Pilates Chair

Definitely a torture device;
My body feels stronger just looking at the evil machine.
My ass burns with every step up––no doubt punishment for the extra Ranch dressing I ordered last night.
I may not like the extreme excessive, but I know it’s enhancing my posture and personality (when I look good, I’m sassy!)

Liquid

Like some Hollywood actress prepping for her appearance on the red carpet before the OSCARS;
I’m forced to drink my food today.
Juices, broths, and supplement drinks; delicious!
Maybe sarcasm will help me through my “cleanse.”
And by cleanse, I mean preparation for a medical procedure.
Welcome to adulthood.

Ode to SunChips

A chip by any other name would not carry that same bright, whole grain saltiness.
A delightful memory from middle school, the heart healthy (or so the bag claims) snack that gave me the courage to face fourth period.
Don’t get me wrong, Doritos will always have a special place in my soul;
But SunChips have no artificial flavors or preservatives, so my gut can be happy without the guilty feelings...

Note To Self:

Salty pizza and Ranch dip might seem like a good idea in the moment;
But please remember the three days of bloating, heartburn, and weight gain you experience in the aftermath.
#MakeBetterHealthChoices

Lazy and Overflowing with Love.

Flopped down on my couch,
I’m ready to binge watch something on Netflix and fall asleep with my puppies; one on each side.
I overdid it in yoga––most a subconscious reaction to the amount of food I’ve been eating.
My stomach growls,
I cannot possibly be hungry;
More likely it’s my body readjusting to the idea of normal consumption.
My mind is obsessing about pizza,
But the love hanging over the side of my sweatpants reminds me that arugula would be a better choice tonight.

Food For Thought

I wear a retainer at night in order to keep my teeth in place while I sleep;
If only they made a retainer for your tummy!

Note To Self: Letting Go

Some days just start off on the wrong note––no matter how hard I try to find the pitch, the music is flat.
In those moments I used to freak out, rage and live in negativity;
Thankfully, yesterday I was able to exhale anger and breathe in awareness.
The day didn’t get any less complicated, but as my outlook shifted, I was able to laugh through the setbacks.
Life can be overwhelming if I allow external circumstances to dictate my emotions;
But the power to take control, remain calm, focused and present in the moment is always the option that will lead to a more productive day.
It will keep me healthier, too.

I am enLIGHTened

The moment of letting go;
A deep breath in and a giant exhale of toxic thought, fear, reaction, or energy.
Holding onto outdated ideas of who I am or what I’m meant to be, will not serve me today.
Questioning my future will not lead to a brighter tomorrow.
Understanding that the only way to a more connected, happy life is through acceptance.
Acknowledgment leads to enlightenment.

Body Philosophy

My body is healthy and strong;
Time has not yet erased the presence of happiness and youth.
One day not far from now my body will show the scars.
Will I be able to look in the mirror with love and acceptance?
Only when I love my body completely––for what it provides and not how it looks, will I find inner-acceptance and peace.

Pain Means It's Working. Right?

That feeling you have the day after an intense workout;
I didn’t realize my body could ache in so many places.
No seriously, I didn’t even know I had a muscle there!
Like Oprah, 2016 is the year of loving my body like never before!
Not through Weigh Watchers (unlike Oprah), but with a positive outlook, hard work and major portion control.
I’m done with comparing my physical appearance to anyone else;
I’d rather discover the best version of me––inside and out!

Yoga Is Life

Yoga is the breath;
Body, soul and universe––
My life is balanced.

Yoga

Body and mind at peace;
Or at least breathing through the fact that I stuffed my face yesterday and I want to feel good about myself today.

The Madonna Complex

Women everywhere hate Madonna.  The Matron of Pop Culture has managed to stay relevant in a world full of naked-wreckingball rage, sex tapes, and auto-tuned dance beats; all of which she paved the way for.
Her spirit (or desperation to remain famous) has endured.
Rejecting the idea that woman should ever look or act their age, she thrives on the attention she demands when she lifts up her Red-Carpet-costume to flash the paparazzi her firm-middle-aged-assests.
Face it America, every time Madonna struts across the stage in her religiously-charged-yet-somehow-still-sexy costume showing off her I-do-yoga-and-pilates-and-I-can-still-dance body, she’s not just proving that she’s still got skin in the game (literally). Nope. Each time we see a hint of ass, or a flash of the grill––she’s sending us a giant FUCK YOU America––this is what a 57 year old should look like now!
Subsequently housewives (and gay men) across the country are pouring into pilates studios, packing in the yoga, and Soul searching on a Cycle; while the straight dudes are shedding the #DadBods and shredding on steroids and circuit training.

[This is a portion of an op-ed piece I am writing for a fun website. More soon.]

Sis

My sister ate a popsicle on her own today;
A huge step on the road to recovery.
She smiled and said, “Cherry! Aren’t you going to eat?”
I said I would later.
She responded, “Won’t it go bad? Don’t you think you should eat it?”
Even when she’s sick, she stays thoughtful of others.
I sat and at a popsicle next to her like we did when we were kids.
She smiled at me––today, that was enough.

Progress

“Matthew Shaffer, enough!”
The words my sister sluggishly muttered to me today from her hospital bed.
Less lethargic, more lucid and responsive to questions.
Struggling with full sentences, but her phrases are sharp and to the point.
I love my little sister so much.
She is one tough cookie with a sweet and gooey inside, and she is going to make a full recovery; she’s a fighter!

Hotel Blues

Sleepless nights are rough;
Look for irritable days.
Only caffeine helps.

Dancer Body...

There’s not enough Advil in the world to relax my body.
Time for a long meditation, relaxing floor stretch, and a long hot bath.
#BodyAche

Pilates

Painful
Irritating
Long lines
Ass engaged
Trembling
Exercise for a
Stronger core!

Yoga

It's a zen thing.

You won't get it until you get downdog!

Dark Chocolate

Rich, bold and heart-healthy.

The decadent sweet treat melts in my mouth.

This is not helping my lose weight!