Pissed Off!!!

Right now, I'm so pissed off... About a lot of things really. But mainly, I'm up at 3:26 in the morning (because I can't sleep EVER!) and I noticed a typo in my previous blog, 'Crazy or Idealist?'
Anyway, I went to edit the improper grammar, and the f*&king blog editor erased my entire entry!!
Of course, I print out a back up, because God knows, as fun as technology can be, s@*t like this happens.
Long story short, the editor will not recognize separations in sentences or paragraphs! So there you have it!
Once a well written essay on how I never smile anymore, and now one crappy run on sentence!
Don't even get me started on Washington Mutual...
I love that the new CEO Alan Fishman, only on the job for three weeks, will walk away from the now seized financial institute with a severance package of $11 million dollars, not to mention his signing bonus of $7.5 million!!!

Meanwhile, if I were ONE day late with my credit card payment, they would call me, send me letters and raise my interest rate from 8% to 30%!!!!

...It's people like Alan Fishman, and other rich, old, white men (for the most part) who only care that they walk away with more money than God once they've left the company they are supposed to be in charge of in complete chaos! Who cares about ALL of the employees and their families, who are left without a job, without severance and without their retirement!I think Alan and people like him, should be less concerned with covering their ass when the company they take over fails, and more concerned about making changes so the company doesn't fail!
Isn't that their job? Why can they get away with not doing their job, screwing over everyone in their path, and still walking away a multi-millionaire?
Thank God our government stepped in... Oh wait, that's right... Our economy is worse than ever thanks to our superior leaders in Washington D. C.



Look familiar? Remind you of anyone else?
Well this is Alan Fishman, I just wanted you to have an image of the man who stands to walk away with over $18 million dollars after only 3 weeks of his job of 'saving' Washington Mutual.

Crazy or Idealist?

I hate the word depressed. Truth is for the majority of my life I've taken pride in the fact that whatever setbacks big or small, I can keep moving forward.

Most recently, major milestones in my life have come to pass...
I turned thirty.
Wow.
I've said it aloud a few times in the past five months, but this may be the first time I've put it in writing.
Aside from hitting the next decade in my life, I've also been struggling with rather inconsequential things i the grand scheme of life. Never the less, the aftermath of these roadblocks have left a larger scar than I've ever noticed in my overall well being.

I walked passed a mirror in a department store the other day, and I noticed a terrifying display.
It was my face without a smile... To some it may not seem like much, but to me, it was a major bummer.
Beyond the fact that I just look more desirable while smiling... It was a sad realization that my inner feelings have somehow made their way out.

I started to take stock in my observation:
I don't laugh as often or smile as much.Which lead me down a chain of events that kept me searching for answers and asking questions to ideas I was sure I had already figured out.


Am I an unhappy person? Do my friends view me as someone who is always depressed? Is it because I'm not where I thought I'd be? Is it because I'm not sure I want the things I used to?

And my biggest fear of all:
Do you really loss your idealism slowly, silently and with certainty?When did this happen?

As I explored my feelings, I accepted many concessions.
First, that turning thirty has had a greater impact than I've let on to myself. Another, that goals and dreams that may not have been as important to me in the past, are gradually taking hold of my attention.
In the past week I've been more aware of feelings I would ordinarily turn a blind-eye to. I took note of what made me smile or laugh. How I felt while I watched a movie. How passionate I got while watching a political discussion on TV. Or how pissed off I've become at a friends unwarranted attacks.

Evaluating my day-to-day events has reminded me that at the end of each day, I am the same person I was ten, fifteen or more years ago. My hopes and prayers are the same. My struggles are very similar, despite some on a more heightened level.
I uncovered what I want, although in a different order of importance, is still very much the same.
I remembered that it comes down to my choice.
I was in church this past Sunday, (yes church...) and the priest reminded me that, 'strength comes when we need it...' We are capable of much more than we think, and sometimes need to be inspired to reinvent an idea or dream.
Equally, he continued to evoke my conviction to triumph over my current struggles with this, 'Our mothers' greatest suffering, produced what most would consider their greatest joy:
a child.'

It left me in such an inspired mood. Not to give in to my self-inflicted ageism, insecurity and fear.
The fascinating thing is, no sooner than I began to shift my sad thought into a plan of attack for getting on with my life-

I received a call that I booked a job.

I'm always amazed that no matter how long the suffering and hopelessness exists, all it takes for me to get back on the horse, is one phone call!
Does that make me crazy or just a slightly older idealist?...
Who cares, today I'm smiling!

Video Music Awards... Really???

Is it just me, or was watching the 2008 VMAs an experience you hope you can forget!
I can't believe I wasted valuable DVR space recording the crap MTV called an award show.

For those of you old enough to remember...

Watching tonight's broadcast was liking watching and episode of Beverly Hills 90210 (old cast) "Brandon Tries Drugs at a Rave."

Season 2, Episode 15: U4EA

The idea to host an awards show on the backlot of Paramount was probably the first mistake. It was bad enough to hear Riahnnon sing in that space that was designed to control sound, and not amplify it. Then they would cut to shots of a lackluster clump of "guests" sitting in what looked like metal folding chairs that we use at our family reunions each summer in my grandmas backyard!

The highlight for me however, was experiencing the Jonas Brothers for the first time. I honestly thought it was a joke... The three tweens sat on a fake stoop in 1940s style garb. The super cheezzzzzzzeeeeee facade was supposed to look like NYC (I think...) and instead looked like a busted version of "Sesame Street." No offense to "Sesame Street" even they would have pulled the plug on that idea!

Even OSCAR winner Jamie Foxx couldn't get the audience motivated to get up on their feet.

The only glimmer of hope was a performance by Pink. Proving that an artist can overcome one bad idea after another. And all the campy schtick if you just sing your guts out and show some T and A.

Oh yes, and we should not forget Britney. She won her first VMA, thanked God, and was out of there... EVEN SHE realized how busted the night was going to be!

Practically the only thing worse than watching the VMAs, would be watching a bunch of dumb-ass people jumping through cardboard cut-outs for an hour long game show...

Oh thank heavens, Fox is more than just fair and balanced news...
tomorrow night they will be enriching the great American audience with the premier of "Hole in the Wall!"

Now that is TV worth watching.

For One Brief Moment the View Was Exceptional

I'm not ashamed to admit that during the past year, I made sure to tune in to The View. I know, some may think it was an odious waste of valuable DVR space.
However for one abrupt year, The View was explosive, impassioned and significant.

There are so many shows on television that cover important stories on fame, food and pop culture… So it's easy enough for me to understand that whenever anyone gets on televisions and uses their voice in an often-unpopular way it becomes easier to attack rather than watch and listen.

I admire people who use their platform to encourage growth, learning, and the opportunity to challenge our own ideas and perhaps even rethink our position.
I don't always agree with everything the people I admire have to say. Yet I respect each of their voices and their willingness to step up to the plate.

I love the work that Jon Stewart, Bill Maher and Stephen Colbert lend to the television audience. All three are smart, witty, and protest against disinterest in politics and society.
Rosie shared similar goals. She also tackled reaching out to a larger audience of people who may not always have the opportunity to watch shows that are on late night or cable channels. Her vocalization on a daytime network television show sparked a fresh energy and challenged speaking the truth and toeing the line for major network advertisers. If television ratings mean anything, we learned that for one year, people tuned in to hear a new voice.

The View without Rosie O'Donnell will not be a bad show. Instead, it will
once again be indifferent. People will watch, laugh and get free gifts. (Like they do on all of the other shows.) Time will pass and after awhile they'll forget that now more than ever, men and women need to stand up and use their voice.

Laughter is Contagious...

I cannot believe I'm sharing this information to the dark unknown reaches of the World Wide Web, after all, who knows where this information is really stored?
Nevertheless, I'm 29 years old, and I still talk to my Grandma almost daily.

I never feel bad about that, until I've said it to someone here in LA, and they look at me like I'm from another planet. As if loving your family and actually wanting to hear an encouraging voice is inconceivable.

I adore my grandma (she's my best friend) and I call her all the time…
Okay. We're past all that right?

Good.

Anyway, during our conversation today, she mentioned something about my grandpa falling and breaking a rib. Of course right away, I became upset and nervous about his condition. After she relieved me of any notion that he was anything more than mildly uncomfortable, we got on with our chat. She went on to advise me that (he) was taking advantage of a bell that she laid down beside his easy chair recliner. At which point she began to laugh uncontrollably.

My grandma's laugh is the most charming, audible and infectious cry you've ever heard! She gets a tickle in the back of her throat, and once that starts it never stops. Naturally I began to join forces with her delight in the fact that, she has in a sense, trained my grandpa to ring a bell whenever he needs anything. At which point, you hear the bell ringing in the background and we howled even louder…

The exhilaration that overcame my imagination, as I sat thinking about my mischievous grandpa ringing a bell anytime he needed anything!

"He's a tough old fart", she said, in between snorting and side aching breaths of laughter… she continued on, "Getting old is comical!"

"You think that was funny, you should see us getting ready for bed, it's like the blind leading the blind."

"Now I know God has a sense of humor, the aging process gives Him something fun to watch."

I'm not sure why I experienced so much joy from that conversation today. Many factors come to mind.
a. I'm happy to know that after fifty-two years of marriage, they can still make each other laugh.
b. My grandpa has a bell!?
c. Very few of my friends can make me laugh that hard out loud.

Notwithstanding, the most important reason, someday I am desperately going to miss that contagious laugh!

What About Blog?

Okay, so sue me. I had no idea what a "blog" actually was until a few short months ago. Of course I'd heard the word thrown around. I thought it was just some passing phase- like MySpace… You know, one of those fads that only super smart computer geeks and 13-year-old girls knew how to do. But then once I heard Rosie O'Donnell AND Britney Spears blogged, well lets just say I got nervous! Blogs are mainstream!

So I went to the source: Wikipedia. (The only reason I know about wikipedia, is because I'm obsessed with proving my Dad wrong on matters like history, religion and well pretty much everything.)

According to Wikipedia:

A blog (short for web log) is a website where entries are written in chronological order and displayed in reverse chronological order.
Blogs provide commentary or news on a particular subject such as food, politics, or local news; some function as more personal online diaries. A typical blog combines text, images, and links to other blogs, web pages, and other media related to its topic. The ability for readers to leave comments in an interactive format is an important part of many blogs. Most blogs are primarily textual, although some focus on photographs (photoblog), sketchblog, videos (vlog), music (MP3 blog), or audio (podcasting), and are part of a wider network of social media.
The term "blog" is a portmanteau of the words web and log (Web log). "Blog" can also be used as a verb, meaning to maintain or add content to a blog.

Seems easy enough right? I enjoy food, politics, or local news. But wait, I also get to share more personal information too? Shit! SIGN ME UP!
I love putting my opinions out into the world for everyone else to judge and hate me for them.

Just the other day, I was chatting with a group of friends and I realized- Wow. I'm the only one talking.
It made me feel really good! I was proud that I had enough to say for all of us.
It seems as though Blogging will be another opportunity for me to tell anyone who will listen why I'm right and they're wrong!

Who knows? Maybe we'll all learn something from this crazy new trend. I relish in sharing my views on virtually everything. I'm extremely passionate about the evolution of intellect. I'm prepared to be enlightened!

However, in reading more about blogs, I see that sometimes speaking our mind comes with a price. In life there are consequences. It's only natural that blogging leads to trouble. Political views aside, it seems that some blogs are dedicated to the sole purpose of destroying the lives of former bosses, lovers, etc…
Defamation or liable are big words that scary lawyers throw around to keep people quite.

I Will Not Be Silenced.

But I will say that the views I share on my blog from this point forward are ONLY opinions that I will present as Fact to prove my point. I do this because if it works for our Government and the majority of the media, I think I should benefit too.

Bill Maher was right. Blogging can be fun. I don't know him personally, but if I did I'm sure we would be friends. He doesn't have a blog either, but I'm sure he wants one. I know now that blogs aren't going anywhere; they're as permanent as my veneer.

It was sensational sharing my opinions tonight. I can't wait to blog more.