Not The EVEning I Had Planned...

I've spent this entire year forcing happiness on myself- even when it was difficult or inconvenient. Especially then.
The idea: Positive energy can change the outcome of the current situation. For the better part of this year, my little scheme worked. Of course there were a few "bad" days in the mix. There were moments when I'd ask myself if I was just being delusional or negligent with my feelings. At times I even felt guilty not feeling sad, or upset over something that I couldn't change.
I must admit, each and every single time I started to fear, doubt or worry about a situation or circumstance I forced myself to think of something positive instead- ninety percent of the time it worked too! Several times it lead to a new opportunity or job. Half the time it changed the situation, and almost every time- I felt better.
So you can imagine how upsetting it is to face the last ten days of 2010 with such negative events. For whatever reason, I have been unable to convince myself to take a positive approach while at home with my family. Even worse, it feels like I've regressed, which elevates my negative energy times ten. What I'm coming to terms with is that no matter how positive or happy I am in life, there are certain emotions that I'm going to have to face sooner or later. It will be painful. It will be work. But hopefully, it will allow me to move forward in 2011.
I think the greatest challenge is understanding that before I can release my emotions- I have to acknowledge them and work toward confronting the source of the negativity. But the difficulty is making sure that I don't get lost in the negative emotion.
I get it... Each of us (for the most part) is just trying their best to do their part.
Life is short- and no matter how painful moments can be (even on the worst days) every moment we have should be full of love, friendship and family. The family dynamic can be extremely difficult- however, in my opinion there's no greater love or unconditional support than that of your family. I fully intended on accomplishing all of my hopes and dreams, and there will be no one better to share that with than my family.