Open Letter To An Annoying Starbucks Customer

Dear Cranky Starbucks Lady,

Thank you for your unsolicited insight; I don’t give a shit what you think.
P.S. Starting a conversation with, this is none of my business and I don’t care, but... Clearly means you care.

Sincerely,
That guy who ignored your request and smiled instead of telling you to F_ck Off!

An Open Letter to Winona Ryder

Dear Winona-
You had such a bright future;
Mermaids was good for you.
I'm sorry that Angelina Jolie out-shined you in Girl Interrupted...
But it's time for a comeback-
I know you've got more in you than Black Swan and playing Spock's mom-
Signed,
A fan

Dear Anne Hathaway,

Thank you.

You've been a princess, a wife married to a gay man,
a fashion victim turned gay mans best friend and a Queen!

You make us laugh and cry.

You can dance, you can sing, girl you've even got
that swing in your step as Catwoman

You're gorgeous,

Seemingly down-to-earth on and off camera,

Smart. Sexy. Playful. Talented. Charming. 

I'm looking forward to the day that I get to work with you!

Let's have lunch.

Peace,

Matthew