Uncomplicated

Overwhelmed with an empty schedule;
Why do I crave ink all over a calendar?
If I’m not overachieving, am I really succeeding?
Like a dancer falling out of a pirouette, I crave balance.
A deep breath and back to the mat;
Meditation for the mind, body, and soul.
Uncomplicated; life is how we react to it.

These Little Things.

Adding everything up in your mind;
Lost in the deepest cave of thought;
Seeking answers that will only be discovered when the time is necessary.
Demanding resolution––but acknowledging that the end is just the beginning.
These little things feel so much bigger now; but they won’t in time.

Trust Your Instinct...

That feeling in your upper gut is not gas––it’s your instinct––and the more I listen to it, the happier I am.
Life is too short to give a shit about other people’s judgments of you (no matter how important they think they are), trust yourself and plan an exit strategy accordingly.

Get Over It; And Let It Go...

Is there a difference between getting over something and letting something go?
I think when I get over something I never look back;
But if I let something go, I always wonder if I’ve released it too soon...
I can get over my reaction to a circumstance, but I can never seem to let go of the person or path that lead me to react in the first place.
My goal this year is to learn how to really let go of the energy that no longer serves me; it’s a simple practice in getting over my need to control everything.
And I’ve already established that I’m good at getting over things...

Pep Talk

The power of the present;
I constantly seek to be here, awake, now.
On my best day––when I’ve floated through yoga, nailed an audition, typed out ten pages of quality writing, spent hours laughing with friends, and receive an unexpected residual payment; when a river walk with my puppies feels like a momentous event or a trip to Starbucks with my husband is the most important thing in the world––I have no doubt that I’m presicily where I’m supposed to be.
It is on those days––when I wake up and feel an unexplainable lump in my throat, that what I’m doing is not important or I feel compelled to throw in the towel and stop creating––that I remember that I’m human.
That superhuman high of being present is only accessible to me when I release the hate speech in my head; that self-doubt that does nothing but stop me from living the most inspired life I can.
I imagine these thoughts are similar to many of the people my age. In fact, I’m positive it’s what many refer to as a midlife crisis.
However, I feel no crisis, I truly know exactly what my purpose is––and I’ve pursued it my entire life––it’s just getting much more challenging to maintain the determination, tenacity, and faith as I watch my friends and peers advancing in their careers.
Again, this is not unique to me, I know, but it feels real today.
So I honor my feelings, take a deep breath, and release the energy into the universe; the day is still young (even if I’m not) and all I have is this moment, it’s time to smile and take positive action to be present.

39 Is Sublime

Today I face my final year as a thirty-something year old man.
My grandpa assured my years ago that every decade comes and goes just a little bit faster.
As forecasted, my 30′s blazed by, and still I managed to experience a lifetime of adventure, evolution, loss, and triumphs.
I lost my grandpa two years into my 30′s;
Booked my first big job as a choreographer on television;
Co-produced, wrote, directed, and starred in 40 digital shorts;
Co-created and starred in 3 television pilots;
Choreographed 2 movies;
Welcomed my gorgeous niece into the world;
Lost my grandma (and best friend);
Married my soulmate;
Became a homeowner;
Published my first book, So You Want To Be A Dancer;
Nursed my sister back to health and became closer than I could ever have imagined;
Booked three roles on television;
Choreographed my first full-length concert dance piece;
Finished writing my second manuscript (which will hopefully be published during my 39th year);
And finally––through countless hours of yoga, meditation, prayer, and Faith––I managed to find the Present.  I learned how to release negativity; breathe through anger; and trust.
Decidedly, I will confront the final year of my 30′s with pure joy, gratitude, and peace of mind.
I’ve accomplished so many goals––I’m ready to stop overachieving and start appreciating the blessings that surround me.
Every day of my 39th year I will cherish myself with one fabulous action, gift, or thought that celebrates my life.
Living in the present every day––so as never to look back and say, “I wish I would have enjoyed that moment more!”
What we invest in our life is directly related to what we receive; I’m ready to embrace God’s plan for me.

Remember Why You Started.

If?
When?
How?
All one word questions I try to avoid asking; in my mind and aloud.
The creative path stirs so many thoughts, fears, and insecurities;
One of the traps I try to avoid is validating my work by the sale.
“If someone buys my book; green lights my TV show, or purchases tickets to my play––then I am talented.”
“When I’m a NY Times Bestseller; I win an Emmy, or Tony––then I’m successful.”
“How––is this mindset ever going to help me continue to create?”
 I want to create and trust that my work is enough.
When I close my eyes and release my ego, I remember that my path is not about counting credits, adding up victories (lets be honest, for every win I’ve suffered 20 losses), or selling more...
I became an artist because of a burning desire to connect with people, share my stories, and inspire people to engage in thought and become in touch with their emotions.

God and The 405

The last place I’d expect to connect with God is on the 405 freeway in Los Angeles.
Yet there among the texting, traffic, and road rage I felt His Presence.
As I was driving north in the middle lane just right of the “fast lane” with Jeff in the passenger seat––after a long day of errands––a women in the lane to my right wasn’t paying attention and began to change lanes.
She was an inch away from the right side of our car when I swerved slightly to my left to avoid getting hit; there wasn’t even enough time to honk my horn to warn her.
Before I knew it, our car was spinning out of control.
In that moment, I was completely calm.  I continued to turn my steering wheel into each turn (thanks dad for the overbearing and relentless driving lessons over the summer I turned 15) and I maintained visual contact with the road.
I scanned the road––which to our blessed fortune was suddenly completely clear––and I managed to correct our vehicle back into the lane I was previously driving in.
I was aware and focused the entire time.  Although I was prepared to hear a monstrous crashing sound and expected to wake up in the hospital, Jeff and I escaped the incident without hurting ourselves or anyone else.
I credit the self-discovery books, prayer, and meditation for my ability to stay mindful and present in that moment.
I thank God for guiding us to safety.
It was the perfect reminder that my path is not controlled by me; but how I react to the journey is.

OSCAR® Present

I spent the past weekend sharing my knowledge and inspiration with a group of young artists who seek to manifest their passion for performing into a career.
I was forced to push myself beyond my negative energy and (thankfully) rare unhappy emotions.
Even while I was leading a creative exercise or teaching a room full of dancers a piece of choreography, I found myself fighting the voices in my head.
I was constantly questioning my path.  Trying to decide if I still desired to pursue my own career as a performer.  I’ve been traveling on this road for almost twenty years––and I’ve arrived at many brilliant destinations along the way––but I still have so many sights I’d like to see.
Do I still have the drive in me?
I was thankful that I was aware of my thoughts––and did my best to acknowledge them and return to the present.
Ultimately, I found my way back most of the time.
After a short flight from Seattle to Los Angeles, I got home and turned on the Oscars® telecast that I had set on my DVR.
Within the first three minutes of the recording, I had my answer.
Yes; I still very much want to work in this industry.
And how lucky am I that I have a job that allows me to grow as an artist, while working with future artists?
I was overcome with a sense of calm, joy, and tears of encouragement;
The only place where my dream is alive is in the present––nothing else matters.

Do What You Can, Now...

If you’re anything like me, you’re probably always focused on what’s next.
As an artist I’m always aware that every job while eventually come to an end––and thus, I’m constantly on the look out for another opportunity.
This year I’m giving myself the permission to sit in the unknown and focus only on the task in front of me; which has been terrifying.
Learning to be present requires absolute trust;
However, if I can master living in the moment––focusing only on what’s in front of me NOW––I imagine I will find peace, grow creatively, and experience more brilliant opportunities on the journey ahead; wherever the path leads.

Never Question Creativity...

The how and when are not important.
If the creative energy is focused and invested;
The return will follow.


Dedicated to the present moment;
Manifesting inspiration rather than waiting for it.
Creativity requires nothing more than the discipline to take action.

Harnessed energy seeking the opportunity to share a story;
Whether written, filmed, choreographed, performed, or painted––
The cultivation of art, expression, and emotion will always lead to a new adventure.

Human. Surrender.

Learning to forgive myself is a work in progress;

I forgot my blog post yesterday.

After seven years of writing and posting a daily blog, you'd think it would be an established habit.

Once again I'm reminded of two things:

I am human, thus I am not perfect.

And, surrender takes time.

I was "off my game" all day yesterday, and perhaps if I would have allowed myself a moment to breathe, I would have recognized that I did not express myself creativity––via my blog––and I would have come back to the present.

Instead, I'm facing the reaction to the laps, and growing from it.

Releasing the pressure and moving forward.

Snooze

I hear the gentle rippling sound and rage;
I did not get enough sleep last night and I’m in no way ready to start my day.
The button on my iPhone insists on my fingerprint in order to snooze myself back into a slumber.
Ten more minutes is all I need.
I padded my morning with an extra thirty minutes––originally to have time to read and do my creative writing––but today it will serve as a wake-up-call delay.
Today is going to be a four shot Starbucks day!
#TheGlamorousLife on tour...

I Am Awake.

I’ve spent too much of my life trying to plan every moment down to the last detail.
Worried that I might miss an opportunity, I was constantly seeking to do more.
Always aware that I had a problem staying present, and often concerned that I would end up like those people...
The kind who are never happy with where they’re at or what they’ve accomplished.
They experience only fleeting moments of (what they perceive as) joy.
Until one day I woke up and realized I was, one of those people.
That was the instant I decided to surrender.
Now, I constantly seek balance through living in the present.
It’s not always easy––more often it’s difficult––but I’m aware of my patterns and ready to live the life that is waiting for me.
My creativity, passion, and tenacity are fueled by Faith instead of fear.
I am awake.

Growth

2017 is all about growth for me.
Creatively, mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually speaking, I want to reach beyond the limitations I’ve put upon myself and stir up a new point of view.
It’s time for expectations that no longer serve me to be released; not an easy task for a stubborn, over-achiever––but how can I reach new heights without the proper gear?
I have the opportunity to embrace new ideas about who I am and what I’m capable of.
Anyone who’s every been to the top of a mountain can attest that the view from above offers a completely different story than that of the valley they climbed out of.
I seek perspective from every angle.
I challenge myself to set up camp and appreciate the view during every segment of my journey; reaching the top is magnificent, but once you’ve peaked, you have to climb back down and learn something new.

Trust The Path...

“Luck is when preparation meets opportunity.”
This statement––uttered my countless inspirational mentors and leaders––has been a reoccurring sentiment in my life.
I have dedicated my entire adult (and most of my teenage years) planning, training, preparing, studying, working, fighting––waiting for the opportunity.
I have been blessed with a bountiful amount adventures as a performer, choreographer, teacher, and now author; yet I continue to fall victim to the need to push for more.
Is it the human condition?  I don’t know.
I am certain that I have sufficiently laid the foundation for my future––whatever it may bring––and I could stand to trust, a great deal more.
What good is Faith, if you can’t count on in unconditionally?
What I’ve remembered (again) today: when I focus on the creativity, and nothing else, the opportunity will eventually come... and I will be ready.
“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” ––John Lennon

Note To Self:

Salty pizza and Ranch dip might seem like a good idea in the moment;
But please remember the three days of bloating, heartburn, and weight gain you experience in the aftermath.
#MakeBetterHealthChoices

Dream, Reach, Accept What Comes

My childhood dreams are manifesting into realities.
Slightly different than I had imagined way back when;
Perhaps a more attainable version of themselves.
Forever grateful that my evolved point of view allowed for a modification from the plan––in order to appreciate the opportunities as they were presented.
Otherwise, I may have given up a long time ago.
Nothing can be as wild as we dream in our minds––but if we allow it––the outcome can be a brilliant realization of something that felt, at times, unattainable.
So, I will continue dreaming, because who know? I might make it to my version of the moon, yet.

Remember:

You don’t need to have answers to “what ifs”;
In the present there’s only, what is.

Details, Details.

Faith does not challenge the details, “When, where, why, how?”
When I walk in the light––fear, doubt, and negativity are lost in the shadows;
All that remains is a bright path.
In that radiance, the specifics become clear and the present is all that matters.