Fix It; Moving On

After six weeks of travel for vacation and work, I was delighted to return home.
I arrived yesterday to:
a dryer that doesn’t dry;
an ice maker that isn’t making ice;
a guest bathroom drain that isn’t draining;
a pool pump that is gushing water all over our backyard;
two dogs with fleas;
and a dirty house;
in addition to all of the drama at home, I picked up a head cold that won’t go away...
And my mom and her husband arrive for 6 days this afternoon!
I wanted to rage. I want to scream and be upset... “This was supposed to be a peaceful week off with my family!!!!”  Is what my brain is screaming.
Then, I picked up “A New Earth” and read a chapter.
I took a deep breath and put the drama––which the ego loves––into perspective:  this can all be fixed.
Like a diva Hollywood publicist I took action; going down the list of “things to fix” one at a time calling on my team of experts (thank God for a home warranty), and let it go.
Now, I’m off to yoga...because Life. Ya know?

Hello 40!

I opened my eyes this morning and saw my life with a new clarity.
Faster than a teenaged girl flips on her besties for a cute boy––I found peace with 40.
The dreams and goals of my past are there; my future will get here soon enough; presently I am overwhelmed with gratitude, joy, and acceptance.
Surrounded by people I love, who encourage, inspire, and support me––I feel unstoppable in a brilliant new way.
A force stirs inside of me encouraging me to release control and (honestly) enjoy the ride.
My passion, creativity, and motivation still burning inside; the need to set goals or accomplish dreams has shifted.
Things that once kept me constantly seeking more, needing validation, or proving my worth are less appetizing to me.
Relentless tenacity is in my DNA; thankfully, through yoga and meditation I found my quite voice: breath.
When I breathe in this moment, everything else falls away.
I know for sure that:
I am loved.
I share love.
I am most myself when I am creating.
I find bliss when I am with people who elevate my purpose through wisdom and creativity.
I can accomplish anything with faith and hard work.
I have nothing left to prove, but everything still to learn.
I am ready for a new chapter and have no expectations.
I am 40 and excited for Act II; wherever the story goes.

Through Darkness

Through darkness there is a pinhole of light;
The beam of energy leads to a pool of unconditional joy.
You just have to make the choice:
Awake to the light or wither in darkness.

Surrender To The Present

Last night I panicked a little bit. I briefly lost track of “me” and gave in to the unrealistic drama in my mind. I allowed my ego to launch into a full-blown  interrogation––similar to what you'd expect on a procedural crime show on NBC. I heard Mariska Hargitay’s voice challenging me, “Do you really think that you can continue on this path, Matthew?”
The tone in her voice was so judgmental and serious that it coaxed my soul and heart to conspire with my mind.
Then, a subtle light appeared out of the darkness, (thankfully) I saw my reflection in the one-sided mirror in the 10 x 10 holding room and snapped myself back into the present.
“Who cares what anyone else thinks about my journey?”
Now, my Criminal Mind character took over...
Please answer these questions, Matthew:

Do you still enjoy the journey that you’re on?  “Yes.”
Do you still find pleasure in the creative process? “Yes.”
Above and beyond the basic essential needs (food, housing, clothing, health), have you consistently been able to provide a loving, solid, adventurous life filled with lavish dinners, decadent cultural explorations, laughter and learning for you and your loved ones? “Yes.”
Finally, is there any place you’d rather be; or anything else you’d rather be doing with your life at this point? “No.”
Then what is the issue? “There is no issue.”

Back to the present then to continue the expedition into love, laughter, culture, friendship, family, creativity, and evolution.

Labels Are Mind-Made.

We use words to describe, define, and divide.
Labels that were surely meant to help us identify, communicate, and navigate life, have evolved into a trap.
We get so hung up in our minds overthinking everything.
Do you think a dog questions the purpose of life?
Or a flower challenges the existence of God?

The Universe; Alive in Us

Pulsing energy connected to nature, humanity, and the heavens;
Created to thrive as one;
A beating heart, we dance in rhythm––we are alive!

Listen To Nature

Rain drops falling; the purification of life.
Wind whistling; moving energy across the universe.
A river trickling past; the reminder that life never stops moving.
Birds singing; hope is everywhere.
Nature is full of messages; in stillness we are reminded.

A Tree Is A Tree; I am Me.

The strong trunk deeply rooted into the earth;
Grounded and confident its branches sway and leaves rustle.
Through sunshine, rain, wind, and storms the tree remains fearless––not even the threat of fire causes it to be anything other than a tree.
Surely the tree is vulnerable to elements, yet it continues to provide shelter, food, and lodging to other insects and animals; some may even unknowingly hurt the tree; yet the tree continues to stand.
Nature can teach us a lot about being present.
I don’t have to be anything other than Me.

Balance

Standing on one foot for an extended period of time is easy;
Finding stability among the challenges of life, relationships, career, and health where a strong center is key!

I Am

The definition of who I am continues to evolve.
The most valuable lesson that I’ve learned through countless hours of meditation, yoga, prayer, reading, questioning, listening, traveling, and self-discovery is that I am present.
Undefinable based on what I’m working on, how much money I have, what clothes I’m wearing, where I live––and so on and so forth.
I am––a sacred space.
I am most at peace, when I accept what is in the moment and remain true to the version of me at that point in time; the Now.
I am––here.

The Only Goal: Be Here Now

The ego demands that we remain in a constant state of chaos;
It says, “Achieve more. Be more. You’re not enough.”
The Present Moment says, “Take care of what’s in front of you.  Be here. You, are enough. This moment is all there is.”
All of the goal setting, planning, and tenacious outreach to gain more gets in the way of the most important aspect of life: appreciating what is.
Be here now.

Identify The Ego

I’m sitting in my hotel room gazing out the window watching the gentle snow fall;
Every flake is gorgeous and unique;
A mirror to humanity.
The snowflakes fall together creating a stunning landscape without the need to compare or be better than the crystallized ice that floats around them.

Become At Ease With the State of “Not Knowing.”

As an artist, I’ve spent a lifetime living in the unknown;
Where will my next job come from?
Will people enjoy my book, play, television appearance?
What will I do if I stop booking work?
The unknown can be a dark, terrifying place for anyone.
Yet, from the unknown some of my brightest experiences have been born.  Unexpected adventures to foreign countries; last minute bookings on TV shows; wild parties full of A-list heroes; job opportunities that pushed my creativity beyond what I dreamed I was capable of...
It is in the state of not knowing where hope and dreams thrive; there in that uncertainty remains the idea that anything could happen!

Wisdom Through Awareness

Growing up, my dad would “encourage” me to help him out around the house, in the garage, and at his office––I’m sure the free labor was half the reason my parents decided to have me––and whether we were in a crawl space repairing a pipe or neck deep in grease changing the oil in our car he would say (half joking to lift my spirits), “Watch and learn!”
My dad’s point was valid and has served me throughout my life.  He taught me to be a watchful observer, to be aware of my circumstances, and to learn from everything.
Turns out he was a wise guy after all...

Awareness From Your Surroundings

I watched the sky transform from a deep cobalt blue into a soft sky blue in a matter of minutes;
I gazed at a tree and explored the layers and depths of green, yellow, and brown that twisted together in the wind;
With careful surveillance I observed my Yorkie, Ginger inhale a cookie like a child devours an ice cream cone on a hot day, I could taste the joy and feel her gratitude, love, and pleasure––all from a simple dog treat.
When I allow myself the quite space to become aware of my surroundings without labels or judgments, I’m reminded of how simple yet detailed life is; we are all connected.

Inner Stillness

The perfect way to welcome a New Year!
Vibrant rays energize my body;
The California breeze sweeps past me as I sit in meditation;
Like a sound effect in a superhero movie, the world around me is silent; I’m in a bubble.
Then, clarity: silence is golden.

The Nutcracker

Rats dancing around a gorgeous palace all decorated for Christmas;
A Sugarplum Fairy flirting with a Prince;
Ethnically insensitive stereotypes parading around the stage in competition;
Beautiful bodies stretching and reaching, twirling and jumping around the stage;
Sounds like every party I’ve been too in NYC.

Feed The Ducks

Lily the Shih Tzu stares with her head titled, confused by the sound of quack... that’s not a dog?!
Ginger the Yorkie sits waiting for a crumb––they’re for the ducks Ginger... she doesn’t get it.
We walk along the Los Angeles River; just a bunch of animals feeding the birds.

Moderation

The holidays are full of festive gatherings, too much food, laughter, and booze;
Today––whilst attempting to get downward dog in yoga––I had a flash of clarity.
Why am I fighting so hard to get into this posture? My body feels broken and my belly is full––why not “drop down” and give myself a break.  (A sentiment that is often repeated throughout a yoga class.)
Yoga, just as in life, is a lesson in letting go and finding balance:
I have to know when to push; when to pull; and when to lie in shavasana.
I struck a healthy balance in class and discovered that moderation suits me.

December 15th

Fifteen years ago today I started dating the man of my dreams, who would inevitably become my husband and creative partner;
Seven years ago today my gorgeous niece was born, changing my world for the better;
Eighty-One years ago today my grandma was born; providing an instant fan for life and constant source of love and laughter––also the perfect shopping companion.
Today was a beautiful celebration of the many blessings I have in my life.