Goodbye 2017; I’m Positive It’s Time For You To Go.

I sit here typing this blog in the early morning hours of the final day in 2017; thank God––I’m not one to be so negative––therein lies the problem.
In blatant disrespect of my yoga-Zen-Faith–seek-the-light-stay-positive-and-persevere general disposition, I spent most of 2017 confronting the Dark Force inside me, similar to the NEW Natalie Portman in the latest installment of the “Star Wars” franchise.
Then, I spent last evening in a yoga sound bath––yes, you heard me––*yoga sound bath, when it dawned on me that I’ve spent the past six months morning the death of my thirties.

I never thought I was that “guy” who cared about “age”, and (mostly) I’m not.   Then it occurred to me that I went through a similar transition when I turned 29, which makes sense. Until we’re several decades in, I suppose we don’t really contemplate how quickly they seem to go.
When I turned 39––six months into a year that started with Trump––a small part of me checked out.  I let myself give into negative thoughts and lost touch with my inner passion, spirit, and drive.  
My thirties were magical, but my twenties were brilliant, too, which is why I have no doubt that my forties will be spectacular.
As the final vibration of bubbly sound poured over my wider-than-usual shavasana, I concluded that my subconscious mourning period should end with 2017.  I have the power to replace every negative thought with a positive action; it has worked my entire life and subsequently attracted exceptional people and wild adventures.



*You’re dying to know what a yoga sound bath is, aren’t you? It’s a **yin-yoga meditation and stretch class with live music dripping all around you.

**You’re going to have to Google this one.

Prepare To Let Go...

The year wraps up like a shot in a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon’s office;
Quick, painless, and expensive. (All of those post Christmas clearance sales?!)
I sit in peaceful meditation; contemplating the possibilities.
Endless adventure awaits those who can let go of last year's baggage and embrace a new set of luggage.

Set It, And Forget It.

Not the 90’s infomercial selling a slow cooker; goals and resolutions.
Find the courage to trust that your intentions will manifest as they are supposed to as you navigate through your day.

Happy Trails Tommy; You Will Be Missed

I entered Joseph Arnold Elementary School two months into my 3rd grade year.  My parents had just relocated our family to Southern California from a small town in Colorado.
I walked onto the campus wearing the perfect Colorado outfit; tan corduroy pants, a western button-down, and Kangaroos.
It didn’t take me long to realize that I stood out from all the blond surfers wearing Gottcha T-shirts, board shorts, and Vans; I looked like a ballerina in a hip-hop class: awkward!
Thankfully, one brave boy, Tom Swayer (YES, that was his real name), walked over and asked me if I wanted to sit next to him––thrilled that I had an instant friend, I said yes!
We transitioned from Cub Scouts to Boy Scouts; countless family vacations; soccer games; backpacking trips; he taught me how to body-board during the summer vacation between 4th and 5th grade; school dances, our first girlfriends, late night pranks, wild adventures, and countless conversations about sex, God, and everything in-between.
Yesterday, Tom passed away in a terrible motorbike accident; I am in total shock.
Our lives drifted apart after high school, but thanks to the (sometimes) positive benefits of Facebook, I was able to rekindle our friendship online.
I’m devastated that I missed an opportunity to see him a few short months ago, while I was visiting a few of my friends from my old neighborhood in the South Bay.
We always think we have more time; another lesson remembered: today is all we have––and today––I am mourning the loss of my old pal.
R.I.P. Tommy.

Warmth

A simple practice repeated with breath and a mantra, warms my core—body, soul, mind—from the inside out; the heated room is the catalyst for powerful presence.

One Truth; Light

In a world abundant with unknowns and untruths, God is the only thing I’ve known to be certain; unfailing.
Full of love I’m happy; I feel at peace; my mind’s dialogue is calm; no nagging obsessive ambitions––still, continually work toward my dreams with purpose––and entirely fulfilled with my life.
I am present and that is everything.

Merry Christmas

When I was a kid we’d all be on speaker phone talking to cousins, aunts, uncles, and the grandparents... Now we all huddle around the iPhone for FaceTime!  It’s a Christmas Miracle.
#GameChanger

Christmas Eve Tradition

I was recently asked what my favorite Christmas tradition was.
My answer caught me off guard, but it was true, “Not having to adhere to a tradition!”
I went on to clarify that throughout my life––and starting at a very early age––I’ve been blessed with so many adventures with family and friends during this time of year.
Whether we were meeting family in Las Vegas (a mutual agreed upon meeting point between my extended family in Colorado and our immediate family in Cali), or working on stage at Radio City Music Hall, I’ve been certain to find the gift of being in that moment.  In many ways, it was the beginning of my quest to find the Present.
As I scan the brilliant memories of Christmas past, the common theme (tradition if you will) is that I’ve been surrounded by love, joy, Faith, and laughter.

The Nutcracker

Rats dancing around a gorgeous palace all decorated for Christmas;
A Sugarplum Fairy flirting with a Prince;
Ethnically insensitive stereotypes parading around the stage in competition;
Beautiful bodies stretching and reaching, twirling and jumping around the stage;
Sounds like every party I’ve been too in NYC.

You Know You’re Living The Dream When…

You can lounge by a pool with a book and a cool breeze, under a gorgeous cloud-free blue sky 3 days before Christmas!

Six Word Essay On The Week Before Christmas

Belly stuffed and all shopped out!

Double Down—ward Dog!

Another dinner party means only one thing:
Doubling up on my yoga routine;
If I’m going to throw down more food, I’ve got to double downward dog!

Feed The Ducks

Lily the Shih Tzu stares with her head titled, confused by the sound of quack... that’s not a dog?!
Ginger the Yorkie sits waiting for a crumb––they’re for the ducks Ginger... she doesn’t get it.
We walk along the Los Angeles River; just a bunch of animals feeding the birds.

Moderation

The holidays are full of festive gatherings, too much food, laughter, and booze;
Today––whilst attempting to get downward dog in yoga––I had a flash of clarity.
Why am I fighting so hard to get into this posture? My body feels broken and my belly is full––why not “drop down” and give myself a break.  (A sentiment that is often repeated throughout a yoga class.)
Yoga, just as in life, is a lesson in letting go and finding balance:
I have to know when to push; when to pull; and when to lie in shavasana.
I struck a healthy balance in class and discovered that moderation suits me.

Say Cheese.

Holiday Parties full of laughter and cheer; and food––a lot of food.
My downfall: cheese. I can’t resist the creamy, buttery, salty, lactose-I’m-SERIOUSLY-intolerably snack;
And the proof is every picture. Every party thus far I can be seen posing with a mouthful of cheese!

Finger Sandwiches

Delicious bite-sized triangles cut from the finest bread;
Spread with a delicate layer of homemade chicken salad and Kosher egg salad.
The crust removed with care;
Stacked on silver tray and accompanied by an exquisitely brewed cup of tea.
A respectable holiday treat!

December 15th

Fifteen years ago today I started dating the man of my dreams, who would inevitably become my husband and creative partner;
Seven years ago today my gorgeous niece was born, changing my world for the better;
Eighty-One years ago today my grandma was born; providing an instant fan for life and constant source of love and laughter––also the perfect shopping companion.
Today was a beautiful celebration of the many blessings I have in my life.

Vent Before Zen

I’m sitting here in rage, writing this blog instead of getting downward dog on my yoga mat, because I’m unable to let go of a troubling email I’ve just read.

Add to that my obsession for getting things done, and you get this shitty blog post.

Often, my most inspired work is born out of frustration and a nonstop mindset; this entry is an exception to that rule.

I’m literally venting in a public forum in order to release and go find Zen on my mat!

Namaste.

Alabama

Christmas came early for America;
The good, morally and ethically conscious people of Alabama made their voices heard where it counts in this country: the voting booths.
Thank you Alabama!

Traffic To Yoga

Meditation starts in the car;

The mat is just an extension of the road ahead.

Chaos and crazy drivers all around;

My mind is challenged to find Zen.

Exit Booze; Enter Bread

I’ve consumed an adult beverage almost every night since Thanksgiving;

It’s time to take a break from the booze.

Enter bread. (It’s the only comfort I have left.)

Six Word Essay on Christmas Dinner Parties

Decadence; only moments away from diabetes.

Dinner Party

Another holiday season is here;
Friends will gather for delicious food and––thanks to the booze––good cheer;
Days of prepping and cleaning and decorating;
All for one evening where inevitably Allison will drink too much wine, Alice will complain about the music, Mark (Alice’s husband) will offend one of the gay couples, Jeff (my husband) will keep the conversation pleasant, and I will spend most of my time filling up wine glasses whilst simultaneously searching for my Jack & Coke––which I no doubt set down in order to shove more food in my mouth.

Letting Go

My neck is twisted and my back is tight;
Isn’t it obvious I slept on the couch last night?

The silence is loud;
Yesterday, he walked on eggshells and attempted to engage several times;
I am too proud.

It’s not healthy to hold a grudge––and it’s completely out of character for me––but I’m having a hard time letting go.

I know what I should do;
But I don’t want to.

The Aftermath

My raging temper is subsiding exposing the true depth of my sadness;

Emotionally exposed; I sit facing the cause of the storm.

I’m at a loss for words; possibly the first time ever.

I’ll wait for a meaningful shift in the winds before I speak.

The Storm

Violent words fighting for attention;

Through the whipping flames I feel the harsh judgments burn my soul like ambers from the fires that rage outside.

The earth is mad; so am I.

Enough Is Enough

The ego in me challenges everything.

Wanting more—a human condition I’m sure—fuels fires; it also destroys people. 

Idealistic and passionate I sought to follow my dreams and refused to compromise my goals. I set the bar high and tenaciously jumped each hurdle.

Finally, I arrived at an invisible finish line of understanding: you will never be finished.

Now, how do I cope with the ravenous desire to acquire more; achieve more; create more?

The answer is often as stunningly clear as a flawless diamond (as precious, too); Be Present. 

Then, as dark as a deep sea expedition without a working light—I am lost again.

Deep breaths in and out return me to the Now and I remember: when I foucus on what I love; trust in my Faith; release my fear; and create—I will continue to receive opportunities to work and inspire. Just as it has for the past 40 years of my life (24 of them as a professional), the path will guide me.

LA Dream

LA at 5am is a dream:

No traffic;

No assholes;

Just open roads and the silhouette of Palm trees swaying in the soft misty air.

Brunch

Bacon and alcohol are permitted in excess;

Laughter is encouraged, too!

Friends indulging.

Blessed

I sit in my comfy club chair watching my husband cuddle our Shih Tzu, Lily.
The fireplace is ablaze, our tree is lit, and Christmas music plays softly in the background, furnishing a cozy and romantic holiday atmosphere.
I have absolutely no desire to leave this moment and thankfully I don’t have to.
I am blessed.

The OC

We drove for two hours from LA to the OC, ordinarily this would be a fifty-five minute jaunt.
My appointment took less than twenty minutes––now what?
An impromptu adventure!
Window shopping at South Coast Plaza mall; dinner at The Capitol Grill; and a movie––Murder On The Orient––it was a perfect unplanned (but totally present) day.