Family Feud

I started the following entry three nights ago, after a phone conversation with my mom went down hill, fast. I've spent the past two days in a gloomy state of mind and really want to move past it!

When I originally sat down to write the blog entry I was unable to completely explore my feelings. They were too fresh, and I was too upset at the way I handled the situation.

Now, I realize I have no desire to rehash the conversation that took place.

Regardless of how hurt I was at the decision my mom made that lead to the blow up, I wish that I would have swallowed my words and let it go.

The bottom line is, I love my mom. She has been so wonderful and supportive of my journey in life. Of course there are things that I wish were different in our relationship. I'm positive there are personality traits that we share that add to both the brilliant parts of our bond- as well as the negative elements.

3.19.11

It's seems no matter how old I am or what I've accomplished in my life, I cannot escape the habit of reacting to my family like my former fourteen year old self during family conflicts.

Despite the fact that I'm extremely talented in the art of war- I hate to fight!

I loath the headache that follows almost instantly.

I despise the empty pit in my stomach.

And instantly, I'm sad and depressed about the way I talked to whomever I was in the fight with.

I spend the following days, reenacting the moments in my head. Playing out each of the beats, in search of the second where my tongue betrayed my heart.

So here I am, three days later and ready to move on. I'm not sure if there will ever be an opportunity to completely work through this particular issue that I have with my mom. I guess at a certain point in life you focus on appreciating the amazing aspects of the relationships you have with your family members and you learn how to accept the dynamics that might not ever change.