Anonymous...

Dear Anonymous,
Some people say things to your face... others only have the strength to say things behind your back. Either is fine with me.
What I'm confused by, is the type of person who lacks the character to put a name on their opinion, information or accusations.
I share my thoughts, opinions, observations, short stories, personal challenges and much more on an open blog.  I've been doing so for over two years.
If you look back through past entries, you will see that I'm very open about my proudest achievements and most venerable moments alike.
It's safe to say that I've never written anything "anonymously."  My feeling is, if you can't stand behind the words you are saying, maybe you shouldn't be saying them...
Clearly not everyone feels the same way...
I suppose in certain instances; domestic abuse, child safety and witnessing a mob crime you might not want your name attached to the police report for personal safety.
Otherwise, I think it's just lame to attack someone namelessly~
I wrote a post a few days ago about an old friend who is no longer my friend.  I didn't mention their name because, just like posting anonymously, I think publicly bashing is unnecessary. (Until now.)
The point of my blog entry: Enjoy Your Facebook Friends was not to "get back" at an old friend.  It was to release my feelings and move on.  Which is why I started blogging in the first place.
So when I received an "anonymous" reply to my post from the "friend" in question, it only solidified my original feelings:
Some people have the balls to say one thing to your face...
...and another "anonymously."
Here is a post on my public "Wall" of Facebook from the former friend written one year earlier...



























And here is the "anonymous" downfall of our friendship just over a year later...

I will go on the record to say that I am so THANKFUL to have this delusional, self-centered, split personality, raging lunatic out of my life.  You want to act like the hero publicly and bash me "anonymously?" Too funny!
Yours Truly,
Matthew Shaffer

Delusional and Happy About It...

Often times I feel like I live in a forced delusional state of mind-

Then I remember that in order to make a dream come to life, I have to believe it will.

My delusion has worked so far in my life. Still, I never stop wondering if one day it's all just going to come crashing down around me?

I guess it really doesn't matter if it does. I mean the worst that can happen is that I have to pick up the pieces and start something new...

But it's not like I don't do that every time a project ends, a curtain falls or I don't get a part that I've auditioned for.

I think it's important that I check in on myself from time to time just to make sure I'm still happily doing what I love-

I'll admit, I wish I was making more money.

(At least enough that I wouldn't be so stressed at the end of every month...)

But at the end of the day I get to do what I love. I'm still madly passionate about performing and creating. I'm thrilled when something that I poured my heart and soul into is enjoyed by others.

Until that exhilaration ends... I'm forced to live a delusional life!

"Crazy People" are Making Me Crazy!

Sure, I'm a self-confessed type "A" personality with a touch of self-diagnosed OCD; Add a half a dash of Italian blood- and you'll see that I am passionate, emotional and yes... from time to time a bit fiery! Albeit, I consider myself a fairly rational, fun-loving, idealistic yet grounded person...

Nevertheless, I have come to accept that there is something in me that attracts CRAZY like a rock star to a blond bombshell with big boobs! This magnetic force that pulls the crazy people toward me is something that I've learned to deal with and even somewhat accept. I used to believe that I sought it out as a challenge or a fun adventure. However, as I grow older I've discovered that even when I immediately recognize the crazy energy upon an introduction and distance myself, the "crazy" instantly attaches itself to me with a force stronger than the gravitational pull!

I don't enjoy the energy or emotions that I experience while dealing with and (attempting to) rationalize with these crazy people. I have spent the past fourteen years of my adult life working on my inner foundation: What triggers me. Why do I react a specific way? How do I maintain integrity without losing my temper or allowing emotion to dictate action.

I'm in an industry where emotion, passion and artistic personalities collide- It's to be expected that everyone who lives their life the way artist do has a dash of "crazy" in them... Why else would we continue to submit our self to constant rejection, judgment and uncertainty. Still, there is a fine line between what is "normal" and delusional!

So I'm stating to the world that I can no longer maintain friendships or connections with:

People who lie about lying.

People who scream in my face about someone else.

People who do whatever they need to get ahead.

People who blame others for their crazy outbursts.

People who flip on a dime; one minute they're singing your praise and the next they're bashing you.

People who think it's "okay" to say whatever they want and then walk away. Or worse, stay and scream without listening to whatever emotions the other party may be feeling.

People who have no accountability.

People who are unaware of their behavior and what others think of it.

So there you have it. I know that I've pretty much ruled out working again in this town... Nevertheless- I can no longer sacrifice my sanity for a friendship or a job- No matter how great they may be during the "good" moments.

In the end, it ALWAYS ends with a bang... (and not the good kind!)

I refuse to go "crazy" dealing with crazy people!