Life's A Beach and Then You Marry One!

Remember those amazing T-shirts from the 80's?

Bright neon colors with "rad" slogans most of which involving the beach...

My favorite was "Life's A Beach and Then You Marry One!"

Of course I was around twelve or thirteen years old at the time, so I'm sure I only half knew what it meant. Obviously I understood the implied- calling your wife a "beach" and getting away with it, however, it wasn't until I got out on my own that I realized the many layers of that T-shirt!

I'm not sure why I thought of that saying today. It could be the fact that it's 85 degrees in Malibu and I could really use a beach day!

I know I've mentioned it several times in my blog posts, but the last month has wiped me out! I was on a creative high with our Real Housewives of New York City parodies, and then with the grand move, and the out of town work engagements have left me feeling uninspired, fat and lazy.

So, I've decided to get up off my uncreative, inactive, lackadaisical ass and get back on board the game of "life!" The first place I though of on a sunny day in Los Angeles: Malibu! The sand, sun and salty air might be just what I need to refuel my juices!

Today life is a beach! ...as for the rest of the slogan, I'm not sure I'm in any hurry to marry one!

Detox ASAP

Enough is enough!

I've spent the past week in a thick haze of gluttony-

I never have a problem overeating,

In fact, it's what I do best-

I love food. I crave it every second on the day...

Usually, I trick myself into feeling full by drinking gallons of water a day-

This week I haven't been able to put down the fork and step away from table,

Because of this, my gut is doughy and threatening to burst at any moment.

Two nights ago I was in so much pain that I though my appendix was going to explode-

I woke up at 4 a. m. with sharp pains in my side,

After a twenty minute google search and three articles on web MD about appendicitis-

I seriously contemplated calling an ambulance!

...Until I realized it was just horrible gas!

That's when it occurred to me that maybe I'm eating too much shit!

I know, I know... it's okay to have fun and splurge every now and then-

But with Summer, bathing suits and beach parties right around the corner...

it's time to say NO to the chili cheese fries, and hello to the garden salad with a side of vinaigrette!