Jet Set

My heavy eyelids can hardly ease the burning dryness;
The lack of sleep is killing me.
Too many airline seats and hospital beds.
I’m happy to live a full life, I just don’t want to die from exhaustion.
It’s time for a break!

Rest

A day off from life;

The couch, Netflix, food, my BFF.

I really needed this.

Undone

The damage is done,
Words cut deep.
Actions reveal truth.
There isn’t a drug strong enough to dull the pain;
Or an apology so powerful it would heal the wound.
All we can do is move forward and allow time to ease the memories.

You Can Pick Your Friends...

The family dynamic is complex;

All of those sayings like "You can pick your friends..." "Blood is thicker than water." "Family is forever..." are not an excuse to behave however you want to family members.

I'm sad that my motives to help my sister recover have been perceived as selfish, especially by members of my own family—but then I have to remind myself that people project what the feel.

My sister knows my heart, even if my loved ones do not. I can't change their opinion of me (and I will always love them) but I can certainly change my  proximity.

I have opinions about them too, but it's for the best that I don't share them.

A Trip To The ER

My sister is admitted into the ER after complaining all day of level—10 pain. (Personally I think it was exacerbated by the fact that our mom and our extended family decided to launch into attack mode.) Nevertheless, here we are in the ER brought by an ambulance—after a ton of runaround between nursing bays, Shiree and I sit in the hospital room. Shiree has to get blood drawn and while the RN inserts the IV—mom & dad leave the room for coffee. The second they leave Shiree says, "Isn't it so peaceful now that they're gone?" The nurse laughs and Shiree waits for my response, "Matt?" 

I say yes, mom has given me a headache all day, but she's here because she loves us.

Shiree says, "I know. That's why I'm trying to be nice."

There was nothing nice about today.

Plop Plop

My sister’s inability to have a bowel movement for four days had us all in agony, her from the pain and us from hearing her torture-level moans.  The nurse suggested a suppository, and after a lot of probing (literally) she finally caved.  Dad and I left the room for about fifteen minutes so that the head nurse and her night nurse could administer the waxy poop maker. Jennifer, her nurse, came out into the family area and assured us we could go back into the room.  She continued to inform us that the quicker-shitter-upper could take up to an hour to produce results, except that by the time that we had returned to the room, my sister was curled up in a ball squeezing her butt checks and clinging to the red emergency call rope.
We walked in and she said, “I got to go! NOW!”  I ran out laughing, and nearly shit my pants––it was a hilarious scene.  I ran to get the nurse, and in the meantime my dad asked, “Wasn’t that a pleasant experience?”  To which my sister responded, “The going in part wasn’t, but this next part might be!”  We burst into laughter and the nurses ran by with gloves and a bucket.  When you’re sick, there’s no difference between us and animals, shit is shit––and you don’t horse around with that.

A Step In The Right Direction

Her tired body fights to stand;
She’s working hard, but remains frustrated that her body hasn’t caught up with her mind.
Her wit and sarcasm are fully intact.
With a big smile she returns to her comfy lounge chair.
Time for a break before speech therapy.
Recovery doesn’t happen overnight––only in the movies.
Thankfully, the road ahead is promising.

Men Are Weak.

I agree with my sister––most men are weak.
It’s hard for guys to see the women they love in pain, yet every lady I know could march through a bullet-storm in hell to protect their men.
My sister is such a fighter; surviving cancer and every illness thrown her way.
Now if she could just build up an immunity to the people in her life who surround her with a cloud of negativity.
Her light will always conquer their weakness.

Faith Triumphs

There will always be those naysayers who find reasons to doubt;
Their negative energy is damaging and counterproductive.
It’s my goal to shine light, positive energy, and contagious Faith––perseverance and God are stronger than any poison a dubious person can administer.
I’m confident that my sister will fight and overcome.

Golden Moments

Spending my Saturday night watching The Golden Girls with my sister just like we used to do when we were kids.
We would huddle around the television set in the living room in our uncle’s house while our parents played cards in the kitchen; we snuck in for Oreo cookies and milk during commercial breaks––then quickly back into our TV splendor.
The show made us feel closer to our grandmas, even though we were a thousand miles away.
As adults The Golden Girls still serves as a memory of our grams, more importantly, it’s a reminder of the bond that we’ve shared our entire lives––as long as we have one another we can conquer anything.

Persistence Is Key

Pushing loved ones is never fun;
But necessary for recovery.
This process is painful for everyone,
But like everything in life persistence is key.

Sis

My sister ate a popsicle on her own today;
A huge step on the road to recovery.
She smiled and said, “Cherry! Aren’t you going to eat?”
I said I would later.
She responded, “Won’t it go bad? Don’t you think you should eat it?”
Even when she’s sick, she stays thoughtful of others.
I sat and at a popsicle next to her like we did when we were kids.
She smiled at me––today, that was enough.

Six Word Essay On Hospitals

Hospitals, like hotels––are not home.

Progress

“Matthew Shaffer, enough!”
The words my sister sluggishly muttered to me today from her hospital bed.
Less lethargic, more lucid and responsive to questions.
Struggling with full sentences, but her phrases are sharp and to the point.
I love my little sister so much.
She is one tough cookie with a sweet and gooey inside, and she is going to make a full recovery; she’s a fighter!

Fighter

My sister is brave and strong;
Even while sedated––she resists being told what to do.
Her willpower is no joke.
But she’ll still laugh when she passes gas,
And scream my name when I force her to wear her oxygen.
I love her so much.
#Fighter

Faith and Family

Today my Faith was tested; I failed.
My sister is lying in a hospital bed, her body is weak.  Fever has rendered her incoherent and like families do, we took our fear out on each other.
Emotions run high, and unfortunately I said things I didn’t mean to say.
You can’t undo hurtful words––regardless of whether or not they are warranted.
I questioned God, not because my sister is ill, but because of my dads conviction that is in direct conflict of my belief.
Regardless, I love my dad and mom, and we all love my sister.  We have to do better to be kind, forgiving and Faithful.
Family is the most important thing to me, and I have to allow my actions to speak louder than my hurtful words.

Six Word Essay on the End of Summer Camp

I'm ready to get some sleep!

The Fabulous Life of a Dancer

The more you drink,
The fatter you get;
Plus it’s really hard to wake up in the morning!
How do you say “no” to fabulous events with dancers and choreographers from around the world?
Answer: You don’t––you drink more and worry about it once the festival ends.
#LifeOfADancer

Thank You

It’s a simple phrase, one which I’ve used a lot this week.
I’ve never felt such a genuine outpouring of support, praise, and admiration;
Teaching has always been something I’ve done as my “day job”.
It’s only now that I’m discovering that dancers and choreographers actually respect my approach to movement.
I’m overwhelmed with gratitude––when I wrote my book I had hoped that I might have an impact on someones dance career.
Working with dancers from around the world this week has single handedly reinvigorated my passion.
Thank you to all of the dancers, choreographers, and teachers who have reminded me that dance continues to be my pulse.
Let’s do this!

Tap Jam In A Barn

Building rhythms,
Feet moving with precision,
Surgeon like execution!
The barn was alive with jazz music, tap percussionists, food, and wine.
Dancers United to share their stories.

#Truth

After teaching full day of dance my body feels broken;
Regardless of how young I feel––I’m not twenty one anymore!

Just Dance

I’m always nervous working with new dancers.
You never know exactly what to expect.
Will they be talented?
Will they have technique?
Will they enjoy my choreography?
Will they learn something from me?
The minute I get into class, introduce myself and put the music on I relax and remember, oh right, they just love to dance as much as I do––that’s why they’re there.

Dance United

Nine countries,
Three hundred dancers and choreographers,
Music, laughter, cross-cultural conversation, food, and wine;
A brilliant way to unite the world.

This Is My Seat

If you don't care about your weight;

Why should I?

It's not my fault you don't fit in your seat—but you certainly don't get to take up half of mine.

#AmericanHealthCrisis #Obesity 

Fired

I've fired myself from creative writing.

Not because I have nothing to say—rather I'm too lazy to commit.

#DoBetter

Slacking

Two days without words;

Slacking on my goals.

My mind needs rest, but I'm still on the go.

There's no excuse—creativity never sleeps.

I can do better.

Day Off

Yoga
Pool
Starbucks
Movie
Repeat steps two and three;
[THEN]
Puppy cuddle time on the couch.

Just Keep Working.

When you focus on the work:
The end of the work day comes faster,
The results are greater,
And the opportunities for success are more abundant!

Skin and Bear It.

When I was in high school I spent hours in the bathroom following a strict skin care treatment plan in order to alleviate the sever acne triggered by closeted teenage stress.
As and adult I spend hours in the bathroom studying the lines in my face; I’ll take the lines over the acne any day!

Options:

A.) Enjoy every adventure, seek balance, and live in the moment.
B.) Live in fear, doubt everything, and worry about the future.
It’s a tough decision... But I think I’m going to strive for option “A”.

Screening

The excitement of meeting up with the cast and crew months later to watch the final product.
I'm full of nervous energy in anticipation of my performance on a big screen.
The first time my face pops up on screen, I relax.
It's so cool to see my ridiculous reaction right next to movie star Paul Rudd.
The years of hustling, hard work, and perseverance feel small next to my larger than life alter ego.
I love this business. It's important to acknowledged my feelings in moments like this; there's no telling when my next opportunity to shine will come, and I don't want to give up before it does.
Making it in Hollywood means never giving up.