Track Wheel

The bright colorful rainbow track wheel spins my mind with rage;
There isn’t a breath deep enough to endure a technological breakdown.
I don’t care what “doctors say”, and Apple a day just leads to frustration.

The Path to Presence

When the day doesn’t start off the way you planned, let go of the plan and follow the path in front of you—that’s how being present works. 

These Little Things.

Adding everything up in your mind;
Lost in the deepest cave of thought;
Seeking answers that will only be discovered when the time is necessary.
Demanding resolution––but acknowledging that the end is just the beginning.
These little things feel so much bigger now; but they won’t in time.

Remembering Why I Create...

Taking a moment to appreciate the past four months;
The chaos which lead to overwhelming and stressful situations;
Stifled creativity and quick to agitation;
Feeling uninspired and questioning my path.
Then––a deep breath and a flicker of presence.
A charge of motivation; I took action.
The work wasn’t brilliant––but necessary.
Throughout the darkness, I continued to search for light.
Radiating beyond the thick haze of frustration and fear––I found my voice, again.
I was fortunate to spend last week setting a new piece of choreography on the dancers at Slippery Rock University.
Their exuberant idealism and energy recharged my soul giving me the opportunity to release my thoughts and emotions on a canvas of talented artists.
The brought my journey, my choreography, to life.

I’m A Proud American; and I Kneel in Support.

I’m disappointed that I would be labeled “unpatriotic” because I believe in standing up for every American––and their right to exercise the First Amendment.
Meanwhile, many of the people who support a president who dodged serving in the military and continues to do business with countries who would love to see our freedom destroyed, will preach that people should just “do their job.”
What if someone was going to take away your Second Amendment right, would you still demand that people remain silent?

My Truth Today…

Once you give yourself permission to release perfection, everything is possible.

I’ve discovered the answers to most of my challenges are resolved when I look for the solution, rather than focusing on the problem.

Coffee, Carbs, and Choreography.

With enough caffeine and carbohydrates, I can choreograph a full length piece of work; its a good thing, too, because I have five hours to complete my next project!

The Dream

I get to tell stories; my childhood dream has manifested into a career.

Dance runs in my veins.

I used to choreograph in grocery stores; now I set work on professional companies.

I’m living proof that passion, dedication, and determination will always lead to opportunities.

Pilates Chair

Definitely a torture device;
My body feels stronger just looking at the evil machine.
My ass burns with every step up––no doubt punishment for the extra Ranch dressing I ordered last night.
I may not like the extreme excessive, but I know it’s enhancing my posture and personality (when I look good, I’m sassy!)

Pittsburgh

Always under construction when I visit;
The perfect metaphor for my life.
True happiness is working in a city where your best friend lives;
Falling asleep mid-sentence, on a couch in their studio (their house is under construction), after a 10 hour day of traveling.
I’m up and ready to start choreographing!

Body Challenged

I just competed 21 yoga classes in 19 days;
I’m a sucker for a competition.
One can never spend too much time working on their mental, physical, or emotional health; but perhaps posting a leader board––with everyones class attendance––was a good thing, might want to revisit the whole, “Zen” thing.
Still, if a competition exists, you better believe I’m up for the challenge.
Too bad my body isn’t!
I need a day of hot water and bath salts.
My body is wrecked.

Emmys

Movie stars winning television trophies;
Trump wanted an Emmy®, Alec Baldwin wins playing Trump;
Childhood dreams fulfilled;
I’m not in the room yet, but I’m a member of the club.

Addicted

The aroma of coffee floats through my house;
I can almost see the cartoon-like waves of steam and rich caffeinated goodness.
The enticing bean is the only reason I’m able to coax myself out of bed; and away from my cuddling puppies.
I’m an addict.

Six Word Essay on Yoga Sculpt

Pushing past exertion; I mindfully evolve.

Let It Go.

When you wake up in a shitty mood and you want to yell at the world; don’t.
Simply channel your tools: breathe, smile, and binge eat a breakfast burrito from your favorite morning restaurant...

Wait; Lobby

I sit in a chair waiting;

The anxiety of a doctors office never dissipates.

So basically all of the self discovery books that I’ve studied, meditated over, and applied to my life are wasted on a moment like this.

It’s a simple procedure—I keep telling myself this—yet I can’t shake the fear of the unknown.

I return to the breath; it’s shallow—like my ego—I’ve got more work to do.

It’s remarkable what we learn about ourselves in a hospital waiting room.

Liquid

Like some Hollywood actress prepping for her appearance on the red carpet before the OSCARS;
I’m forced to drink my food today.
Juices, broths, and supplement drinks; delicious!
Maybe sarcasm will help me through my “cleanse.”
And by cleanse, I mean preparation for a medical procedure.
Welcome to adulthood.

Validation

Sitting in a room full of creative, talented, peers;
I shared my work with total fearlessness.
The response was overwhelmingly positive.
In one instant, my years of training, struggle, tenacity was validated in the most honest and important way; a confirmation of what I’ve always believed in my heart––and why I’ve never given up.
I was reminded that I am an artist and I create because I’m meant to.
And even if only for another day, week, month, year––it was the encouragement I needed to keep on going.

Stronger Together

We were a country divided until this day sixteen years ago;
Four airplanes––carrying unsuspecting passengers of every race, faith, political and socioeconomic background––penetrated landmarks in our country.
We came together to help those who lost, love those who were afraid, and support the heroes who served.
The pain, confusion, fear, and anger of that devastating day, when American soil faced the stain of global terrorism, has not escaped our memory;
But our hearts and minds have been hardened again as a country.
Now is not a time to allow powerful people to manipulate our present, because of our past;  we must stand together––again––with compassion, love, Faith, acceptance, and equality.
We are stronger together; UNITY.
#WeRemember

Sunday

I went to church: soul.
I went to yoga: mind, body, soul.
I went to Starbucks: LIFE!

Wake Up!

The deeply implanted linen line marking my cheek is a quick giveaway;
I slept in this morning.
I skipped my daily rituals and I’m rushing to yoga;
Where I’ll probably go back to sleep on my mat.

Healing Waters...

My unconscious self tried so hard to be sad and depressed yesterday;
“If I feel tortured and angry, then I won’t feel guilty about living so far away from my family.”
I woke up next to my pool with the sun on my face;
The gentle breeze reminded me that the present moment doesn’t require judgement.  I smiled and focused on the beautiful week I spent with my sister and niece, and then jumped into the pool.

Saying Goodbye; Focus on the Positive!

The hour has arrived, my sister and niece have to return to their “real” lives.
Twenty years ago––when I ventured out on my own to pursue my dreams––I had the startling realization that I was embarking on a path that would keep me away from my family, more that it would allow me time with them.
That choice has been something I’ve struggled with immeasurable times; holidays, family gatherings, graduations, the loss of loved ones––the sacrifice is real.
Thankfully, just under ten years ago, I found a new approach to my time away.  It was just after my grandpa passed; before he died he explained how proud he was of me, he offered me this, “Don’t be sad, Matt––this is a part of life.  You’re doing wonderful things, go and live your life.”
On his deathbed, grandpa gave me the permission to continue to follow my dreams, and the tools to find joy in every moment.
Yoga helped me with the next monumental discovery:
The present moment is all we have.
So, I’ve spent the past 10 years (trying––and more often than not succeeding) finding the positive in every circumstance.
My sister and niece’s visit was a brilliant week of laughter, love, creativity, and bonding.
The beach (twice!), Disneyland, getting my niece’s ears pierced, trips to the mall, the Farmer’s Market, visiting with childhood friends, eating at delicious restaurants, and Griffith Park Observatory were just a few of the adventures we shared.
But my favorite moments were swimming in our swimming pool––watching Jeff teach Kellyn how to swim; or sitting with my niece in the living room and helping her with her homework––she’s so bright; or cuddling on the couch and hearing my niece’s beautiful joyous laughter––I appreciate animated movies in a new way, now; watching my sister swim in the ocean––she looked so peaceful and free, it reminded me of watching her as a child, I love her so much; and my favorite moment: watching my sister as a mommy––patience, love, encouragement, humor, wisdom, confidence... my niece is in perfect hands.
It’s hard to believe that two years ago my sister was stuck in a hospital bed re-learning how to talk, eat, and walk.
I feel so blessed for this visit, and while saying goodbye is so brutal, I’m happy that I got to say hello.  I will hold onto the positive memories while I’m dropping them off at the airport today, and for the rest of my life!

The Day After

My body aches all over;
My belly is full of junk;
My wallet is empty;
My camera is full;
My niece and sister are happy;
My inner child is crying because it’s over;
My inner adult is laughing because we had a blast but I need a full day to recover:
#Disneyland!

Disneyland

No matter what age, I challenge a person not to have fun at Disneyland.
Okay, I’m sure it can be done...but why on earth would you allow yourself to be in a bad mood at the Happiest Place on Earth?
My sister turns 37 years old today, and I’m so grateful that I get to spend the day with her, my niece, and my husband.
My sister has endured and conquered so many obstacles in her life; from cancer to a coma and everything in between, and she’s alive and well.
Even at 5 a.m. I’m smiling from ear to ear, because we’re about to embark on a day of laughter, junk food, rides...and of course, a lot of princess pictures with my 6 year old niece!  *Hopefully some of the Disney princesses will pose with her, too.

Da, Da, Da, Da, Da... I'm NOT Loving It.

Last night, after a fabulous birthday party in Hancock Park, we stopped at a McDonald's for my niece;
Even after a massive spread including: popcorn, chips, dips, pizzas, salads, cookies, caramels, chocolates, cupcakes, candy, and a second round of pizza... my 6 year old niece was still hungry.
Apparently so was I!
I ordered the Number 2 (two cheeseburgers, large fries, and a coke) AND I added a four piece chicken McNuggets––because ya know, why not?
It's the exact meal I ate in high school. Everyday.
And I wondered why I had a weight issue.

Six Word Essay On Swimming with my Niece:

A fearless fish with fast feet.

Meditate On This:

“Even when the sky is heavily overcast, the sun hasn’t disappeared. It’s still there on the other side of the clouds.”  ––Eckhart Tolle

I love waking up in the mornings and reading self-discovery books.  I’ve read so many personal growth books that I should be a Zen Master; yet here I sit, questioning my path.
I close my eyes and deepen my breath.  That feeling in my stomach isn’t gas––okay it might be, because my family is in town and we’ve been eating a lot of rich meals––still I understand that the knot in my stomach is from conflict.
This morning, while reading the “Power of Now” I came across that simple reminder above.  I smiled and let go of all the noise in my mind.
My sister and niece are in town for a short time; all the drama and lists, and goals, and work, and worry can wait; I’m going to meditate and enjoy my day!

Life's A Beach

I spent the day at the beach in Malibu yesterday.
Sandcastles, swimming, seashell collecting, and too much sun with my niece, sister, and husband.
Watching my 6 year old niece discover sand crabs for the first time reminded me of my sister and me growing up––we would collect the sea creatures and keep them in a plastic aquarium that my dad bought us from a pet store.
Looking back I can see how inhuman it was to bring those little crabs back to our house––we thought that the ocean water and seaweed we gathered in the tank would sustain their lives––of course, we were wrong.
Fortunately, my sister and I learned our lesson and taught Kelly (my niece) that it’s better to observe the lives of all animals in their natural habitat.
She watched the crabs burrow back into the sand and picked up her bucket and started building a sandcastle.
That’s the beauty of childhood, you can let go of something and move onto the next activity without much thought or emotion; just let go.
It was so wonderful to watch my sister and niece enjoy the ocean together; the healing energy of the waves and the invigorating rays from the sun lead to a family bonding moment.