Remembering Gram

I cried myself to sleep last night;
contagious laughter and unconditional love––I miss her beyond imagination.

Life Lesson

I didn't book the job;

Which saved me from backing out of two—already contracted—gigs.

I was struggling with the decision and asked God to intervene.

I told myself that I'd be happy with whichever outcome I was faced with; to my delight, I feel confident in the answer the Universe sent me.

Sometimes booking a role on TV is not as important and maintaining an existing agreement.

When It Rains, It Pours...

I receive more opportunities to work on television while I’m out of town working on other creative projects;
which means my creative energy is so powerful that people are attracted to me more when other people are exploiting it.
...or, that life.
I’m going with the later.
Of course, I’m 2000 miles away from LA when I receive offers to work on a new television series––ever the professional––I turn down the spot on the small screen to honor my first commitment, only to return to my hotel room to another email from my agent with a second offer on an already established TV show.
...when it rains, it pours––was the response I received from both my husband and my manager.
My motto has always been, “If it’s meant to be, it will be.”
So I said yes to the second part and now I have to wait and see if I can break a contract (which, in 20 years in the industry, I’ve only done one other time) and work coordinate a costume fitting around a national holiday and an overbooked flight.
Today I’m going to let go, and let God.

Back To The Present

During my morning reading, journaling, and meditation my mental roadsigns brought me here:
You are here.
The present moment;
A powerful force against fear, doubt, and uncertainty.
I don’t need to know where I’ll be next year at this time;
Nor do I need to focus on what I’ll be doing next week, tomorrow, or even tonight.
Over, and over, and over, and over, and over, again––I bring myself back to the simple truth:
this moment (literally this very second that I am typing) is the only thing that is real.
I can’t change the past or predict the future; when I’m present I don’t need to––because I remember––the past cannot be changed and the future will never be here.

Them Pains...

The dull but incredibly irritating pain in the forward part of my head is softened only by the rich, sharp rumbling in my stomach;
I Googled “upper stomach pain” to discover that––thanks to years of an ibuprofen addiction––I most likely have a peptic ulcer.
So...I get to deal with that, while on tour.
#TheGlamorousLife

Faith; Light.

It’s easy to have faith when everything is going “my way”;
Faith––in its very definition requires that you trust especially when things aren’t going your way.
How do I find that light––that positive energy––in total darkness?
Accepting that God, the Universe, a powerful being greater than I, has a plan.
In the midst of doubting, I remind myself of the countless moments when that force intervened in my life; that has to be enough.
Returning to the breath and letting go of the fear––absolute surrender––in times of massive negative energy is the only way through; like a flashlight illuminating the trail through the overgrown forest, faith is the only light I need.

So Long...

I just dropped my mom off at the airport––on her birthday no less––after a beautiful week of lounging by the pool, eating out at delicious restaurants, and shopping; a lot of shopping.
I often write about saying goodbye––a universal salutation––that never gets easier for me.
Today’s farewell was more challenging than usual, primarily because I’m flying out of town, too.
Instead of going back to Colorado with mom, or to Hawaii with Jeff, I’m going to work––while most people in LA rage about their 60 minute commute on the 405––I flair my nostrils and lose my shit going through the TSA PreCheck line.
I’ve willingly paid money and submitted a complete background check (both hands fingerprinted), and still I stand and wait.
But I digress, I’m feeling sorrowful.  Even after five days of fabulous, undivided quality time with my mom––I feel like I need more!
Add on the layer of leaving my husband and two puppies for nine days and I drop into full panic mode.
It’s moments like these that I’m grateful for the nerds of the world––like Steve Jobs––for using their mighty brainpower to create devices and software like iChat... Now if someone would just figure out how to teleport humans across thousands of miles in a nanosecond...

Six Word Essay on Family

Love and sass, the perfect combination.

Too Much Caffeine...

Too much caffeine after 3 p.m. has me:
writing my blog entry for the day at 12:14 a.m.;
doing laundry;
cleaning the kitchen;
obsessing over what to wear tomorrow;
choreographing projects in my living room, while binge watching Bloodline on Netflix;
eating almond M&M’s that my mom left out the coffee table;
sharing cat videos from YouTube to Twitter.

International Yoga Day

Free flowing breath;

Mindful mediation calms the chatter and useless  ambience in my mind;

My soul awakens with the joyfully focused energy in the room;

Passion, creativity, peace, balance, and presence; a harmonious practice of evolution and light.

Mom's Back In Town...

My mom and step-dad stood on the curb at LAX waiting for me with a smile and a boatload of suitcases––they’re only staying a week––but unlike me, they don’t mind checking bags.
Per mom’s request, we headed down to the South Bay (where I grew up) to eat at one of our favorite restaurants.  The hole-in-the-wall greasy family operated Mexican café was every bit as delicious as it was twenty years ago... the only difference is the reaction my body has to it.
Apparently overly-salted foods with too much dairy and lard don’t sit well in my yoga body; I think my stomach literally said, “Gurgle, gurgle...YOgattaBeKiddingMe!”
We decided to watch a movie when we got home and without missing a beat, my mom pulled out a bag full of candy and chocolate; some things do not change...and I LOVE it.
I’m in heaven when my family is in town; my waistline is in hell...

Now Boarding

When your flight to LAX gets delayed,

Seek out a flight to Burbank;

A shorter flight to an airport closer to home, with a lot less traffic...

Always find the silver lining.

Call Time; Truth on Tour

The 5AM wake-up call thrusts me out of bed;
I step into a blisteringly hot shower hoping that the heat will help peel my eyes open.
Still not awake I get dressed in a zombie-sleep-like rote.
My viens are begging for caffeine;
Starbucks won’t open for another 20 minutes.
I remind myself: you are living the dream! The life you chose for yourself; so get excited and be grateful

Show Business; Old Friends

I landed in Sacramento last night and realized an old friend is in town starring in Disney’s Beauty and the Beast at the Sacramento Music Circus.
While at dinner, I reached out to him, and within 30 minutes I was meeting him at his stage door for a final dress tech rehearsal!
It might be one of my favorite aspects of the artist’s life;
No matter where you are in the world––if you’ve worked in show business––there’s bound to be someone you know...putting on a show.
It was such a pleasure catching up with my friend and watching him take the stage in the title role; he’s a star, on stage and off!

Traveling

The airport is where I get most of my busy work done;
Watching people pass, some are off to a fabulous vacation, many are headed to a 3 star hotel, and some don’t even change out of their pajamas;
Traveling is so un-glamorous.

Today's Present

What good are tools if I don’t use them?
Getting trapped in my head about circumstances that cannot be resolved with logic.
Enter, Faith.
I close my eyes and practice my meditation;
what good are tools if we don’t use them, right?
Breathing in slowly and releasing the doubt.
Every day invites a new opportunity to find awareness:
I can’t solve tomorrows problems––but I can be present today.

Note To Self: Take Action

When it feels like nothing is happening, take action.

A simple, positive step—no matter how small—can change the way you feel and approach the day!

Unique and Unexpected

During my morning reading and meditation, I was reminded that “my purpose is to share joy through the blessings I’ve been given.”
I needed that reminder today.
Time and again, I forget just how powerful a smile and a positive attitude is;
my life has been a series of opportunities that were born out of my relentless, passionate, steadfast approach to my dreams.
It may not be the path that I mapped out when I embarked on my adventure twenty-one years ago, but just like a trip to Disneyland––the best rides are the ones you have to go out of your way for.
And the most rewarding experiences thus far have been those where I engaged with a likeminded group of people and created something unique and unexpected.

The Tony's; Acceptance For All

Last night, while watching the Tony Awards telecast, a tidal wave of gratitude whirled me around my living room.
I was singing and dancing along with the talented actor-singer-dancer (triple threats) that the theater community––unlike many in LA––praise.
How fortunate I was to find a home in the theater community so early in my life; deep in the closet (at a performing arts high school––no less), or once I finally came out (on the stage at Radio City Music Hall––of course), I found joy, love, laughter, education, inspiration, and art among the men and women who pour their soul (and soles) into the work that they do.
Is it a coincidence that the community that accepts everyone; encourages everyone to find their voice; inspires the world to dream; celebrates their heroes by honoring them during Pride month?
I’m sure the Gay mafia has something to do with it... I joke, but seriously, thank God for theater––it is more than entertainment; it’s history, art, education, inspiration, love, laughter, and acceptance––and it just might help a kid living in darkness, step into the light!

That's Showbiz...

I sat in judgment—it is, after all my job—and I watched the young performers as they flooded the stage with passion.

It reminded me that artists of every age are constantly seeking to connect and share their stories without criticism, which is ironic, because we're at a talent competition.

But hey, that's the ugly part of showbiz; you know?!

Voices In My Head

We all have them, though some will deny their existence—out of fear, shame, or being labeled crazy—but lurking in chaos or even in the stillness, a voice judges every circumstance.

Our ego is powerful and ready to crush everything in its path; even if it means self-destruction.

With a deep breath and faith, I silence the useless chatter and proceed with my day.

I'll listen when my voice instinctually guides me away from danger; cautiously aware that danger may exist in my mind. 

The Boyband Above

The two-year-old toddler that runs back and forth across the drum-like hardwood floors in the condo above ours has most likely never heard the word “no” before; but I assure you his parents hear the thunderous response that I pound out on the ceiling above––and while I’m not proud of my passive-aggressive response––it sure stops the one-man-boyband from creating his “music.”

Pep Talk

The power of the present;
I constantly seek to be here, awake, now.
On my best day––when I’ve floated through yoga, nailed an audition, typed out ten pages of quality writing, spent hours laughing with friends, and receive an unexpected residual payment; when a river walk with my puppies feels like a momentous event or a trip to Starbucks with my husband is the most important thing in the world––I have no doubt that I’m presicily where I’m supposed to be.
It is on those days––when I wake up and feel an unexplainable lump in my throat, that what I’m doing is not important or I feel compelled to throw in the towel and stop creating––that I remember that I’m human.
That superhuman high of being present is only accessible to me when I release the hate speech in my head; that self-doubt that does nothing but stop me from living the most inspired life I can.
I imagine these thoughts are similar to many of the people my age. In fact, I’m positive it’s what many refer to as a midlife crisis.
However, I feel no crisis, I truly know exactly what my purpose is––and I’ve pursued it my entire life––it’s just getting much more challenging to maintain the determination, tenacity, and faith as I watch my friends and peers advancing in their careers.
Again, this is not unique to me, I know, but it feels real today.
So I honor my feelings, take a deep breath, and release the energy into the universe; the day is still young (even if I’m not) and all I have is this moment, it’s time to smile and take positive action to be present.

LA Morning

The birds chirp loud as they prance for crumbs on the patio at Starbucks;

You can almost ignore the car alarm that blares on at the two-decades-past-its-prime car dealership across Ventura Boulevard;

Not even the windy rush hour traffic can muffle the pointless security feature on a tired used car.

Be. Here. Now.

The rage comes back from time to time;
Reminding me that no amount of yoga, Zen, meditation, Presence, or spiritual enlightenment can make me perfect.
I’m an imperfect soul––seeking to be a more evolved, aware, and gentle;
Through my setbacks I gain perspective and discover that I still have work to do.
A constant work in progress––with an emphasis on release.
Be. Here. Now.

Humanity In Action

Watching people fighting each other to be the first to shove their overpacked bags in an overhead bin, is a reminder of how much shit we—collectively—try to force in other people's space.

Your baggage should not be someone else's issue; yet here I sit watching grown men argue about who has more status—it's always the one with an ego the size of his waists. 

Pass The Bar on Tour

One drink at a higher altitude is like two drinks at sea level––or so they say––so two drinks in, I’m really four.  I always forget that hanging out with twenty year olds on tour, can really be torture.
Twenty-year-old me is rolling his eyes, but truthfully, booze on the road are brutal.

StressCON 5.0

Yesterday––despite my tools, Zen, yoga, and faith––I jumped into StressCON 5.0. My malfunctioning brain launched me towards my To-Do list like a fireman rushing into a fire; the problem is that I was holding the match.
When does a creating a habit create despair?
I’m entirely in favor of forming patterns and staying focused, but I’m ready for balance and I accept that I hold all the power.
Like Dorthy waking up in Kansas; I can leave OZ whenever I decide to (REALLY) trust the process and stay present.  I know that it is in the NOW that I will find the answers to the most important question: what can I do today?

FriDAZE

Driving around LA on a Friday afternoon,

I'm reminded of how crazy traffic is; how selfish most people are; and that I should never drive in LA on Fridays.

I'll Eat That, Too...

Whenever I face a complimentary (included in the price of the very expensive suite) hotel breakfast buffet, my former-fat-kid emotions return;
Even after years of yoga, Zen meditation, and plenty of career and colleague validation, I fight the instinct to drowned myself in extra salty eggs, buttery breakfast potatoes, and an overdose of sweet rolls.
Just when I think I’ve reached my bursting point, I like to cram down a toxic level of citric acid in the form of fresh cut pineapple, hand-squeezed grapefruit juice, and four cups of executive-level coffee loaded with heavy cream (did I mention I’m lactose intolerant?)
What can I say, I’m a sucker for the word “free”, and when on vacation (or work) I allow myself to be free with my feelings...even if it means eating them.

Back To The Blank Page...

I dedicated my birthday month to a stress free creative approach.
My sister, Shiree, reached out to me with a challenge to write a six-word story from a pre-selected list of themes.
I enjoyed finding a creative way to squeeze my story into six words, but I realized that I prefer to write without limitations.
I grew from the exercise, no doubt, and I discovered that I can insert my “voice” and style into almost any topic.
...this comes as less of a surprise to my close family and friends.
Apparently, I like to talk a lot; and share my opinions, a lot; and I guess I realized that I have a lot of space to free-up for new thoughts and ideas.
The most rewarding aspect of the month long challenge was that I remembered how much I crave writing.
Not just when I have a deadline or a specific goal that I’m working towards, but simply out of habit.
I appreciate releasing the thoughts in my head onto a blank screen.
There––at least for a moment––the constant dialogue has vanished from my mind and awaits judgment from someone else; a far less judgmental critic than I.

Six-Word Story Challenge; Summer Kiss

My first, seventh grade graduation; Heather.

Six-Word Story Challenge; Amazon Woman

A housewife addicted to online shopping.

Six-Word Story Challenge; Auctioned Off

All that remains are distributed processions.
OR
Ranch, monkey, and a white glove.

Six-Word Story Challenge; In The Treehouse

Boys become men; I played house.

Six-Word Story Challenge; Pen Thief

Thoughts in my head, stolen from paper.

Six-Word Story Challenge; King's Curse

Ruler of all; respected by none.

Six-Word Story Challenge; Crop Yield

Whole Foods made organic farmers rich!

Six-Word Story Challenge; Devil's Due

A blissful yogi; despite her personality.

Six-Word Story Challenge; Legend

Heroes, gods, and dad’s wrestling statistics.

Six-Word Story Challenge, Over The Fence

I doubt the grass is greener.

Six-Word Story Challenge; Sunshine

Poolside with a cocktail and book.

Six-Word Story Challenge; At The Gym

I was benched; heartbroken and closeted.

Six-Word Story Challenge; The Visionary

Someone who bravely conquers the unknown.

Six-Word Story Challenge; Cave Dwellers

Cave dwellers evolved into internet trolls.

Six-Word Story Challenge; Blooms

From radiant light, my soul blooms.

Six-Word Story Challenge

The present; accepting what’s here now!

Always An Artist

I began my creative journey 20 years ago; as a bright-eyed, fearless––albeit green––artist.
I had no plan, just a dream and the willingness to follow my passion wherever it lead.
I traveled the world as a performer, I studied with artists who forced me to be better. I read books; I listened to wise, interesting people who shared their ideas.  I collaborated with friends and said, “yes” to everything that didn’t compromise my moral compass.
As I grew––mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and creativity––I mindfully set a plan in motion.
No longer idealistic, but still very hungry for my dream to manifest, I focused every ounce of time on doing more.
Finally, I’ve reached a point where I accept that I am enough.
I understand that my creative path is in constant bloom; and whether during the winter, while my seeds lie dormant; spring, when my creativity blooms; or fall, when my leaves are changing––I am always an artist.
And that is enough.

Six-Word Story Challenge; Sealed

Since birth; my fate to create.

Six-Word Story Challenge; Mother's Touch

Loving, supporting—always ready to shop!

Six-Word Story Challenge; Bureaucrats

Job description: red tape and scandal.

It's Time...

I’m tormented by my obsession to be creative, despite a lack of inspiration.
Feeling called to write, choreograph, perform––do something;
Not because I want to cross something off a list, but rather to stay active on my artistic journey.
Sometimes doing “nothing” is really doing something;
The stillness gives me a space to breathe, and then suddenly––out of nowhere––my soul is revived.
I spent the past two years working on my new book;
brainstorming, outlining, contemplating, writing, rewriting, and gathering with my writing group to share and rethink––finally finishing my 1st draft.
Now, I wait.  The agony of releasing my work into the hands of capable colleagues, who may not have the emotional attachment I have with my “book baby.”
I’ve poured my heart onto the page, now I have to move on.
I gave myself the space to rest––two months is plenty of time, right?
The idea of staring at a blank screen is daunting, but the vast emptiness that I feel when I’m not creating is excruciating.
So, back into the sea I go, not at all prepared for the storm that’s sure to hit, for now I’ll just focus on getting past the break and pray for a lifeboat when I need it.

Six-Word Story Challenge; The Florist

A gorgeous flower arrangement is everything!

Six-Word Story Challenge; Captain's Mess

Rocky waters make messy dinner tables.

Six-Word Story Challenge; Cloned

Reproductions are cheaper and less glamorous.

Six-Word Story Challenge; Norsemen

Obscure languages; I communicate through dance.

Six-Word Story Challenge; Mutiny

If Starbucks closes early in LA...

Six-Word Story Challenge; The Beekeeper

Honey's cultivated by those who nurture. 

Six-Word Story Challenge; Soda Shoppe

Old fashioned malt; celebrating grandma’s birthday.

Six-Word Story Challenge; Tee Time

Whacking balls to advance, fore what?

39 Is Sublime

Today I face my final year as a thirty-something year old man.
My grandpa assured my years ago that every decade comes and goes just a little bit faster.
As forecasted, my 30′s blazed by, and still I managed to experience a lifetime of adventure, evolution, loss, and triumphs.
I lost my grandpa two years into my 30′s;
Booked my first big job as a choreographer on television;
Co-produced, wrote, directed, and starred in 40 digital shorts;
Co-created and starred in 3 television pilots;
Choreographed 2 movies;
Welcomed my gorgeous niece into the world;
Lost my grandma (and best friend);
Married my soulmate;
Became a homeowner;
Published my first book, So You Want To Be A Dancer;
Nursed my sister back to health and became closer than I could ever have imagined;
Booked three roles on television;
Choreographed my first full-length concert dance piece;
Finished writing my second manuscript (which will hopefully be published during my 39th year);
And finally––through countless hours of yoga, meditation, prayer, and Faith––I managed to find the Present.  I learned how to release negativity; breathe through anger; and trust.
Decidedly, I will confront the final year of my 30′s with pure joy, gratitude, and peace of mind.
I’ve accomplished so many goals––I’m ready to stop overachieving and start appreciating the blessings that surround me.
Every day of my 39th year I will cherish myself with one fabulous action, gift, or thought that celebrates my life.
Living in the present every day––so as never to look back and say, “I wish I would have enjoyed that moment more!”
What we invest in our life is directly related to what we receive; I’m ready to embrace God’s plan for me.

Six-word Story Challenge; The Charmer

A playful smile disarms unwilling hearts.

Six-Word Story Challenge; Map Maker

Google; my map maker of choice!

My Sister...

Never asks me for anything.
So, when she reached to ask me to join her in a six-word story challenge;
I said, “Game on!”
Every day in May, I have to write a six word story with a preset theme.
Because we’re three days into the month of May, I’m going to cheat a bit and write three today!
Here goes nothing….

It's Just A Number

I turn 39 tomorrow;
So today, I will enjoy being a young man.
Because, in LA, the closer you get to 40 the less people care about you.
Then again, I don’t really care about what people think of me;
I’m feisty and fabulous––and intend to remain that way at every age and stage of my life!

Six-Word Story Challenge; At the Parade

Dancing as the marching bands pass.

I Make Lists

I’ve just crossed four major tasks off of my list;
The only thing that remains on the list, is to let go of making lists.
...It’s a process.

Six-word Story Challenge; May Day

May day; it’s almost my birthday!

Ode To McDonald's

Your salty hash browns fill my tummy with a delicious childhood memory;

And clog my arteries—reversing every wonderful effect I achieve in yoga.

Still, it's 6 a.m. and my only option at the airport.

I can always justify my cravings. 

Life on Tour; Breakfast

The ultra sterile pure-white energy efficient LED lights in the hotel lobby accentuate the artificially-cartoon yellow eggs that sit like a spongy island in the “dinning room” tray;
If I forgot that I was living out of a suitcase, my faux-family––traveling from the most rural areas of the United States––remind me that I have made it!
#TheGlamorousLife

Life On Tour

The wine on last nights flight was fun then;
And KILLING me now.
I need coffee, food, and a stomach pump.
I’ll take it in that order;
To maintain my figure.

Live Your Truth

Perhaps it’s delusional to live without fear;
To remain present and positive regardless of the circumstance.
But honestly, what good comes from freaking out?
In my experience, positive energy produces twice as much opportunity than that of doubt;
So I say, live in the light and ignore anyone who questions your inner peace.

Polluted Spring

The pollinated wind zips through the rustling trees into our home;
I sneeze.
My dogs are hiding in the closet;
Afraid of the whirling tornado of dust, dander, and debris.
My eyes are red and itchy;
I’m the real version of the actor portrayals on the RX commercials;
The ones that promise to cure your “dry, itchy eyes” but guarantee sever headaches, nausea, heart-related problems, suicidal thoughts, and potential death (in rare cases.)
This is the side of Spring that no one is talking about;
Still, I’ll suffer through the allergies whilst lounging at the pool––I’ve got to make hay(fever) while the sun shines!

Work Through It...

Fighting off the demons in my mind with drowning love and acceptance;
Escaping the reflection in the mirror through breath and inner peace;
Batteling the temptation to give into darkness––I seek light in the present.

Resurfacing

The city workers backed their trucks up at 7:59 a.m.;
I know because I heard the rumbling sound of heavy machinery and the annoying constant back-up warning beeps––alerting the neighborhood that it’s time to get up––if only to shut your windows to block out the smell of tar.
The streets of LA are long overdue for a makeover;
I just wish the cosmetic resurfacing waited until after I’ve had my coffee.
Similar to the condition of the roads, my face is a wreck from the lack of sleep.

Again, and again, and again...

I remember that I am where I need to be.

Accepting this moment;

Releasing the judgement from my past,

And trusting that my future will be as it's supposed to when it arrives.

Sharing Is Caring

Bringing awareness to my morning;

Breathing in and appreciating my circumstances: I harness my passion and creativity and share my energy with likeminded people.

You Are What You Eat

My stomach hates me;

Or rather, it is raging against the "food" I consumed last night.

#Hooters 

TSA; The Struggle

One by one we move like cattle—if cows walked upright with Smart phones in their hooves—through a massive switchback of retractable nylon stanchions; until finally we make it to the front of a two man army in blue.

Ah, the glamorous life!

The Present

As long as crave more,
I will continue to seek more;
When I appreciate what I have,
I will accept who I am;
When I trust in my Guide,
My path will be clear;
If I focus on, Now,
I am rewarded with the present.

The Peace of Presence.

Silencing the annoying thoughts in my head is as easy (and close) as a deep breath;
Space from thinking tends to contribute to a more creative and productive day.
Letting go of lists;
The goals and necessary tasks are not servants to my unending need to cross something off or check a box, they are the activities and adventures that weave together to form my day.
Finding beautify, calm, peace, and joy in the daily routine––better still, breaking up the ridged plans––will produce an abundance of creativity.
Finding the present brings peace in whatever the outcome may be.

Remember: Anything Is Possible

In this moment anything is possible.
Let go of the past;
Release the mystery of the future:
Be present now––with careful attention to every step––one after the next, I will arrive where I’m supposed to be.

Present Is Perfect

I cannot be perfect,
But I trust that I can be the best version of myself––in any circumstance––if I remain present in every moment.

Easter; the Light

As a child Easter was a representation of candy, colorful clothing, big hats and brunch––of course I was taught about Jesus and the Resurrection, but I understood the food and fashion.
Durning mass this morning, I was reminded that through darkness we find light;
Easter represents the rebirth, hope, and promise that with God anything is possible.
It was a reminder that I desperately needed (and heeded), before heading off to brunch with a box of chocolates, wearing colorful clothing. ...Some things never change.

Sunny Saturday

A visit from my Australian friend, currently living in New York;
Breakfast, gossip, and laughter.
The golden rays are smiling down from the deep blue sky.
It’s the perfect people watching location;
And Los Angeles never disappoints in that department.
It’s a scene; and I love it.

Malibu

Sunshine;
Blue skies;
Bikini bodies;
Botox;
Blondes;
Boobs;
Surfers;
Sand;
Delicious.

The Toddler Next Door

The adorable toddler next door is loud.
His chubby legs pound the floor causing a rumbling sound, and
our shared walls shake as if an earthquake just struck;
the epicenter is the condo next door.
I’m trying to remember how much I love children––and really it’s the parents fault, right?
I completely understand natural and sporadic occasions of screams, laughter, and excited jumping;
But when you’re two year old is warming up for a soccer match––which lasts for about thirty minutes a day––I think it’s time to take a trip to the park!

If Only...

I woke up in a positive mood;
After only 6 minutes on the phone with AT&T my entire demeanor changed.
If only I could lose weight as fast as the rage that ensues when dealing with random fees on a phone bill.

The Joy Of Traveling; Living Out of a Suitcase

I can’t decipher which of my underwear has been worn;
I’m going to have to resort to the “smell test.”
#TheGlamorousLife

Downward Dog in Denver; The Rocky Mountain High

I woke up early, despite having the opportunity to sleep in;

My body was eager to get out of the uncomfortable hotel bed.

Anxious to shed my melancholy mood, I searched for a yoga studio near the hotel.

To my good fortune there was a CorePower studio within walking distance!

I jumped into my workout clothes and headed to my mat.

Getting downward dog in Denver, Colorado—I embraced the Rocky Mountain high.

Sixty minutes later, I'm present and prepared to create.

Again, I'm reminded we always have the choice:

seek light and grow or remain in the dark.

Life On The Road

I woke up in a pool of sweat;
The thermostat read 81 degrees in my hotel room––I’m positive that I had it set at 70.
Proof that hell is sleeping in a bed that is not yours.

It Comes With The Job Title

The crust in my eyes reminds me of being a child;
So does the tantrum I’m throwing right now because I have to get up so early.
#TheGlamorousLife

Wake Up

You spend your life traveling;

It's part of your job description;

Wake up, and accept the 4AM alarm, or switch careers!

Deep Breath.

My daily aim is to be present and live fully in every moment, even the “bad” ones.
To stay focused on positive action and release negative energy.
Despite how much time I spend reading self-discovery books, journaling, meditating, praying, and getting down on my yoga mat––I haven't been able to escape the human condition––overthinking and worrying about things that are out of my control.
It is in those instances, that I’m trying to remember that the road back to inner peace is available anytime and only requires a deep breath.

Remember Why You Started.

If?
When?
How?
All one word questions I try to avoid asking; in my mind and aloud.
The creative path stirs so many thoughts, fears, and insecurities;
One of the traps I try to avoid is validating my work by the sale.
“If someone buys my book; green lights my TV show, or purchases tickets to my play––then I am talented.”
“When I’m a NY Times Bestseller; I win an Emmy, or Tony––then I’m successful.”
“How––is this mindset ever going to help me continue to create?”
 I want to create and trust that my work is enough.
When I close my eyes and release my ego, I remember that my path is not about counting credits, adding up victories (lets be honest, for every win I’ve suffered 20 losses), or selling more...
I became an artist because of a burning desire to connect with people, share my stories, and inspire people to engage in thought and become in touch with their emotions.

Shaffer 2.0

The most challenging thing for me to do is surrender;
I’ve pushed for so long, and yes I’ve enjoyed the journey, but every path eventually leads to a dead end or a crossroad.
I’m ready for new adventures––I have no idea of what form they’ll take or where they will lead––but it’s time to open my mind (and heart) to new possibilities.
My quest for inner peace and presence continues to coax me toward releasing everything.
Only when I’ve let go of every idea, dream, plan, or goal can I truly accept what is waiting for me.
It’s time to make space for Shaffer 2.0

Jump

I’ve invested a massive amount of my life toward pursuing my passion;
No matter how many times I’ve done it, stepping out onto a ledge never feels easy.
Then again, the best adventures have happened when I was forced to jump.
Today I’m bullying myself again––like a father coaxing his son to ride the rollercoaster at an amusement park––I’m pushing myself to risk more;
Whether I free-fall toward the ground or catch a crosswind into a smooth landing, I am proud of myself for finding the faith to walk out onto that fragile plate, again.

Sunday

Coffee,
Cartoons,
Church,
Yoga,
and an evening of Showtime.
Sometimes simple is better.

Yoga

Stretching the mind;
While expanding the body.
Inner peace on a mat;
I grow like a tree, deeply rooted in calm, strong, presence.

Binging And Don't Care.

I’ve been on a three day Amazon Prime binge.
I should feel guilty about parking my butt on my oversized Pottery Barn sofa and gazing into the 60 inch screen currently playing The Good Wife (I’m on season 4 episode 18), but here are the facts:
Last week I finished my second manuscript––a creative nonfiction work that is approximately 80,000 words.  It’s only the first draft, but I believe that a few weeks away from my writing will help me reapprouch the stories with new inspiration.
Second, I have just been commissioned to set my second piece of choreography on the dancers at Slippery Rock.
Third, (yesterday between binging) I sent 15 emails, responded to 30 emails, orchestrated a video shoot which I am directing and producing in May, and finalized job opportunities for the fall."
Oh, and I managed to get down in my yoga class every day, too!
I’ve overachieved for the past five years straight, and I’m ready to join the land of the lazy without bullying myself into doing more.

The Joy of City Living

The pounding in my head––that woke me from my lazy day-off-slumber––was actually construction workers repairing my neighbor's rooftop;
I need ten Advil, ASAP!
#TheJoyOfCityLiving

My Zen; Again.

Cherishing the silence;
My mind is still, calm, present.
Through an open window in my living room I hear the sounds of nature in the suburbs;
An airplane cuts through the sky and I think how fortunate that I’m down here––at home with my family rather than traveling for work.
Life is a balancing act;
Finding gratitude for the creative opportunities that arrive unexpectedly, while navigating through thankless (but necessary) jobs; still nourishing my family and friends.
Like clockwork my brain attempts to redirect my focus to something out of my control;
I take a deep breath and return to my Zen.
Peace through the present and Faith toward the future.

Caffeinated

I wake up to a fresh pot of coffee and start my day.
Writing, reading, journaling, yoga––and finally more coffee.
While running errands I decide to stop at Starbucks for a grande iced latte.
Now, at home and comfortably seated on my sofa, I sip a sweet cappuccino and binge watch episodes of The Good Wife on Amazon prime.
I’m perfectly caffeinated.

Be Here, Now

I felt the urgency to be present;

When I realized I was drinking someone else's coffee.

#SlowDown 

Destructive Ego

Waking up from my ego infested mood;

It plagued me all day yesterday, but with a new day comes a new opportunity.

My head creates drama and my soul seeks peace;

Faith and a deep breath are working against the wheels in my head; I have the choice to move past this moment.

Manhattan Quartet

A Manhattan at the bar to get the party started;
A Manhattan in the lounge to keep the party going;
A Manhattan with our entrée to elevate the party;
A Manhattan as a nightcap to wrap up a solid reunion with my closest friends.
The perfect Manhattan Quartet!

Peace through Presence

I’m currently reading 3 unrelated books; randomly, each of them is delivering the same message: be present.
The memo (in triplicate) is loud and clear.
All of the yoga and self-discovery books have inspired me to spend my energy investing in this moment.
Finding space to loosen my grip on goal setting and planning; accepting what I have now and releasing what I think I need.
I continue to find comfort in the unexplainable magic that happens when I stay positive and trust in God.
The law of attraction is no Secret; it’s truth.  Peace is ours when we decide that we want peace and actively seek it.

Pilates

The deception is real;

I don't need to be reformed, the mat was hard enough. 

My core feels stronger just looking at the UGI ball;

Now I have to hold it over my head and curl up?

I'm certain my body will hate me tomorrow.

Red-Eye

Get to the airport,

Drink heavily,

Board your flight,

Pass out,

Wake up 5 hours later with a major headache;

Now, start your day in a new time zone without sleep.

Spring Is In The Air...

Pollen swirling all around;
Up my nose yellow dust clouds stir and sting.
Watery eyes and unexpected sneezing.
Spring has sprung all over my Kleenex;
Pretty flowers reduced to phlem.

Overachiever's Reminder:

There is a time for work and a time for play;
A space for creative growth and a cushion for rest;
An opportunity to seek new horizons and the gratitude of accepting where you are;
A moment to silence the chaos and be still, eventually welcoming the joyous music of the birds networking in the rustling trees.
Balance is available everywhere at anytime––when we remember to breathe.

Overachiever's Unhealthy Outlook:

Anything more than four hours of sleep is just wasteful.

Fake It; Positively

A forced smile is the best start to a change in mood;
Positive energy doesn’t take much momentum––and will always lead to a brighter day.

Feed Me!

I’m not sure that my late night Postmates order––pizza from MiDiCi––is helping me with my body issues.
The main issue: I want to be thin, I just love food too much.

Is There Anything Worse?

I could make a list of things that are no doubt worse than waking up with a splitting headache including: death, the loss of a limb, if Starbucks closed all of their (approximately) 14,000 company-operated and licenses stores in the US, or if 30 Rock gets cancelled–––wait, don’t tell me...
But in this moment, my pounding skull and the pressure in my sinuses feels like a bigger disaster than the Presidential Election of 2016! ...Too soon?

Self Reflection...

I spent my twenties fighting for opportunities;
And most of my early thirties exploiting those experiences.
Now, I’m ready to begin enjoying the hustle.
As I confront the next decade I’m asking myself: what will bring me joy?
The answers are less about creative goals and more about quality of life.
Finding gratitude in the present and trusting that each day will bring me closer to the most evolved, enlightened, well-rounded man I can be.
My role model, my grandma, was inspirational beyond belief; not because of what she accomplished in life––but in who she was and how she lived her life.
That’s my new aim––not to be remember by what I accomplished, but rather in how I served humanity.

I'm Over Reality...

My addiction to reality television can be traced back to the summer before my junior year of high school. MTV introduced audiences to a groundbreaking unscripted docuseries called The Real World.
The show was a first of its kind.  Incorporating six twenty-something “strangers” picked (cast) to live in a house together in a popular US city.
The first season launched in New York City, followed by Los Angeles, but it was the the third season, in San Fransisco, where the show found its voice.
I was fixated on the Puck vs. Pedro conflict; not out yet myself––I was mesmerized by the courage and conviction that Pedro Zamora embodied.
Pedro was the voice of a new generation and network executives realized that they could make just as much money with a fraction of the budget.
The landscape of reality television evolved over the years and continued to exploit willing fame-seekers to whore themselves out on television (I’m still willing to be one of them).
Alas, I’ve finally reached my limit.
The turning point for me was when a New Jersey housewife turned inmate allowed cameras to document her downfall and hopeful rise back to fame.
The reality is that nobody really lives that reality––unless they’re a reality star.
I’m ready for a little truth in my life, in the form of Big Little Secrets.
Bye bye Bravolebrities.

Feet Up...

I’m celebrating the completion of my second manuscript by:
binging Netflix,
eating popcorn,
cuddling my puppies,
and ignoring emails.
Sometimes the creative process deserves a break.

Creative; Present

The path to living in the present requires letting go of the past.
Yesterday I finished my second book, which forced me to spend a lot of time recalling events from my past, so it became very hard for me to return to the present while working.
Fortunately, I finished the first draft of my new manuscript, Is It Safe To Come Out? and I’m ready to return to the present.
Decidedly, I’m going to refocus my creative path––and seek a project that requires a focused awareness in the Now.

Truth on Tour:

There isn’t enough Starbucks coffee or Advil in the world that can prepare me for my day.

Long Day; Deep Breaths

I breathe in and I breathe out;

The day is long—I won't freak out!

Cheesy poems help my mood;

That and a lot of coffee!

The Good With the Bad

On hold;
I sit annoyed, waiting for a human.
While waiting for contact with life,
My computer reminds me that it’s time to check in for my flight.
It’s a friendly reminder alert that reminds me: technological advancements can be frustrating... but sometimes they can save you from a middle seat on Southwest.

Creative Free Flow

The creative journey is the purpose;
Not the outcome of the project.
It’s impossible to force a dream into reality.
That doesn’t mean to stop dreaming;
It means to keep dreaming, creating, evolving––eventually that energy will guide me to a new opportunity.
The only path I need be concerned with,
Is the path I’m on now.

Work In Progress: Being Present

I catch myself staring off into space;
How can I be more present?
Following the instructions (which I’ve combined from several self-discovery books I’ve picked along my journey), I take a deep breathe and remind myself that just acknowledging the fact that I wasn’t present––returns me to the present.
Feeling a sense of relief, I smile––I am present.
Then, I return to the thought that had me staring off into space.
Being present is a work in progress...

Sway Where The Wind Blows

The raging wind outside my window mirrors the storm inside my soul;
Eager to stir up new energy and carry away old, dried, leaves.
A season of fresh perspective and clear mind.

Truth on Tour:

Waking up at 5AM is never easy;
No matter how much sleep you get the night before,
Or how much caffeine you drink at 5:05AM.

Light Brings Clarity

In a dark room, switch on the light and you can see.
In a dark moment, seek out the light and you will see;
It’s that simple.

God and The 405

The last place I’d expect to connect with God is on the 405 freeway in Los Angeles.
Yet there among the texting, traffic, and road rage I felt His Presence.
As I was driving north in the middle lane just right of the “fast lane” with Jeff in the passenger seat––after a long day of errands––a women in the lane to my right wasn’t paying attention and began to change lanes.
She was an inch away from the right side of our car when I swerved slightly to my left to avoid getting hit; there wasn’t even enough time to honk my horn to warn her.
Before I knew it, our car was spinning out of control.
In that moment, I was completely calm.  I continued to turn my steering wheel into each turn (thanks dad for the overbearing and relentless driving lessons over the summer I turned 15) and I maintained visual contact with the road.
I scanned the road––which to our blessed fortune was suddenly completely clear––and I managed to correct our vehicle back into the lane I was previously driving in.
I was aware and focused the entire time.  Although I was prepared to hear a monstrous crashing sound and expected to wake up in the hospital, Jeff and I escaped the incident without hurting ourselves or anyone else.
I credit the self-discovery books, prayer, and meditation for my ability to stay mindful and present in that moment.
I thank God for guiding us to safety.
It was the perfect reminder that my path is not controlled by me; but how I react to the journey is.

Remember:

Complaining does not change the circumstance for the better;

Positive energy replaces the negative thought process and provides a clear perspective for action! 

LENTing Go

Through sacrifice we find light;
As I child I gave up chocolate, toys, and (tried to give up) homework for Lent.
Unaware of the purpose and starving for junk food until Easter, this time was nothing more than something I did because I was told I had to.
As an adult, I observe through letting go by choice.
Not because a church or religion tells me to, but because it’s the perfect opportunity to deepen my connection with God; Enlightenment.

A Glimpse

A day of clarity;
No fears, doubts, or judgements.
Pure bliss in the moment.
Grateful for what I have, had, and will have––but present.
Connected to God and The Universe;
Breathing in light and exhaling love and joy.
A fleeting glimpse of enlightenment;
It’s enough to carry me through the week.

OSCAR® Present

I spent the past weekend sharing my knowledge and inspiration with a group of young artists who seek to manifest their passion for performing into a career.
I was forced to push myself beyond my negative energy and (thankfully) rare unhappy emotions.
Even while I was leading a creative exercise or teaching a room full of dancers a piece of choreography, I found myself fighting the voices in my head.
I was constantly questioning my path.  Trying to decide if I still desired to pursue my own career as a performer.  I’ve been traveling on this road for almost twenty years––and I’ve arrived at many brilliant destinations along the way––but I still have so many sights I’d like to see.
Do I still have the drive in me?
I was thankful that I was aware of my thoughts––and did my best to acknowledge them and return to the present.
Ultimately, I found my way back most of the time.
After a short flight from Seattle to Los Angeles, I got home and turned on the Oscars® telecast that I had set on my DVR.
Within the first three minutes of the recording, I had my answer.
Yes; I still very much want to work in this industry.
And how lucky am I that I have a job that allows me to grow as an artist, while working with future artists?
I was overcome with a sense of calm, joy, and tears of encouragement;
The only place where my dream is alive is in the present––nothing else matters.

20 Year Friendship

Not all friendships are a two-way street.
Similarly, not all bonds last forever.
I’m grateful that this is not the case with my friend Tracie.
Tracie is a fellow choreographer whom I met in my early twenties in New York City.
An instant connection was formed and has blossomed into a deep meaningful relationship.
Motivated by laughter, creativity, respect, support, admiration, inspiration, honesty, and much, much more.
I realized very quickly––especially in the entertainment industry––that very few people will continue to be excited for you as your career develops.  Even more challenging to find, is a friend who champions for you in every endeavor you embark on.
One of the best aspects of our friendship happens when we’re not speaking;
No matter how much time has passed or how long it’s been since the last time we saw one another––with one look we are instantly on the same page.
After nearly twenty years, Tracie has long departed the “friend” category––I consider her family.
My grandma always used to say, “Make new friends, but keep the old.  New ones are silver, the gold ones are gold.”
I completely understand that now.
I feel so fortunate to have a friend who I can work with, laugh with, create with, and yes, cry with––we’ve cried over many lost jobs and boys––and through all of life’s ups and downs we have always been there for each other.
The fact that I still get to work with her, that is #Extra.

Wake Up; The Glamorous Life

With my eyes still closed I hit the snooze button on my iPhone and reach for the lamp on the bedside table to the left of me;
I turn the light on and let the bright energy filter through my eyelids.
Knowing that my alarm will go off again in fifteen minutes;
I feel it’s safe to rise like one of those lizards sitting on a rock in the Galapagos Islands that I’ve seen on Planet Earth.
This is the unglamorous part of living life on the road;
Still, I’m so grateful I make a living doing what I love––I just wish what I love started a little later in the day.

Running Late

The stress of waiting for my Lyft driver is off the charts;

Completely undoing the yoga I just did.

The glamorous life on the road! 

Do What You Can, Now...

If you’re anything like me, you’re probably always focused on what’s next.
As an artist I’m always aware that every job while eventually come to an end––and thus, I’m constantly on the look out for another opportunity.
This year I’m giving myself the permission to sit in the unknown and focus only on the task in front of me; which has been terrifying.
Learning to be present requires absolute trust;
However, if I can master living in the moment––focusing only on what’s in front of me NOW––I imagine I will find peace, grow creatively, and experience more brilliant opportunities on the journey ahead; wherever the path leads.

Blank Page

I have one essay left before my second manuscript is finished.
For the past year I’ve poured 90% of my creative energy into this book;
And with only one chapter left I find myself stuck.
It’s the most challenging story to share––which is why I continued to put it off––but now it’s time to dig deep and get it done.
A collection of nonfiction essays that explore my artistic journey and coming to terms with my identity on my quest for the “perfect” career.
This journey has lead me to discover new depths to my personality, creativity, and ability to communicate as a storyteller and human.
I’m excited to share my work... but first I have to finish it!
With that.. it’s time to face the blank page.

Present Thoughts

The negativity that tries to rule my mind is instantly zapped when I take positive action.
The most useful tool for achieving my goals has been letting go of expectation and accepting the opportunity that exists in front of me.
Sometimes all we have is hope; and that is enough for me to get through today.

Boarding

When boarding an airplane it's important to remember these simple rules:

Never board with your boarding group;

Make sure to have more than 2 carry on's;

Use as many overhead compartments as possible;

Block the aisles,

Talk really loud on your cell phone;

And no matter what, never listen to the flight attendant. 

Travel Sniffles

What do you get when you fly to a different city every weekend?
A lot of frequent flyer miles... Yes.
The opportunity to connect and immerse yourself in different cultures and traditions... Yes.
Ten pounds heavier from eating too much junk food and not enough gym time...Yes.
But the worst... the constant dripping nose that can only come from spending your life in hotel rooms where people share their nasty germs.

Hotel Bed

Soft in the firm areas;

Firm where I crave softness—you were not my friend last night.

My lack of sleep thanks you for the challenge you set forth for me;

Today I have to be perky and professional, even though you failed at your job:

To send me to Dreamville.

Tonight, I will fall asleep on the couch, and stare at you with dissatisfaction.

Travel Day!

The alarm rings at 5AM;
I don’t want to get out of my warm bed.
I faux excitent and remind myself how much I love my job;
Perhaps not every aspect of it––but this is part of the territory.
When I was twenty, traveling around the world for work seemed glamorous;
Now, it’s just a really long commute.
No one likes sitting in traffic but I sure love that I make a living doing what I love.

Hearing Peace

In the stillness I heard:
Birds chirping, an airplane flying high above, construction on the house next door, a gardener’s leaf blower, and a baby crying.
I went deeper into my meditation; quieted my thoughts and heard peace.  I didn’t know you could actually hear peace––yet in the silence––there it was.

Rest Assured

Four days of nonstop work;
An average of five hours of sleep each night;
A tickle in the back of my throat which suggests my immune system is weak.
I’m prescribing a day of couch cuddling and movie watching.
A system recharge is in order!

Valentine's Day Love

It is upon us;
The day women (and some men) everywhere set themselves up for disappointment.
Expectations of lavish gifts, expensive dinners, and unconditional love.
I never grew up thinking much of this holiday.
Yes, I enjoyed elementary school Valentine’s Day card exchanges and of course the candy, but should you feel loved, appreciated, valued, and spoiled every day?
There is one exception.  My grandma––who passed away three years ago––would always go out of her way to send my sister and me a Valentine’s Day care package from Colorado.
The box would arrive a few days before February 14th and we’d eagerly wait to tear in to the box where we would find stuffed animals, school supplies, and candy.  As we got older the boxes turned into cards with cash inside!
When I returned home from work last night, there was a  package from my sister waiting for me in the mailbox.
Keeping tradition, I opened the package this morning and burst into tears.
My sister found a Valentine’s Day card that my grandma must have missed place at some point during my childhood.  The card was clearly meant for me––it had a picture of a young man dancing––(my gram went out of her way to support my passion for dance) and it said, “For You Grandson.”
Even from heaven my grandma is sending me love.
I realized today how much I miss her and though I think about her every day, it was nice to receive some Valentine’s love from someone so special in my life.
That’s when I realized my single friends aren't crazy––they’re just longing to find someone who cares about them enough to shower them with extra love on a day that we all agree was made up to sell products.
Besides, who doesn’t love overpriced chocolate and flowers once in awhile?

Back To LA

Another creative adventure is finished;
A fast and furious collaboration that will produce another year of artistic growth.
I’m grateful know and work with so many talented creatures;
Now back to LA, where creativity is often overshadowed by fame.

The Show Must Go On

Three days with only four hours of sleep between the darkness and the light;
Still, the dancers remain focused and energetic.
Their positive energy and creativity will sustain me today.
I am so blessed that I have the opportunity to collaborate with so many talented artists; using my passion to inspire.
I have followed my dreams since I was nine-years-old;
I continue to earn a living doing what I love.

Tech Day

Calltime: 7AM;
Coffee line: 6:30AM
Hours of sleep last night: 4
Hours of time in the theater today: 12
...and people think that dancers have a glamorous life;
Following your passion requires: work, discipline, and a lot of caffeine.

Gabfest

What happens when you stick three outgoing choreographers in a room together with a bottle of wine?
I gabfest of epic proportions takes place.
Last night––after a five hour travel day, two master classes, and three hours of solo rehearsals––I laughed my ass off with two colleagues.
It’s refreshing to be in a room with likeminded, über talented artists who have heart and soul where an ego might be...
Just another reminder to constantly seek and surround yourself with positive creative energy!

Travel Day

I made it through TSA in under two minutes;

The Burbank airport is a gem!

I stood in line for twenty minutes for coffee,

It's a small price to pay to avoid the drama at LAX.

I love my job, but like most people, I resent my commute; 3,200 miles is a long way to travel to choreograph.

#TheGlamorousLife

Squeaky Toy

I always know where my little Shih Tzu is at;
The sharp sound of a plastic heart being ripped from yet another stuffed animal betrays her every time.

Breathe and Grow

I’m currently reading three books;
All in the realm of self-discovery and Faith, and each of them is pointing to the same thing: becoming present.
Everywhere I look I see signs reminding me of the same objective.
The universe, God, and my intuition are all in agreement that I need to concentrate on the present.
I’ve spent the past twenty years of my life seeking to work as much as possible;
Do more! Has always been my motto.
I believe we each have a path and my faith tells me that I will be where I need to be, when I’m meant to be there. Yet, I continue to question and challenge if I’m doing enough.
Worse, I see myself getting trapped in the addictive cycle of wanting more––instead of enjoying what I have in the moment.
I set out for surrender this year and I found it very quickly;
Sadly, it scared me.
Today, I realized that I need this calm, peaceful, mindful time to grow.
If I can understand and accept how to find the same gratitude and joy from stillness––imagine how brilliant and balanced my life will be.
I told myself that surrendering would be a challenge and it certainly has been.
The beauty is that I’m learning that I can thrive creatively and accomplish things in the calm, too.
Learning I don’t always have to go, go, go; it’s okay to breathe––and grow, grow, grow.

Another Day of Rain in LA

The sound of rain is becoming a normal occurrence.
In a town full of smoke and mirrors, where movie studio backlots create rain from a water hose attached to a sprinkler, where fortunate for the moisture.
We’ve been in a drought longer than Oprah has been on a diet.
So, I think the rain is a good thing?
But I miss the blue skies and sunshine;
I guess I’ll have to watch a movie for that today, which makes sense, because it will no doubt have been produced on the same backlot that we normal make it rain.

God Bless America; and Lady Gaga

The Super Bowl is an American tradition;
Where a bunch of sweaty jocks fight for pigskin.
...and they call me gay.
Still, I gather around the screen––mainly because a bunch of sweaty jocks pile on top one another;
But also for the commercials.
And this year the star of the show was Lady Gaga,
Who managed to unite the country through a spectacular performance, subtly planting seeds of education, acceptance, and equality––without coming across like she had an agenda.
God Bless America, and Lady Gaga;
Inspiring through art instead of fear!

Never Question Creativity...

The how and when are not important.
If the creative energy is focused and invested;
The return will follow.


Dedicated to the present moment;
Manifesting inspiration rather than waiting for it.
Creativity requires nothing more than the discipline to take action.

Harnessed energy seeking the opportunity to share a story;
Whether written, filmed, choreographed, performed, or painted––
The cultivation of art, expression, and emotion will always lead to a new adventure.

Ode to SunChips

A chip by any other name would not carry that same bright, whole grain saltiness.
A delightful memory from middle school, the heart healthy (or so the bag claims) snack that gave me the courage to face fourth period.
Don’t get me wrong, Doritos will always have a special place in my soul;
But SunChips have no artificial flavors or preservatives, so my gut can be happy without the guilty feelings...

Spa Day

Tired, weak, and bruised.
You thought I was talking about my ego, didn’t you?
My body is in pain––after three weeks of choreography––I remember why I take a break in the fall.
I’m back in action working with dancers across the country, which I love, but my muscles need to be rubbed.
I’m off to the day spa, I know it sounds glamorous––and it is––but I also consider it an “on the job” necessity.
Hot tub, sauna, steam, and massage. Repeat every two weeks.

Human. Surrender.

Learning to forgive myself is a work in progress;

I forgot my blog post yesterday.

After seven years of writing and posting a daily blog, you'd think it would be an established habit.

Once again I'm reminded of two things:

I am human, thus I am not perfect.

And, surrender takes time.

I was "off my game" all day yesterday, and perhaps if I would have allowed myself a moment to breathe, I would have recognized that I did not express myself creativity––via my blog––and I would have come back to the present.

Instead, I'm facing the reaction to the laps, and growing from it.

Releasing the pressure and moving forward.

Six Word Essay on Forgetting

Remembering what’s important happens when necessary!

Respect Speaks Louder...

After spending three hours digesting the passionate and sometimes enraged comments, posts, and opinions from my fellow friends, family, and colleagues across the social media platforms––I’ve decided that no matter which side of the argument people are on, I will respond with compassion.
Especially for those who believe that we need to “make America great again”, perhaps we should start by respecting one another regardless of our differences and begin looking for common ground.

Solid Gold

After nearly two decades of friendship I’m so excited that my friend Tracie and I can still choreograph all day and talk all night.
True, we’re not as young as we used to be––and we don’t drink as much as we used to––but we can still inspire, challenge, and laugh with one another.
My grandma always used to say, “Make new friends, but keep the old. New friends are silver and old are gold.”
Her friendship is more valuable to me than all of the gold in the world.

Snooze

I hear the gentle rippling sound and rage;
I did not get enough sleep last night and I’m in no way ready to start my day.
The button on my iPhone insists on my fingerprint in order to snooze myself back into a slumber.
Ten more minutes is all I need.
I padded my morning with an extra thirty minutes––originally to have time to read and do my creative writing––but today it will serve as a wake-up-call delay.
Today is going to be a four shot Starbucks day!
#TheGlamorousLife on tour...

Travel Day

Early rise.

The dogs are feed.

Grabbed a shower and coffee—black.

Uber is late.

I get to the airport in time to find out my flight is delayed.

Second cup of coffee and a Clif bar!

I'm ready for Omaha!

#TheGlamorousLife

I Am Awake.

I’ve spent too much of my life trying to plan every moment down to the last detail.
Worried that I might miss an opportunity, I was constantly seeking to do more.
Always aware that I had a problem staying present, and often concerned that I would end up like those people...
The kind who are never happy with where they’re at or what they’ve accomplished.
They experience only fleeting moments of (what they perceive as) joy.
Until one day I woke up and realized I was, one of those people.
That was the instant I decided to surrender.
Now, I constantly seek balance through living in the present.
It’s not always easy––more often it’s difficult––but I’m aware of my patterns and ready to live the life that is waiting for me.
My creativity, passion, and tenacity are fueled by Faith instead of fear.
I am awake.

Repeat As Necessary:

The present is always here—past and future, never.

Balance requires faith.

Don't doubt, do something; take action.

Creative energy is never wasted.

I do not need to accomplish a years worth of work in one month.

Breathe.

Creativity Requires No Outcome

I can't control the outcome,

But I can enjoy the process.

Creativity doesn't demand success, or even an audience—it simply seeks liberation;

An opportunity to evolve from an idea into action.

That is reward enough.

Chaos to Calm

Lost in thought during my morning meditation;
I smiled at The Universe and asked for clarity.
The thoughts dissolved and I heard the rain falling outside,
Beautiful melodies of water droplets hitting tree leaves.
Acknowledging the chaos brings attention back to the calm.

Alarmed

The hotel bed is like a heavenly cloud;
Begging me to prolong my day.
Meanwhile, the snooze alarm is screaming at me:
“You’re going to be late.”
Reality sinks in as I roll myself out of bed and into the hot shower.
I’m going to need two pots of coffee today.

Growth

2017 is all about growth for me.
Creatively, mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually speaking, I want to reach beyond the limitations I’ve put upon myself and stir up a new point of view.
It’s time for expectations that no longer serve me to be released; not an easy task for a stubborn, over-achiever––but how can I reach new heights without the proper gear?
I have the opportunity to embrace new ideas about who I am and what I’m capable of.
Anyone who’s every been to the top of a mountain can attest that the view from above offers a completely different story than that of the valley they climbed out of.
I seek perspective from every angle.
I challenge myself to set up camp and appreciate the view during every segment of my journey; reaching the top is magnificent, but once you’ve peaked, you have to climb back down and learn something new.

I Got the Message!

I believe in signs;

Yesterday, I received the message loud and clear.

Following my morning meditation I read this, "On days when your plans are thwarted, be on the lookout for Me! I know the plans I have for you, and they are good.” 

In that instant I felt connected and confident.  I was ready to face the beautiful day that I had planned with Jeff.

An hour later, our plans were redirected; we had to give up our "day of fun" for work.

At once, I was frustrated that I had to give up my plans...

As I was getting ready, it dawned on me, "This is the message that you just read! This is the practical application."

Once I accepted the message from God, The Universe—however you want to label it—I was able to smile and soar through my day.

I had the choice to accept the change and see where the journey leads, or resist and miss out on an opportunity to grow.

Trust The Path...

“Luck is when preparation meets opportunity.”
This statement––uttered my countless inspirational mentors and leaders––has been a reoccurring sentiment in my life.
I have dedicated my entire adult (and most of my teenage years) planning, training, preparing, studying, working, fighting––waiting for the opportunity.
I have been blessed with a bountiful amount adventures as a performer, choreographer, teacher, and now author; yet I continue to fall victim to the need to push for more.
Is it the human condition?  I don’t know.
I am certain that I have sufficiently laid the foundation for my future––whatever it may bring––and I could stand to trust, a great deal more.
What good is Faith, if you can’t count on in unconditionally?
What I’ve remembered (again) today: when I focus on the creativity, and nothing else, the opportunity will eventually come... and I will be ready.
“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” ––John Lennon

Note To Self:

Salty pizza and Ranch dip might seem like a good idea in the moment;
But please remember the three days of bloating, heartburn, and weight gain you experience in the aftermath.
#MakeBetterHealthChoices

Zen Lessons From My Dogs...

I’ve learned a lot from my dogs:
I sleep when I’m tired,
I eat when I’m hungry,
I whine when I'm sad,
I hide when I don't want to be bothered,
I seek friends when I need attention,
I relieve myself when my bladder is full,
I exercise when someone else forces me to, and
I beg whenever I really want something.

Enlightenment Addicted

I’m constantly seeking enlightenment;
Addicted to my evolution spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically, and artistically.
Never one to accept where I’m at, as a child I was always questioning, thinking, and worrying about things that I had very little control of––now, I recognize that my obsessive-compulsive behavior and type A personality didn't help my circumstances.
As an adult, I’ve refocused my obsession to find peace in the present moment.
It’s a daily challenge––more often than not––I fall short, but I haven’t stopped seeking enlightenment.
On good days, I find the simple release and acceptance of “what is” remarkably effortless;
But the “bad” days are tough.
I’ve had a taste of enlightenment, and now I want to overdose on it.
Unfortunately, the prescription is hard to fill––it requires me to let go of the bullshit and stay present.

Dream, Reach, Accept What Comes

My childhood dreams are manifesting into realities.
Slightly different than I had imagined way back when;
Perhaps a more attainable version of themselves.
Forever grateful that my evolved point of view allowed for a modification from the plan––in order to appreciate the opportunities as they were presented.
Otherwise, I may have given up a long time ago.
Nothing can be as wild as we dream in our minds––but if we allow it––the outcome can be a brilliant realization of something that felt, at times, unattainable.
So, I will continue dreaming, because who know? I might make it to my version of the moon, yet.

The Moment I Let Go Of It.

In my quest for balance, inner peace, and surrender I continue reminding myself that I just need to let go of “it.”
All of the self-discovery books affirm––in their own way––that release is the key to achieving a more evolved me.
But I think Alanis Morissette said it best,
“The moment I let go of it,
Was the moment I got more than I could handle.”
I have to face the facts, I’m a product of the 90′s.

A Dogs Life...

If I were a puppy, I’d sleep all day, too.
Cuddled up on the sofa while dreaming of burying bones and squeaking toys all day long.
It would be delightful to have someone feed me when I was hungry, bathe me when I needed cleaned, and walk me when I needed to go to the bathroom.
My dogs have the life.
Of course if I were a dog, I’d probably be the unfortunate one;
like the puppies who end up in the commercials with the Sarah McLachlan commercials.

Rain Clears The Air

Through the darkness and rain;
I found light and presence.
It’s easy to live in the shadow of negativity,
giving into the fear that the sun might night shine again.
Then, and without warning, a sliver of gold peeks out.
Suddenly the sky is blue and the air is clear––all thanks to the rain.

Remember:

You don’t need to have answers to “what ifs”;
In the present there’s only, what is.

Details, Details.

Faith does not challenge the details, “When, where, why, how?”
When I walk in the light––fear, doubt, and negativity are lost in the shadows;
All that remains is a bright path.
In that radiance, the specifics become clear and the present is all that matters.

Okay, I Get It! Surrender...

My primary focus in life has been to evolve as a person and artist; every single day.
Seeking to learn more, serve more, and experience new opportunities and adventures that will elevate my purpose on earth.
Over time, I have discovered practical ways to stay present and achieve balance.
Last year was a time of abundant growth creativity and personally.
Hoping to continue to the momentum, I added another layer to my daily practice of seeking light, releasing negativity, and taking action; I decided to incorporate the action of “surrender.”
To my surprise, the first week of this year was extraordinarily more complicated.
In adding surrender, I somehow lost sight of the fact that I could still, seek light, take action, and be present.
Today, I woke up ready to refocus and remove the “new addition”, and go back to what worked in 2016.
As I turned to my morning reading––currently “The Power Of Now”––I opened my bookmark, and the chapter I turned to was: The Meaning Of Surrender.
Wow; okay, I get it.
God, The Universe, my instinct all said, “You need to learn how to surrender the correct way.”
I reread the chapter and remembered that Action and Surrender can coexist.
In fact, they are both necessary for growth.
Surrender does not mean that I should stop trying and accept that where I’m at is as good as it gets; it simply means trusting that through acceptance of what is, I can further work to seek positive action toward what I want.

Things That No One Tells You In Your Twenties.

With age comes wisdom, perspective, security, confidence, and hair in unwanted places.
Seriously, as I grow––so does my hair; everywhere.
#ImNotAgingImLiving

The Weather Wants a Job, Too?

The rain tap dances on my bedroom window;
Even the weather in LA wants a job in show business––at least the rhythms are interesting; unlike half of the “talent” in this town.

Acceptance

The struggle to accept what is, while constantly trying to evolve what is––not.
When you’ve arrived at your destination with all of your bags fully prepared and it still isn’t enough;
There is a calm beauty in surrendering.
That is enlightenment.

No No Negativity

Despite my best efforts to remain present yesterday, I allowed a circumstance to keep me in a negative mood––further adding  to my anger, I started to compare my situation to how I might have handled the moment last year––this lead me down an even darker spiral.
I followed the tools I’ve implemented and received small doses of inner peace; breath by breath; by the end of the day I was once again aligned with the present.
This morning I woke up with a mild hangover of emotions––not wanting a repeat of yesterday––I quickly turned to my morning check in (which involves reading a personal growth book and journaling), I turned to the chapter that I was reading in “The Power of Now” and the heading read:
Using and Relinquishing Negativity.
If that isn’t an incredible message from God and The Universe.
I laughed out loud––literally, not like an LOL response to something we don’t find funny on social media but feel the need to support our friends anyway; I read the chapter and once again received the message.
Negativity equals resistance.
My ego needed a boost and I caved to my inner manipulation.
But not today!
Nothing good comes from darkness; it is in the light that we shine.
No. NO. Negativity.

I Saw The Sign...

I start each and every day with a morning ritual:
I pour a giant cup of coffee,
I sit down with whichever personal growth, spiritual, or  inspirational book that I’m reading at the time, and I allow myself the opportunity to learn––in the hopes of seeking insight and enlightenment.
Afterwards, I spend several minutes journaling––to review what I’ve read and release my emotions and thoughts.
Knowing that my primary theme for 2017 is, surrender––I thought these passages were a clear sign that I chose the ideal path for this year:
“All that arises passes away. This I know” ––Buddhist Monk

“To offer no resistance to life is to be in a state of grace, ease, and lightness.  ...things, people, or conditions that you thought you needed for happiness now come with no struggle or effort on your part...” ––Eckhart Tolle

“’I trust in you Jesus.’ In response to whatever happens to you.” ––Psalm 63:2

Seasons

There is a time to plant the seed;
There is a time to water and nurture the seedling;
There is a time to sit back and watch the stalks grow tall;
There is a time to harvest the crop;
Everything has a season––I’m finally grasping the importance of step three; I plant and plant and plant and plan––yet I fail to watch my work grow.
It’s okay––it’s necessary––to step back, breathe, and appreciate the work.
It used to feel like I wasn’t accomplishing enough in those moments, that I should be doing more, but I understand how valuable rest is now.
From every valley and new mountain appears––I must give myself a fighting chance to make the climb.

And We're Off...

Back to the creative process, but with a new outlook;
Letting go of the need to do it all.
Last year, I adopted the mindset to trust in the now––which worked very well for me.
This year, I will take it a step further, allowing room for surrender, too.
My brain is wired to over-achieve, and when I don’t receive the outcome I expect, I often push too hard.
So as I set out for new journeys this year, I’m going to fight like hell to suspend my relentless nature.
Tanacity is a valuable asset as an artist, but it can often come across as desperation, too.
I’ll continue to ask for what I want, but (I think) I’m more willing to hear “no” and move on!
Only time will tell.

New Year, Same You––Evolved.

I’m giving up.
Not on life, or my creative path, or my family, or anything wild like that;
I’m using this year to surrender.
Letting go of the need to do––well, anything.
I know what you’re thinking, “You say you’re giving up, yet you sit in front of your computer typing away on a blog post.”
Okay, to be fair––it’s true––I have a hard time with inactivity.
But that’s not why I keep a blog.
This daily experiment started in 2010, after the passing of my grandfather.
I set a goal to write every day for a year––and in doing so––I discovered that my outlook on life changed for the better.
My ability to write about almost anything evolved, too, (which is good if you’re trying to be a writer and “find your voice”) and here I sit 7 years later, a published author.
I have no idea what’s around the corner for me in 2017, and I’m completely comfortable with that.
I learned how to be present last year––truly present in every moment––which lead to soaring victories for me personally and professionally; and the strangest thing is that the more that I let go and accepted the path that was in front of me, the more brilliant the opportunities that followed.
So here I am looking a fresh new year directly in the eyes, and I see hope, joy, creativity, and even more growth as a person and artist.
A very wise man (my husband) said that he wanted to greet the first day of the new year with the same tone and intentions that he plans on proceeding with for the rest of the year, and that’s precisely what we did.
I had no agenda today; I spent my time with loved ones, doing what we love––without expectation.
I’m ready for you 2017, and I promise to do my best to be present in every moment, live fully, take action––and yes––surrender when that is the clear choice.

Goodbye 2016.

And so it is upon us––another year draws to an end; and what a year it’s been.
The blessings, growth, and adventures have been abundant.
I am overwhelmed with gratitude when I look back on the opportunities and evolution that I have experienced in the past 364 days.
My life is a constant work in progress––I’ve never been shy about admitting that––and still somehow I manage to flourish in the midst of finding myself.
What were once flashes of light in my otherwise dark outlook––have manifested into a literal moving frame of pictures from day to day.
More than ever before, I was able to stay present, accept each moment for what it brought, and breathe through even the most challenging setbacks.
As a writer, I finished my second manuscript.  I learned more about myself through the process of sharing stories from my past, with the awareness of my present.
As an actor, I worked on two television shows––and remembered how magnificent it is to perform; I’m nowhere near the end of this journey.
As a choreographer, I had the opportunity to set my first full-length concert dance piece; watching my story come to life through the dancers eyes was magical.
As a person, I re-discovered that a positive attitude and the fearless pursuit of my passion will always lead me to an opportunity.
I have no clue what’s next for me––but I know that wherever I am, I will do my very best to stay present, seek light, and savor the journey.

Rain Delay in LA

When it rains in LA––which is very rare, but surprisingly more common this year––I make the most of it;
I give myself permission to blow off work, and curl up with my puppies next to the fireplace.  I dive into a great book until my eyes start to blur and then I relocate to the sofa and channel surf until I find the perfect movie to fall asleep to.
Today is the perfect way to ease myself into 2017 and my new resolution: surrender.
I’ve spent the larger part of my life overachieving, hustling, fighting, and engulfed with busy work––I’m really looking forward to a new approach.
The rain delay is here to stay, at least for a season.

Enlightened Thought

While meditating in yoga class yesterday, it occurred to me that people spend a lot of energy and money on “aging gracefully”––in a moment of clarity I realized that the focus should be on “living gracefully.”
That simple, yet powerful switch in my focus allows me the space to evolve into the most enlightened person I can be, as long as I walk (or wheel) the earth.
“I’m not aging––I’m living.”

I'm Home!

It's fun to visit the snow––the Christmas spirt feels crisp and alive;
bundling up to go sledding or sipping hot coco by the fire...
But the swaying palm trees backlit by the gorgeous California rays reminds me that I'm an LA baby, all the way!

Colorado Christmas Day 6

Driving through the small towns between Colorado and California, I've realized...

The smaller the town, the worse the drivers.

#RoadTrip

Colorado Christmas Day 5

We had a Christmas slumber party last night at my moms house;
My sister and I under one roof––along with my niece, three dogs, my husband, mom, and step-dad––it was a circus for sure.
It was also a wonderful reminder of how special the holidays are.
We played board games, watched movies, but my favorite was a round of karaoke; my niece loves to sing!
Today, we’re going sledding at San Isabel.
Tubing down snow hills, we’ll surely freeze our butts;
But what Colorado Christmas would be complete without snow and hot coco?
...and my niece screaming in my ear as we fly downhill!

Colorado Christmas Day 4

Merry Christmas!
I feel blessed to be with my family this year;
Faith, food, laughter, and cheer.
We opened packages this morning––as people do on Christmas––but the best gift I received this year was the present; truly learning how to live in the now.
Learning how to enjoy or accept each and every moment, regardless of the circumstance, has enabled me to appreciate my life on a deeper level.

Colorado Christmas Day 3

It’s the day before Christmas and all through the house...
Candy, cookies, and Hallmark movies are abundant.
The cooking is finished,
The presents are wrapped,
And I’m just waking up from a long winters nap.
My family will gather tomorrow with cheer;
And after the festivities we’ll all run with fear––of cleaning the dishes!

Colorado Christmas Day 2

Family gathered in the kitchen;
Laughter, love, and a lot of dough.
We made delicious Italian cookies called pizzales.
Nothing says, “Merry Christmas” better than a dozen of these sweet, light, crisp cookies.
They remind me of my childhood, my grandma, and my gut––because I always eat too many!

Colorado Christmas Day 1

Upon arrival last night, we were greeted by the entire family with an Italian dinner.
Their warmth was a nice contrast to the cold winter night.
The puppies woke up early this morning to go play in the snow;
They leap through the air like Santa’s reindeer.
Today we’re baking traditional Italian Christmas cookies;
Just looking at the ingredients I’m gaining weight!
It’s good to be with family during this time of year.

Road Trip

Double-trailer semi trucks blowing in the wind;

Stay in the slow lane please.

That car that won't let you pass, and won't drive the speed limit either?

How many times can we listen to Mariah Carey's Christmas album? Indefinitely.  

Surrender

The holiday season ushers in the end of the year;
A time of gratitude, reflection, resolution, and faith.
I always start each year off with a theme or word to visualize and meditate on.
As I gather my thoughts for 2017 the word “surrender” continues to present itself; in conversation, while I’m reading, and during yoga.
Why is it so much easier to absorb ideas while lying in shavasana?
When the mind is still and the heart is content––when all that remains is breath,
I find my surrender.
Now, if only I could figure out how to incorporate the energy into my daily life––without obsessing over checklists, resolutions, and overachieving.
I need to surrender to my OCD, and just be.

Friendship; LA

At a trendy restaurant in West Hollywood,
Four former neighbors––a la Melrose Place––gathered to celebrate the Christmas spirit and share our resolutions for the new year.
While enjoying tantalizing food, festive (and fabulous) cocktails, and enough laughter to avoid sit-ups for at least two days, it was evident that we share a formidable bond.
Our relationship has endured more than a decade in Los Angeles––and through all of the transitions, job promotions, setbacks, and scene changes––we continue to seek creative and personal growth together.  As true friends tend to do.
These bonds are rare in LA, more precious than Oscar gold; and I’m not letting go!

How Much Is That Shih Tzu in the Mirror?

I’m staring at my dog as she watches herself in the mirror;
She’s trying to decide if she should attack her reflection––or play chase.
We make eye contact and she tilts her head sideways;
My heart melts and she gets bashful.
I can't comprehend people who don’t understand dogs––they are such honest, loyal creatures.