Coffee Talk

One of my favorite activities while visiting my family over the holidays is to go out for coffee with my mom or dad.
Bonding over a warm caffeinated beverage in the Colorado cold is the ideal way to share our lives.
Exchanging victories, laughing about old memories and comforting one another on losses and setbacks.
My mom and dad have always been my heroes.
Their support, leadership, knowledge and love have guided me from childhood to adulthood; and I continue to learn and laugh with them every opportunity I get.
My dad and I spent our mornings sharing stories on the way to school.
My mom and I have been addicted to Starbucks and social hour just as long...
For me, it's the simple joy of sitting down with either of them and getting to know them; not as mom or dad––but as people with vibrant backstories.
Sure, we could bond just as easily at home, but there's something about a cup of "joe" that makes the moment that much stronger!

Complications On The Home Front...

I imagine the holidays tend to be a tricky time of year for every family.

Of course I'm delighted to be with my family, especially this year with the new addition of my niece Kellyn or as I like to call her: "my little peanut!" Still, I'm faced with the hurdles of having a very large, emotional and outspoken Italian family- add in the trials and tribulations of parents who are divorced and remarried, their extended family and half siblings- and you have a recipe for disaster!

The most frustrating part for me, is that no matter how hard I try to approach this time of year, I always seem to hurt someone, usually me. I will go out of my way to plan the entire trip, and it blows up in my face. Next time I'll make no plans whatsoever, and that comes crashing down on me- Regardless of the path I decide to take, it's always the wrong direction.

The worst part is how upset I feel once Christmas has passed, and I'm back in California wishing I could have been more patient, calm and carefree!

Every year my goal is to live in the moment and enjoy the time I have with each member of my family, and every year, I end up fighting with someone in my family...

I've been home for three days, and I've come dangerously close to an outburst. Thankfully, I've managed to remember that my family acts out like they do, because the love me and they want to spend time with me- It becomes an unintentional competition.

So I've reached the conclusion that in order to avoid complications on the home front all together; I have to close my eyes, take a deep breath and smile. If past holidays show me anything, it's that no matter what I do "right" or "wrong" my family is going to act however they want depending on where they're at in their life... so my only objective now is to not to react! If I don't engage- I don't have rage!

Home For The Holidays

My Grandma Shaffer always reminds me, "Home is where your heart is."
As a kid, I never understood what that meant- My heart is in my chest... How can my home be there?
Fortunately when I moved out on my own, I began to make sense of that phrase.
Chicago, New York, Los Angeles; no matter where I've lived, I've kept the love of my family in my heart.
Still, nothing compares to the aromas, laughter and love of returning home.
Over the past fourteen years I've found great comfort in my visits. Despite the silly fights with my dad, or the screaming matches with my sister, Christmas at home with my family has always been a joy.
As with everything in life- eventually things change. Over the past couple of years I've watched as things slowly change and evolve.
After losing my Grandpa Shaffer a year and a half ago- returning home has a new energy.
Of course I'm so grateful to be with the rest of my family- but there are moments where I flashback to a Christmas from my childhood.
It's painful to come home expecting everything to remain untouched and realize that life moves forward. True, the surroundings seem very normal at first glance. But look a little closer and you begin to see just how fast time and distance take their toll: No Christmas decorations up, because who has the time? No tray of baked goods out, because who has the energy? Then of course there is the absence of my Grandpa Shaffer, and the effect that his death still has on two Christmas later...
As a kid, Christmas is full of joy, toys and laughter. As an adult, it's stress, sadness, and memories-
No matter how hard I fight the tears, they're there. I just strive to remember the good times and laugh as much as I can.
It kills me to watch my grandma suffer from Parkinson's disease- This beautiful woman who has spent her life serving and inspiring others is slowly losing her ability to do function in the way that she's accustomed to.
Despite her challenges, her lack of energy and her pain of losing her husband of fifty-four years, she still finds the ability to share her amazing spirit! Her infectious laugh is all I need to be reminded that, someday when her battle with Parkinson's takes it's toll or she is no longer with us during Christmas- I will remember that home is where the heart is... And though my heart will ache from missing her- I will find comfort in the memory of her spirit, and I will fight like hell to keep her safe at home in my heart. Until then- I'm grateful that I'm in her house, the house that I've know for thirty-two years, and I am happy!