Mission Accomplished!

I'm sitting in front of a computer screen in a gorgeous home with a decedent view of a snow covered mountain in Beaver Creek, Colorado. I was invited to my friends father's house for the New Year, and I honestly cannot think of a more appropriate way to finish out 2010.
Ordinarily the end of a year is always a little tough for me. I'm sentimental by nature, and I get emotional with the end of almost anything-
This year is a completely different feeling for me. I think for the first time ever, I truly lived in the moment each and every day. I set out to conquer my goals and resolutions, and I spent the majority of my time focused on creating opportunities and enjoying the process along the way.
It was no small task to sit down and force myself to share my deepest thoughts, dreams, setbacks, disappointment, heartache and Private emotions. Nevertheless, I gained such joy from releasing these ideas into the universe without fear of judgement. Plus, the act of this daily routine really sparked my creative juices.
Make no mistake, I'm not delusional- I realize that more than half of my entries are just the silly ramblings of a crazy guy with big ambitions. Still, I'm impressed that I actually found the energy to focus (even if only for ten minutes a day) on writing out a thought, feeling or experience that might help me get a step closer to my ultimate goal.
I decided to blog for myself. There was no expectation of achieving a huge cult following or to be picked up for my phenomenal literary skills- My only hope was that blogging would encourage me to stay active in my journey as an artist.
I'm thrilled to report, it has. I've gained a level of self-achievement that is directly associated with the success of my personal growth as an actor, choreographer and person.
I learned a great deal about myself and my approach to life from these entries. Most of all, that if I deal with my feelings in the moment, and release them, I'm fully competent to continue on a positive path toward the direction of my ultimate dream. I guess it was a way for me to manifest the energy and passion inside and help me to guid it in the right direction.
I'm ready for 2010 to come to an end, because I maxed out the full potential in each day. I'm inspired and looking forward to the amazing adventures that are in store for 2011 and beyond.
So, this is it... My final daily blog entry for 2010! I'm grateful to those of you who may have stopped by to enjoy an entry in the past year, and to those who followed each day- I hope that my stories sparked at least one person to take a bold step in the direction of their dream, or at the very least brought a smile to someones face...
I will not be writing a daily entry in 2011, I've decided to use my creative juices to finish a book that I started over a year ago... I will however be back weekly to share my adventures in 2011. I'm not sure if I will stick to a specific day, but I promise I will check in once a week- after all, it would be impossible now to imagine my life without a blog!
Here's to another year full of love, passion, creativity and success-
Happy New Year!

Random Thought

Ambition.
I often wonder where my creative desire, passion and determination came from.
Is it a product of my childhood?
Are we born with a predetermined path that we follow on instinct as we grow up?
I'm so intrigued with my ability to endure, despite every set back and obstacle. In fact, I often thrive when faced with negative reaction.
I believe there is enough room for each and every one of us to succeed at living up to our full potential-
Sadly, too many people worry about the unexpected challenges.
I say, bring on the challenges!
As I continue to grow, I realize that some of the best experiences I've encountered, blossomed from a failed attempt at something else.
As 2010 comes to a resolve, I look back at the extraordinary accomplishment I managed to achieve, and it comforts me.
I'm thankful that I spent 365 days working toward a dream that I've had since I was at least eight years old.
I was fortunate to have a strong fire for how I wanted to use my life-
And the best role models in my life to inspire my vision.

Fun With Friends

Beaver Creek, CO
With very special friends-
Pre-dinner cocktails,
A sleigh ride around the snowy countryside.
Dropped off in font of the lodge for a delicious dinner-
Back to the cabin for some rest and relaxation-
Tomorrow a lazy day around the fireplace.
I'm so blessed with amazing friends,

Drawing Near...

It's unreal how fast time passes by-
It doesn't feel like it's been a year since I sat in this very spot on my Grandma Shaffer's couch and stared up at the ceiling looking answers.
I've learned a lot about myself this past year.
Writing a daily blog has continued to inspire me to create projects in the industry.
The New Year is always tough for me-
I'm flooded with emotions both happy and sad. As I think back over all of the accomplishments and adventures I had in 2010, I'm overwhelmed with pride...
It's no easy task focusing on constant positive reinforcement and creative energy. In the end though, the prize has been more than worth it.
I'm grateful for each and every experience in my life, and I look forward to a new year full of great opportunities and continued love and support.

The New Addition!

Lily-
Little furry black bundle of joy-
Impossible to believe you were left at the pound.
Lovable.
You had me the moment you walked over and stared up at me with those sad but hopeful eyes.

It's Official!

Today was the day that I officially became my gorgeous niece Kellyn's Godfather.
This little baby girls is a miracle. Beyond the fact that my sisters chances of conceiving were very low because of her radiation and chemotherapy treatments after discovering she had cancer, Kellyn was a perfect angel. Not even a peep from her during the entire eight minute baptism.
As I stood at the alter in the beautiful old church in Florence, Colorado with; my sister, Josh and Kellyn (in Josh's arms)- I couldn't help but burst into tears . Ironic that a ten day old baby with water being dumped on her head remained calm and happy. Meanwhile, a flood of emotions comes crashing out of my eyes and nose!
I've never been more proud of my sister. There I stood, gazing at this magnificent creation that she and Josh produced, and I was the man that they picked to insure that Kellyn would have a strong sense of faith and unconditional love and guidance for as long as I'm alive.
Strangely enough, I'd been struggling with my own faith over the past two weeks, and it wasn't until today when I stood before God and my family, that I was able to see the many blessings I have in life fight now.
But the highlight of today's baptism for me was not the homily or the cute outfit that Kellyn wore- today I held my right arm around my sisters shoulders and cried with joy. I'm beside myself with gratitude. My sister was born to be a mother, and today I saw and felt a shift in her armor. I'm most grateful for our new bond. I made a promise to my sister that I would always be there to love and supports her, Josh and their daughter Kellyn. All it took was that first look at my peanut Kellyn to know that I was wrapped for life!
I consider myself a lucky guy tonight! I become the Goddfather!

Merry Christmas

Family gathered in the living room,
Opening presents was fun- but it's just not the same as an adult.
Let the cooking begin!
A full house.
The food is served...
I ate entirely too much food.
Then we were off to the movie theatre for a Christmas treat.
Yes- life is nice.
Merry Christmas

Not The EVEning I Had Planned...

I've spent this entire year forcing happiness on myself- even when it was difficult or inconvenient. Especially then.
The idea: Positive energy can change the outcome of the current situation. For the better part of this year, my little scheme worked. Of course there were a few "bad" days in the mix. There were moments when I'd ask myself if I was just being delusional or negligent with my feelings. At times I even felt guilty not feeling sad, or upset over something that I couldn't change.
I must admit, each and every single time I started to fear, doubt or worry about a situation or circumstance I forced myself to think of something positive instead- ninety percent of the time it worked too! Several times it lead to a new opportunity or job. Half the time it changed the situation, and almost every time- I felt better.
So you can imagine how upsetting it is to face the last ten days of 2010 with such negative events. For whatever reason, I have been unable to convince myself to take a positive approach while at home with my family. Even worse, it feels like I've regressed, which elevates my negative energy times ten. What I'm coming to terms with is that no matter how positive or happy I am in life, there are certain emotions that I'm going to have to face sooner or later. It will be painful. It will be work. But hopefully, it will allow me to move forward in 2011.
I think the greatest challenge is understanding that before I can release my emotions- I have to acknowledge them and work toward confronting the source of the negativity. But the difficulty is making sure that I don't get lost in the negative emotion.
I get it... Each of us (for the most part) is just trying their best to do their part.
Life is short- and no matter how painful moments can be (even on the worst days) every moment we have should be full of love, friendship and family. The family dynamic can be extremely difficult- however, in my opinion there's no greater love or unconditional support than that of your family. I fully intended on accomplishing all of my hopes and dreams, and there will be no one better to share that with than my family.

Holiday Cheer?

Is rapidly turning into Holiday fear!
Too many people to please,
Too many places to go.
Too much work to accomplish,
Next year, I've decided I'm flying somewhere far away from the family.
No offense, I love them-
But I hear that Rome is beautify this time of year..,

Niece

Never imagined how beautiful you would be.
I'm in awe when I stare into your magnificent eyes.

Extraordinary in every way.
Changed my life forever.
Ecstasy- pure and innocent.

This Is Your Life...

There comes a moment when you realizes: Yep, this is my life right now- either get on board or spend your time miserable!
For me it's always the same old story... I fight like hell to stay positive. Enlightened. Happy.
I try to remember that so far I've had a pretty excellent life.
Nevertheless, there are those days when you come face to face with the reality of your world- the bad, the sad and the painful.
A trip back home is like an unplanned, unpredictable opportunity to uncover the world that you've become an outsider to.
My life goes on while I'm in Los Angeles pursuing my career. So I'm not sure why I expect the members of my family to live in suspended reality.
My cousins grow up. My mom changes her hair style. My dad rebuilds another bicycle. My sister has a beautiful baby girl named Kellyn. My grandma's Parkinson's takes a deeper impact on her body. Each incident is only as significant as I allow them to be. Individually the impact is not as strong (with the exception of my sisters baby) and yet, when they're lumped together in a two week visit- the magnification takes its toll.
Still, I cannot shake the echo of my Grandpa Shaffer's voice as he was dying in the hospital, "Don't be sad Matt."
Over the past year and a half, I've carried his voice in my head, trying to maintain a positive attitude even in the worst of scenarios.
Overall, the outcome of the positive energy has lead to a productive and blessed year...
So I'm disappointed that this trip has been so rough on me. I believe I have the choice to remain happy. I trust that everything happens for a reason. Unfortunately, it's nearly impossible for me to ignore my grandma's condition.
To see the woman who inspired me throughout my life; my mentor, role model, cheerleader and best friend struggle to walk, swallow food, or fight to find the word to finish her thought- it is pure devastation.
But I believe that I have to continue to live my life. I fight with my inner judgement when it comes to this choice. At times it feels like I'm pretending, putting on an act so that I don't have to deal with the reality and pain. I want to accept that keeping a positive energy breeds a happier outcome for everyone involved...
So tonight, when I found myself leaving my seventy-four year old Grandma at home alone to visit with my mom at the home town bowling alley, I felt like I made the wrong choice. Nevertheless, I was there and thought I might as well make the best of it! I looked around the small but cool bowling alley, and all of the happy people bowling and enjoying the Christmas covered dish party that was going on simultaneously, and thought: "This is your life right now... You are here. So you might as well enjoy it!" I went to the bar and grabbed a drink, loaded up a plate of food and started to relax. No sooner than I did that, my cousin and his wife and children walked in and the night was a total blast!
Once again reminding me that no matter what life gives you- the opportunity to make the choice to find the positive in a situation will always end happier than the negative.

It's The Most Wonderful Time I'd the year?

I'm not sure if I'd agree entirely with the classic Christmas song.
If it's such a wonderful time of the year, then why am I so stressed out?
Coming home for Christmas doesn't have to be this hard does it?
Of course I'm so happy to see all of my family and friends;
Still, I wish that we focused more energy on spending quality time with one another- instead of keeping score with each other regarding the amount of time that we aren't together.
As if shopping, baking, wrapping, cleaning, etc. etc. etc. -wasn't bad enough, I have to consider how I should divide my time with each of the members of my family.
Each one reminds me, "Don't worry about hurting my feelings, go have fun... I'll see you when you get home."
But no one realizes that their demands are the source of my stress.
I'm flattered that everyone wants to see me,
I just wish I could be in three places at once!
Then we'd all be happy...
Until then- "It's the most Okay time of the year!"

Wiped Out!

What happens when you decided to adopt a perfect little 8 week old puppy?
You spend your entire day devoted to that beautiful little creature-
But I am falling asleep just trying to finish this blog...
Which means that taking care of our new addition is exhausting!

A Family Tradition

One of the perks of belonging to a large Italian family is our ability to work as team in the name of food- Seriously, the Keebler Elves have nothing on us!
The best part of coming home for Christmas is spending time around the table preparing delicious goodies like; ravioli, Italian Wedding soup with dough balls and my all time favorite- pizzelle, heavenly Italian cookies, paper thin and amazing...
I promise there is nothing more tantalizing than walking into grandmas house while we're kneading dough, cooking the sauce for ravioli's or baking a decadent sweet treat. The icing on the cake is devouring everything once it's done! ...there in lays the problem- the only family tradition greater than making the food...
Is eating it!

Complications On The Home Front...

I imagine the holidays tend to be a tricky time of year for every family.

Of course I'm delighted to be with my family, especially this year with the new addition of my niece Kellyn or as I like to call her: "my little peanut!" Still, I'm faced with the hurdles of having a very large, emotional and outspoken Italian family- add in the trials and tribulations of parents who are divorced and remarried, their extended family and half siblings- and you have a recipe for disaster!

The most frustrating part for me, is that no matter how hard I try to approach this time of year, I always seem to hurt someone, usually me. I will go out of my way to plan the entire trip, and it blows up in my face. Next time I'll make no plans whatsoever, and that comes crashing down on me- Regardless of the path I decide to take, it's always the wrong direction.

The worst part is how upset I feel once Christmas has passed, and I'm back in California wishing I could have been more patient, calm and carefree!

Every year my goal is to live in the moment and enjoy the time I have with each member of my family, and every year, I end up fighting with someone in my family...

I've been home for three days, and I've come dangerously close to an outburst. Thankfully, I've managed to remember that my family acts out like they do, because the love me and they want to spend time with me- It becomes an unintentional competition.

So I've reached the conclusion that in order to avoid complications on the home front all together; I have to close my eyes, take a deep breath and smile. If past holidays show me anything, it's that no matter what I do "right" or "wrong" my family is going to act however they want depending on where they're at in their life... so my only objective now is to not to react! If I don't engage- I don't have rage!

Home For The Holidays

My Grandma Shaffer always reminds me, "Home is where your heart is."
As a kid, I never understood what that meant- My heart is in my chest... How can my home be there?
Fortunately when I moved out on my own, I began to make sense of that phrase.
Chicago, New York, Los Angeles; no matter where I've lived, I've kept the love of my family in my heart.
Still, nothing compares to the aromas, laughter and love of returning home.
Over the past fourteen years I've found great comfort in my visits. Despite the silly fights with my dad, or the screaming matches with my sister, Christmas at home with my family has always been a joy.
As with everything in life- eventually things change. Over the past couple of years I've watched as things slowly change and evolve.
After losing my Grandpa Shaffer a year and a half ago- returning home has a new energy.
Of course I'm so grateful to be with the rest of my family- but there are moments where I flashback to a Christmas from my childhood.
It's painful to come home expecting everything to remain untouched and realize that life moves forward. True, the surroundings seem very normal at first glance. But look a little closer and you begin to see just how fast time and distance take their toll: No Christmas decorations up, because who has the time? No tray of baked goods out, because who has the energy? Then of course there is the absence of my Grandpa Shaffer, and the effect that his death still has on two Christmas later...
As a kid, Christmas is full of joy, toys and laughter. As an adult, it's stress, sadness, and memories-
No matter how hard I fight the tears, they're there. I just strive to remember the good times and laugh as much as I can.
It kills me to watch my grandma suffer from Parkinson's disease- This beautiful woman who has spent her life serving and inspiring others is slowly losing her ability to do function in the way that she's accustomed to.
Despite her challenges, her lack of energy and her pain of losing her husband of fifty-four years, she still finds the ability to share her amazing spirit! Her infectious laugh is all I need to be reminded that, someday when her battle with Parkinson's takes it's toll or she is no longer with us during Christmas- I will remember that home is where the heart is... And though my heart will ache from missing her- I will find comfort in the memory of her spirit, and I will fight like hell to keep her safe at home in my heart. Until then- I'm grateful that I'm in her house, the house that I've know for thirty-two years, and I am happy!

Extraordinary.

After almost thirty hours of labor- my sister was forced to have a last minute C-section today.
I will tell you that my sister has always been a fighter, but this little girl proved she is a force to be reckoned with!
I'm pleased to announce that at 2:44 PM my sister gave birth to a beautiful, healthy and breathtaking baby girl named Kellyn.
What I was not prepared for is how, at the first moment I saw my little niece, my life changed in a way I could never expected.
I felt a rush of elation that I've never experienced before inmy life.
I'm so happy for my sister- The only thing she ever talked about when we were children was the day that she becomes a mom.
After my sister had cancer and went through her chemotherapy and radiation treatments, we knew that the odds of her being able to conceive and carry a child were very slim.
Proving once again just how resilient my sister is! In addition to reminding me that Faith is stronger than statistics-

A Call From My Sister

This morning at 7:55 am I received a phone call from my sister Shiree on her way to the hospital!
She's going to have her first baby- a girl. And I'm happy to report that my little niece is almost a week past her scheduled birth day...
Proving what I've known from the get go... This wonderful bundle of joy is going to be just as stubborn, feisty and difficult as my sister was!
Pay back is a beautiful thing!
I plan on spoiling my niece as much as possible!
I'm on my way to Colorado now, and with any luck- that girl will come just in time for me to welcome her into our family!
I am so excited for the best Christmas gift ever!
Life.

Ode to AT&T

I'm completely over AT&T,

Their terrible coverage and nasty attitude enrage me!

No coverage, no bars, dropped calls,

They lie in their commercials, they've got balls!

I wish that Apple would leave,

So that I could give AT&T the heave!

Jack and Coke

I want to meet the original person who decided to mix Jack Daniels whiskey and Coke together;

It's such a deliciously sweet, crisp drink with bold cherry flavor!

Too bad drinking a few Jack and Coke's bloats me worse than a beached whale...

Ah, the holidays- where no matter how hard I try, I just can't say no to free booze!

Seasons Greetings from one bloated "could be" Santa- all thanks to Jack and Coke.

Bring On Christmas...

Walking into an eclectic crowd of people,

Wine and gift in hand,

Searching for a parking pass-

Get interrupted by an old friend,

A glass of wine is handed to me.

Mariah Carey is rocking out on the stereo,

I overindulge on the appetizers.

Parking pass has been located and taken care of-

Step out to the balcony for some fresh air,

the fresh air is tainted from the smokers corner.

Conversation with the smokers circle is always a riot... (Just like in high school)

Back inside, more guest have arrived and people are dancing.

The Secret Santa gift exchange was a total success!

Everyone has had a few glasses of holiday "cheer."

I love Christmas parties.

It's a good thing too... I have four more this weekend!

Ding Dong The Cold Is Gone!

Headache subdued,

Nose is drained,

Throat is clear;

The nasty cold is gone!

Bring on punch bowl of holiday cheer-

Just wash your hands before you serve it to me please!

One cold a year is good enough for me...

"Crazy People" are Making Me Crazy!

Sure, I'm a self-confessed type "A" personality with a touch of self-diagnosed OCD; Add a half a dash of Italian blood- and you'll see that I am passionate, emotional and yes... from time to time a bit fiery! Albeit, I consider myself a fairly rational, fun-loving, idealistic yet grounded person...

Nevertheless, I have come to accept that there is something in me that attracts CRAZY like a rock star to a blond bombshell with big boobs! This magnetic force that pulls the crazy people toward me is something that I've learned to deal with and even somewhat accept. I used to believe that I sought it out as a challenge or a fun adventure. However, as I grow older I've discovered that even when I immediately recognize the crazy energy upon an introduction and distance myself, the "crazy" instantly attaches itself to me with a force stronger than the gravitational pull!

I don't enjoy the energy or emotions that I experience while dealing with and (attempting to) rationalize with these crazy people. I have spent the past fourteen years of my adult life working on my inner foundation: What triggers me. Why do I react a specific way? How do I maintain integrity without losing my temper or allowing emotion to dictate action.

I'm in an industry where emotion, passion and artistic personalities collide- It's to be expected that everyone who lives their life the way artist do has a dash of "crazy" in them... Why else would we continue to submit our self to constant rejection, judgment and uncertainty. Still, there is a fine line between what is "normal" and delusional!

So I'm stating to the world that I can no longer maintain friendships or connections with:

People who lie about lying.

People who scream in my face about someone else.

People who do whatever they need to get ahead.

People who blame others for their crazy outbursts.

People who flip on a dime; one minute they're singing your praise and the next they're bashing you.

People who think it's "okay" to say whatever they want and then walk away. Or worse, stay and scream without listening to whatever emotions the other party may be feeling.

People who have no accountability.

People who are unaware of their behavior and what others think of it.

So there you have it. I know that I've pretty much ruled out working again in this town... Nevertheless- I can no longer sacrifice my sanity for a friendship or a job- No matter how great they may be during the "good" moments.

In the end, it ALWAYS ends with a bang... (and not the good kind!)

I refuse to go "crazy" dealing with crazy people!

Man's Best Friend...

When I come home tired from a long day,
there you are waiting by the foot of my bed;
Tail wagging,
Ears at standing attention,
Head cocked ever so gently to the right,
Dark lined eyes wide open saying, "I'm ready to love you now!"

When I'm too tired to wake up at six in the morning,
there you are hopping around the bed;Paws scratching at my face,
Mouth wide from yawning,
Head cocked ever so gently to the left,
Dark lined eyes half asleep saying, "I'm ready for you to love me now!"

Your ability to know when I'm sad is remarkable,
Your willingness to cheer me up is wonderful,
Your unconditional love makes you my perfect little yorkie...
Ginger, you're my angel.

Photo by: Christopher Ameruoso 2010

Can't Sleep!

Dry itchy eyes,
Phlegm filled chest,
Non-stop burning nasal drip;
Too hot under the covers-
Freezing without them.
Wide awake,
Tires as hell!
Miserable.

Holiday Head Cold...

Woke up with a dry mouth-

Burning watery eyes,

Itchy, phlegm throat;

I feel like I'm hacking up a lung!

I try my best to avoid these little colds...

I overdose on garlic, hot sauces, vitamin C and (as of yesterday) an abundance of Zinc!

Still, the scratchy irritated nose and lungs rage on!

By the way, did you know that phlegm is actually a good thing?

Apparently, phlegm contains "infection fighting substances" that help your body fight off cold or flu symptoms!

The good news is, by the time you're coughing up the nasty green and yellow film, the infection is almost over, and your body is trying to "expel" the phlegm naturally!

So bring up the phlegm! I want this head cold to be over...

I've got four more holiday parties to attend this week!

Christmas is Coming and I Am Getting Fat!

The holiday's are here.

I know it, because my tummy is hanging over the waistband on my underwear!

I love parties...

I just wish I could figure out a way to say NO to the;

cheese platter,

fried appetizers with the mix of unbelievable dips,

a second serving of the entree,

the dessert tray,

and the multiple glasses of wine, eggnog and cocktails!

Wow. I know what I'm going to ask Santa for Christmas-

Lap Band Surgery!

...just kidding! I'll do it the old fashioned way...

I'll do a cleanse and fast as soon as Christmas is over!

Or maybe New Years Day?!?

Hanukkah is Fun!

The fourth candle was lit,

the wine was poured.

Cross conversation and bursts of laughter-

Too much wine and brisket!

Amazing people,

wonderful host and hostess-

A brilliant Hanukkah celebration!

I Love A Gingerbread Latte!

My Gingerbread Latte song, sung in the melody of Jingle Bells:

Gingerbread, gingerbread, gingerbread latte-

Oh what fun it is to sip while sitting here today- hey!

Gingerbread, gingerbread, gingerbread latte;

Oh what fun it is to drink at Starbucks in LA!

Dashing through the mall,

In a hurry to shop and pay;

Through the crowds I weave-

Raging all the way.

Tummy starts to growl,

Gotta get caffeine-

What fun it is to sit and watch-

The shoppers being mean!

Oh, gingerbread, gingerbread, gingerbread latte-

What fun it is to drink you up during Christmas in LA!

What Ever Happened To...

Customer service?

Is it just me, or is anyone else tired of paying way too much money, for way too little service!?!

If I spend one more minute wasted, listening to a prerecorded apology from a robot with elevator music playing in the background- I might go insane!

It's odd that we as a society don't make more noise about what these large companies are getting away with...

Why do I have to call my cable company to report an outage, only to be yelled at by a robot?

Aren't I the guy spending over one hundred dollars a month for their service?

Why can't they call me?

Why can't they program their stupid little automated machine to call us when they're providing shitty service?

I am so OVER outsourcing!

I'm so OVER repeating myself to a robot operator...

Oh, how I long for the days when you used to be able to get a real human on the phone!

Rage!

Really

Angry

Getting

Emotional!