Nabucco

Verdi; a master of gorgeous ceremonial chords, pushing religious and political boundaries––and like most artists who’ve endured generations––a visionary ahead of his time.
Plácido Domingo; a passionate performer, with rich texture and strong physical presence––not just a famous tenor, but a true actor.
LA Opera; a breath of fresh air, full of zest and willing to challenge audiences with programs that are both important and beautifully mounted.

Coffee

Dark and rich with a hint of coconut milk and a dash of sugar;
When people ask me how I accomplish so much in one day, I could say that I’m great with balancing my time; I set manageable goals; I wake up early and stay up late; I practice yoga and focus on one task at a time; instead I offer up a simple truth: caffeine!

Hotel Slumber Party

Staying at a hotel is so much more enjoyable when I’m not traveling for work.
Lounging in the room with family and our puppies;
Watching trashy TV and ordering room service;
Sleeping in;
Leaving the beds unmade;
I love it!

Happy Halloween

Children dressed up like little witches, monsters, or their favorite athletes and superheroes;
Young adults dressed up as sexy / hot [Fill In The Blank];
Grown adults dressed up like former presidents or prominent former-leaders-turned-laughing stocks;
Then there are those who phone it in, with a tux and a martini glass a la James Bond––they might as well just buy the T-Shirt that reads, “This is my Halloween Costume.”

Now, Or Never

The time to be present is now. 

Nothing that has happened in the past, or might happen in the future, can replace what is happening now.

The ability to recognize this simple truth has made all the difference on my journey. 

Is That Me, I See?

Staring at my face in the mirror;
The subtle stubble shadows my laugh lines;
When did I evolve into my father?

Enter Zen Through Daily Observations.

Walking through our Zen garden I saw life;
Once neglected and desolate;
Tropical blooms tower over randomly placed stones.
Water and TLC restored Peace.

Wake Up Smiling...

When you wake up in a fabulous mood, even the leaf blowers sound like instruments in a Disney movie.
The chirping sound of birds is the perfect background melody to start my morning rituals;
Even the (usually) annoying toddler––stomping back and forth above––does so with the precision of a bandleader;
Today, is a beautiful day.

Note To Self:

I just spent two hours doing something that should have taken ten minutes;
I need a vacation.

Exhausted

Three alarms,
Two leaf blowers,
A dumptruck and a traffic helicopter;
And I still couldn’t wake up!
My body is exhausted and another hour in bed made all the difference.

Audition

The saying goes, “When it rains it pours.”
Yes, and thank the Universe––and God––too, because 2017 has been a desert wasteland.
The moment I regained my creative conscious, I took action!
It’s one of the challenges of the entertainment industry; you can never know when the next job is coming––but you always have to keep the faith that it will come!

On Set

Walking onto a monstrous soundstage I’m instantly transported back to my childhood fantasies.

The overwhelming, yet familiar space encourages me to stand taller.

The skeleton of the set reminds me of my grandma’s doll house. 

The air is cool and the Hollywood haze fills the scene—they call it atmosphere—it’s a dream.

I pinch myself under a gigantic movie light: stay present. These are the moments that I will undoubtedly look back on when I feel like I’m never going to work again.

Crew, talent, craft service, and a lot of smoke and mirrors; it’s a collaborative process and I’m grateful for the job.

A Fall Sunday

Waking up late;
Coffee and cartoons cuddled on the couch with my puppies;
The sound of football high-fives echo through the neighborhood;
Garage sales;
Brunch;
Window shopping on Ventura Boulevard.
Yoga and church––both bringing me back to the present.
A midday nap by the pool;
I love a fall Sunday!

A Quick Trip To Target

Toilette paper,
Coffee,
Dog treats;
You know...the basics.
I don’t know what’s worse:
That I just used my blog post to make my Target list,
Or, that I can’t remember three items.

It’s An Art

Not giving a fuck.

Grandma taught me to be respectful, to treat people as I hoped to be treated. I agree with that on paper.

My dad taught me to stand up for what’s right; sometimes that means fighting fire with fire. I agree with that in practice.

I’ve found the perfect balance; assessing the circumstances and responding with the precise amount of compassion, power, and truth. 

The key ingredient: not giving a fuck what people think—not everyone’s moral compass works; stay true to you!

Validation

One aspect of my morning ritual involves writing in my journal.
My journaling––born out of a need to hold myself accountable in high school––has developed into a habit over the last twenty years of my life.
At first, the journaling was a way to talk through things with myself before “putting them out there” to the universe.
An angry rant directed toward a friend, whom I really liked but felt betrayed by; my journal was a safe space to share.
Likewise, I was free to set goals, confess sins, and think. I did a lot of thinking, overanalyzing, reading, and of course, making lists.
In time, this freedom ushered a daily routine which has served me well.
Inspiring me to dream bigger, share bigger, and trust.
Looking back on any number of journal entries unlocks a memory from my past. No doubt a useful tool for a writer, I have called on these often dramatic transcripts to relive the agonizing pain or brilliant joy.
This morning I was working through my feelings and cataloging the hints of doubt about the past year.
“Did I do this or that enough...”
“Could I have pushed more here?”
“Have I been present?”
It only took me a few seconds to get back to the present. Simultaneously answering myself and feeling like maybe I have grown this year.
So far, this hasn’t been a year of huge outward strides; yet inside, I feel like I’ve grown more as a person and artist.  I’ve held myself accountable for being present and releasing the need to overachieve.
I’ve found more balance and somehow managed to create more rewarding job opportunities, too.
I finished my journal entry and headed to yoga class feeling reinvigorated and reminded that by remaining present I have an opportunity to prioritize goals, jobs, and my life, so that I can focus on positive action without fear.
After a blissful yoga class, I walked out of the yoga studio to a voice message from production; I booked a job choreographing a TV show next week.
I’m not saying that positive energy will always get you the job; but I’ve noticed that I seem to attract the emotion I put out into the world.  Today, I worked my way thought a negative thought pattern. The moment I was realigned with my perspective, I received validation.

Why I Yoga...

Feeling completely annoyed.
Accepting circumstances that are out of my hands is one of the hardest challenges to my peace of mind.
The ability to let go, release control, and move on;
It’s why I yoga.
I need to hit the mat!

Health Kick

I eat too much;
Therefore I’m fat.
I do yoga;
On a mat.
All the stretching, meditation, and sweat isn’t enough;
My inner peace is currently surrounded by a thick protective layer.
It’s time for a detox: mind, body, soul.

(Another) Technical Rage

Waiting for Safari to load on my 3 year old laptop is like that time in high school, when I first popped in a AOL Online CD into my best friend Leah’s computer.
We sat for 15 minutes enduring the crashing, screeching noise of information and (the end of privacy as we knew it) transmitting into the vast unknown.
My point, why––in the 21st Century––do I still have to wait to get online?
And why is a 3-year-old computer as obsolete as a VCR?

Lazy

Lying in my bed looking at social media;
I’m not sure who is snoring louder––my dogs or my husband.
The crisp air snaps my arm back under the covers;
I should get up and start my day.
Then I remember it’s Sunday.
For a moment I contemplate falling back into my slumber;
But the allure of walking to Starbucks on this perfect fall morning is stronger;
I roll out of bed, throw on a hat, and bully myself into starting the day.

Leave Me Alone.

A bad dream haunted me last night;
Still cranky and unwilling to let go;
I need space!
Leave me alone.

Snooze

Who needs an alarm when you have leaf blowers?
The most annoying sound at 7AM;
I lie in bed, extending my hand in search of the snooze button.

Uncomplicated

Overwhelmed with an empty schedule;
Why do I crave ink all over a calendar?
If I’m not overachieving, am I really succeeding?
Like a dancer falling out of a pirouette, I crave balance.
A deep breath and back to the mat;
Meditation for the mind, body, and soul.
Uncomplicated; life is how we react to it.

Take A Break

Staring at a blank screen;
Absent of words;
I took a break.

Everything Bagel

Crisp outer layer;
Doughy, delicious, center;
Covered in crunchy, salty, burnt morals...
You really are everything to me!

A Moment of Clarity

Waking up without the looming dread; what’s next?
Confident in my path, and present enough to understand that both past and future are never NOW.
Accepting balance and appreciating the magic in the unknown;
My journey continues to reveal itself in bountiful ways beyond my childhood imagination.
Victories and setbacks––which have shaped my life––continue to motivate me and remind me to trust the circumstance that I’m confronted with today; with calm confidence.

Grey

The carpet in my hotel room;
The sky outside my hotel window;
The color of the eggs at the hotel continental breakfast.
Vibrant yellow:
The feeling I have inside remembering that this is my last weekend of travel for a month!

Six Word Essay on Travel

Coffee and a headset; that’s all!

Present; Energy

When the distance of a goal or dream feels impossibly far;
I’m reminded of the power that can be harnessed from the present.
Every tremendous victory that I’ve accomplished in my life––both personally and professionally––happened when I least expected it.
The moment I released expectation and accepted what is.

Timeline

Seeking joy in the details of today.
Tomorrow offers false expectations and hopes;
Yesterday provides unfair comparisons;
The present offers all there is––good or bad––and the opportunity to triumph.

Meetings

The promise of something big;
Whilst drinking expensive coffee and laughing at each other’s jokes.
Every opportunity starts the same way:
Twenty minutes talking about the weather, kids, and current events;
And then––a five minute pitch.
Check please.
You hope you made an impact.

I Need Meditation

My mind is too tired for words.
Struggling to silence the noise;
Ready for my yoga mat.

Sad and Senseless.

In one sweeping action––from the safety of a hotel room 32 stories above––a solo gunman robbed innocent men, women, and children of their lives.
No doubt an act of homegrown terror; whether over race, religion, or perhaps he was just a very sick person.
Regardless, his access to a deadly weapon––one that so easily showered hundreds of unknowing and guiltless humans with death and injury––should have been prevented.
We have to unite as Americans and stand up for better gun control.
And while we’re at it, we need to do more to help the millions of people who suffer from mental illness.

The Creative Vibrations

What often feels like a holding pattern is––on a deeper level––an opportunity to evolve;
Walking a tightrope between overachieving and slacking off;
Giving myself the space to breathe and trust.
My need to push and fight––validated at some point during my childhood––has inspired me to reach for the impossible, and achieve my goals.
The million dollar question, “Would I have ended up in the same place had I not fought with all of my force?”
That’s what I’m exploring, NOW.  Finding the present in 2017;
It’s been exhausting.
It requires Faith.
Breath.
Balance.
Mediation.
And letting go;
I have to allow time for the things that I’ve worked so long and hard for, to find their creative vibration and lead me to my next endeavor.
I’m not treading water, I’m sailing with the current towards my dreams.

Track Wheel

The bright colorful rainbow track wheel spins my mind with rage;
There isn’t a breath deep enough to endure a technological breakdown.
I don’t care what “doctors say”, and Apple a day just leads to frustration.

The Path to Presence

When the day doesn’t start off the way you planned, let go of the plan and follow the path in front of you—that’s how being present works. 

These Little Things.

Adding everything up in your mind;
Lost in the deepest cave of thought;
Seeking answers that will only be discovered when the time is necessary.
Demanding resolution––but acknowledging that the end is just the beginning.
These little things feel so much bigger now; but they won’t in time.

Remembering Why I Create...

Taking a moment to appreciate the past four months;
The chaos which lead to overwhelming and stressful situations;
Stifled creativity and quick to agitation;
Feeling uninspired and questioning my path.
Then––a deep breath and a flicker of presence.
A charge of motivation; I took action.
The work wasn’t brilliant––but necessary.
Throughout the darkness, I continued to search for light.
Radiating beyond the thick haze of frustration and fear––I found my voice, again.
I was fortunate to spend last week setting a new piece of choreography on the dancers at Slippery Rock University.
Their exuberant idealism and energy recharged my soul giving me the opportunity to release my thoughts and emotions on a canvas of talented artists.
The brought my journey, my choreography, to life.

I’m A Proud American; and I Kneel in Support.

I’m disappointed that I would be labeled “unpatriotic” because I believe in standing up for every American––and their right to exercise the First Amendment.
Meanwhile, many of the people who support a president who dodged serving in the military and continues to do business with countries who would love to see our freedom destroyed, will preach that people should just “do their job.”
What if someone was going to take away your Second Amendment right, would you still demand that people remain silent?

My Truth Today…

Once you give yourself permission to release perfection, everything is possible.

I’ve discovered the answers to most of my challenges are resolved when I look for the solution, rather than focusing on the problem.

Coffee, Carbs, and Choreography.

With enough caffeine and carbohydrates, I can choreograph a full length piece of work; its a good thing, too, because I have five hours to complete my next project!

The Dream

I get to tell stories; my childhood dream has manifested into a career.

Dance runs in my veins.

I used to choreograph in grocery stores; now I set work on professional companies.

I’m living proof that passion, dedication, and determination will always lead to opportunities.

Pilates Chair

Definitely a torture device;
My body feels stronger just looking at the evil machine.
My ass burns with every step up––no doubt punishment for the extra Ranch dressing I ordered last night.
I may not like the extreme excessive, but I know it’s enhancing my posture and personality (when I look good, I’m sassy!)

Pittsburgh

Always under construction when I visit;
The perfect metaphor for my life.
True happiness is working in a city where your best friend lives;
Falling asleep mid-sentence, on a couch in their studio (their house is under construction), after a 10 hour day of traveling.
I’m up and ready to start choreographing!

Body Challenged

I just competed 21 yoga classes in 19 days;
I’m a sucker for a competition.
One can never spend too much time working on their mental, physical, or emotional health; but perhaps posting a leader board––with everyones class attendance––was a good thing, might want to revisit the whole, “Zen” thing.
Still, if a competition exists, you better believe I’m up for the challenge.
Too bad my body isn’t!
I need a day of hot water and bath salts.
My body is wrecked.

Emmys

Movie stars winning television trophies;
Trump wanted an Emmy®, Alec Baldwin wins playing Trump;
Childhood dreams fulfilled;
I’m not in the room yet, but I’m a member of the club.

Addicted

The aroma of coffee floats through my house;
I can almost see the cartoon-like waves of steam and rich caffeinated goodness.
The enticing bean is the only reason I’m able to coax myself out of bed; and away from my cuddling puppies.
I’m an addict.

Six Word Essay on Yoga Sculpt

Pushing past exertion; I mindfully evolve.

Let It Go.

When you wake up in a shitty mood and you want to yell at the world; don’t.
Simply channel your tools: breathe, smile, and binge eat a breakfast burrito from your favorite morning restaurant...

Wait; Lobby

I sit in a chair waiting;

The anxiety of a doctors office never dissipates.

So basically all of the self discovery books that I’ve studied, meditated over, and applied to my life are wasted on a moment like this.

It’s a simple procedure—I keep telling myself this—yet I can’t shake the fear of the unknown.

I return to the breath; it’s shallow—like my ego—I’ve got more work to do.

It’s remarkable what we learn about ourselves in a hospital waiting room.

Liquid

Like some Hollywood actress prepping for her appearance on the red carpet before the OSCARS;
I’m forced to drink my food today.
Juices, broths, and supplement drinks; delicious!
Maybe sarcasm will help me through my “cleanse.”
And by cleanse, I mean preparation for a medical procedure.
Welcome to adulthood.

Validation

Sitting in a room full of creative, talented, peers;
I shared my work with total fearlessness.
The response was overwhelmingly positive.
In one instant, my years of training, struggle, tenacity was validated in the most honest and important way; a confirmation of what I’ve always believed in my heart––and why I’ve never given up.
I was reminded that I am an artist and I create because I’m meant to.
And even if only for another day, week, month, year––it was the encouragement I needed to keep on going.

Stronger Together

We were a country divided until this day sixteen years ago;
Four airplanes––carrying unsuspecting passengers of every race, faith, political and socioeconomic background––penetrated landmarks in our country.
We came together to help those who lost, love those who were afraid, and support the heroes who served.
The pain, confusion, fear, and anger of that devastating day, when American soil faced the stain of global terrorism, has not escaped our memory;
But our hearts and minds have been hardened again as a country.
Now is not a time to allow powerful people to manipulate our present, because of our past;  we must stand together––again––with compassion, love, Faith, acceptance, and equality.
We are stronger together; UNITY.
#WeRemember

Sunday

I went to church: soul.
I went to yoga: mind, body, soul.
I went to Starbucks: LIFE!

Wake Up!

The deeply implanted linen line marking my cheek is a quick giveaway;
I slept in this morning.
I skipped my daily rituals and I’m rushing to yoga;
Where I’ll probably go back to sleep on my mat.

Healing Waters...

My unconscious self tried so hard to be sad and depressed yesterday;
“If I feel tortured and angry, then I won’t feel guilty about living so far away from my family.”
I woke up next to my pool with the sun on my face;
The gentle breeze reminded me that the present moment doesn’t require judgement.  I smiled and focused on the beautiful week I spent with my sister and niece, and then jumped into the pool.

Saying Goodbye; Focus on the Positive!

The hour has arrived, my sister and niece have to return to their “real” lives.
Twenty years ago––when I ventured out on my own to pursue my dreams––I had the startling realization that I was embarking on a path that would keep me away from my family, more that it would allow me time with them.
That choice has been something I’ve struggled with immeasurable times; holidays, family gatherings, graduations, the loss of loved ones––the sacrifice is real.
Thankfully, just under ten years ago, I found a new approach to my time away.  It was just after my grandpa passed; before he died he explained how proud he was of me, he offered me this, “Don’t be sad, Matt––this is a part of life.  You’re doing wonderful things, go and live your life.”
On his deathbed, grandpa gave me the permission to continue to follow my dreams, and the tools to find joy in every moment.
Yoga helped me with the next monumental discovery:
The present moment is all we have.
So, I’ve spent the past 10 years (trying––and more often than not succeeding) finding the positive in every circumstance.
My sister and niece’s visit was a brilliant week of laughter, love, creativity, and bonding.
The beach (twice!), Disneyland, getting my niece’s ears pierced, trips to the mall, the Farmer’s Market, visiting with childhood friends, eating at delicious restaurants, and Griffith Park Observatory were just a few of the adventures we shared.
But my favorite moments were swimming in our swimming pool––watching Jeff teach Kellyn how to swim; or sitting with my niece in the living room and helping her with her homework––she’s so bright; or cuddling on the couch and hearing my niece’s beautiful joyous laughter––I appreciate animated movies in a new way, now; watching my sister swim in the ocean––she looked so peaceful and free, it reminded me of watching her as a child, I love her so much; and my favorite moment: watching my sister as a mommy––patience, love, encouragement, humor, wisdom, confidence... my niece is in perfect hands.
It’s hard to believe that two years ago my sister was stuck in a hospital bed re-learning how to talk, eat, and walk.
I feel so blessed for this visit, and while saying goodbye is so brutal, I’m happy that I got to say hello.  I will hold onto the positive memories while I’m dropping them off at the airport today, and for the rest of my life!

The Day After

My body aches all over;
My belly is full of junk;
My wallet is empty;
My camera is full;
My niece and sister are happy;
My inner child is crying because it’s over;
My inner adult is laughing because we had a blast but I need a full day to recover:
#Disneyland!

Disneyland

No matter what age, I challenge a person not to have fun at Disneyland.
Okay, I’m sure it can be done...but why on earth would you allow yourself to be in a bad mood at the Happiest Place on Earth?
My sister turns 37 years old today, and I’m so grateful that I get to spend the day with her, my niece, and my husband.
My sister has endured and conquered so many obstacles in her life; from cancer to a coma and everything in between, and she’s alive and well.
Even at 5 a.m. I’m smiling from ear to ear, because we’re about to embark on a day of laughter, junk food, rides...and of course, a lot of princess pictures with my 6 year old niece!  *Hopefully some of the Disney princesses will pose with her, too.

Da, Da, Da, Da, Da... I'm NOT Loving It.

Last night, after a fabulous birthday party in Hancock Park, we stopped at a McDonald's for my niece;
Even after a massive spread including: popcorn, chips, dips, pizzas, salads, cookies, caramels, chocolates, cupcakes, candy, and a second round of pizza... my 6 year old niece was still hungry.
Apparently so was I!
I ordered the Number 2 (two cheeseburgers, large fries, and a coke) AND I added a four piece chicken McNuggets––because ya know, why not?
It's the exact meal I ate in high school. Everyday.
And I wondered why I had a weight issue.

Six Word Essay On Swimming with my Niece:

A fearless fish with fast feet.

Meditate On This:

“Even when the sky is heavily overcast, the sun hasn’t disappeared. It’s still there on the other side of the clouds.”  ––Eckhart Tolle

I love waking up in the mornings and reading self-discovery books.  I’ve read so many personal growth books that I should be a Zen Master; yet here I sit, questioning my path.
I close my eyes and deepen my breath.  That feeling in my stomach isn’t gas––okay it might be, because my family is in town and we’ve been eating a lot of rich meals––still I understand that the knot in my stomach is from conflict.
This morning, while reading the “Power of Now” I came across that simple reminder above.  I smiled and let go of all the noise in my mind.
My sister and niece are in town for a short time; all the drama and lists, and goals, and work, and worry can wait; I’m going to meditate and enjoy my day!

Life's A Beach

I spent the day at the beach in Malibu yesterday.
Sandcastles, swimming, seashell collecting, and too much sun with my niece, sister, and husband.
Watching my 6 year old niece discover sand crabs for the first time reminded me of my sister and me growing up––we would collect the sea creatures and keep them in a plastic aquarium that my dad bought us from a pet store.
Looking back I can see how inhuman it was to bring those little crabs back to our house––we thought that the ocean water and seaweed we gathered in the tank would sustain their lives––of course, we were wrong.
Fortunately, my sister and I learned our lesson and taught Kelly (my niece) that it’s better to observe the lives of all animals in their natural habitat.
She watched the crabs burrow back into the sand and picked up her bucket and started building a sandcastle.
That’s the beauty of childhood, you can let go of something and move onto the next activity without much thought or emotion; just let go.
It was so wonderful to watch my sister and niece enjoy the ocean together; the healing energy of the waves and the invigorating rays from the sun lead to a family bonding moment.

Journaling

My deepest thoughts, plans, intimate emotions, and obstacles shared in a book that (hopefully) no one will read.
It’s the total escape from reason; pure free flowing energy, which helps me stay focused and present.
Not just for teenaged drama queens (although I was that, too), journaling is my therapy.

Pierced

My sister, Shiree, and my niece, Kellyn arrived in LA yesterday marking a week long celebration of my sister’s birthday.
In honor of the visit, Shiree decided to surprise Kellyn with a trip to the mall; Claire’s to be exact.
Anyone who has a daughter or grew up gay in the 90′s knows that Claire’s is the place for ear piercing.
When Kellyn found out why she was there, she jumped with joy and then her face washed with fear.  “Is it going to hurt?” She asked concerned.
I promised it wouldn’t hurt worse than a shot... that seemed to satisfy her trepidation.
Once she picked out her earrings, she sat in the chair, the Claire’s “piercing experts” cleaned her ears and made a dot with a marker to ensure perfect placement.
While my sister held the iPhone to capture the momentous event, I held my nieces hand and Uncle Jeff kept Kellyn distracted with positive dialogue.
The Claire’s “piercing experts” conversed privately, deciding to pierce on count 2 (not three), and then they counted down.
1, 2, punch!
Kellyn didn’t even realize they’d pierced her ears.
I said, “It’s all done.”
She smiled and said, “It’s over?”
When we returned home, we couldn’t find Kellyn.  I quietly snuck up on her gazing at her reflection––and newly pierced sparkling ears––in the guest bedroom mirror.
Mission accomplished!

All In The Family

My sister and niece arrive today;
Disneyland, pool parties, and coloring books galore!
Growing up my sister was my best friend (minus a few troubled high school years), and I’m so grateful that we continue to cultivate our relationship.
She’s the strongest person I know; fighting through cancer, a coma, and questionable haircuts...
I’m excited for a week of laughter, eating too much, and movie-night slumber parties in our living room.

Happiness Hangover

It’s nice to wake up with a smile on my face.
Last night I was in a room surrounded by my peers;
Talented, creative, loving, loud, obnoxious (in a magnificent way), and supportive.
Who says dancers are bitchy?
Oh, right... me in my 20′s.
Thankfully, people grow up.
I’m honored to be a working artists.

That's A Wrap!

My summer tour has come to an end. 

All of the complaining about airports, sleepless nights in uncomfortable hotel beds, and borderline diabetic food options (without a trace of leafy greens) will come to an end.

What will I complained about now?

Good question;

Most likely I'll moan about my dwindling bank account, because as much as I loath 14 hour days on the road—my pockets really appreciate the jingle.

For now, I'll find bliss on my butt, binge-watching Netflix while detoxing on lettuce, apples, and water with lemon.

After a week of irresponsible bum-like behavior I'm confident that my Type-A personality will demand that I motivate and make things happen.

That's the trouble when you're an overachiever; it's impossible to stop pushing.

So I'll find my Zen in yoga, and start the whole process again.

The Evolution of Me

Constantly pushing beyond the breaking point; I aspire to do better.
Born from a desire to achieve greatness––before I understood what that really meant––I bullied myself to be perfect.
Eventually learning (and accepting) that magic is harnessed through imperfection; I refocused my approach.
Perspective is everything.
My journey has enabled me to evolve as a person and artist; grounded, confident, and fearlessly manifesting my dreams.
Still coaxing myself to reinvent my life––not out of fear––but of desire, to depart from this world as the best version of “me” I can be.

Coffee Stop

Waiting in line for coffee at the Burbank airport;

Hipsters, business people, parents, and flight crew—all twitching like the addicts we are.

The java flow fuels my soul;

And yes, maybe I have a problem, but so do they! (And that gives me comfort.)

Keep Going...

In the deepest region of my soul, burning questions motivate my journey;
I continue to extract answers through my creative work.
In what I haven’t yet achieved, I find the response I’m looking for:
Keep going.

Pool Side

Lounging with friends by a pool;
We laughed, while enjoying sparkling rosé and grapes.
Just like the ancient Roman’s––minus the corruption, brutality, and servants fanning us with giant leaves.

Finding My Swagger

I was preparing for an audition yesterday;
I started to get in my head about my technique and performance, and then I remembered to trust my training and just have fun.
When I let go of the idea of what I thought I needed to be for the part, I found who I am in the part; finding my swagger in the freedom of a character.
It’s the entire reason I started acting in the first place, but as I grew older––and experienced more circumstances––I lost track of my fearless approach.
Whether I book the role or not is less important to me, than the self-discovery I remembered yesterday.
I’m craving more opportunities to create as a performer; time to start shooting content again!

A New Day

The anticipation of a new day;
Everything is possible.
In the early morning hours I spend my time in mediation––clearing my head (and heart) of the past––preparing for the present.
Mindfully, I work to release the energy of things that no longer serve me;
Faithfully, I breathe in the sliver of light that cracks on the horizon.
A fresh start.
A chance to reawaken my dream.

Balance

Lounging by the pool;

Not reading my work.

Slacking off feels like a giant FUCK YOU to my controlling nature.

#Balance

Tiny Airport

Similar to a tiny house;

Only instead of life sized cars parked in the drive way out front, we board miniature airplanes.

#LifeOnTour

Trust

Standing at the edge looking up.
When I jumped;
I flew.
It was a simple act of faith that allowed me to reach new heights.

Finish Line

The finish line is within my sights;
My adrenaline spikes giving me the extra push I need.
Creativity and excitement surround my body carrying toward the goal.
With every race I grow stronger; mentally, emotionally, physically––and most important (to me)––creatively.
The journey; climbing hills, pacing myself around corners, releasing the obstacles––it’s all been worth it.
It’s not about finishing, it’s about evolving.
But the end looks very appetizing.

Six Word Essay on Sleeping In

My body needed the extra love.

Thunderstorms

Dark angry clouds move towards our car like a semi truck that has lost control on a highway;
The rain punishes the earth as we glide across the road.
Then, without warning, the sky opens to a bright-blue-Hemsworth;
The sunshine radiates the green fields; all is well.
Reminding me again, that no storm lasts forever.

Blessed

I’m lying in bed in Iowa;
I woke up to birds chirping and remembered that––although I’m not at home––I get to spend my week doing something I love.
I’m dancing and choreographing alongside one of my closest and oldest friends;
We’ve grown together as artists and people and we still find new opportunities to push ourselves and our relationship.
So while I’m suffering from exhaustion––thanks to six weeks on the road––I’m so grateful that the end of my summer touring schedule ends with a solid creative endeavor... and a lot of laughs!

Airport

Lines everywhere;

Hurried passengers zipping around on carts;

Impatient parents and cranky kids;

Bitter flight attendants;

Uncomfortable chairs and a lack of electrical outlets, add to the stress of travel.

Life On Tour; Pool Day

After a week of choreographing and dancing (full out and over the age of 30), I’m taking a pool day.
Fun in the sun, the floating lounge chair is my new dance partner.

Coffee Is My Warmup

As a young dancer my body was always ready to jump, pirouette, and jazz walk across the floor;

Now that I'm old, I need to do a few stretches, just to get out of bed!

I find that the most effective warmup—for me—is black coffee.

I'm joking of course, but not really.

Note To Self: Trust

When I seek light, I can see.
It’s that simple.

Still Got It

In this moment, my dream is still very much alive;
I’m motivated to create and crush!

The Intolerance

Salty and creamy;
My heart melts like the cheddar I’m not supposed to eat;
It’s too delicious to pass up;
Too bad for me, I’ll be sick all night.
Totally worth it.

Life On Tour; Choreography

The story unfolds spontaneously when I turn the music up;
The bass kicks in and leads my soul, while the lyrics simultaneously instruct my body to turn, leap, and transition across the floor.
In the studio, everything makes sense.

It's Happening

Life happens; the good, the not-so-good, and everything in between.

When I let go of the fear and trust;

I received a delightful surprise.

The Moment I Let Go Of It...

Was the moment I got more than I could ever imagine.
Yesterday was a life changing moment for me and my family;
We spend so much time obsessing about “how” and “when”, we forget to trust in the present.
Over the past six months I’ve been slowly releasing my hold on one specific life-long dream, and the second I moved beyond the fear, the dream manifested in a direction I never saw coming.
God, The Universe, the present––always provides.
I’ve noticed that once I accept what is, I find a trail to what can be;
I’m ready for the next chapter in my life; literally and figuratively.
Let’s do this!

Bonus

Yesterday the barista at Starbucks accidentally made two of my speciality drinks: a grande caramel macchiato with soy milk in a venti with extra ice, and because there was no one else in the store that desired decadent-soybased-drink, (and rather than throwing it out) she gave it to me.
Naturally, I took it home and popped it into the refrigerator, where it sat waiting for me to consume it until today!
How lucky to have a Starbucks crafted drink ready to greet my day at home.

Don't Dream It's Over...

I woke up this morning still believing I was in the dream;
I’m sad I had to wake up, I was accepting an Emmy for my stellar work as a choreographer.
It was hard to accept that it was just a dream, but I’m happy to know that my dream is still alive––even if it’s while I’m sleeping––and more importantly, that I continue to follow my passion.

Lazy Dog

My yorkie Ginger is a lazy dog;
She spends her day walking from the couch, to my lap, to her bed, to our bed, and back to my lap––taking very few steps in between.
The only time she’ll get excited is when the word “cookie” is mentioned;
She jumps four feet off the ground, gobbles the delightful dog treat, and jumps back into my lap––snoring within two minutes.
Why can’t I have that life?

Tree Trimming...

I always think an overgrown tree looks beautiful and full of life;
Until the green leafy branches are trimmed back––revealing an even more gorgeous view of the Hollywood Hills––then I am reminded that everything looks better when we cut back...

Stand Up.

My grandma used to tell me, "If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything."

I've used her words throughout my life and career; a benchmark in the way I conduct myself professionally.

I stand up for myself—even when it's unpopular and inconvenient—because I refuse to enable a person in a powerful position to take advantage of another person just because they think they can.

No job or relationship is worth being treated without the same respect that you would treat your grandmother with; period.

Bum

I don’t know if you can catch up on sleep;
But I gave my best effort today.
I just woke up from an 12 hour coma.
Feeling rested and ready to go take a nap on the couch with my puppies.
It’s a lazy Sunday––I might feel guilty––if I hadn't just spent the past three weeks waking up at 6 a.m. and working until 11 p.m.
Finding balance on the road is challenging, now that I’m home for a few days, I’m going to celebrate my inner bum.

TSA

Totally 

Shitty

Arrangement.

Crisp

The scent of pine fills the mountain air;
An invigorating stillness lingers, challenging me to find my zen.
Grounded by the crunchy earth, I’m high on altitude.
The morning is crisp.

Back To The Present

Past the self-doubt, fear, and anxiety;

I found peace (again) in the light.

The present is here, ready to welcome me and free my soul from the commotion of yesterday and the uncertainty of tomorrow.

Today I am awake;

Grateful for the adventure and ready for unexpected opportunities.

Starbucks

I wait for Starbucks like children wait for Santa at Christmas; the gift is a daylong caffeine fix.

Ego

When I acknowledge the negative energy within me, I bring awareness to my circumstances,

which allows me to remember that the ego is desperate for reaction.

I refuse to be ruled by ego;

I prefer to crush egos instead.

Egg White Bite

Little savory pillow of magic;

Packed with protein, ready to jumpstart my day.

Sin-free snacking never tasted so good. 

Thank you Starbucks; consistent corporate coffee has saved the day, again!

Choreographing At Starbucks

I sit in my chair devouring a Venti iced coffee while planning out my jazz combination;

I'm living my childhood dream...

Drinking Starbucks whenever I want and creating stories with music and movement!

Finding My Zen; Again.

As the Uber coasted around the mountain bend, I could feel the calming energy of the lake penetrating my skin;

Further into Lake Tahoe, the endless chatter in my mind subsided and I felt my inner peace return; it has been missing for a few weeks.

Like anyone, I face momentary setbacks. 

I spend so much time hustling, creating, pushing for my artistic ambitions to meet their destiny;

Often, I forget that I have no control over the journey.

Only how I react to my circumstances is within my grasp; and without Faith, light, hope—I lose my step.

Now, emerging back into the present, I feel the weight lift, the sky above Heavenly Village is just that, a gift from God.

I am here.

My past cannot be changed and tomorrow will bring the demands of tomorrow.

Today, I found my Zen; again.

BUSted

The glamorous life on tour would never be complete without a 16 passenger limo-bus pulling up at 3:15 a.m. to greet 18 cranky show-people and a gaggle of wide-load suitcases.

The bus expands to sustain our girth;

Our baggage is heavy.

Coffee Or Cover?

The rain poured down as I sat discouraged in my hotel bed;
I fell asleep last night with the joyful anticipation of a sunrise walk to the Starbucks Coffee shop, which is located four blocks from the hotel.
I’m not sure my need for caffeine supersedes my desire to stay dry.
It’s the day of the show and if I don’t get my Venti Soy Latte, I might cry.

Let It Go...

Darkness sets in quickly and without warning;
I have the tools, faith, and ability to find my way to light;
The power is in the choice:
Release the past and find your way into the light,
Or, live with negativity, and fall deeper into the depression.
Deep breath; let it go.

Six Word Essay, Life on Tour

Sleeping in, is not a thing.

Do It!

The gnawing feeling that I should be doing more;
The creative process is often a delicate balancing act of pushing past our limitations and accepting the present for what it has to offer.
Like my grandpa used to say, “if you want to do it, do it––if you don’t want to do it, don’t do it.”
There is no stopping the power of creativity; it is a force that––once in motion––cannot be stalled.

Finding Me...

A subtle shift in my outlook has me feeling hopeful and revived today.
I smiled a simple, unforced smile at myself in the mirror while I was shaving and I remembered how positive and full of light I can be.
It’s a choice to be present and positive;
Darkness, doubt, fear, and anger are all readily accessible; seeking a target who is willing to spend more living in the past––I refuse to give in without a vicious fight––and find my way to the present.
I have no concern for how many times I will re-learn this lesson (as often as it takes to find balance and a brighter outlook), it’s my mission to live in the present with unconditional love, fearlessness, and Faith.

While Sitting At The Airport...

I can:

Deposit my paycheck,

Choreograph my next piece,

Edit a short film,

Eat a healthy meal,

Consume two Starbucks beverage (at different locations,

Change my wardrobe,

Return business calls,

Respond to an overloaded email inbox,

And finish my morning meditation while working a short yoga phrase—which I record and post—for social media!

Truth On Tour; Packing

A suitcase jammed past capacity;
Plaids, prints, and cheerfully bright selection of pants––some worn and some clean––coexist in an overcrowded world of darkness.

The Struggle Is Real...

The path of enlightenment often has setbacks;
Today, I’m challenge with a lack of sleep and a line too long at Starbucks;
I wil have to face The Force of an entire crew dressed up as their favorite Star Wars character––on a cup of weak hotel coffee.
#ThemeDay

Room For Health...

Push-ups on my hotel room floor are no substitute for my down-ward dog;
But it does the trick when you cannot get to a room that has been adequately heated and saturated with the perfect blend of humidity and hot bodies (literally and figuratively).

The Glamorous Life...

The filtered light and steam billowing from the gap below the bathroom door nudged me up twenty minutes before the soft rippling waves of my alarm were set to wake me;
Still in a Netflix haze––binge watching Glow––had me body slamming pillows all night long.
My roommate finishes getting ready in the bathroom, while I check my Instagram account, trying to commit to getting up.
If I want to avoid another ten minute Starbucks line, I’ve got to get my ass in the shower...
Sleeping in is not an option on tour.

My Addiction

Has me hanging out in a line with men in business suits;

Housewives in track suits;

Hot guys in swimsuits;

And me in a costume;

What is: "A hotel Starbucks, for $1000."

The Countdown Begins...

The truth on tour is that I dearly miss my family and every second I'm away from them feels like an open wound.

Today I board a red-eye into the storm of a three week tour;

The glamorous life begins, and so I mask my sadness behind a facade of white teeth—which I paid top dollar for—and I celebrate the fact that I get paid to live my dream.

The present sometimes requires a delusional bliss; the paycheck helps, too!

Trust Your Instinct...

That feeling in your upper gut is not gas––it’s your instinct––and the more I listen to it, the happier I am.
Life is too short to give a shit about other people’s judgments of you (no matter how important they think they are), trust yourself and plan an exit strategy accordingly.

The Work Only Works When...

I’ve read dozens of self-discovery books in my lifetime;
Endless hours of time invested on my yoga mat;
Meditation and prayer are a constant in my mind and soul;
Still, I struggle to be present.
The work of the ego is as mighty as the Devil at weeklong Bible retreat in the south; and more destructive, too.
When I give in to the unrealistic demands of my ego, I seek more; more money, more jobs, more opportunities, more, more, more!
A catastrophic path that leads to a miserable life.
The annihilation can be avoided by getting out of my head and back to the present.
When I use the tools: breathe, release, trust, and find light––I return to the finest version of myself––present and ready for anything.

Get Over It; And Let It Go...

Is there a difference between getting over something and letting something go?
I think when I get over something I never look back;
But if I let something go, I always wonder if I’ve released it too soon...
I can get over my reaction to a circumstance, but I can never seem to let go of the person or path that lead me to react in the first place.
My goal this year is to learn how to really let go of the energy that no longer serves me; it’s a simple practice in getting over my need to control everything.
And I’ve already established that I’m good at getting over things...

Clearing Back Debris

I just walk our property with a new landscape team;
You never realize how overgrown and ugly your property is, until you have a specialist open your eyes to the weeds, overgrowth, and dead weight.
It was a metaphor for the internal emotional and mental struggles I’m dealing with.
I accepted that it was time to give my heart, mind, and soul and good pruning today; which will be my focus in yoga––clearing back the overgrown fears, doubts, and weeds.

One Down...

The show is over and the check has been cashed; 

Crushing the competition, fighting to remain creative, and (hopefully) inspiring a new generation of dancers.

One down, five more weeks to go!

Let Go Of Darkness

Feeling off center; I ground myself through coffee beans and self-help books.

Reading, journaling, and a quick scan of my mental and emotion health reveal that I may be spending more time in my head than I'd like to admit.

With a deep breath and a heavy sigh, I release the darkness;

Saturated poison and fear that I absorbed like a sponge in a room full of people who hide behind a judgmental smile.

I am who I am; letting go of everything else—life is short—I've got work to do.

Living The Dream

The grumbling in my stomach from eating inconsistently;

The subtle traces leftover sleep in my eyes;

The mild aches and pains in my neck from sleeping in a bed that's unfamiliar;

(I miss my bed.)

This is the life that I dreamed of living, for better or worse, so I'm turning my frown into a forced smile—it will eventually manifest into a genuine feeling of gratitude—I'm living the dream.

Snark and Starbucks

The employees at Starbucks dawn their best game faces;

As a former service industry professional myself, I see past there plastered smile and pleasant facade.

My expertise in dealing with customers at 6 a.m. detects a hint of snark in their tone as they welcome crabby customers.

I smile inside and count my blessings; I get spend my day in a theater—I might not be performing—but I'm not appeasing un-caffeinated assholes.

Remembering Gram

I cried myself to sleep last night;
contagious laughter and unconditional love––I miss her beyond imagination.

Life Lesson

I didn't book the job;

Which saved me from backing out of two—already contracted—gigs.

I was struggling with the decision and asked God to intervene.

I told myself that I'd be happy with whichever outcome I was faced with; to my delight, I feel confident in the answer the Universe sent me.

Sometimes booking a role on TV is not as important and maintaining an existing agreement.

When It Rains, It Pours...

I receive more opportunities to work on television while I’m out of town working on other creative projects;
which means my creative energy is so powerful that people are attracted to me more when other people are exploiting it.
...or, that life.
I’m going with the later.
Of course, I’m 2000 miles away from LA when I receive offers to work on a new television series––ever the professional––I turn down the spot on the small screen to honor my first commitment, only to return to my hotel room to another email from my agent with a second offer on an already established TV show.
...when it rains, it pours––was the response I received from both my husband and my manager.
My motto has always been, “If it’s meant to be, it will be.”
So I said yes to the second part and now I have to wait and see if I can break a contract (which, in 20 years in the industry, I’ve only done one other time) and work coordinate a costume fitting around a national holiday and an overbooked flight.
Today I’m going to let go, and let God.

Back To The Present

During my morning reading, journaling, and meditation my mental roadsigns brought me here:
You are here.
The present moment;
A powerful force against fear, doubt, and uncertainty.
I don’t need to know where I’ll be next year at this time;
Nor do I need to focus on what I’ll be doing next week, tomorrow, or even tonight.
Over, and over, and over, and over, and over, again––I bring myself back to the simple truth:
this moment (literally this very second that I am typing) is the only thing that is real.
I can’t change the past or predict the future; when I’m present I don’t need to––because I remember––the past cannot be changed and the future will never be here.

Them Pains...

The dull but incredibly irritating pain in the forward part of my head is softened only by the rich, sharp rumbling in my stomach;
I Googled “upper stomach pain” to discover that––thanks to years of an ibuprofen addiction––I most likely have a peptic ulcer.
So...I get to deal with that, while on tour.
#TheGlamorousLife

Faith; Light.

It’s easy to have faith when everything is going “my way”;
Faith––in its very definition requires that you trust especially when things aren’t going your way.
How do I find that light––that positive energy––in total darkness?
Accepting that God, the Universe, a powerful being greater than I, has a plan.
In the midst of doubting, I remind myself of the countless moments when that force intervened in my life; that has to be enough.
Returning to the breath and letting go of the fear––absolute surrender––in times of massive negative energy is the only way through; like a flashlight illuminating the trail through the overgrown forest, faith is the only light I need.

So Long...

I just dropped my mom off at the airport––on her birthday no less––after a beautiful week of lounging by the pool, eating out at delicious restaurants, and shopping; a lot of shopping.
I often write about saying goodbye––a universal salutation––that never gets easier for me.
Today’s farewell was more challenging than usual, primarily because I’m flying out of town, too.
Instead of going back to Colorado with mom, or to Hawaii with Jeff, I’m going to work––while most people in LA rage about their 60 minute commute on the 405––I flair my nostrils and lose my shit going through the TSA PreCheck line.
I’ve willingly paid money and submitted a complete background check (both hands fingerprinted), and still I stand and wait.
But I digress, I’m feeling sorrowful.  Even after five days of fabulous, undivided quality time with my mom––I feel like I need more!
Add on the layer of leaving my husband and two puppies for nine days and I drop into full panic mode.
It’s moments like these that I’m grateful for the nerds of the world––like Steve Jobs––for using their mighty brainpower to create devices and software like iChat... Now if someone would just figure out how to teleport humans across thousands of miles in a nanosecond...

Six Word Essay on Family

Love and sass, the perfect combination.

Too Much Caffeine...

Too much caffeine after 3 p.m. has me:
writing my blog entry for the day at 12:14 a.m.;
doing laundry;
cleaning the kitchen;
obsessing over what to wear tomorrow;
choreographing projects in my living room, while binge watching Bloodline on Netflix;
eating almond M&M’s that my mom left out the coffee table;
sharing cat videos from YouTube to Twitter.

International Yoga Day

Free flowing breath;

Mindful mediation calms the chatter and useless  ambience in my mind;

My soul awakens with the joyfully focused energy in the room;

Passion, creativity, peace, balance, and presence; a harmonious practice of evolution and light.

Mom's Back In Town...

My mom and step-dad stood on the curb at LAX waiting for me with a smile and a boatload of suitcases––they’re only staying a week––but unlike me, they don’t mind checking bags.
Per mom’s request, we headed down to the South Bay (where I grew up) to eat at one of our favorite restaurants.  The hole-in-the-wall greasy family operated Mexican café was every bit as delicious as it was twenty years ago... the only difference is the reaction my body has to it.
Apparently overly-salted foods with too much dairy and lard don’t sit well in my yoga body; I think my stomach literally said, “Gurgle, gurgle...YOgattaBeKiddingMe!”
We decided to watch a movie when we got home and without missing a beat, my mom pulled out a bag full of candy and chocolate; some things do not change...and I LOVE it.
I’m in heaven when my family is in town; my waistline is in hell...

Now Boarding

When your flight to LAX gets delayed,

Seek out a flight to Burbank;

A shorter flight to an airport closer to home, with a lot less traffic...

Always find the silver lining.

Call Time; Truth on Tour

The 5AM wake-up call thrusts me out of bed;
I step into a blisteringly hot shower hoping that the heat will help peel my eyes open.
Still not awake I get dressed in a zombie-sleep-like rote.
My viens are begging for caffeine;
Starbucks won’t open for another 20 minutes.
I remind myself: you are living the dream! The life you chose for yourself; so get excited and be grateful

Show Business; Old Friends

I landed in Sacramento last night and realized an old friend is in town starring in Disney’s Beauty and the Beast at the Sacramento Music Circus.
While at dinner, I reached out to him, and within 30 minutes I was meeting him at his stage door for a final dress tech rehearsal!
It might be one of my favorite aspects of the artist’s life;
No matter where you are in the world––if you’ve worked in show business––there’s bound to be someone you know...putting on a show.
It was such a pleasure catching up with my friend and watching him take the stage in the title role; he’s a star, on stage and off!

Traveling

The airport is where I get most of my busy work done;
Watching people pass, some are off to a fabulous vacation, many are headed to a 3 star hotel, and some don’t even change out of their pajamas;
Traveling is so un-glamorous.

Today's Present

What good are tools if I don’t use them?
Getting trapped in my head about circumstances that cannot be resolved with logic.
Enter, Faith.
I close my eyes and practice my meditation;
what good are tools if we don’t use them, right?
Breathing in slowly and releasing the doubt.
Every day invites a new opportunity to find awareness:
I can’t solve tomorrows problems––but I can be present today.

Note To Self: Take Action

When it feels like nothing is happening, take action.

A simple, positive step—no matter how small—can change the way you feel and approach the day!

Unique and Unexpected

During my morning reading and meditation, I was reminded that “my purpose is to share joy through the blessings I’ve been given.”
I needed that reminder today.
Time and again, I forget just how powerful a smile and a positive attitude is;
my life has been a series of opportunities that were born out of my relentless, passionate, steadfast approach to my dreams.
It may not be the path that I mapped out when I embarked on my adventure twenty-one years ago, but just like a trip to Disneyland––the best rides are the ones you have to go out of your way for.
And the most rewarding experiences thus far have been those where I engaged with a likeminded group of people and created something unique and unexpected.

The Tony's; Acceptance For All

Last night, while watching the Tony Awards telecast, a tidal wave of gratitude whirled me around my living room.
I was singing and dancing along with the talented actor-singer-dancer (triple threats) that the theater community––unlike many in LA––praise.
How fortunate I was to find a home in the theater community so early in my life; deep in the closet (at a performing arts high school––no less), or once I finally came out (on the stage at Radio City Music Hall––of course), I found joy, love, laughter, education, inspiration, and art among the men and women who pour their soul (and soles) into the work that they do.
Is it a coincidence that the community that accepts everyone; encourages everyone to find their voice; inspires the world to dream; celebrates their heroes by honoring them during Pride month?
I’m sure the Gay mafia has something to do with it... I joke, but seriously, thank God for theater––it is more than entertainment; it’s history, art, education, inspiration, love, laughter, and acceptance––and it just might help a kid living in darkness, step into the light!

That's Showbiz...

I sat in judgment—it is, after all my job—and I watched the young performers as they flooded the stage with passion.

It reminded me that artists of every age are constantly seeking to connect and share their stories without criticism, which is ironic, because we're at a talent competition.

But hey, that's the ugly part of showbiz; you know?!

Voices In My Head

We all have them, though some will deny their existence—out of fear, shame, or being labeled crazy—but lurking in chaos or even in the stillness, a voice judges every circumstance.

Our ego is powerful and ready to crush everything in its path; even if it means self-destruction.

With a deep breath and faith, I silence the useless chatter and proceed with my day.

I'll listen when my voice instinctually guides me away from danger; cautiously aware that danger may exist in my mind. 

The Boyband Above

The two-year-old toddler that runs back and forth across the drum-like hardwood floors in the condo above ours has most likely never heard the word “no” before; but I assure you his parents hear the thunderous response that I pound out on the ceiling above––and while I’m not proud of my passive-aggressive response––it sure stops the one-man-boyband from creating his “music.”

Pep Talk

The power of the present;
I constantly seek to be here, awake, now.
On my best day––when I’ve floated through yoga, nailed an audition, typed out ten pages of quality writing, spent hours laughing with friends, and receive an unexpected residual payment; when a river walk with my puppies feels like a momentous event or a trip to Starbucks with my husband is the most important thing in the world––I have no doubt that I’m presicily where I’m supposed to be.
It is on those days––when I wake up and feel an unexplainable lump in my throat, that what I’m doing is not important or I feel compelled to throw in the towel and stop creating––that I remember that I’m human.
That superhuman high of being present is only accessible to me when I release the hate speech in my head; that self-doubt that does nothing but stop me from living the most inspired life I can.
I imagine these thoughts are similar to many of the people my age. In fact, I’m positive it’s what many refer to as a midlife crisis.
However, I feel no crisis, I truly know exactly what my purpose is––and I’ve pursued it my entire life––it’s just getting much more challenging to maintain the determination, tenacity, and faith as I watch my friends and peers advancing in their careers.
Again, this is not unique to me, I know, but it feels real today.
So I honor my feelings, take a deep breath, and release the energy into the universe; the day is still young (even if I’m not) and all I have is this moment, it’s time to smile and take positive action to be present.

LA Morning

The birds chirp loud as they prance for crumbs on the patio at Starbucks;

You can almost ignore the car alarm that blares on at the two-decades-past-its-prime car dealership across Ventura Boulevard;

Not even the windy rush hour traffic can muffle the pointless security feature on a tired used car.

Be. Here. Now.

The rage comes back from time to time;
Reminding me that no amount of yoga, Zen, meditation, Presence, or spiritual enlightenment can make me perfect.
I’m an imperfect soul––seeking to be a more evolved, aware, and gentle;
Through my setbacks I gain perspective and discover that I still have work to do.
A constant work in progress––with an emphasis on release.
Be. Here. Now.

Humanity In Action

Watching people fighting each other to be the first to shove their overpacked bags in an overhead bin, is a reminder of how much shit we—collectively—try to force in other people's space.

Your baggage should not be someone else's issue; yet here I sit watching grown men argue about who has more status—it's always the one with an ego the size of his waists. 

Pass The Bar on Tour

One drink at a higher altitude is like two drinks at sea level––or so they say––so two drinks in, I’m really four.  I always forget that hanging out with twenty year olds on tour, can really be torture.
Twenty-year-old me is rolling his eyes, but truthfully, booze on the road are brutal.

StressCON 5.0

Yesterday––despite my tools, Zen, yoga, and faith––I jumped into StressCON 5.0. My malfunctioning brain launched me towards my To-Do list like a fireman rushing into a fire; the problem is that I was holding the match.
When does a creating a habit create despair?
I’m entirely in favor of forming patterns and staying focused, but I’m ready for balance and I accept that I hold all the power.
Like Dorthy waking up in Kansas; I can leave OZ whenever I decide to (REALLY) trust the process and stay present.  I know that it is in the NOW that I will find the answers to the most important question: what can I do today?

FriDAZE

Driving around LA on a Friday afternoon,

I'm reminded of how crazy traffic is; how selfish most people are; and that I should never drive in LA on Fridays.

I'll Eat That, Too...

Whenever I face a complimentary (included in the price of the very expensive suite) hotel breakfast buffet, my former-fat-kid emotions return;
Even after years of yoga, Zen meditation, and plenty of career and colleague validation, I fight the instinct to drowned myself in extra salty eggs, buttery breakfast potatoes, and an overdose of sweet rolls.
Just when I think I’ve reached my bursting point, I like to cram down a toxic level of citric acid in the form of fresh cut pineapple, hand-squeezed grapefruit juice, and four cups of executive-level coffee loaded with heavy cream (did I mention I’m lactose intolerant?)
What can I say, I’m a sucker for the word “free”, and when on vacation (or work) I allow myself to be free with my feelings...even if it means eating them.

Back To The Blank Page...

I dedicated my birthday month to a stress free creative approach.
My sister, Shiree, reached out to me with a challenge to write a six-word story from a pre-selected list of themes.
I enjoyed finding a creative way to squeeze my story into six words, but I realized that I prefer to write without limitations.
I grew from the exercise, no doubt, and I discovered that I can insert my “voice” and style into almost any topic.
...this comes as less of a surprise to my close family and friends.
Apparently, I like to talk a lot; and share my opinions, a lot; and I guess I realized that I have a lot of space to free-up for new thoughts and ideas.
The most rewarding aspect of the month long challenge was that I remembered how much I crave writing.
Not just when I have a deadline or a specific goal that I’m working towards, but simply out of habit.
I appreciate releasing the thoughts in my head onto a blank screen.
There––at least for a moment––the constant dialogue has vanished from my mind and awaits judgment from someone else; a far less judgmental critic than I.

Six-Word Story Challenge; Summer Kiss

My first, seventh grade graduation; Heather.

Six-Word Story Challenge; Amazon Woman

A housewife addicted to online shopping.

Six-Word Story Challenge; Auctioned Off

All that remains are distributed processions.
OR
Ranch, monkey, and a white glove.

Six-Word Story Challenge; In The Treehouse

Boys become men; I played house.

Six-Word Story Challenge; Pen Thief

Thoughts in my head, stolen from paper.

Six-Word Story Challenge; King's Curse

Ruler of all; respected by none.

Six-Word Story Challenge; Crop Yield

Whole Foods made organic farmers rich!

Six-Word Story Challenge; Devil's Due

A blissful yogi; despite her personality.

Six-Word Story Challenge; Legend

Heroes, gods, and dad’s wrestling statistics.

Six-Word Story Challenge, Over The Fence

I doubt the grass is greener.

Six-Word Story Challenge; Sunshine

Poolside with a cocktail and book.

Six-Word Story Challenge; At The Gym

I was benched; heartbroken and closeted.

Six-Word Story Challenge; The Visionary

Someone who bravely conquers the unknown.

Six-Word Story Challenge; Cave Dwellers

Cave dwellers evolved into internet trolls.

Six-Word Story Challenge; Blooms

From radiant light, my soul blooms.

Six-Word Story Challenge

The present; accepting what’s here now!

Always An Artist

I began my creative journey 20 years ago; as a bright-eyed, fearless––albeit green––artist.
I had no plan, just a dream and the willingness to follow my passion wherever it lead.
I traveled the world as a performer, I studied with artists who forced me to be better. I read books; I listened to wise, interesting people who shared their ideas.  I collaborated with friends and said, “yes” to everything that didn’t compromise my moral compass.
As I grew––mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and creativity––I mindfully set a plan in motion.
No longer idealistic, but still very hungry for my dream to manifest, I focused every ounce of time on doing more.
Finally, I’ve reached a point where I accept that I am enough.
I understand that my creative path is in constant bloom; and whether during the winter, while my seeds lie dormant; spring, when my creativity blooms; or fall, when my leaves are changing––I am always an artist.
And that is enough.

Six-Word Story Challenge; Sealed

Since birth; my fate to create.

Six-Word Story Challenge; Mother's Touch

Loving, supporting—always ready to shop!

Six-Word Story Challenge; Bureaucrats

Job description: red tape and scandal.

It's Time...

I’m tormented by my obsession to be creative, despite a lack of inspiration.
Feeling called to write, choreograph, perform––do something;
Not because I want to cross something off a list, but rather to stay active on my artistic journey.
Sometimes doing “nothing” is really doing something;
The stillness gives me a space to breathe, and then suddenly––out of nowhere––my soul is revived.
I spent the past two years working on my new book;
brainstorming, outlining, contemplating, writing, rewriting, and gathering with my writing group to share and rethink––finally finishing my 1st draft.
Now, I wait.  The agony of releasing my work into the hands of capable colleagues, who may not have the emotional attachment I have with my “book baby.”
I’ve poured my heart onto the page, now I have to move on.
I gave myself the space to rest––two months is plenty of time, right?
The idea of staring at a blank screen is daunting, but the vast emptiness that I feel when I’m not creating is excruciating.
So, back into the sea I go, not at all prepared for the storm that’s sure to hit, for now I’ll just focus on getting past the break and pray for a lifeboat when I need it.

Six-Word Story Challenge; The Florist

A gorgeous flower arrangement is everything!

Six-Word Story Challenge; Captain's Mess

Rocky waters make messy dinner tables.

Six-Word Story Challenge; Cloned

Reproductions are cheaper and less glamorous.

Six-Word Story Challenge; Norsemen

Obscure languages; I communicate through dance.

Six-Word Story Challenge; Mutiny

If Starbucks closes early in LA...

Six-Word Story Challenge; The Beekeeper

Honey's cultivated by those who nurture. 

Six-Word Story Challenge; Soda Shoppe

Old fashioned malt; celebrating grandma’s birthday.

Six-Word Story Challenge; Tee Time

Whacking balls to advance, fore what?

39 Is Sublime

Today I face my final year as a thirty-something year old man.
My grandpa assured my years ago that every decade comes and goes just a little bit faster.
As forecasted, my 30′s blazed by, and still I managed to experience a lifetime of adventure, evolution, loss, and triumphs.
I lost my grandpa two years into my 30′s;
Booked my first big job as a choreographer on television;
Co-produced, wrote, directed, and starred in 40 digital shorts;
Co-created and starred in 3 television pilots;
Choreographed 2 movies;
Welcomed my gorgeous niece into the world;
Lost my grandma (and best friend);
Married my soulmate;
Became a homeowner;
Published my first book, So You Want To Be A Dancer;
Nursed my sister back to health and became closer than I could ever have imagined;
Booked three roles on television;
Choreographed my first full-length concert dance piece;
Finished writing my second manuscript (which will hopefully be published during my 39th year);
And finally––through countless hours of yoga, meditation, prayer, and Faith––I managed to find the Present.  I learned how to release negativity; breathe through anger; and trust.
Decidedly, I will confront the final year of my 30′s with pure joy, gratitude, and peace of mind.
I’ve accomplished so many goals––I’m ready to stop overachieving and start appreciating the blessings that surround me.
Every day of my 39th year I will cherish myself with one fabulous action, gift, or thought that celebrates my life.
Living in the present every day––so as never to look back and say, “I wish I would have enjoyed that moment more!”
What we invest in our life is directly related to what we receive; I’m ready to embrace God’s plan for me.

Six-word Story Challenge; The Charmer

A playful smile disarms unwilling hearts.

Six-Word Story Challenge; Map Maker

Google; my map maker of choice!

My Sister...

Never asks me for anything.
So, when she reached to ask me to join her in a six-word story challenge;
I said, “Game on!”
Every day in May, I have to write a six word story with a preset theme.
Because we’re three days into the month of May, I’m going to cheat a bit and write three today!
Here goes nothing….

It's Just A Number

I turn 39 tomorrow;
So today, I will enjoy being a young man.
Because, in LA, the closer you get to 40 the less people care about you.
Then again, I don’t really care about what people think of me;
I’m feisty and fabulous––and intend to remain that way at every age and stage of my life!

Six-Word Story Challenge; At the Parade

Dancing as the marching bands pass.

I Make Lists

I’ve just crossed four major tasks off of my list;
The only thing that remains on the list, is to let go of making lists.
...It’s a process.

Six-word Story Challenge; May Day

May day; it’s almost my birthday!

Ode To McDonald's

Your salty hash browns fill my tummy with a delicious childhood memory;

And clog my arteries—reversing every wonderful effect I achieve in yoga.

Still, it's 6 a.m. and my only option at the airport.

I can always justify my cravings. 

Life on Tour; Breakfast

The ultra sterile pure-white energy efficient LED lights in the hotel lobby accentuate the artificially-cartoon yellow eggs that sit like a spongy island in the “dinning room” tray;
If I forgot that I was living out of a suitcase, my faux-family––traveling from the most rural areas of the United States––remind me that I have made it!
#TheGlamorousLife

Life On Tour

The wine on last nights flight was fun then;
And KILLING me now.
I need coffee, food, and a stomach pump.
I’ll take it in that order;
To maintain my figure.

Live Your Truth

Perhaps it’s delusional to live without fear;
To remain present and positive regardless of the circumstance.
But honestly, what good comes from freaking out?
In my experience, positive energy produces twice as much opportunity than that of doubt;
So I say, live in the light and ignore anyone who questions your inner peace.

Polluted Spring

The pollinated wind zips through the rustling trees into our home;
I sneeze.
My dogs are hiding in the closet;
Afraid of the whirling tornado of dust, dander, and debris.
My eyes are red and itchy;
I’m the real version of the actor portrayals on the RX commercials;
The ones that promise to cure your “dry, itchy eyes” but guarantee sever headaches, nausea, heart-related problems, suicidal thoughts, and potential death (in rare cases.)
This is the side of Spring that no one is talking about;
Still, I’ll suffer through the allergies whilst lounging at the pool––I’ve got to make hay(fever) while the sun shines!

Work Through It...

Fighting off the demons in my mind with drowning love and acceptance;
Escaping the reflection in the mirror through breath and inner peace;
Batteling the temptation to give into darkness––I seek light in the present.

Resurfacing

The city workers backed their trucks up at 7:59 a.m.;
I know because I heard the rumbling sound of heavy machinery and the annoying constant back-up warning beeps––alerting the neighborhood that it’s time to get up––if only to shut your windows to block out the smell of tar.
The streets of LA are long overdue for a makeover;
I just wish the cosmetic resurfacing waited until after I’ve had my coffee.
Similar to the condition of the roads, my face is a wreck from the lack of sleep.

Again, and again, and again...

I remember that I am where I need to be.

Accepting this moment;

Releasing the judgement from my past,

And trusting that my future will be as it's supposed to when it arrives.

Sharing Is Caring

Bringing awareness to my morning;

Breathing in and appreciating my circumstances: I harness my passion and creativity and share my energy with likeminded people.

You Are What You Eat

My stomach hates me;

Or rather, it is raging against the "food" I consumed last night.

#Hooters 

TSA; The Struggle

One by one we move like cattle—if cows walked upright with Smart phones in their hooves—through a massive switchback of retractable nylon stanchions; until finally we make it to the front of a two man army in blue.

Ah, the glamorous life!

The Present

As long as crave more,
I will continue to seek more;
When I appreciate what I have,
I will accept who I am;
When I trust in my Guide,
My path will be clear;
If I focus on, Now,
I am rewarded with the present.

The Peace of Presence.

Silencing the annoying thoughts in my head is as easy (and close) as a deep breath;
Space from thinking tends to contribute to a more creative and productive day.
Letting go of lists;
The goals and necessary tasks are not servants to my unending need to cross something off or check a box, they are the activities and adventures that weave together to form my day.
Finding beautify, calm, peace, and joy in the daily routine––better still, breaking up the ridged plans––will produce an abundance of creativity.
Finding the present brings peace in whatever the outcome may be.

Remember: Anything Is Possible

In this moment anything is possible.
Let go of the past;
Release the mystery of the future:
Be present now––with careful attention to every step––one after the next, I will arrive where I’m supposed to be.

Present Is Perfect

I cannot be perfect,
But I trust that I can be the best version of myself––in any circumstance––if I remain present in every moment.

Easter; the Light

As a child Easter was a representation of candy, colorful clothing, big hats and brunch––of course I was taught about Jesus and the Resurrection, but I understood the food and fashion.
Durning mass this morning, I was reminded that through darkness we find light;
Easter represents the rebirth, hope, and promise that with God anything is possible.
It was a reminder that I desperately needed (and heeded), before heading off to brunch with a box of chocolates, wearing colorful clothing. ...Some things never change.

Sunny Saturday

A visit from my Australian friend, currently living in New York;
Breakfast, gossip, and laughter.
The golden rays are smiling down from the deep blue sky.
It’s the perfect people watching location;
And Los Angeles never disappoints in that department.
It’s a scene; and I love it.

Malibu

Sunshine;
Blue skies;
Bikini bodies;
Botox;
Blondes;
Boobs;
Surfers;
Sand;
Delicious.

The Toddler Next Door

The adorable toddler next door is loud.
His chubby legs pound the floor causing a rumbling sound, and
our shared walls shake as if an earthquake just struck;
the epicenter is the condo next door.
I’m trying to remember how much I love children––and really it’s the parents fault, right?
I completely understand natural and sporadic occasions of screams, laughter, and excited jumping;
But when you’re two year old is warming up for a soccer match––which lasts for about thirty minutes a day––I think it’s time to take a trip to the park!

If Only...

I woke up in a positive mood;
After only 6 minutes on the phone with AT&T my entire demeanor changed.
If only I could lose weight as fast as the rage that ensues when dealing with random fees on a phone bill.

The Joy Of Traveling; Living Out of a Suitcase

I can’t decipher which of my underwear has been worn;
I’m going to have to resort to the “smell test.”
#TheGlamorousLife

Downward Dog in Denver; The Rocky Mountain High

I woke up early, despite having the opportunity to sleep in;

My body was eager to get out of the uncomfortable hotel bed.

Anxious to shed my melancholy mood, I searched for a yoga studio near the hotel.

To my good fortune there was a CorePower studio within walking distance!

I jumped into my workout clothes and headed to my mat.

Getting downward dog in Denver, Colorado—I embraced the Rocky Mountain high.

Sixty minutes later, I'm present and prepared to create.

Again, I'm reminded we always have the choice:

seek light and grow or remain in the dark.

Life On The Road

I woke up in a pool of sweat;
The thermostat read 81 degrees in my hotel room––I’m positive that I had it set at 70.
Proof that hell is sleeping in a bed that is not yours.

It Comes With The Job Title

The crust in my eyes reminds me of being a child;
So does the tantrum I’m throwing right now because I have to get up so early.
#TheGlamorousLife

Wake Up

You spend your life traveling;

It's part of your job description;

Wake up, and accept the 4AM alarm, or switch careers!

Deep Breath.

My daily aim is to be present and live fully in every moment, even the “bad” ones.
To stay focused on positive action and release negative energy.
Despite how much time I spend reading self-discovery books, journaling, meditating, praying, and getting down on my yoga mat––I haven't been able to escape the human condition––overthinking and worrying about things that are out of my control.
It is in those instances, that I’m trying to remember that the road back to inner peace is available anytime and only requires a deep breath.

Remember Why You Started.

If?
When?
How?
All one word questions I try to avoid asking; in my mind and aloud.
The creative path stirs so many thoughts, fears, and insecurities;
One of the traps I try to avoid is validating my work by the sale.
“If someone buys my book; green lights my TV show, or purchases tickets to my play––then I am talented.”
“When I’m a NY Times Bestseller; I win an Emmy, or Tony––then I’m successful.”
“How––is this mindset ever going to help me continue to create?”
 I want to create and trust that my work is enough.
When I close my eyes and release my ego, I remember that my path is not about counting credits, adding up victories (lets be honest, for every win I’ve suffered 20 losses), or selling more...
I became an artist because of a burning desire to connect with people, share my stories, and inspire people to engage in thought and become in touch with their emotions.

Shaffer 2.0

The most challenging thing for me to do is surrender;
I’ve pushed for so long, and yes I’ve enjoyed the journey, but every path eventually leads to a dead end or a crossroad.
I’m ready for new adventures––I have no idea of what form they’ll take or where they will lead––but it’s time to open my mind (and heart) to new possibilities.
My quest for inner peace and presence continues to coax me toward releasing everything.
Only when I’ve let go of every idea, dream, plan, or goal can I truly accept what is waiting for me.
It’s time to make space for Shaffer 2.0

Jump

I’ve invested a massive amount of my life toward pursuing my passion;
No matter how many times I’ve done it, stepping out onto a ledge never feels easy.
Then again, the best adventures have happened when I was forced to jump.
Today I’m bullying myself again––like a father coaxing his son to ride the rollercoaster at an amusement park––I’m pushing myself to risk more;
Whether I free-fall toward the ground or catch a crosswind into a smooth landing, I am proud of myself for finding the faith to walk out onto that fragile plate, again.

Sunday

Coffee,
Cartoons,
Church,
Yoga,
and an evening of Showtime.
Sometimes simple is better.

Yoga

Stretching the mind;
While expanding the body.
Inner peace on a mat;
I grow like a tree, deeply rooted in calm, strong, presence.