A Good Review...

I spend my life trying to create projects that others will enjoy- as an escape, release or just for a good laugh...
There is nothing more wonderful than the validation from a random stranger.
I know that you're not supposed to give much attention to a review... good or bad, because the work alone should be enough... and I can honestly say it always is!
Nevertheless, I'm grateful when someone takes notice of my creative efforts! In this case the awesome website TheFrisky.com
re-posted a parody of "The Real Housewives of New York" that I created with my talented friends... and I got a special glowing review! Check it out and if you haven't already... take a look at the parody too:
http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-real-housewives-of-new-york-city-parody/

I LOVE Hollywood

The thing about Hollywood is- all the things you see in the movies really do happen.
It's strange. But somehow, even the most outlandish stories have a way of manifesting!
For example, I never thought I'd find myself being invited to hang out at a gorgeous compound in Palm Springs over Memorial Weekend and get to sleep in one of the guest houses that Dean Martin slept in...
and yet I'm writing this while lounging poolside!
I have friends in other parts of the country who think that it's like this everyday for people that live in Hollywood... I always laugh and assure them it's not...
But I guess I finally realized...
It kind of is!
And I'm grateful for every crazy adventure I've been lucky enough to enjoy!

Viva Las Vegas!

I'm in Las Vegas for a quick gig and I had a few hours to kill last night on the Vegas Strip...
While I was out walking I noticed that almost every guy in Las Vegas either looks extremely gay or like a wife beater... And all the girls are either overweight with a hot face or skinny with huge boobs?! What's even crazier is that it all turns me on a little bit...
Viva Las Vegas!

Will Summer Please Stay Put?

I have to admit I'm over this Summer sun tease...

It's been a strange weather year all around for those of us who live in Los Angeles-

One day violent rain and wind, the next day the sun is out with nothing but blue skies...

Then of course there's "June Gloom." I think the name says it all... Los Angeles usually gets to enjoy a sunny April and May and then with June we get the gray!

But this year, almost every other day has been gray!!

I'm over it! I want to wake up everyday and know that I'm going to be hot and sweaty! I want to know that the sun is going to bake my skin to a golden perfection! I want to wear shorts until 11 pm! I'm sick and tired of freezing in LA!

Will the Summer sun please stay put!

Oh My Face!

Puffy, pudgy, bloated, swollen.

Itchy, red, inflated eyes.

Sheet marks running across my cheeks-

...lets just say I'm glad the crazy week is winding down!

I don't think my face can take another all-nighter.

The Parody of The Real Housewives of New York City

Without further ado I'm pleased to present: The Real Housewives of New York City Parody-

Please note: due to the ratio of the YouTube player and your computer screen, you may not be

able to see the full view of this video. Please click the link above to watch in full screen via YouTube.

Disappointment...

Disappointment ensues...
This is the second day I didn't write my blog in time!
I can make a million excuses and mention that I was running back and forth between rehearsals for two different shows I'm directing...
However, I'm upset in myself for dropping the ball! We all have the same twenty-four hours in a day, and I didn't use mine properly.
Never fear! I will make up for it in tomorrows blog!

Mondays

It doesn't matter who you are or how long you've lived through them...
Mondays are almost always a drag!
Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful to be alive-
I just have such a hard time starting my week.
I'm sure it has something to do with the fact that when we were kids, Mondays meant going back to school.
Nevertheless, Monday is here and I'm already so far behind on my week!
Oh well, it's almost nine o'clock and I'm ready for a drink!
Bring on the wine... I'll worry about today tomorrow!

Six Word Essay on Dinner Parties...

Overeating Mexican food gives you gas!

The Real Housewives of New York City...

Well, I made it through stand up and I made it through the shoot of The Real Housewives of New York City parody!

Now I'm off to sit in a theatre all day- let's just hope I can stay awake!

Here's a sneak peak of the character I play, Jill Zarin:

Wow!

Well, I made it through my stand up return... and I must admit after nearly four years on hiatus- I'm happy with the job I did! Most important I had a blast on stage and felt right at home! That, and nobody booed me off- so that's a good sign.

I'm on a performance high and writing today's blog really early! I can't sleep. Which is too bad, because I have to get up tomorrow for my next creative venture!

It's a busy week, but that's how I like it!

I'm eager to share this next project I'm working on... I'm co-producing and acting in a parody of The Real Housewives of New York City! That's all I will say for now...

I've got to force myself to get some sleep. I've got a full weekend, and I want to be able to enjoy as much of it as possible!

I know that this is probably the lamest blog entry to date- But I can only be funny, cleaver, smart or insightful for a certain amount of time each day. Since stand up sucked the life out of me yesterday and I've got a fourteen hour shoot today I hope you will all understand.

...and by "all"- I mean you mom!

Tonight's The Night!

Well, tonight's the big night...

My official return to the stand up stage in LA! I'm excited and nervous all at the same time, it's like the first time I had sex, only I don't know how this is going to end!

I'm actually really looking forward to it! Though I haven't done as much prep work as I might have done in the past, I think this new found approach just might work- plus I think I have a few funny stories that should make people laugh.

In the end, for me- it's really just about getting up and putting myself out there! I know that this is going to sound super lame and cheesy- But my whole life, I've enjoyed performing and making people laugh. It's what I've spent all of my energy and almost everyday pursuing, so no matter what, I'm grateful that I live in LA and I continue to live my dream.

Wish me luck! ...I'll let you know how it goes!

Life Flies On!

Yesterday while sitting at Starbucks working on my stand up material, and allowing myself to get all worked up about nothing...
I saw two baby birds on the ground behind a big flower pot planter. It was clear that their nest had been damaged, possibly from the unseasonable rain we had-
One of the baby birds was dead, its sibling was alive and frightened.
I felt so sad and helpless.
After a few minutes a larger bird flew in and I thought it was going to attack-
Instead, I realized it was the "momma" bird- and she was trying to feed her soul surviving off spring.
The "momma" bird flew away after a few minutes leaving the little bird to stand guard-
I continued to watch, wishing that there was something I could do.
After thirty or so minutes, the remaining baby bird stretched out its wings and attempted to fly up to the four foot planter that its mother stood watch on. Several failed flight endeavors finally lead to success!
Momma and surviving bird flew off leaving their fallen family member behind-
Sad.
But life moves on-

An Apple A Day...

An apple a day isn't always a good thing!
Let me explain...
I'm sitting at the Apple Store... Again!
I LOVE my iPhone! When it works...
Don't even get me started on AT&T- The Worlds Worst Phone Company!
The iPhone is such an amazing device-
It thinks for me, it remembers everything for me, it even does my laundry...
But when one little thing goes wrong- my universe stops completely!
...and lately- that has been happening too often!
So I beg you Apple- stop trying to reinvent the wheel...
And just perfect the one we have!

Chaos or Creation...

With chaos comes creation...

Or at least that's what I'm telling myself today!

It's funny, I'm the type of person who says "yes" to as many projects and activities as possible.

Because if I've learned one thing in this industry, it's the truth:

When it rains it pours! ...and when there's a drought- you can't get a job to save your life.

So I strive to live in a constant downpour- My thought, continue creating energy and the energy will continue to flow in your direction...

This week is no exception! I'm not going to lie, I'm excited and nervous all at the same time.

This is the week I make my re-entrance into the wonderful world of Stand Up comedy!

My show is at Room 5 in Hollywood May 20, 2010 at 9:30 PM!

If the stress of being funny for seven minutes alone on a stage wasn't enough... I'm also co-producing a video parody of The Real Housewives of New York City, and I'm still directing the musical Mamma Mia!

I guess I've learned to really be great at juggling activities and I try to bring my "A" game with me to each of the arenas I'm tackling... There are times when I fall flat, or the project doesn't turn out the way I'd hoped. Nevertheless, more often than not, I'm proud of what I've accomplished and I've made another step in the right direction.

Let's just hope that when I arrive at my final destination, I'll be able to look back and have a reservoir of wild adventures, wonderful memories and creations that stand on their own!

Wine Tasting...

Wine tasting;

Hours of laughter and swirling,

Pairing with delicious cheese and chocolates-

Intoxicated conversation afterwards;

Everybody is lit,

Loving the atmosphere-

Head splitting with pain;

The entire body aches,

Maybe we had too much fun last night-

Remember When...

...Twenty-five dollars seemed like a nice chunk of change?

I just dropped twenty-five dollars on a small bottle of laundry soap (on special) a four pack of Target brand toilet paper and a three pack of Target paper towels!

I miss the good ol' days when $25.oo meant a fun night out at the movies, or a dinner for two, or a tank of gas, or four bottles of drinkable alcohol...

Wow. I sound like my father... I totally get it now! I'm not sure if it's because of the recession, or I'm just cheap- but I miss the lavish lifestyle! You know, when I could blow twenty-five bucks on a days worth of coffee at Starbucks!

Sunset Boulevard Gets a Facelift!

My sleep for the past week has been ripped away from me every night because of the "beautification" project on the Sunset Strip!

I don't know who's responsible nor do I care! All I know is that someone thought that the entire stretch of Sunset Boulevard from Crescent Heights to Doheny needed a facelift...

After all, it is LA and no one or nothing can look like it's over sixteen years old!

It's too bad- part of their "beautification" meant tearing out forty year old trees! Not too mention the strain it's putting on all of the business that are already struggling to get people in during this economic hardship...

But the true crime (lack of sleep aside) is the parking lot formerly known as Sunset Boulevard! Don't even think about using it as a street- The traffic is backed up from sun up until sun down every day... And guess what? This project will not be done until August 2010!

Guess who else is going to need a facelift after this "beautification" project is done?!?

Chain Food Hangover...

So now I totally remember why I try not to eat out at chain restaurants too much!

I'm left with the worst hangover- Literally, my belly is hanging over my pants!

I think that's going in my stand up act!

Uuuhhhggg, I have to go to the gym now and get on the treadmill! I might not get off until next week...

The truth is: those "casual dinning" restaurants just give you way too much food. All of it is over salted (to taste incredible) and no matter how full you are at the end of your meal...

the picture of that damn mile high chocolate cake with hot fudge and ice cream is always right in front of your face! So you have to order it, and it every last bit!

I'm on a food detox!

Just say no to chain restaurants!

...until next month when I forget about the nasty feeling and 'am lured back yet again!

Chili's!!!

I know, I know... no one likes to admit that they eat at chain restaurants!

It's like admitting that you think Ryan Seacrest is actually pretty good at what he does...

But who cares? I think there is a time and place for everything...

And tonight at 7 pm the place to be is the Chili's Bar and Grill in Encino, CA!!!

I have a group of friends who are all funny, smart and sophisticated-

...and we LOVE to meet at Chili's and overeat!

After all, it's an American pass time!

Plus, the have awesome meal deals, and let's not forget we're still in a recession!

So stop judging, and support a local chain restaurant today.

Everyone is doing it!

Expert Shaver...

I never imagined just how much I'd hate having to shave...

I remember spending summers with my grandparents in Colorado-

I used to love waking up early with Gram and Gramps! They'd fix me a cup of "coffee" which had several heaping teaspoons of sugar, a ton of milk and a splash of Foglers coffee...

I'd sit at the table watching them read the morning news paper and laugh over the comic section, and then it would be time for them to get ready for the day.

I relished in the opportunity to watch them transform into Gram and Gramps! My grandma would sit in her dressing gown at the custom vanity she had built in the bathroom and begin to "put on her face" as she would tell me stories from when she was a kid. As she steadily worked from one side of the face to the other, applying just the right amount of blush that only years of experience can afford- my grandpa would stand at the sink next to her and shave...

(This was my favorite part!) I was fascinated with his expertise. In less than ten minutes he could wash his face, brush on a perfectly even coat of shaving cream and with a precise and swift flick of the blade, his beard would magically disappear! I was in awe...

When it became time for me to start shaving, I remember numerous attempts at copying my grandpas choreographed routine- always to no avail. I would end up looking like my face got into a fight with a box of razor blades... As time passed, I became more successful at removing the stubble with fewer amounts of blood. Still, I was no expert!

Now, I'm thirty-two years old, and I continue to question when I'm going to master the art of shaving like my grandpa did? Yes, I've been able to trim the time it takes to shave down to an impressive ten minutes- however, I still can't seem to achieve the results my grandpa was able to accomplish! I always end up with an ingrown hair, a nick or an entire patch of unshaven stubble on the underside of my chin...

I know I'll never achieve the level of wisdom that my Gramps possessed! He was my hero!

...I just hope that one day, when I'm shaving in front of my grandchildren, I will be able to impress them as he impressed me... Without the blood!

Sit Down Comedy...

I'm currently in the process of writing my new stand-up act...

For various reasons (that I have mentioned in several past blog post, but I'm to lazy to go back and look them up and link them here...) I stopped doing stand-up a few years back.

However, just recently- I realized I still have a lot to say, to a lot of people. Things I need to get off my chest, and I find that my ranting and raging comes off as funny in a room full of strangers...

...not at all crazy (which is probably a little closer to the truth than I care to admit.)

Anyway, while I was sitting on my couch working on my act, I started to laugh out loud at one of my favorite new stories (I like to tell funny stories, less one liners...) and for no reason at all I started thinking about why comedians feel the need to stand up while they deliver their act...

Would comedy be just as funny if the comedians performed: Sit-down?

Irrational!

I know I'm acting like a three year old...
I know it's completely self-centered...
I know I'm irrational...
I know that there are starving children not getting adopted by Angelina Jolie somewhere...
I know it's Mother's Day, and it's not about me anymore...
I know ALL of that!

And still I'm incredibly pissed and in such a bad mood today!
I know that it's ninety percent because of the fact that my birthday weekend is coming to an end...
I'm being such a brat! I'm behaving like a selfish shit! ...and I can't stop!
Add to that my HATRED of AT&T, and that all day I have been unable to call my mom or grandmas' because their service SUCKS!!!
And now I'm ready to force myself to go to bed!

goodnight. Tomorrow is a new day!

Really?

Los Angeles traffic sucks even late at night!

Now Thatsa Lotta Meata Ball!

Wow!

Okay, let me just say that I have so much more respect for both my grandmas!

Who knew that all of the amazing family reunions, Christmas gatherings and Sunday dinners took so much time and effort?!?

It's no wonder both my grams would rather eat out than have holidays at home anymore!

I just spent the better part of two hours; chopping onion, fresh basil, tomato and hand mixing three pounds of ground beef and pork with fresh bread (hand torn), Parmesan cheese, herbs and egg to make TWENTY-TWO perfectly round meatballs!

Then another forty minutes browning them to even perfection!

Oh the lengths we go through to please the people we love!

I have to say, it smells like heaven in my kitchen... Not quite as good as it does in either of my grandmas' kitchens... but I think all of energy, love and butter will be a HUGE SUCCESS!

Happy Birthday Bug!

Full Circle

Full circle.

No looking back, just full steam ahead;

There are no mistakes-

Release the fear and trust your path,

So far, not so bad;

A full life awaits!

Thirty-Two!

Can it really be?

My birthday has come and gone-

In the blink of an eye I'm a year older!

Thirty-two!

I don't feel any different. Yet the calendar says I am...

It's just a number.

But why do the numbers change faster as we get older?

It's just like Grandpa said; "It goes by too fast Mattski. Enjoy every minute- because one day you'll wake up seventy and stare at an old man in the mirror!"

I missed him yesterday!

He was right. It seems impossible that I'm a thirty-two year old man!

I knew this day would come, and somehow I feel completely unprepared!

...so basically I feel exactly like I did when I turned twenty-two!

I made it then, so I'm sure I'll make it now too!

Yesterday was a good day.

I'm alive and that's the beauty of celebrating a birthday-

The gift of life for another day on this planet!

It's My Birthday and I'll Smile If I Want To!

Thank God for the creation of Facebook!

Nothing makes you feel better when turning thirty-two, than to click on your Facebook page and see all of the amazing love you get from your friends!

I was overwhelmed with the kind words and well-wishes!

It's no surprise to anyone in their thirties and beyond, how fast the time goes!

I wasn't sure how I was going to feel today, turning another year older...

But I can honestly say that I have a smile from ear to ear, thanks to all of the amazing people I have in my life!

I was reminded today, thanks to Facebook and all of my friends that; "Wherever you are, it is your friends who make your world." -William James

I love that quote! The use of the word "wherever" resonates loud and clear.

No matter your age, occupation, successes, failures, adventures or anything else life throws at us...

Our friendships see us through until the end!

Question?

Should I be worried that I spent the entire day yesterday, with a drink in my hand? Or should I be more upset about the fact that I don't even have a hangover...

Don't get me wrong- I'm not complaining. I'm just not very proud that I have mastered the art of drinking all day long on a Sunday, and can still wake up Monday morning bright eyed and bushy tailed!

In all fairness to myself: I don't party like that every weekend... (It is my birthday week!) Plus, for every glass of alcohol, I drank a glass of water- so I'm only like 50% drunk...

Oh well, it is what it is! ...and I have at least another week of celebration! Don't even get me started on Cinco de Mayo! I'm just going to have to chalk May up as "The Party Month" and plan on getting things done in June!

Birthday Brunch!

What's not to love about brunch?

It's the best of both worlds... You get all of the satisfying breakfast food, topped with a layer of lunchtime favorites, splashed off with mimosa's galore!!!

There's something so wonderful about meeting up with friends on a Sunday around 11:30 and sharing in juicy conversation while stuffing your face and getting drunk in broad daylight!

When done well- brunch should stretch through the early evening and right into at least another three or four bottles of wine!

Today, I'm having a birthday brunch- there's no telling what crazy adventures are in store!

I just hope one case of champagne is enough!

May Day! ...and my Birthday Month!

May 1st! May Day! Or as I like to call it, the first day of my Birthday Month!

Yes, that is correct...

I'm a May baby. May fourth to be exact.

However, I'm the type of person who thinks birthdays should be celebrate all month long...

Is that too much to ask?

I guess I have my family to blame-

They always threw a huge parade in my home town every year on my birthday...

It was a weekend long celebration that rivaled something Disneyland would produce!

Marching bands from across the state, a city block's worth of culinary delights, banners and streamers hung across Main Street, a petting zoo, baton girls, clowns, a face painting booth, arcade games and carnival rides galore!

The fact that the parade was actually a "Blossom Day Parade" and not my "Birthday Parade" was something everyone in my family kept a secret from me until I could read, and finally asked how come all the signs didn't have my name on them?...

You can imagine the shock when I realized that this parade which had marked the kick-off of my birthday for so many years, was not for me, but for some stupid "blossoms" on trees that the entire city felt needed more attention than my birth!

I guess I really never had a chance at a "normal" life after that...

I mean really-- Once you've been lead to believe a three day festival of decadent food, brass bands and lavish floats is all in honor of your birth... an ice cream cake from Baskin Robins and a small gathering in Grandma's back yard is just not the same!