Sunday, July 31, 2011

Stung,

I got stung by a bee today at the beach.
I could not believe such a little creature could cause so much pain.
It was so intense I could feel my heartbeat pulsing at the sight of the sting.
It got me thinking... A tiny little insect can cause so much discomfort, bruising and (in some cases) death!
Imagine the impact that one negative "friend" could have in your life.
Poison hurts, no matter what dosage or form it comes in!

Saturday, July 30, 2011

No Deal!

In life, sometimes you win. Sometimes you lose!
I can't say more than that right now, but I will say that I did not make a deal...
I may not be lucky when it comes to winning cars, but I've sure been lucky in life!
If you ask me, that's the best deal there is!

Friday, July 29, 2011

Holding Pattern.

Too much on my mind,
Trying to refocus and relax.
So many goals to accomplish,
I'm tired of waiting on other people to finish their obligations.
Confirming yet again that if you want something done-
It's faster to do it yourself...
Oh well, it's Friday!
I'm going to enjoy the weekend!

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Life Is Short!

Life is short!
Tell someone you love how you feel!
To all of your haters, just don't engage.
Eventually they'll spread their hate elsewhere!

I strive everyday to remain a positive support to those I love.
Of course we all have setbacks in our growth and evolution as humans, but the people that are in your world should be there during the good times and the bad.

I never take losing a friend lightly.
My grandma always reminds me,
"Make new friends, but keep the old. New ones are silver, but old ones are gold."

Nevertheless, there are always those people who come into your life when you need them, and leave you when the work gets too tough. I have to make my peace with that.
Not everyone has the strength to communicate without attacking. Not everyone can articulate their feelings in a supportive manner-
I have to release those people, no matter how painful.
I don't have room for anyone in my life that is only around when they need to talk.
I'm looking for someone who is equally invested in listening.
Balance is the key to life, AND friendship.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Good By Old Friend... I Wish You The Best.

Wiped.
Erased.
Deleted.
De-friended.
Un-followed.
Just like that, a friendship ends.
I too have felt the strains on our friendship over the past several months.
I tolerated a great deal. I overlooked the evil truth.
Some people are unwilling to take ownership of their part in a relationship.

I no longer have the time or energy to dance in circles with people who don't respect me enough to communicate in an adult manner. I cannot allow people to scream at me, curse at me and accuse me of things that they are guilty of themselves. I should have imagined that this day would come. I should have known based on the explosive situations I've witnessed between mutual friends.

Nevertheless, I struggled to walk away from the bond that I felt.
In the end, the loyalty is not with me. It is exactly where it's always been- on a selfish adult, incapable of change. A person full of self-hate, rage and the inability to be honest with himself.

In the end, his lack of respect for the eight years of friendship we experienced was made clear when he removed me from all forms of social media. As if we we're sixteen year old girls in love. Which is really funny, because it just occurred to me, maybe that's exactly what he is.
Either way, I stayed true to him and our friendship. I was always honest, even when it was inconvenient for me.
I don't care that we are no longer friends. I'm not upset that he removed me from Facebook or Twitter. I'm just grateful that the chaos and crazy are no longer my problem or concern.

I do hope that he has one person in his life that will tell him the truth. Someone that will be there for him when it really counts. Unfortunately, he is skillful at removing anyone that could actually help him grow as a person or artist. It's just easier for him to destroy the things he'd rather not face.
At least now I no longer have a front row ticket to his self destruction.
Good luck old friend. I honestly wish the best for you.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Share The Love!

Today I received an amazing Facebook message from an old friend that I grew up with.
It's not the first time that someone has shared a nice compliment or words of encouragement on behalf of the work that I strive to create.
However, I think it was the most unexpected and gracious to date.
I spend the better part of my day working to find new ways to create, inspire and add a positive contribution to society. Usually the reward I get from that alone is enough to continue to wake up each day and focus on forward action.
Still, if feels wonderful to be validated, especially in the industry I'm a part of.
I maintain that while my dream and passion was sparked at a young age with the hopes of being a famous movie star, that idea is not what motivated me to stay in the game for the past fifteen years.
About three years into my professional career, I realized that this lifestyle is tough! One minute you're making a ton of money and feel like a superstar, and then next minute you're praying you qualify for unemployment. Once I understood the truth about this business, and accepted that it is a BUSINESS, I was able to set in action a new thought process.
I understood that if I was going to continue to fight to "make it" as a performer, I would have to do so with the purpose of growing as artist.
It has been my mission ever since to create work that makes people laugh, cry, react, get involved, grow as a person and think from a new perspective.
I'm thankful to hear from a friend who knew me when I was still a kid dreaming of being a famous movie star.
Obviously, that dream has not come true yet. But I am damn proud of the fact that I have continued to stay true to my purpose on this earth.
Moreover, I'm so humbled that I continue to inspire my original "fans" that I grew up with. If I can bring a smile to one person a day, I'm delighted with the job I'm doing.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Insecure People

There are plenty of people on this earth that will fight very hard to extinguish your fire.
It's important to remember your worth.
Recognize that those people see something in you that terrifies them-
They see a talented, strong, intelligent person.
A person who is unafraid to stand up for their beliefs and remain committed to their convictions.
They see in you, individuality.
You cannot be swayed.
They cannot tame you.
They feel powerless.
Shine on!
Never compromise who you are to make someone else feel less threatened.
Their insecurity is not your problem.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Sunday The Way I Love It...

There's nothing better than a beautiful Sunday in Los Angeles. Especially after being out of town for the past week working.
I slept in this morning, and woke up to my beautiful puppies licking my face.
Begrudgingly rolled out of bed and went to yoga. After yoga, I felt like I could conquer the world.
I walked to Starbucks and enjoyed a venti iced green tea.
Then it was time to meet up with friends and go on an adventure to Thai Town!
We bought an array of Thai seasonings, fresh exotic vegetables and sweet treats.
After our fun trip to a country within our city, we made our way back to the house to prepare our decadent Thai dinner.
We shoved our faces with more green curry, pad thai and rice than any human should consume in one meal, and I enjoyed every minute of it!
After dinner, I made my way home to cuddle on the couch and watch True Blood and The Real Housewives of New Jersey.
Life can get complicated, over-stressed and manic- I'm so grateful for beautiful Sundays like today.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Done With Crazy.

It's official, I'm done with crazy people.
This week I endured the craziness for the last time, at least by choice.
Let's be honest, we all suffer from a little bit of the crazy, some just take it to epic proportions.
So I'm making a vow to myself not to engage with people who think they can do or say whatever they want without facing consequences.
No matter how great the job sounds. No matter how much the job pays. No matter how many time the "friend" promises they've changed.
The only thing that separates me from the crazy people in my life, is my ability to walk away from their drama and move on with my life.
Goodbye crazy!

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Judged

I spent the day getting paid to judge people,
And spent the night getting judged by the people who pay me.
So in a strange way, I think I've come full circle.
Either way, I'm proud that I stayed true to me.
I'm secure in my fabulous life, the hater is not.

Monday, July 18, 2011

Addicted to Chips!

Sitting in a hotel room in Lake Tahoe after a full day of dance,
Five bags of chips opened on the bed.
I tried to eat just one-
That doesn't work does it?
I cannot resist the Kettle brand Spicy Thai potato chips!
But don't worry, I've had handfuls of the BBQ chips too.
My favorite was the 7 layer chip sandwich I just made: Corn chip, salsa, Spicy Thai, ranch dip, BBQ, bean dip and another Spicy Thai!
I'm addicted to chips!
My ass is not.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Life On The Road...

One of the many challenges of working in the entertainment industry is the travel factor.
As an artist, you have to go where the work is... Sometimes you get to work in the city you live, but most of the time you're on an airplane flying to some random location for various amounts of time.
After awhile you get used to living out of a bag. Missing your friends and loved ones. Eating crappy fast food or chain food and NOT working out.
But the toughest part is leaving my puppies!
They're so cute and innocent. They hate seeing the bags packed. Even if I go out of my way to pack at the last minute and hide the bags in the closet, they pick up on the energy...
It breaks my heart! Of course they have no way of knowing that I have to leave town for work, nor do they process the amount of time I'll be gone. Nevertheless, their little puppy feelings get soar when I leave. Lily gets tears in her eyes, and Ginger just mopes around for a few days.
The upside, returning from a week out of town! I get pounced, licked and loved for a soiled thirty minutes each! I guess if you have to leave, it's rewarding to return to such an amazing greeting!
Sure beats a welcome home sign!

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Golden!

Spent the day drinking delicious beers at the Craft Beer Garden on the Sunset Strip.
Walked home with a nice little beer buzz going on...
Now, I'm enjoying the view from my balcony while watching reruns of
The Golden Girls!
Yep! It's like that..
Definitely a Golden day!

Friday, July 15, 2011

Friday in LA...

On set for a cameo in a music video at 10 AM.
Make-up by 11 AM.
Wrapped on shooting at 12:30 PM.
Yoga until 3:00 PM.
Shave, shower and dressed by 5:00 PM.
Limo arrives at 6:00 PM.
Off to the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion to watch ABT by 7:30 PM.
Dinner and drinks with some of the dancers around 10:30 PM.
Life in LA is never boring!

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Deep Breaths...

I was a very emotional child. When I was happy I was bouncing off the walls making everyone around me laugh. When I was sad, I was on the floor in tears, rolling around, throwing my head back and forth full of passion. Needless to say, my future as a performer was destine!
The emotion that I had the least control over was my RAGE. I can still hear my dad saying, "Deep breaths Matthewson..." Mocking the ever popular movie of the time, The Karate Kid. My dad thought he was being funny, but all it would do is send me into a deeper state of RRRRRAAAAAGGGGEEEE!
Nevertheless, his intentions were good. He wanted me to practice gaining control of my breath. Taking a minute to step away from the action causing the rage, and breathing in and releasing it! My dad was a Yogi twenty years before yoga was a way of life for mainstream America.
Now, as an adult, I'm happy to report that I have my emotions a bit more in check. I still experience the feelings that could send me in a downward spiral of mass destruction, however now- I practice the breath!
Today I woke up in a mediocre mood. I wanted to accomplish too much, too fast. And when it blew up in my face, all I could do is sit in anger.
Not wanting to waste a perfectly good day off, I decided to go to yoga. It was tough at first to release the nasty energy that was forcing itself into my heart, thankfully the yogi played some kick ass music, and once I focused on the breath, my fears and anger melted away.
Wanting to stay in this somewhat meditative state, even after my yoga practice ended and life's bitchy little digs were still waiting for me at the door, I decided to go right back into my breath.
Deep breath in. Deep breath out. Deep Breath in. Deep breath out.
When I opened my eyes, I was calm again. Too bad the costumers in the Trader Joe's produce aisle were all raging because I was blocking the fresh spinach.
Oh well, I guess some people just aren't in tune with their inner peace.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

I LOVE Corn Chips!

Salty and delicious they never let me down.
Dunking them in salsa, you will never see me frown.
Pile up the cheese on top and then you've hit the spot!
Follow up with delicious seasoned beef, sour cream, guacamole, lettuce, black beans and who cares about rhyming anymore...
You've got a plate full of nachos and you're ready to devour them!
I love corn chips!
All that's missing now is a magical margarita on the rocks with salt.
Lunchtime rocks!

Monday, July 11, 2011

Never Enough!

Do you ever feel like you wake up and by the time you turn around the day is over?
There is never enough time to get everything done.
Especially when you have a list like mine...
I admit, I have been able to release the majority of the fear I create in my life. But for some strange reason, I just cannot let myself relax.
I now realize my greatest fear is rest. I can achieve a brief moment while in yoga, where my mind is still and I don't think about the ten million ideas, thoughts, lists and goals...
But I've never really been able to accept a breath in my daily outlook. I guess I'm terrified that if I stop, I might not be able to start again.
So there it is- I've finally spelled it out.
Now, what can I do to change the situation? I refuse to let my life pass me by, always wanting more! There has to be balance. So I've decided to give myself a mid-year resolution!
BALANCE.
How I'll attempt to reach it, I have no idea.
I'll put that on my list of things to figure out tomorrow!

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Yoga ASAP!

Last week I spent over thirty hours working in a theatre in Las Vegas while dealing with nasty emails, text messages and hateful phone exchanges from the crazy producer in Los Angeles that I USED to direct and choreograph shows for.
Then I got back to Los Angeles and had to deal with a delusional neighbor who requested that I stop setting my alarm clock because it was waking him up in the morning.
Really? My alarm clock is waking you up in the morning...
Hey douchebag, do you remember that we live in the hills above the SUNSET STRIP? You mean to tell me that you're actually able to sleep through the orchestra of sounds that we hear 24/7 including; trash trucks, gardeners with leaf blowers, dogs barking, fire trucks, buses, police chases, helicopters and rock bands...
But you can't sleep through my 8:00 am alarm? Wow!
Why don't you get your lame ass out of this city and find yourself a nice home on the farm?
After the week that I had, my only option was to get myself to yoga ASAP.
It's amazing how quickly big dramas turn into little issues when we allow our mind to rest, our heart to smile and our soul to breath.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Are You Out Of Your Mind?

I love when people insult me.
Tell me to "Fuck Off!"
Threaten me.
Call me an asshole.
Accuse me of taking advantage of our "friendship."
And then ask me to recommend a colleague as my replacement.
Yes, that's exactly what I'm going to do...
Submit someone else to your erratic behavior.
Not a chance!

Monday, July 4, 2011

American Dream

Last week I was shooting a parody of True Blood.
Yesterday I was partying alongside the stars of True Blood at a holiday pool party.
Today I'm flying to Las Vegas to judge a talent competition.
Perspective.
I got a phone call from my cousin Brad's daughter Avianna. She told me that she saw me on TV! I could tell by her voice how excited she was. All she knows is that I'm her cousin who lives in LA and she saw me on television...
I'm famous!
It was adorable- it made my day.
My life has been made up of a series of surreal moments.
Every day has been a new adventure.
I get to do what I love.
I follow my heart.
I live my passion.
That, is the American dream.
I'm grateful I live in a country where I am free to live it!

Saturday, July 2, 2011

The Independence Day weekend is here! Time for a little fun, food and drink in the sun.
But before you grab your sunscreen and head out to the beach, lake or water source near you, to celebrate Team America...
Over at A Group Production, we just cannot get enough of the outrageous personalities on Bravo TV, so we decided to put together a little parody of our own poking fun at the Summer by Bravo campaign they're airing right now.
Hope you enjoy it!
Happy Fourth of July friends! Celebrate your independence safe.

Friday, July 1, 2011

July!

Just can't wait to eat hot dogs and potato salad.
Utter bliss by the pool.
Long days and beautiful summer nights drinking with friends.
You have no idea how much I've been looking forward to a vacation!