more of the 20-year-old me.

Maybe not the acne and fear; but I could use a dose of idealistic, delusional bliss!

…it’s there when I breath, return to the present, and remember my value.

Sunday

I slept in and woke up in a panic thinking that I missed church, which would cause a chain reaction of doom:

Morning reading and creative journal writing;

Coffee and quality time with my family;

Yoga;

A trip to Target;

Pool time;

all would have to be scrapped!

I sat up in my bed, frustrated I grabbed my phone and realized it was only 8AM.

My next thought: Why am I up so early on a Sunday?!

Life is funny and perspective is EVERYTHING!

Just Say "No"!

To pancakes after yoga.

I mean, what’s the point of working your ass of in yoga if you’re just going to shove your face full of flour, butter, and sugar?

Then again, what’s the point of sweating your ass off in yoga if you can’t reward yourself with flour, butter, and sugar?

It’s a real Zen quandary.

I choose balance, on my leg and my diet.

God I Hope I Get It

I’m 40 years old and I still get to audition;

I used to think auditions were the worst part of a career in entertainment—and they can be dreadful—but what I’ve come to accept is that each audition provides an opportunity for me to explore a deeper aspect of my own personal journey.

Through the drama I find the joy; I connect to my inner passion; and I get to pretend to be someone else—even if it’s only for 2 minutes in a small casting closet with an assistant who hates their life…see, growth!

Six Word Essay On Friendship

Instant understanding regardless of time’s passage.

Full Plate

Waking up with purpose at 5AM;

I pour myself into athletic clothes and sleepily make my way to yoga.

Downward dog awakes me soul.

I’m prepared to tackle teaching 25 summer exchange students; jazz in a world of contemporary movement.

Endless errands—to prepare for me east coast tour—and then fun in the sun; I lounge by my pool.

Cozying up on the couch with takeout pasta and Netflix.

My life is blessed.

So Hollywood

Started with a Starbucks in Sherman Oaks;

Cruised over Mulholland Drived;

Dropped in on the Stars Walk of Fame;

Strutted along Sunset Strip;

Got downward in yoga;

Jumped into our pool;

Rolled into Beverley Hills;

Ate frozen Greek yogurt;

And are chilling out on our couch!

Begin Again.

New years, holidays, birthdays, or reaching major accomplishments are not the only time we can “start over.” The opportunity to renew is within our reach anytime we crave it;

Recognizing anger, fear, uncertainty, frustration, or insecurity is the first step in releasing the negativity.

Equally important is acknowledging and inviting joy, laughter, gratitude, hope, and Faith.

The “reset button” is easy to press, once you know where to locate it:

Close your eyes, make a mental note of the feeling—positive or negative—within you, and release it.

Congratulations, you are now ready to begin again.

Perspective:

The ability to stay calm, take a deep breath, and focus on what’s in front of you;
Only reacting to the circumstances once the picture is clear;
Releasing expectation to make room for realization: awareness.
Becoming enlightened through presence.

Bed Head

I woke up late,

Splashed water on my face,

Dressed in mismatched athletic clothing,

Jumped in the car and made my way to yoga.

Now, I’m staring at myself in the mirror thinking,

“1998 called, it wants its hair back!”

I feel like a long lost cast member of “Clueless.”

As if…

Anyway, who cares? After 5 minutes in Downward dog and I’ll be a hot, sweaty, mess!

Binge

Netflix, you beautiful streaming service;

Thank you for the endless hours of programming.

Your content is well written and superbly acted by former film stars; the perfect distraction from work, the news, and cleaning my house.

Torture:

Waiting for the airport Starbucks to open;

It’s 5AM and I need caffeine.

Okay, I’m aware that there is serious suffering in the world, but on two hours of sleep this is real to me.

It didn’t help that TSA Pre-Check wasn’t open either…salt in the wound.

That Oh Sh!t Moment

When you realize that you’ve waited to long to book a flight and now you have to pay double the amount...
Welcome to life on tour.

The Early Bird...

Is annoyingly joyful, obnoxiously loud, and wakes all of the other birds up;
They also get the worm first.

Starbucks; You Either "Get It" or You Don't

The noisy Starbucks packed with people of all walks of life is an addiction itself;
Add the consistently delicious corporate coffee––that might be slightly overpriced, but still less than you’d pay at an independent hipster coffee house––and the loyalty reward card, and I’m hooked for life.
Working, reading, writing, creating, collaborating, or just lounging in the FREE air conditioning (I spent the majority of my 20′s doing this in NYC), Starbucks is a way of life.

Release; A Reminder

If I let every little glitch get me down;
I’d be six feet under.
Releasing the negative shit is important.
It slowly creeps back in your life like an ex who is gorgeous but will cheat on you.
Cut the poison out!
There is no room for doubt;
Breathe, let go, be present.

Packed And Ready

My dogs are over suitcases.
They stare up at me as I pack my bags and make promises aloud.
“I won’t be gone long this time.”
But they know...
Just when I got back into the swing of things at home––with my family––I have to hit the road.
Again, I remind myself: This is the life you chose.
I take a deep breath, gather my cargo, and head off to Dallas.
#TheGlamorousLife

Goodbye

It never gets easier;
Especially when it’s family––and you’ve just had a wonderful visit.
Waving goodbye as mom and Steve drive away;
They’ll be back, I remind myself, and smile.
The house is quite, so I turn on music and start dancing.
I can’t wait to say, “Hello!”, again.

The Love Continues

16 years together;

5 legally, today!

Love is love:

Laughter, creativity, adventure, evolution (as people and artists), we continue to thrive!

Through darkness we find light;

In pain, we seek and provide comfort;

In anger we search for joy.

He is my partner in crime; my soulmate and my lifelong hero!

Happy Anniversary, Bug!

Ask And You Shall Receive

It can be overwhelming to approach someone when you need a favor or you are seeking clarity.

Powerful figures can be intimidating and (occasionally) their reputation can persuade you against confrontation or question.

Never shy away from asking for something: clarity, help, more money, an introduction; anything.

In general, people treat you how you present yourself; and will try to get away with whatever they can.

If you value yourself, stand up for yourself.

Letting Go; A Note To Self

I’ve never been afraid of change;
In fact, my entire career has manifested out of my ability to take risks, forcing myself into uncharted waters leaving behind everything comfortable, often before I was ready for the task at hand.
Without fear I would thrust myself into adventure in a far off city.
But ask me to let go of a negative conversation or interaction...and that’s a different story.
I replay the moment over and over again in my mind like a teenager listening to their favorite breakup song on repeat, creating an attachment to a moment that has passed.
This week, I’m focusing on letting go of the stories I rerun in my mind: they don’t serve me and prevent me from evolving.

Love

Self-acceptance;

Patience;

Kindness;

Generosity;

Forgiveness;

Knowledge;

Finding the strength to release what we think we know to make room for where we need to grow.

Fix It; Moving On

After six weeks of travel for vacation and work, I was delighted to return home.
I arrived yesterday to:
a dryer that doesn’t dry;
an ice maker that isn’t making ice;
a guest bathroom drain that isn’t draining;
a pool pump that is gushing water all over our backyard;
two dogs with fleas;
and a dirty house;
in addition to all of the drama at home, I picked up a head cold that won’t go away...
And my mom and her husband arrive for 6 days this afternoon!
I wanted to rage. I want to scream and be upset... “This was supposed to be a peaceful week off with my family!!!!”  Is what my brain is screaming.
Then, I picked up “A New Earth” and read a chapter.
I took a deep breath and put the drama––which the ego loves––into perspective:  this can all be fixed.
Like a diva Hollywood publicist I took action; going down the list of “things to fix” one at a time calling on my team of experts (thank God for a home warranty), and let it go.
Now, I’m off to yoga...because Life. Ya know?

Present

The ability to be present in this moment, now, is something that continues to elude me when I’m not constantly focused on my breath.

My autopilot kicks in and before I know it I’ve neglected the work that I’ve done and the knowledge that I’ve gained from years of meditation, reading, and practicing yoga.

Fortunately, the moment I become aware of this, I am once again present.

Here; now!

Ready for the adventure that life brings me today.

House Hunting

The process of entering into someone’s home:

How do they live like this?

Do they really think their home is worth that much money?

Why wouldn’t you light a candle if your home smells like an outhouse?

Were those tiles ever in style?

I’m shocked that someone would pay a million dollars for a shitbox; which reminds me that you are what you say you’re worth!

A Day In The Sun with Mom

Lounging by the pool with my mom;

No work, just sun.

Just like my childhood:

Laughing and scheming.

The best sidekick!

Life On The Road; Day 4 (July 4th)

Born into a privilege that is so often taken for granted; freedom.

The liberty and independence to live our dreams out loud.

Despite the fear and judgment that lies below the surface of some; we are ensured the right to individuality, prosperity, and opportunity.

As an artist, I exercise these rights with gratitude every day; I recognize that we are blessed.

Life On The Road; Day 3

The dry smoke filled convention center is killing me;

My head is stuffed and aching like it used to in my childhood, back when it was “okay” to smoke indoors.

Somehow Las Vegas didn’t get the memo;

I’ll spend the day in a haze.

Life On The Road; Day 2

The longest day is behind me;

Gathered with old friends and colleagues laughing, sharing battle wounds, and recalling the good old days.

I feel creative and positive; we have an opportunity—an obligation—to impart our experience with a new generation of performers.

My journey is constantly shifting; allowing me to evolve into the best artist and leader I can be.

I feel grateful.

Life On The Road; Day 1

I woke up early to stay on course with my creative habits.

Day 6 without meat, dairy, or alcohol—it’s not a permanent life-change—just a cleanse.

Clear mind and body for a focused and productive summer!

I’ve got big plans for 40!

Travel

Work or pleasure?

An airport is torture.

Lines, angry people fighting for overhead space, and cranky crew members;

Life on the road continues…

Missing Post; June 29

When technology fails and you lose your work;

A placeholder just isn’t the same.

But who has the time to complain…

Those words are gone, and life moves on!

Letting go is a HUGE part of the creative process.

Yorkie Bath Time

Trying to give my 14-year-old Yorkshire Terrier a bath is like trying to have a reasonable conversation with at Trump supporter;
You don’t do it!
Off to the groomers we go...

Back On The Mat

Getting down is the easy part,

Getting back up? That’s the challenge.

I take a deep breath and stretch my body against the mat as it supports the extra 10 pounds I gained on vacation.

Twisting, lengthening, working through my emotions, and then it happens—I’m back in the Zen zone!

The Call

Waking up to a phone call from your manager and agent reminding you that you are, in fact, on the right path;
Wonderful news that further validates my endless uphill climb.
As an artist, every “no” feels like a personal attack on your soul;
When you hear a “yes”, you celebrate it!
My sophomore English teacher used to remind us, “Luck is when preparation meets opportunity.”
Today, I had a lucky day.  I’m ready to get back on the horse and ride this journey as far is the trail goes!

Back On Land

We’ve made it back to San Francisco;

Feeling blessed.

After two weeks traveling with my husband and Mother-in-Law, I’ve grown;

Literally, I’m at least 10 pounds heavier thanks to the nonstop food fest.

Truthfully though, traveling to Alaska was such a journey. Witnessing wildlife and standing on glaciers hundreds of thousands of years old was life changing.

Another brilliant celebration of life; my 40th Birthday continues!

Food Coma; Alaska June 24, 2018

I feel like I’ve consumed more food in the past 10 days than the average whale eats in a year; I’m in a full blown food coma!

Don’t! …Blame Canada; Alaska June 23, 2018

Tea and crumpets;

Maple Syrup;

Hot men;

A fun accent;

A real leader: Justin Trudeau (see above!)

Don’t blame Canada!

Spa Day; Alaska June 22, 2018

The perfect day at sea;

Lounging in a spa: pampering my soul whilst grooming my soles.

A manly manicure and pedicure.

Goodbye dead skin, hangnails, and overgrown cuticles!

Better Than Evian; Alaska 21, 2018

Cruising along a corridor of floating ice headed towards the Tracy Arm Fjord;

Three seals lie on a a hunk of ice and remind me how much I miss my puppies.

I turn my attention back to the sweeping views of Alaska; rocky cliffs speckled with green trees and clouds of snow.

In every direction waterfalls cascade into the salty sea.

Nature is stunning!

A Helicopter Landed on a Glacier; Alaska June 20, 2018

This is not the beginning of a cheesy joke, it’s the start of our Alaskan excursion in Juneau today!

Last night, at 11:15 PM, I watched the sun set into a cluster of snow capped mountains creating a brilliant display of red, orange, pink, and purple; it was topped off with three Orca playing in the wake of the ship.

Yes, Alaska, I understand…you provide a beautiful response for those who seek a greater understanding of the universe.

Majestic Mountains; Alaska June 19, 2018

The view from our private balcony finally appropriates the word: spectacular.

Try not to be awed by the endless untouched snow capped mountains whilst sailing north through a corridor toward the glacier which helped shape them.

The air is crystal clear; you can almost taste the blue that swirls from the ocean to the sky.

The Salmon—returning to mate—jump from the crisp calm waters, refocusing our eyes to a pod (or is it herd) of Orca. The Killer Whales wave their fins and splash their tales almost ignoring what must be a delicious feast.

I’m overwhelmed with the history and rich landscapes.

How is it possible to feel so insignificant and so enlightened at the same time?

What a journey of self discovery and inward reflection—surrounded by nature so magnificent and pure—I am alive.

Whaled It! Alaska; June 18, 2018

The majestic Bald Eagle we saw at least 10;

The whales were blowing, we saw 2 tails wave bye.

Harbor seals there were 3, the pup fell of his rock;

And 4 deer on the beach, prancing in the sun.

It was a total success; minus the bear sightings!

Ketchikan is gorgeous; Alaska doesn’t disappoint.

Peace At Sea; June 17, 2018

I woke up to the gorgeous view from my stateroom;

An endless sea surrounds me with peace.

Tranquility is abundant onboard this floating city;

Everyone understands the harmonious blend of life gathering to explore the majesty that awaits us in Alaska.

For now, we meditate together at yoga; relax with massage and skin treatments in the spa; laugh at inventive games lead by the zany and flamboyant cruise director; break bread at dinner in the luxurious dining halls; and expand our minds reading in the Explore’s Lounge.

Serenity and peace on the deep, crystal blue open waters.

Gym At Sea; June 16, 2018

A day at sea, Alaska awaits.

Ordinarily I loath people who workout on vacation;

Yet here I am running on water.

I suppose now that I’m forty I should try to be more concerned with my health whilst indulging on a journey of nonstop food and alcohol.

The swells toss our massive ship from side to side as I attempt to sweat on a low impact machine. (I miss yoga, but I attempt to find a meditative rhythm on commercial grade gym apparatus.

My heart beat is elevated and so is my breakfast—it nearly makes it back out the passage from once it came—then my timer goes off.

Forty-five minutes on an cross trainer, my job is done!

I was healthy today, so I have no guilt about the five meals I’m sure to consume before bed.

Bon Voyage

My bags are packed;

I’m headed to the ship!

Off to Alaska;

This is it.

My 50th state in 40 years;

Glaciers, killer whales, and plenty if cheers!

The Body (A Pep Talk)

I woke up hating my body.
I’ve been overindulging and it’s starting to show.
Forget the fact that I practice yoga every single day and because of it I’m stronger than ever; I still fall victim to the vanity of Ego.
I sat down to focus on my daily journal, meditation, and reading, opened up the book I’m reading, “A New Earth”, and laughed out loud when I saw the next chapter.  “Identification With the Body.”
It was the perfect less-than-subtle reminder from The Universe that I have to stop obsessing.
I am healthy mentally, emotionally, spiritually, AND physically.
Even when I’m up 5, okay 10 pounds on the scale––I know that “I” am not my body.  My body is a shell that holds my power, creativity, and wisdom.
Yes, I’d like to keep my outer shell in good shape––especially as I continue to age––however, I can’t preach balance and then judge myself when I’ve enjoyed a delicious meal.
So here I am, reminding myself that I am blessed with a body that can dance, act, jump, walk, and share love; so I MUST stop the self-hate!

Time Runs Out...

Sometimes you get to the end of the day and you realize you’ve done nothing.
Balance requires letting that happen;
And getting over it quickly.
Tomorrow will be a new day and another opportunity to get shit done.

How Sneaky

How sneaky the monster is;
Unannounced he quietly slips into the darkest corner of the room.
Hiding out for months before making a single move.
Like a Russian sleeper cell waiting for activation;
Then––a dip in Faith.
It starts with a reaction to a setback;
and just like that, insecurity sets in.
Minor tremors of doubt that seems like nothing:
But it’s too late...the Ego has returned.
The only defense against the beast––Awareness.
Acknowledge the evil for what it is, take a breath, and return to the present.
The ego needs validation; the only course of action: suffocate it!

Slots-O-Fun

The chorus if slot machines at the Reno airport are a real wake up call;

No seriously, they woke me up just in time to board my flight.

Coffee

The dark rich roast shocks my body into life;

Creativity ensues with caffeine.

I’m wired and ready to inspire!

More, more, more.

If it were possible to stop pushing, I would.

Even whilst seeking balance, I challenge myself to do more.

Imbedded in my DNA is a Drill Sergeant demanding more creativity, more productivity, more, more, more!

I gave myself the space to turn 40 without an agenda; I was betrayed by my relentless and indestructible hard drive.

Shutting down is not an option, my track wheel spins even on yoga.

The answer: acknowledged my truth, inhale and exhale, and return to the present!

Bourdain

A world traveler;

Connecting cultures through the thing most true to my heart:

Food.

Another hero gone too soon.

Justification

Lounging on my lazy fat ass;

Watching National Treasure.

We’ll call it “industry research.”

Here wEGO Again...

The relentless force pulls me into the darkness;
Unknowingly living in a parallel universe––that looks and smells the same––I proceed the patterns and habitual motions feeling weighted.
Comparing, doubting, judging, fearing––the whole time thinking that I am present––until an unassuming flash of light snaps me back into the truth.
I should recognize the signs by now:
Self-conscious,
Judgemental,
Uninspired,
Creatively stifled,
Hopeless,
Angry,
This is not the “me” which thrives.
I’ve been sucked into the blackhole of my Ego.
Gently, I redirect my spaceship back to Earth, where I find the Present waiting for me right where I left it.
My soul craves a life full of creativity, wisdom, growth, adventure, and love;
My Ego craves validation through destruction.
The power is all within my grasp; to let go of the ego and find the light.

Vote; It's The American Dream

If you don’t use your vote during an election;
Then why should you be able to use your voice when the “wrong” candidate wins the election?
It’s easy to complain about an unfair election; crooked politicians; the health and education systems; taxes; gun control; The First and Second Amendment; the list goes on, and on, and on...
If only every American would realize how much power they hold during an election; just in case you forget remember: Donald Trump.
The people who show up usually get their way.
Voting IS the American dream.  Think of how many people fought and died for their right to elect a candidate that embodies their vision of America.
Don’t take it for granted.

Remember:

It’s easier than you think to walk away;

It’s better for your mind, body, and spirit, too!

Not every situation requires going to war.

Rage

Get it out;

Release and move through it.

Follow

Challenging and unfamiliar for me; 

Lost in the simple splendor of my own universe;

I fight the natural order.
Why follow when you can lead?

Rise

Elevate;

Awaken;

Increase from low to high;

I’m up…but I’m going to need coffee, now!

Wash, Rinse, and Cut Ties...

When a flea attacks a dog, you shampoo the dog and apply a medicated treatment––and you avoid dog parks;
When a person (behaving like a flea) interlopes on your affairs––personal or business––you sever all ties and take a deep shower to wash away the gross.

Wait For It; It's A Process...

Sitting in an uncomfortable—but familiar—wooden chair at Starbucks staring at a blank page.

Waiting for the perfect sentence to appear in my mind; the torture of knowing what you want to say but struggling to find the most precise delivery. Like walking up to a broken water fountain completely dehydrated, desperate to quench your thirst.

Failed attempts of hurling words onto my page in the hopes that something would stick has left me in despair.

Write every day. That’s my objective, which usually leads to (at least) a sliver of creativity. Alas, today I’m waiting; sometimes creativity requires walking away.

Body; Issues

Loving yourself—in that newfound Zen outlook that you’ve acquired through years of yoga—means accepting the extra 5 (okay 10) pounds you gained over your birthday extravaganza.

It means remembering that you are a strong, healthy, beautiful person; now get over your body issues, because in 20 years you’ll wish that you had this agility and physique!

Holiday Pool Time

Wet bodies,

Beer cozies,

Laughter whilst lounging;

Reading trashy magazines.

Pause to remember and thank our heroes;

Then, a big dive into more fun!

Coffee: ASAP

A night out in Vegas,

Means a morning full of coffee.

Connectivity

I’m stuck in my hotel room watching Instagram story feeds;

Why do I feel the need to watch other people talk to a camera about their lives;

Perhaps the same reason some stranger is reading this blog?

Connectivity

Glamorous

Lounging by my pool after an emotionally and physically intense hot yoga clsss is not as glamorous as it sounds.

For example, we don’t have a pool boy, so I’m forced to make my own drinks;

And, well…I guess that’s about it.

Life is as glamorous as you think it is.

Chillax

Rain;
Coffee;
Couch (with my tracksuit on);
Journal;
Book;
Puppies (cuddling on either side of my body);
Creativity on my computer...
Perhaps yoga later?
The perfect chillax day!

The Struggle is Real: Drive.

My drive to create is strong;
My desire to drive in traffic is nonexistent.
A rough predicament for an artist living in Los Angeles.

Coffee Talk

The conversation I have in my head is almost as loud as the man holding a conference call in his “office” at Starbucks;

Welcome to LA.

Sleep Deprived...

Functioning on four hours of sleep;
I motivated myself to yoga class on the heels of a business call and two hours of writing.
After stuffing my face with Panda Express, I passed out on my sofa, where I remained the rest of the day.

Accept It; Now

Accepting what is, does not mean giving up on what could be;
Surrendering to this moment creates the space to be present, in turn providing a peaceful joy that sparks ideas for a new adventure tomorrow;
Today is here, though, so no use wasting it on wishing for something better.
Manifest tomorrow’s opportunities whilst mindfully living in the Now.

Working Through

Even the most enlightened Zen masters have setbacks;
If not, why then, “Fall Down Seven Times, Get Up Eight?”
The purpose of meditation is not to live in perpetual light;
But working through the darkness to return to the light.
Yesterday, I backtracked; that is in the past.
Today, I was given the opportunity to release and start anew:
That is the gift of Life: Presence.

This Feeling

Exploding rage contained only by a desperate desire to trust; I’m in conflict with my mantra.

Back In Los Angeles

Lying on the couch:

Cuddling with my puppies;

Binging on Real Housweive—New York to Beverly Hills;

Sipping on Starbucks;

I had a brilliant 40th Birthday celebration,

But it’s great to be home!

Travel Day

Airport stress reminds me that vacation is over;
It's the buffer between paradise and the daily grind.

Revitalized and Renewed

Letting go in paradise;
I found the space to breathe and smile.
My spirit was recharged in the mystical waters of Maui.
Here, I felt no pressure to plan, control, or focus;
Pure relaxation in the present––what a gift.
Now, my creative energy has been revitalized;
I’m prepared to return to “life” with a renewed sense of self.
I am inspired to write, perform, and choreograph once again.
With no other objective than to share my passion.
Balance at 40; it feels good.

Peace In Paradise

I sit in meditation as the sun energizes the morning sky;

The rolling ocean tide offers a Zen reminder:

You are here.

There is always peace in paradise; the challenge is to find paradise in the present—wherever you may be.

Mom

You gave me life;
You continue to give me unconditional love and support.
We laugh together, cry together, and shop together; and of course all the deep stuff, too.
You are the reason I’m addicted to Starbucks; thank you.
A warrior, fearless, confident, strong, gorgeous, creative, genuine, opinionated, witty, and wise...I’m not describing myself...it’s you!
Happy Mother’s Day.
I love you.

Mass on Maui

Shortly after stuffing our bellies full of decadent gourmet food from Mama's Fish House we drove towards the gorgeous sunset, where just a stones throw away from the beach, stood our favorite Catholic church.
St. Theresa's is a lovely semi-open-aired church with a congregation of happy Hawaiian locals and weekly tourist who are, no doubt, delighted to worship alongside a generous and loving community; the Tongan choir is arguably the best I've ever heard––certainly in church.
As I was sitting there listening to the readings of the Gospel, I felt a safety, joy, and peace of mind.
The church, religion, spirituality––it's a lot for some people––I cannot concern myself with other's perception; I only know that for me, it works.  I feel at home in a church.
Perhaps it's the theatrical event my soul seeks; it definitely appeals to my artistic inclination.
The alter, a stage; the pews, the audience; the incense, smoke effects; the candles, lighting; the Priest, the actor; the choir, the ensemble; the Blood and Body of Christ, the Intermission snacks...
Some may shout, "Sacrilege!"
I say, "Hey, whatever keeps me in the seats and focused on God's words."
In truth, I'm drawn to the connection I feel with God and The Universe; through prayer, meditation, and yes, the familiarity of my childhood Religion.  I also feel connected to my gram; who is no longer on earth, but with me in Spirit.
Regardless, during the service, I felt a deep sense of gratitude.  I am 40 years old and I have the world.
I released my past and accepted my present in mass.  I surrendered my dreams to God.
I've done it "my way" for the past 40 years, and I'm thankful for every adventure and blessing along the way.
My past was motivated by ambition; something to prove.
In mass, I relinquished control (not that I ever really had any), I gave into the power of God.  I have made a career out of saying "yes" to whatever was put in front of me––but it came with a lot of hustle, drive, and determination.
I lived 40 years trying to control the uncontrollable; Now, I'm letting go and leaping into whatever awaits me. I have no preconceived idea of what the next chapter of my life should be...for the first time ever, I am free!

That's Paradise

Yesterday––at the half way mark (but who’s keeping track) of my 40th Birthday Hawaiian getaway––I was struck with the urge to be creative.
Because I set ground rules for my vacation: no work, no hustle, no creativity, no action just pure relaxation and meditation; I quickly took note of my thought and released it.
Today, when I woke to the majestic Hawaiian sunrise over the crest of a monstrous volcanic mountain my heart and mind found peace and acceptance, while my soul was reminded that I will continue to create when I depart from paradise.
I’ve worked and pushed for so long, it often feels strange and lazy to let go and relax.  Hawaii has reminded me that it’s necessary to be still and unmotivated, to find the “nothingness” and out of that sparks a deeper state of presence.
It is in that Zen-like presence that I am recharge and invigorated; motivated to return to the creative process with a restored sense of self and newfound direction.

Keep The Faith Alive!

Lying in bed in paradise;

I woke up to a phone call from my manager.  "You've booked a small part in a film that shoots tomorrow.  ...Also, I'm pitching your next book to a huge publisher at 11:00 a.m."

The natural instinct in me was to panic and get on the phone immediate (there's a 3 hour time difference between LA, so it was 3:00 a.m) and call American Airlines to rebook a flight out of Maui.

Magically, before that imbedded response kicked in, I took a deep breath, rolled over and went back to sleep.

Only six days into my 40th year and I'm comfortable with my newfound confidence:

I will continue to create and receive opportunities when they are truly mine.

If 22 years as an artist has taught me anything, it's that despite all of the highs and lows; wins and losses; ebbs and flows––creativity will thrive when I keep the faith alive.

Sun, Sand, A Novel.

The sun drenched day fills my heart;
Lounging in the sand with a novel.
Time stands still;
In paradise, I am present.

Waterfall

What started off from a cold and bitter battle high above,
Slowly melts its way down through the lush rich land,
Winding around deeply set boulders, past the dense green trees, and eventually dropping into a pool of carved out earth.
The water is fresh with an exhilarating bite to remind us that nature believes in destiny, too.

Silver Linings...

When a storm cloud sails into paradise;
You order a Piña colada and dance in the rain.
It may be dark and stormy now, but the light will always return!

Hawaiian Vacation: Rest

Really
Enjoying
Sleep
Today.

Say It In Six Words: Hawaii

Ocean waves crashing against the shore.

Hello 40!

I opened my eyes this morning and saw my life with a new clarity.
Faster than a teenaged girl flips on her besties for a cute boy––I found peace with 40.
The dreams and goals of my past are there; my future will get here soon enough; presently I am overwhelmed with gratitude, joy, and acceptance.
Surrounded by people I love, who encourage, inspire, and support me––I feel unstoppable in a brilliant new way.
A force stirs inside of me encouraging me to release control and (honestly) enjoy the ride.
My passion, creativity, and motivation still burning inside; the need to set goals or accomplish dreams has shifted.
Things that once kept me constantly seeking more, needing validation, or proving my worth are less appetizing to me.
Relentless tenacity is in my DNA; thankfully, through yoga and meditation I found my quite voice: breath.
When I breathe in this moment, everything else falls away.
I know for sure that:
I am loved.
I share love.
I am most myself when I am creating.
I find bliss when I am with people who elevate my purpose through wisdom and creativity.
I can accomplish anything with faith and hard work.
I have nothing left to prove, but everything still to learn.
I am ready for a new chapter and have no expectations.
I am 40 and excited for Act II; wherever the story goes.

Thank You 30's; May 3rd: The Final Hours

The silent draw of the ocean in paradise;
Lost in a sea of thought, gratitude, peace, and faith:
In myself, God, The Universe, friends, family, for my career.
Half a life stands confidently behind me, more than a representation of a life well-lived; the memories, adventures, highs and lows, victories, losses, and unexpected opportunities serve as my back-up.
My personal body guard reminding me: you’ve got this!
I have no idea what’s next for me, and for the first time in my life, I love the idea that anything can happen.
It’s not for lack of dreams or goals; those have served their purpose––I’m not famous, I’m not rich, but I’m living my dream.
It’s not a loss of motivation, drive, tenacity, or creativity.
It’s simply time for me to breathe and decide what 40-year-old Matthew wants.
I’ve mastered the 9-year-old me; I crushed the 29-year-old me; and 35-year-old me nailed it; NOW it’s time to be present and thrive!

Thank You 30's; May 2

Flying toward paradise;

Two days away from my second act.

Hawaii, the perfect place to turn 40;

Sun, sand, Lava Flows, and the healing water.

You can’t run from the aging process;

But, when you reach a certain point, you can run to a place where spas and positivity are abundant!

Thank You 30's; May 1st

Three days away;

Not exactly how I saw it when I was nine,

But not far off.

Happy: yes;

Married: yes;

Homeowner: yes, (it’s not a mansion);

Working as a performer: yes;

Still living my dream: yes.

Blessed.

Dancing Through Life

Letting go of yesterday:

I was 6 years old dancing around my grandparents store;

I was 9 years old taking my first dance class;

I was 13 years old auditioning for my first agent;

I was 18 years old dancing around the world in a concert dance company;

I was 25 years old performing on stage in New York City;

I was 28 years old booking my first big role in TV;

I was 30 years old starting a production company with the love of my life (whom I met while dancing in New York City);

I’m 35 years old, publishing my first book…

Now, I’m 3 days away from 40;

Ready for a new chapter and of course, continued dancing—through life!

The Birthday Extravaganza Begins!

Waking up midday from a joyous slumber;
Proof that last night’s dinner party was a triumph.
Friends (that are more like family) gathering around an outdoor table to celebrate life;
An evening designed by artists and worthy of a Vanity Fair spread;
Soon, I’m sure.

Give More Light

You question my determination;

You challenge my peace of mind;

You call bullshit on my answers;

You accuse me of condescension;

And then you hope to surround yourself with my positive energy?

I will share my light with you, because I know your attack on my character is a plea for inspiration; I’ve been there, too.

We all need a role model.

Joy; It's Right Here

I woke up joyful;

It’s hard to find fault in a morning that begins with puppy kisses.

My 40th Birthday is near;

Three decades of laughter, creativity, adventure, and opportunity with family and friends.

It’s like a chocolate chip cookie, and every bite is loaded with chips!

Acting

The art of lying in an effort to capture attention, influence, fame, and fortune.
I’m in.

Present

The moment I jump to after raging for five minutes because my closet door is jammed shut and I can’t gain access to my yoga clothes.

Breathe, wear whatever you can find, and namaste.

Sunshine

When the sky is bright,

My soul is light;

Radiant energy manifested into a smile,

Attracting positive affirmations from everyone I come in contact with.

Errands

A day spent running around town;

Leads to an evening by the hot tub with a glass of wine.

Club Kid

I am not;
But I will do (almost) anything for a friend on their birthday...
Even if that means dancing the night away before a 6 hour day of teaching at a dance convention.

Told You So...

From total darkness to light and laughter;
In just one day your world can change.
Acceptance of the present is the beginning of understanding:
Every single moment is a beautiful crumb on the path of life.
And “it” always resolves the way it’s supposed too!

Principle; Let It Go

Forty is just two weeks away;

I’m ready to embrace a new act.

Standing on principle was empowering in my 20’s and 30’s, but peace of mind is calling.

My principles haven’t changed, but my outlook has;

I can walk away and still be true to me.

And I’ve learned that the squeaky wheel always gets the grease, but more often than not it comes with a load of stress on the machine: me.

Laughter

The cure to stress;

The answer to a ridiculous question;

The only way to overcome a negative circumstances;

The cheapest way to restore a more youthful appearance:

Laughter.

Present

I’ve received an unpleasant email that could have launched me into darkness and despair;

Then I smiled, because I’ve just finished yoga class, the sun is shining, and I’m with my family in LA.

If you react to things in fear, you will have reason to panic.

When you stay present, you realize life’s not so bad, and that email can wait.

Let Go and Let God, or The Universe, or Whatever You Believe In...

Taxes are due;
Waiting for multiple vendor payments;
Smoothing over a misunderstanding and work conflict;
Maneuvering three months of nonstop travel around the world––which will be fun at some point, or so I’m told;
And trying to maintain a smile on my face...because I have a fabulous life, or so I’m told;
In these moments it’s best to take a deep breath and let go.
Let go of the noise, doubt, fear, drama, anger, stress, and negative energy...and eat a burger.

Joy

The smell of freshly brewed coffee and hearing my best friend laugh;
Recalling a story from our past––what were we thinking?
Watching as she confidently steps into her role as an educator; she is a master at bullying her students with a smile and gentle, loving instruction.
Twenty years later, we’re still true to our passion.
I breathe in the moment; I feel joy.

Inspiration

I’ll

Never

Stop

Pushing myself;

Inhale,

Release,

Accept that

Transitions

In life are

Opportunities

Not setbacks.

Return to Now

Breathing in the moment;

I release the chatter in my head.

Finding space in my life for Faith;

I trust that where I am now is where I’m meant to be.

Releasing the constraints and comparisons of the past;

I know that the present will provide the best version of me.

Rejecting expectations for the future;

I will accomplish what I’m meant to in the time frame that I’m supposed to.

Health

Healing

Energy

Acceptance

Longevity

Trim

Happy

Release Number: I've Seriously Lost Count...

One of the many practical benefits of yoga is that reminder to breathe.
Something that should come natural to all of us––and of course in the literal sense it does––but the depth and level of presence is always in question.
I spend too much time in my head, and while I fancy myself a creative and clever person, my mind is controlling and (at times) destructive.
There are things I cannot control and I know I have to let them go, period.
Remember: Nothing good comes from doubt, fear, or stress.

Family

With space comes appreciation;

Unconditional love evolved into endless gratitude.

Connected by blood; bonded for life by choice.

Rage

Anger will not solve the issue;
And it will certainly leave a poisonous residue.
Let. It. Go.

You Can't Please Everybody.

Intentions will be distorted;
Words will be twisted;
Actions will be misinterpreted;
Still, I will share my experience, knowledge, and passion with the hope of inspiring and motivating change just as my mentors did for me.

Through Darkness

Through darkness there is a pinhole of light;
The beam of energy leads to a pool of unconditional joy.
You just have to make the choice:
Awake to the light or wither in darkness.

Rest

An idea that exists in my mind but needs to be implemented.

Time

You lose time in the past;
You imagine time in the future;
In the present everything is possible.

Stillness

Powerful calm; confident not because I know, because I’m comfortable not knowing.

Every dream, declared a goal, and set into action; manifested along a 20 year journey.

Energy that was—at times—overbearing, (It worked didn’t it?), no longer needy; now a confident stride.

Nothing left to prove; I am free with everything still to gain.

Ambition and creativity still abundant; I’m safe to stand in stillness, breathe, and be.

Smile

Subtlet

Meaningful

Irresistible

Loving

Engaging

Release

The euphoric pleasure of letting go;
When you can’t change the past and you don’t want to perpetuate a habit in the future;
Something lost is an opportunity to find embrace something new.

A Dream...

Is a goal your soul makes.
The next step is manifesting the goal;
action,
creativity,
collaboration,
confidence,
and a lot of faith.

Renewal

Death is a reminder of life;
The opportunity to live.
The sacrifice of one, so that all could be saved;
Everywhere you look, a chance to renew your spirit.
This beautiful gift is manifested in the blossom of a flower or the birth of a baby or the forgiveness of an enemy or the kindness of a stranger.

Six Word Essay on Life:

The present is all we have.

Trust

When;
How;
Why;
Those answers work themselves out in the present:
Trust.

Remember

Fear is a trap meant to keep us from living in the present; worry and doubt can easily be replaced with action and faith.

Take Action

Every small step toward your goal matters;

You motivate change regardless of how insignificant you think your contribution is.

Positive action spreads like a rumor on Facebook; it’s more powerful, too.

Life Is A Gamble

Avoiding your destiny is not noble or safe;
Ignoring your instinct will never serve you;
Denying your calling leads only to regret;
Never let the odds prevent you from pursuing something you know in the depth of your soul you were meant to pursue.

Failure

Is another word for motivation.

Never Give Up

As long as you remain passionate and focused on your quest;
Never give up.

It's Not Magic...

If we can visualize our dreams and clearly define our aim into a goal;
We can work toward making it a reality.
It’s not magic; it’s hard work.
A nonstop effort to continually refine our approach until one day we arrive at the target.

I Want To; But, No.

When the track wheel spins on my computer, I want to throw it across the room; but, no.
When I’m cut off in traffic by someone who’s texting whilst driving, I want to ram my car into theirs; but, no.
When I feel overwhelmed with the amount of work I have to do, I want to quit life; but, no.
I practice yoga and meditation so that I can take a beat and breathe.
I want to find my Zen; no buts.

The Beginning

Unknown; we all begin the same way.
Seeking advancement without investment; you will never flourish.
Meticulously observing the details and cultivating awareness for your craft will always serve you.
We cannot be perfect over night; by morning we discover no one will ever be.
This moment is all there is and will serve to prepare us for the the next.
Be here: the start of something.

Traveled

Feeling blessed to know so many talented and supportive people;

Creating opportunities to engage audiences and future artists alike;

A global cooperative of art, culture, social awareness, education, and history: humanities.

Joyfully traveled.

The Theater

West End;
Broadway,
Los Angeles;
And everywhere in-between;
Likeminded artists gathering together to inspire creativity; evoke change; remind us of our past; and challenge our thoughts.

Inspired

My time in the U.K. is coming to an end;
I’m both motivated and inspired by the passion, integrity, talent, and technique that my colleagues have.
They’ve created an environment that is artistic, academic, and professional.
I look forward to the next time; in the meantime I feel excited to return my students in the U.S. and raise the bar!

Friendship

Old or new, they make you smile;

Supportive, inspirational, and honest;

They know when to tell you what you need to hear and when to give you a hug!

Character

The entertainment industry depends on a layered character; carefully motivating the plot and engaging the audience.

Last night I was reminded that a person’s character determines your success in the industry; if you’re an outgoing, positive, collaborative person you’ll work—if you’re an asshole, you won’t.

So, develop a strong character, free of ego, loaded with personality!

Outlook Is Everything

On the right side of the train it is bright, the sun is shining and the skies are blue;

On the left side of the train it is grey and raining;

This trip toward London is a perfect reminder that your outlook is everything. If you don’t like the view, change directions.

Grateful

Waking up to a European breakfast before a day of creativity in the studio;
Spending time in a foreign country exploring the culture;
Enjoying a holiday while earning a living:
I’m living my dream.

Moving Through Fear

Once you identify the fear;
Let go.
Once you let go;
Trust that you will know what to do next.
Every experience brings a layer of uncertainty; in those moments we discover who we really are and what we’re truly capable of.

From Chaos

The moment appears in the midst of chaos;

Sieze the opportunity with confidence:

Trust that you will know when and how to move forward; the only direction heading toward your dreams.

Triumph

Overcoming obstacles to reach you goal;

Finding gratitude for the present;

Accepting what is whilst seeking what will be.

Possibilites

Our dreams; through faith and hard work.

I'm Positive About This...

The amount of energy it requires to be positive is equal to the investment we make living in doubt;
Both are choices that we decide. There will always be people who use circumstance as an excuse.
True victims work through their pain; others use their past as a crutch moving through life.
We’ve all experienced setbacks, traumas, and darkness––relative to us as individuals––and it’s in those moments where we define who we will be because of them.
If both positive and negative energy require effort, why not work to seek an optimistic outlook?

Reach For The Goal

But don’t forget that it’s not about accomplishing the goal as much as it is about refining your aim and learning along the way.

We're All In This Together

The driver who cuts me off;

The dance mom who screams because her daughter lost;

The barista who doesn’t smile back;

The gate agent who could put me in an aisle seat, but decided to leave me stuck in the middle;

The yoga teacher who chants peace, but shares such a negative vibe;

When I remember that we’re all connected by humanity—I release the rage and return to loving my fellow brothers and sisters.

I’m Positive About That…

A positive person is never challenged;

They find answers where others find fear.

Timeline; Destiny

I’ve stopped pushing;

I haven’t lost my tenacity—I’ve just accepted the present: what I have is enough.

I’ve witnessed countless brilliant stars burnout—or worse—lose themselves in the “its never enough” loop.

My journey has been filled with fabulous opportunities; I used to think, “Thus is the one, the one that would propel me into the mainstream.”

What happens once I’m there? Will I stop working hard? Will I feel like I have enough? No to both, I imagine.

Making it? I am making it; I’ve never stopped making it—I don’t need fame or money to prove that.

Letting go of the stress or the desire to accomplish a dream, and living it, presently.

This is my destiny.

Life.

When this moment ends a new one begins;
But all we have is this moment, so let’s just be here for that.

A Little Faith

Some people believe in God;

Some people believe in The Universe;

Some people believe in Science;

Some people believe in the Self;

Some people believe in Mankind;

Isn’t it nice that so many people have so much conviction? Now, if we could just respect one another’s faith and learn how to coexist peacefully.

Surrender To The Present

Last night I panicked a little bit. I briefly lost track of “me” and gave in to the unrealistic drama in my mind. I allowed my ego to launch into a full-blown  interrogation––similar to what you'd expect on a procedural crime show on NBC. I heard Mariska Hargitay’s voice challenging me, “Do you really think that you can continue on this path, Matthew?”
The tone in her voice was so judgmental and serious that it coaxed my soul and heart to conspire with my mind.
Then, a subtle light appeared out of the darkness, (thankfully) I saw my reflection in the one-sided mirror in the 10 x 10 holding room and snapped myself back into the present.
“Who cares what anyone else thinks about my journey?”
Now, my Criminal Mind character took over...
Please answer these questions, Matthew:

Do you still enjoy the journey that you’re on?  “Yes.”
Do you still find pleasure in the creative process? “Yes.”
Above and beyond the basic essential needs (food, housing, clothing, health), have you consistently been able to provide a loving, solid, adventurous life filled with lavish dinners, decadent cultural explorations, laughter and learning for you and your loved ones? “Yes.”
Finally, is there any place you’d rather be; or anything else you’d rather be doing with your life at this point? “No.”
Then what is the issue? “There is no issue.”

Back to the present then to continue the expedition into love, laughter, culture, friendship, family, creativity, and evolution.

Unknown; Possibilities

I woke up to the crying skies;
Grey outside but inside my heart and home warmth radiates;
I am sunny and ready to conquer the day!
Full of joy thinking about the endless possibilities that lie ahead undiscovered.
I continue to explore the boundaries of my dreams;
Some have manifested in unimaginable ways:
Others dance around in my soul waiting for their opportunity to leap!
The beautify of the unknown––there’s no timeline;
When the moment is right, you walk into the light.

Action Causes Reaction

The effect of one action can lead to remarkable victories or devastating defeat;
completely dependent upon the motivation and intention.
Set into motion the positive energy that inspires creativity, change, growth, wisdom, and watch wait for the powerful return.
The reaction will be your reward.

Love Is Powerful

The silent conviction of my heart;

Sharing passion, Faith, and compassion.

Fighting fear, doubt, and ignorance with a deep breath and trust.

Drowning darkness with the radiant light of love; positivity prevails.

Your Choice; Powerful

Waiting for life; you’ll wait a lifetime.

Taking the first step; unknown and exhilarating.

Courage is active; only brave people evolve.

Power is within reach; your choice…

Process Over Prize

The savory taste of victory is no match for the complex, layered, well-balanced meal that is the journey.

Strength

Taking a breath instead of reacting impulsively;

Backing down from an argument;

Releasing the need to control:

It takes courage to walk away.

Let Go…

I held onto a beautiful writing pen for over twenty years;

Together we crafted stories—I wrote my first manuscript with the heavy silver rollerball instrument—countless hours of journaling and hundreds of love letters; many of which were sent to the love who gifted the elegant precision pen the Christmas of our lust affair.

I’ve long since moved on from his bitter betrayal, but the pen always served me well.

Never one to hold on to attachments, I didn’t realize how much I’d miss the pen… alas, it’s gone and I’m struggling to move on.

This (I tell myself) is why I practice yoga.

Let go. Non-attachment. Time to make space for a new story!