NYC Summer

The scorching heat and intense humidity;
How anyone looks good in the summertime is beyond me.
I shower, dress, and walk out of the comfort of a climate controlled apartment––and I’m a hot sweaty mess!

The Past

The past is behind us, and we all know that there’s nothing you can do to change that.
So it’s odd that artists spend so much time living in the distant memory of a life they’ve already lived.
I’m currently in the process of completing my second book; no small task.  Especially because this book is a very personal account of the crazy adventures  and random circumstances I’ve encountered in my life thus far.
In order to accurately convey my story, I’ve spent a lot of time reliving terrible moments in my life––similar to re-watching any movie from the 80′s––you know there’s comedy somewhere in the mix; but you have to sift through a lot of shit before you get to the gold.
Essential I’m examining my life from a more clear point of view, and the majority of events that have transpired feel almost dreamlike.
“That couldn’t have really happened to me, did it?”
The answer, of course, is always, YES.
That was your life and somehow you maneuvered around it.  Once I wrap my mind around that, I continue writing.
It’s oddly gratifying to liberate myself from past indiscretions; and also heartbreaking to relive a tragic moment.
In the end, the truth will always set me free.

Well Rested

I just slept for ten solid hours;
My obvious reaction––I must have really needed the sleep.
But I can hear my grandpa saying, “You can never catch up on sleep.”
He may have been correct with his evaluation, but my body begs to differ.
I feel so well rested and fresh;
I’m ready to conquer the day––and it’s a good thing too, because I’m teaching in a very big workshop in New York City!

Starbucks NYC

It’s been fourteen years since I’ve lived in New York City;
And it’s as if no time has passed as I write from the Starbucks on 40th and Lexington Avenue.
This was not my “home” Starbucks, but aren't they all the same?
I spent so many hours of my life (pre-marriage) journaling, dreaming, and plotting my career path in a Starbucks;
Surrounded by strangers who felt like family at Starbucks––we all shared common themes: aspiring actor–writer–director–students–without–air conditioning in the summer heat.
Which is very similar to my circumstances today.
While I’m much older––and can actually afford air-conditioning now; I am in a city that I no longer have a home––so I found solace in my family at Starbucks.
In between meetings and meeting up with friends, I happily hack away at my computer––finishing a chapter in my new book, and catching up on emails.
The traffic is at a standstill, but my creativity is in full-force;
That’s the beauty of New York––once you're here, you can’t fight the energy.
I’m delighted to visit NYC for a trip down memory lane, however, I’m so grateful that I achieved my goals in this city––with nothing to prove here––I enjoy visiting friends, working my gig, and returning home to my family!
I enjoy NYC, I LOVE LA.

River Walk with the Puppies

My dogs are always so eager to get out of the house;
Which is odd in this heat––I’m doing everything I can to stay in the arctic confine of my sixty-eight degree climate-controlled house.
If I even walk past the puppy drawer my Shih-Tzu, Lily, goes crazy––she knows where the harness is stored and she is ready!
After sleeping in until 7:30AM, I decided it was still early enough to go for a short walk along the Los Angeles river.
Once I was dressed and lathered from head-to-toe with SPF 100 with zinc, I gathered the puppies and we embarked on our journey.

Within three blocks of our house, my Yorkie, Ginger, had given up: she made her business and then demanded––via digging all four feet firmly into the scorching sand beneath her––that she received princess status in my arms.
Lily, on the other hand, was ready to trek the miles of California foliage that lined the riverbed; in search of a scent that was yet to be discovered.

Finally, after thirty minutes in the heat, Lily laid down in defeat.  Eager to get home, but not thrilled about carrying two furry creatures in the blazing sun, I found the shadiest path possible and laboriously made my way home.

Now inside the freezer box, I see Lily eyeing me, “Daddy, don’t ever make us do that again.”  My thoughts exactly.

Recovery Road

How many days does it take to recover from a three week tour across the country?
I might be able to answer this question more honestly if I weren’t so busy sleeping.
I’ve spent the past three days in and out of a bear–like hibernation; where I used to wake up early and conquer the world in three hours, I find myself accomplishing the smallest of tasks: like emptying the dishwasher––followed with a two-hour nap on the couch.
My grandpa used to tell me that you could never catch up on time––I’m not sure if that is scientifically proven (and I’m too lazy to open a new search window to Google it) but it makes sense.
How on earth am I supposed to recover from a month of fourteen hour days?
I need a vacation!
Instead, I’m going back out on the road.
No one said the glamorous life was easy.  Work hard, play hard, and sleep when you’re dead.

Back On Track

I’m not a total slacker, but it’s hard waking up early when I don’t “have to.”
While I was out on tour, I had set call-times that I couldn’t miss;
Now that I’m home, it’s a challenge to set an alarm.
My body wants to catch up on my sleep deprivation––but my brain knows that you can never recover from lost sleep.
I’m no stranger to a schedule and I know that accountability is key to success;
Now if I could just convince my body to accept its fate and get out of bed!

I'm Home!

Waking up in my own bed;
Puppies on either side––cuddling me with unconditional love.
After three weeks on the tour I feel recharged, but not yet ready for more;
Thankfully, I have three days in Los Angeles, before I go back out on the road.
The life of an artist is often lonely and always grueling.
On the one hand, we get to express ourselves through writing, dancing, painting, or performing––hopefully inspiring an emotion or thought provoking reaction in others; what we forget is how taxing that energy is to cultivate and distribute.
I’m always elated to share my journey;
And even more delighted when my journey brings me home.

Truth on Tour: Day 24

I slept through three alarms and a back-up wake up call;

After receiving a friendly (and slightly panicked) Facebook messenger call at 3:05AM—I shoved my toiletries in my suitcase, threw on my clothes   (which were preset—of course) and I was in the lobby by 3:15AM.

Arrived at the airport with plenty of time, and even in a rush the only thing I left behind was my Apple headphones.

A small price to pay—considering my emergence escape from my hotel room happened in total darkness.

I have three days at home, before I'm back on a plane; the glamorous life is truly insane. 

Truth on Tour: Day 23

Four cities in three weeks;
Hotel rooms have become my new home––thankfully tomorrow I return to my family and life in LA.
The pause button is pressed on the road;
Friends, family, and projects continue without you.
I set resolutions in an effort to stay focused on the positive aspects of my time away from loved ones––no distraction or goal is great enough to completely soothe the hardship that distance creates.
Still I found time to create, laugh, meditate, develop new friendships, perform, and collect a paycheck.
Life is full of tradeoffs;
Some are harder than others.
When I left Los Angeles I was overwhelmed at the daunting schedule that I had committed to; but I reminded myself to stay present and focus on one day at a time––in doing so, I found balance every day and the opportunity to evolve as a person and artist.
There is nothing more liberating than the power of awareness and the freedom of making a choice: stay present and make the best of every circumstance.

Truth on Tour: Day 22

Today is my last day of work on tour;
I get paid to sit at a table with industry professionals and share fun stories while watching the next generation of talented performers take stage.
It’s been a whirlwind journey full of laughter, creativity, backstage drama, egos, attitudes, adventures, and love.
Life on the road is not for everyone––I’m thankful that as I’ve grown older, I’ve learned how to us my time thoughtfully and continue to evolve as a person and an artist.
I’m not sure if I’m eager to sign up for another creative project that takes me away from my family and our home for more than a week; but like every true gypsy, I’ll decide that in the moment,

Truth on Tour: Day 21

Gearing up for another twelve–hour day in the theater;
After getting a solid four hours of sleep.
I’m ready to face the day with: positive energy and a lot of coffee.
Sometimes balance requires caffeine.

Truth on Tour: Day 20

My time on tour is almost done;
It’s hard to believe I’ve been away from home for a month.
Once you’re on the road you lose track of time and the days all feel like one gigantic scene in a movie––you wake up and you feel like you’ve already finished the scene, and the director is calling for another take.
Growing up I dreamed of this life; traveling, performing, late-night parties, hosted events, and the money––don’t forget the money.
I don’t take for granted how blessed I’ve been to travel the world; my childhood dream has been actualized as a career.
It’s remarkable what a person can accomplish when they believe that nothing is impossible.
I’m grateful that I knew what I wanted for my life at a very early age––moreover, I am incredibly thankful that I had a loving, supportive family and was surrounded by inspirational mentors who believed in me.
So, as my time on tour wraps up I can say without hesitation that I made the most of every day.  I stayed present, positive, creative, healthy––and though I worked hard, I enjoyed fun activities, too.
The best part, I am returning home to a loving family, a beautiful home, money in the bank, and a manuscript that is three chapters closer to being complete!

Truth on Tour: Day 19

When you have an omelette station in your green room before call time;
You wake up extra early to ensure your spot in the line.
Little things like warm, fresh food have the impact of three hours of sleep––so I’ll gladly lose an hour of shuteye to gain that eggsellent energy!
Plus, that leaves me even more time to make my trek to Starbucks, and when you’re staring down a fourteen hour day in the theater––that little green mermaid logo becomes your best friend.

Truth on Tour: Day 18

A brisk walk outdoors in Lake Tahoe is the perfect way to start a week of ruling hours;
Finding balance is difficult in life––and can be even more so when you’re on the road working in close proximity with the same people, doing the same job over and over again.  Some might call it insanity.
Luckily I’ve stayed on course with my daily resolutions and continue to find time to laugh, be creative, exercise, and get out of the theater.
Even now, as I’m sitting at the Starbucks in Heavenly Village I feel at peace;
Surrounded by gorgeous mountains and a pristine lake––how could I not be present?

Truth on Tour: Day 17

I haven't been to bed yet;

After wrapping our third city, we returned to our respective holding locations—where I sat up with a colleague and finalized the schedule for our next show.

Our car arrived at 3:30AM to deliver us to Newark Airport, where I now sit in an unopened knockoff version of a trendy New York eatery; a blaring security alarm penetrates my brain—reminding me that I haven't slept in well over twenty-four hours.

I struggle sleeping on airplanes, so today should be a fabulous test in mediation, patience, and kindness.

I dreamed about this life—and I'm living it; however glamorous may or may not be.

Truth on Tour: Day 16

There are times when you just need to blow off steam and let your hair down;
You can always count on the lively people on the East Coast to encourage a wild and crazy night.
I partied like a rock star last night––thankfully I was able to sleep in today.
Also cool, today is the end of the third city; three down, one to go!
Life tends to feel as though it moves faster when you’re on the road.
Probably because there are days when you never leave the hotel lobby, so you never know if it’s light or dark outside.
Yesterday, when we were finished with our show, I walked outside and like a vampire on True Blood I cringe when I saw the sun––this cannot be a positive reaction; I’ll be happy when that glowing ball of energy in the sky is a series regular in my life again.

Truth on Tour: Day 15

Past halfway;
The home stretch!
Staying focused, creative, and accountable.
A smile and some positivity goes a long way.

Truth on Tour: Day 15

Remember:
When the wake-up calls get tough, and you feel like blowing them off and sleeping in;
Remember how good it feels to accomplish your creative goals before going to be creative for someone else.

Truth on Tour: Day 14

Yesterday I was off my game;
I had a bad day––and I could not find my way back to a positive outlook.
Fourteen days into the tour; today marks my half-way point.
That’s cause enough to celebrate!  It’s also my anniversary and I’m away from home.
When you’re working, socializing, and sleeping (in the same hotel room) with the same people for an extended period of time––and you’re not married to them––things are bound to get bumpy.
Thankfully, I climbed out of my negative slump and I’m ready to laugh again.
I used my complaint card (we all get one on tour) and now it’s time to build a bridge and get over it.
No one wants to be around a bitter, jaded diva––unless you’re married to Shannen Doherty and you’re just after the money...

Truth on Tour: Day 13

Finding peace in chaos;
Meditation is possible, even with excess noise.
Breathe,
Tune-out,
Release,
Trust,
Focus,
Commit to the resolutions that have encouraged positive and creative energy.
Seeking balance is key to establish a drama-free time on tour;
When the cast and crew start to complain––shut up and walk away;
Nothing good will come from gossip––this isn’t the CW Network,
And I’ve got more important things to do.

Truth on Tour: Day 12

I’m eating an un-toasted bagel and drinking burnt black coffee, crouched behind a banquet-style folding table covered with a standard polyester hotel tablecloth; on top piles of merchandise stacked in neat piles is ready to be pillaged by hundreds of dance moms.
I have four hours of “downtime” until I teach a master class; with hundreds of eager young dancers––all just like I used to be: talented, idealistic, and hungry for fame.

If they only knew that the road to fame is paved in a swirly-mustard patterned stained ballroom carpet at [NAME ANY POPULAR HOTEL ACROSS THE COUNTRY].


Not that I’m complaining, I have loved every moment of my career––and I continue to remain grateful for every opportunity I get; sometimes they come with red-carpet treatment, and sometimes you’re just delighted that the carpet doesn’t have (many) unidentifiable red stains.

Truth on Tour: Day 11

Travel day;

There's always someone who sleeps in—while the rest of us sit on the bus complaining.

Airport TSA,

The line at the airport Starbucks,

Boarding with group 5,

Accepting the inevitable—that man who looks like he ate Big Foot—is sitting in your row, next to you.

The only day off between shows is spent traveling, this is the glamorous life.

Truth on Tour: Day 10

The last day in a city is always a blur;
Once you’re in the tour-machine you forget which day it is.
Alarms programed to wake you up in time for every event, show, and rehearsal.
When I stop and take a breath––I realize I’m almost to the halfway mark;
And then an alarm goes off, reminding me that it’s time to get back to work.

Truth on Tour: Day 9

Another early call;
Getting it all squeezed in.
I peel my eyes open and convince myself to get to work.
Sometimes balance requires sacrifice.

Truth on Tour: Day 8

The earlier the wake-up call;
The more disciplined you have to be.
Get up,
Get out of bed;
Get on your feet.
It’s pouring rain––the heavy drops collide into our window;
Echoing the tears in my heart.

Truth on Tour: Day 7

Gathered around the campfire; melting marshmallows and dripping chocolate––I resisted the temptation of S’more’s.  Anyone who knows me can attest, that was no small feat.
Celebrating Independence Day––or any holiday––away from home is often challenging; in a sick way, I crave the typical family bickering whenever I hear an explosion in the sky.
Like one of Pavlov’s Dogs, my mouth salivates for potato salad, dill pickles, hotdogs, and a family argument.
Last night the company gathered for music, delicious food, and a lot of laughter; just like home, minus the fireworks.

Truth on Tour: Day 6

One show down, four to go;
I stayed on target with my resolutions to remain healthy, creative, and positive.
No easy task while working a full-time show, too.
Finding balance has always been something I strive toward––only occasionally achieving it in my day-to-day life.
Thankfully, as I grow older, I find more room for acceptance and less resistance.
The grasshopper is finally becoming the grass?! Or something Zen like that.

Truth on Tour: Day 5

I was so eager to get up and get my day started that I nicked myself shaving;
Never use a razor when you’re in a hurry.
My face turned into one of those artificially flavored, yet juicy Gushers––the blood wouldn’t stop; so now I’m walking around with a wad of toilette paper on my face.
The good news is that we’re on camera today; so much for my extreme close up!

Truth on Tour: Day 4

Our show finished early yesterday; I stepped outside the theater door and I thought I was going to evaporate True Blood style.
It was a rare and precious opportunity to get outside while it was still light; not willing to waste a moment––I gathered with an intimate group of friends and we walked along the River Walk.
When I write “walk”, what I should mention is that dancers never walk, we choreographed an impromptu show––yoga video shoot included––while Plus-sized tourists gathered in curiosity; less like a zoo, more like a car accident.
After our spectacular spectacle we decided to enjoy a fancy dinner at an upscale (and delicious) American bistro.
I gorged on a steak that was prepared to perfection: with a ton of butter and salt; as passer-byes would stop and ask, “Are you those yoga people?”
Yes, I’d mumble with salty carcass falling from my mouth; it was a great night!

Truth on Tour: Day 3

I’m up.
It’s too early, but I woke up––I’m alive; which is a great thing.
It would be really difficult to pursue my dreams if I were dead.
I don’t remember the first time I heard the expression, “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” But I understand the wise words from either John Lennon or Allen Saunders, depending on what you believe on Google.
Humans spend so much time thinking, dreaming, scheming––looking for our purpose; even those who were born with a burning passion, a genius mind, or a remarkable talent sometimes forget the beauty of life.
Today is here; use it, or lose it.