Defenses Mechanism

The drama is real.

Comedy masks the sadness;

Laughter saves the soul.

Undone

The damage is done,
Words cut deep.
Actions reveal truth.
There isn’t a drug strong enough to dull the pain;
Or an apology so powerful it would heal the wound.
All we can do is move forward and allow time to ease the memories.

Deal With It...

Sometimes no matter how hard I try to fight a feeling or emotion, I just can't get past it.
I don't spend much time feeling sorry for myself-
But when I'm deep in a slump, it's harder to climb my way out.
I pride myself on being the type of person that doesn't hold onto fear, anger or resentment, so in moments like this I feel extra disappointed in myself.
For not letting go.
For not moving forward.
For not releasing.
For not taking positive action.
For not using any of the validating exercises I KNOW work-
I guess sometimes I just need to feel like shit.
And today, I'm trying to be okay with that.

A Call From My Sister

Early morning phone call from my sister,
I could hear in her voice she was shaken.
Instantly concerned, I ask if she's okay,
With that, the flood gates of emotion come pouring out.
It doesn't matter how old we are, or how far apart we live,
I can always tell when my sister needs me.
Hearing her cry breaks my heart.
I wish I could give her a hug.
I listen as she begins to calm herself down,
Sometimes we just need each other to cry, laugh or vent,
Just like we did as kids.
I love my sister so much-
I get caught up in my day to day life, activities and personal B.S.
I forget how much I miss her.
On a positive note, I'm so grateful for FaceTime!
Thank you Apple iPhone for keeping me near my family, even while they're so far away.

Mental Wondering

I've got a lot on my mind.
No matter how hard I try,
My ability to "release" has been suspended.
Missing gram,
Getting married,
Spending the past month working away from home,
Setting up meetings,
Planning a fall work schedule,
Stressing about what's next,
Angry that I can't seem to achieve balance right now,
Upset that I'm angry.
The choice to release all of this and trust in my FAITH remains,
Yet I continue to drown myself deeper the pool of thoughts in my mind.
I need a life preserver from my mental wondering!

Forced Happiness

It's a goal of mine to remain happy-
Grateful for the blessing (and there are a lot of them) that I have in my life.
Nevertheless, I have those days when I wake up, and the weight of the world is on my shoulders.
Dealing with the loss of my grandma has been tough.
I know life goes on, and I've thrown myself into my job and creative projects to ease the pain-
But this morning I woke up and I just can't shake it off...
It's in these moments that I default to something I refer to as:
Force Happiness.
I'm not happy in any way,
But I lie to my self, and tell myself that if I pretend to be happy I will trick my mind into believing it.
I'm not sure that its working, but it's better than walking around in a state of depression.

Airport Goodbyes

Once again at an airport.

I've always associated airports with sadness-

Despite the fact that happy times come from visiting family and friends,

Not to mention awesome vacations...

Yet my lasting memories of airports is always from the end of a wonderful visit.

Saying goodbye.

This trip is especially difficult, because I had to say goodbye to my gram for the last time.

I'm always thankful for new adventures, but going to the airport is always bittersweet.

I've spent my adult life leaving people curbside.

I'll never get used to it.

But I'm learning to deal with it.

...very slowly.