A Journal Full Of Codes...

I find it very bizarre that I try to withhold things from my journal.
I mean what's the point of having a secret place to share my innermost feelings, if I don't confess my true innermost feelings?

In the past, I've even gone so far as to write in a special code that would require remembering what each code word meant... I could write out a legend and keep it hidden, so that years from now when I was ready to write a tell-all book, I would be able to decipher my cryptic entries a la the decoder ring from the movie A Christmas Story...

It reminds me of when I was in middle school and me and my friends would try to invent a secret language so that nobody else would be able to understand what we were talking about... In the end not even we understood half of what we were saying!
No- this just doesn't work! The entire point of writing in a journal is to release the trapped emotions in a safe non-judgemental place.
So what if someone "accidentally" stumbles onto it, opens it and reads several incriminating confessions and then feels nauseated with guilt, like I did when I found my sisters diary in high school! ...life goes on!

Besides, what do I have to hide? I spend ninety percent of my life sharing too much information (usually to get a laugh or deflect a bad situation) and no one believes it's true anyway!
So no more secrets from my journal!

I'm only disappointed that during the darkest hours of my life, when the pain and sadness was so overwhelming and raw, when I truly wrote my deepest, most honest thoughts and feelings (and I'm confident the material would; not only make for an amazing book- but actually help someone headed down the same lonely road...) and I can't find the damned decoder ring!