Surrender To The Present

Last night I panicked a little bit. I briefly lost track of “me” and gave in to the unrealistic drama in my mind. I allowed my ego to launch into a full-blown  interrogation––similar to what you'd expect on a procedural crime show on NBC. I heard Mariska Hargitay’s voice challenging me, “Do you really think that you can continue on this path, Matthew?”
The tone in her voice was so judgmental and serious that it coaxed my soul and heart to conspire with my mind.
Then, a subtle light appeared out of the darkness, (thankfully) I saw my reflection in the one-sided mirror in the 10 x 10 holding room and snapped myself back into the present.
“Who cares what anyone else thinks about my journey?”
Now, my Criminal Mind character took over...
Please answer these questions, Matthew:

Do you still enjoy the journey that you’re on?  “Yes.”
Do you still find pleasure in the creative process? “Yes.”
Above and beyond the basic essential needs (food, housing, clothing, health), have you consistently been able to provide a loving, solid, adventurous life filled with lavish dinners, decadent cultural explorations, laughter and learning for you and your loved ones? “Yes.”
Finally, is there any place you’d rather be; or anything else you’d rather be doing with your life at this point? “No.”
Then what is the issue? “There is no issue.”

Back to the present then to continue the expedition into love, laughter, culture, friendship, family, creativity, and evolution.

Six-Word Story Challenge; Soda Shoppe

Old fashioned malt; celebrating grandma’s birthday.

Work Through It...

Fighting off the demons in my mind with drowning love and acceptance;
Escaping the reflection in the mirror through breath and inner peace;
Batteling the temptation to give into darkness––I seek light in the present.

Valentine's Day Love

It is upon us;
The day women (and some men) everywhere set themselves up for disappointment.
Expectations of lavish gifts, expensive dinners, and unconditional love.
I never grew up thinking much of this holiday.
Yes, I enjoyed elementary school Valentine’s Day card exchanges and of course the candy, but should you feel loved, appreciated, valued, and spoiled every day?
There is one exception.  My grandma––who passed away three years ago––would always go out of her way to send my sister and me a Valentine’s Day care package from Colorado.
The box would arrive a few days before February 14th and we’d eagerly wait to tear in to the box where we would find stuffed animals, school supplies, and candy.  As we got older the boxes turned into cards with cash inside!
When I returned home from work last night, there was a  package from my sister waiting for me in the mailbox.
Keeping tradition, I opened the package this morning and burst into tears.
My sister found a Valentine’s Day card that my grandma must have missed place at some point during my childhood.  The card was clearly meant for me––it had a picture of a young man dancing––(my gram went out of her way to support my passion for dance) and it said, “For You Grandson.”
Even from heaven my grandma is sending me love.
I realized today how much I miss her and though I think about her every day, it was nice to receive some Valentine’s love from someone so special in my life.
That’s when I realized my single friends aren't crazy––they’re just longing to find someone who cares about them enough to shower them with extra love on a day that we all agree was made up to sell products.
Besides, who doesn’t love overpriced chocolate and flowers once in awhile?

Colorado Christmas Day 4

Merry Christmas!
I feel blessed to be with my family this year;
Faith, food, laughter, and cheer.
We opened packages this morning––as people do on Christmas––but the best gift I received this year was the present; truly learning how to live in the now.
Learning how to enjoy or accept each and every moment, regardless of the circumstance, has enabled me to appreciate my life on a deeper level.

Contact; Pay It Forward

There is always time to share love;
A phone call, email––even a text message just to say, “Hello.  I’m thinking about you.”
We’re so consumed with acquiring money, fame, accolades, and material objects––but what we need is friendship, a shoulder to cry on, validation of our feelings, fears, and desires.
Contact; with a human, not a machine.
Warmth from another feeling being.
Take time to share your energy with someone today; it may change their entire outlook.

Family

A year ago today, we were celebrating my sisters birthday in a rehabilitation center;
Honoring her life––while she was fighting for her life.
Overnight, a virus took away her ability to walk, talk, or hold her daughter.
My sister has always been a fighter.
Her tough exterior guards her sensitive and loyal heart.
Some of our family doubted in her ability to recover––I never lost Faith;
They don’t know my sister like I do.
A childhood spent in pure laughter or passionate fighting; neither one of us is afraid of extremes; but we always had each others back.
We moved around a lot when we were younger, so she was always my best friend.
When we became adults we were both preoccupied with building our own future––and forgot to check in with one another.
My sister’s hospitalization was a wake-up call for me;
This indépendant, talented, intelligent, creative, emotional, women––mother, daughter, sister, and friend, is one of the most important people in my life.
My love for her is unconditional and pure.
I’m so grateful that she has made a full recovery––the future looks bright;
But all we really have is the present, which is perfect, because it’s my sisters birthday. Happy Birthday Shiree. I love you.

Moms Are The Best!

My mom leaves town today;
I’ll do my best to focus on the adventures we shared while she was visiting––rather than being sad that she has to go.
Her love and support have helped me shine through every single journey I’ve walked.
But what I miss most when she’s not here, is her sense of humor––her contagious laugh is like an opera.
My heart is warm when her eyes sparkle with a wild thought or cleaver remark;
Every witty bone in my body was passed down from her.
We both like to shop, too.
And of course, I will miss our quality coffee talks!
I love you mom.

Positive Social Media

Social Media has an incredible impact;
Yesterday I received an outpouring of positive energy and birthday wishes–proof that technology can deliver more than just another Tweet about Kim Kardashian.
The inspiration and love was overwhelming.
Today, I’m another day older and twice as grateful for the friendships I’ve nurtured during my thirty-ahem years on this earth.

Pure Love

The overstuffed room was bursting with love in honor of my grandparents sixtieth wedding anniversary.
Surrounded by lifelong friends and family; we shared in delicious food, laughter, and dancing.
It was overwhelming to hear the stories, and watch my grandma and grandpa react to the memories.
Some could hardly contain their tears of gratitude.
Others sparked an explosion of joy with their recollection of a wild adventure, never before shared.
I scanned the room and witnessed pure love.
My grandparents have blessed me with unconditional love, support, and guidance; whether on family vacations or working for the family business––my grandparents never missed an opportunity to inspire a teachable lesson.
Faith, integrity, loyalty, positivity, and fearlessness have been instilled in my life in great part because of my grandparents.
The most meaningful lesson I learned from my grandparents, is something they continue to live by today: family and friends first.
I’m honored to have such magnificent role models.
Thank you Grandma and Grandpa Smith.
Congratulations on sixty years of love.

Inner Body Peace

How we feel on the inside;
Is directly associated with how we present ourselves on the outside.
Seeking enlightenment requires uniting the mind, body, and soul.

Faith

The ability to trust what cannot be seen;
To thrive on the energy that can only be felt;
To create from the wisdom that is handed down from experienced practitioners;
The light that radiates from a source that is greater than us:
Reminding us to live!

I Am Here.

The moment you let go of the past;
Is the instant you embrace the present.
The second you start worrying about the future;
Is the point when you release control of today.
Be here, NOW.

Be Here Now.

Knowing that I am one with the universe,
Trusting that God has a plan for everyone,
Believing in something even if those around me don’t,
Grateful for every journey, adventure and lesson;
Faith when all else fails––trusting that my path will always be clear.
Aware of how short life is,
I live in this moment, and that is all that I have.

Me and My Shadow: The Collaboration

I’m working on joining forces with my alter ego;
The short, fat kid with acne who still lives inside of me––making occasional appearances in moments of pressure, fear, or uncomfortable circumstances.
In honor of Valentine’s Day, I’m going to give my little butterball the love and attention he needs.
Rather than trying to hide that version of myself (or worse, pretend he never existed), I’m going to listen to him.  I’m going to be the “cool” best friend that he thought he never had in middle school.
His rage, insecurity, passion, and need to be heard has helped motivate my life;
Now I’m in a position to help him heal.
I’ve done the work.  I accept who I am.  I’m not afraid to expose the dark imperfections.
It’s time.

I Am

I am here in this moment;
Nothing more, nothing less––
The past is behind me and cannot be changed,
The future is in the distance and cannot be promised.
I exist in this moment: Aware, Grateful, Focused; seeking enlightenment.

Be Happy

My grandpa used to say, “If you want to be happy, be happy. If you want to be upset, be upset.”
The lighthearted wisdom with which he spoke would encourage me to think rather than react in anger, which is what would happen if anyone else would try to talk me out of a bad mood.
I was never able to grasp the ability to, “be happy” as a teenager; I was too busy caught up in the need to express my disappointment.
My grandpa was the only man I’ve ever met, who was able to stay calm and smile through almost any circumstance.
Even on his deathbed he reminded me, “Don’t be sad Matt, I’m so proud of you.”
For grandpa, Faith and the power of making a choice was all he needed to accept everything that life delivered to him.
“Happy” is a choice.  It requires releasing everything that is provoking un-happy feelings––which is tough to do if you love the drama, but necessary if you want to find inner peace.

Happiness

My grandma always used to say, “If you have to cross the street to find happiness, you’ve gone too far.”
I’d respond with a groan and remind her that I’d heard that before––she’d smile and say, just remember it.
Now that she is gone, I think about her and that saying all of the time.
I miss her laughter, the smell of her soft skin, her unconditional love, wisdom, support and guidance.
Thankfully, I hear her voice speaking in my head often; usually reminding me that happiness is within.
As I continue to work on evolving into a more enlightened person, I seek knowledge from others who have discovered their inner light.
While reading a chapter in, A New Earth, I was reminded of my grams favorite saying, and it suddenly made sense in a whole new way.
Searching for happiness is not the answer, exploring why I might be unhappy with a circumstance is more productive, and allows me to move past the obstacle there by making room for a positive reaction.
Happiness is not something you are, it is something you work toward everyday––in releasing the doubt and accepting light.

Pain Means It's Working. Right?

That feeling you have the day after an intense workout;
I didn’t realize my body could ache in so many places.
No seriously, I didn’t even know I had a muscle there!
Like Oprah, 2016 is the year of loving my body like never before!
Not through Weigh Watchers (unlike Oprah), but with a positive outlook, hard work and major portion control.
I’m done with comparing my physical appearance to anyone else;
I’d rather discover the best version of me––inside and out!

Merry Christmas

I miss my family who are not near this time of year;
But I’m thankful for the man who brings me cheer.
The Christmas spirit: Sharing Faith, love, and goodwill to family and friends.
Midnight mass was a reminder to release fear and trust in God;
Beautiful music, a joyous celebration of the season.