Goodbye 2016.

And so it is upon us––another year draws to an end; and what a year it’s been.
The blessings, growth, and adventures have been abundant.
I am overwhelmed with gratitude when I look back on the opportunities and evolution that I have experienced in the past 364 days.
My life is a constant work in progress––I’ve never been shy about admitting that––and still somehow I manage to flourish in the midst of finding myself.
What were once flashes of light in my otherwise dark outlook––have manifested into a literal moving frame of pictures from day to day.
More than ever before, I was able to stay present, accept each moment for what it brought, and breathe through even the most challenging setbacks.
As a writer, I finished my second manuscript.  I learned more about myself through the process of sharing stories from my past, with the awareness of my present.
As an actor, I worked on two television shows––and remembered how magnificent it is to perform; I’m nowhere near the end of this journey.
As a choreographer, I had the opportunity to set my first full-length concert dance piece; watching my story come to life through the dancers eyes was magical.
As a person, I re-discovered that a positive attitude and the fearless pursuit of my passion will always lead me to an opportunity.
I have no clue what’s next for me––but I know that wherever I am, I will do my very best to stay present, seek light, and savor the journey.

Rain Delay in LA

When it rains in LA––which is very rare, but surprisingly more common this year––I make the most of it;
I give myself permission to blow off work, and curl up with my puppies next to the fireplace.  I dive into a great book until my eyes start to blur and then I relocate to the sofa and channel surf until I find the perfect movie to fall asleep to.
Today is the perfect way to ease myself into 2017 and my new resolution: surrender.
I’ve spent the larger part of my life overachieving, hustling, fighting, and engulfed with busy work––I’m really looking forward to a new approach.
The rain delay is here to stay, at least for a season.

Enlightened Thought

While meditating in yoga class yesterday, it occurred to me that people spend a lot of energy and money on “aging gracefully”––in a moment of clarity I realized that the focus should be on “living gracefully.”
That simple, yet powerful switch in my focus allows me the space to evolve into the most enlightened person I can be, as long as I walk (or wheel) the earth.
“I’m not aging––I’m living.”

I'm Home!

It's fun to visit the snow––the Christmas spirt feels crisp and alive;
bundling up to go sledding or sipping hot coco by the fire...
But the swaying palm trees backlit by the gorgeous California rays reminds me that I'm an LA baby, all the way!

Colorado Christmas Day 6

Driving through the small towns between Colorado and California, I've realized...

The smaller the town, the worse the drivers.

#RoadTrip

Colorado Christmas Day 5

We had a Christmas slumber party last night at my moms house;
My sister and I under one roof––along with my niece, three dogs, my husband, mom, and step-dad––it was a circus for sure.
It was also a wonderful reminder of how special the holidays are.
We played board games, watched movies, but my favorite was a round of karaoke; my niece loves to sing!
Today, we’re going sledding at San Isabel.
Tubing down snow hills, we’ll surely freeze our butts;
But what Colorado Christmas would be complete without snow and hot coco?
...and my niece screaming in my ear as we fly downhill!

Colorado Christmas Day 4

Merry Christmas!
I feel blessed to be with my family this year;
Faith, food, laughter, and cheer.
We opened packages this morning––as people do on Christmas––but the best gift I received this year was the present; truly learning how to live in the now.
Learning how to enjoy or accept each and every moment, regardless of the circumstance, has enabled me to appreciate my life on a deeper level.

Colorado Christmas Day 3

It’s the day before Christmas and all through the house...
Candy, cookies, and Hallmark movies are abundant.
The cooking is finished,
The presents are wrapped,
And I’m just waking up from a long winters nap.
My family will gather tomorrow with cheer;
And after the festivities we’ll all run with fear––of cleaning the dishes!

Colorado Christmas Day 2

Family gathered in the kitchen;
Laughter, love, and a lot of dough.
We made delicious Italian cookies called pizzales.
Nothing says, “Merry Christmas” better than a dozen of these sweet, light, crisp cookies.
They remind me of my childhood, my grandma, and my gut––because I always eat too many!

Colorado Christmas Day 1

Upon arrival last night, we were greeted by the entire family with an Italian dinner.
Their warmth was a nice contrast to the cold winter night.
The puppies woke up early this morning to go play in the snow;
They leap through the air like Santa’s reindeer.
Today we’re baking traditional Italian Christmas cookies;
Just looking at the ingredients I’m gaining weight!
It’s good to be with family during this time of year.

Road Trip

Double-trailer semi trucks blowing in the wind;

Stay in the slow lane please.

That car that won't let you pass, and won't drive the speed limit either?

How many times can we listen to Mariah Carey's Christmas album? Indefinitely.  

Surrender

The holiday season ushers in the end of the year;
A time of gratitude, reflection, resolution, and faith.
I always start each year off with a theme or word to visualize and meditate on.
As I gather my thoughts for 2017 the word “surrender” continues to present itself; in conversation, while I’m reading, and during yoga.
Why is it so much easier to absorb ideas while lying in shavasana?
When the mind is still and the heart is content––when all that remains is breath,
I find my surrender.
Now, if only I could figure out how to incorporate the energy into my daily life––without obsessing over checklists, resolutions, and overachieving.
I need to surrender to my OCD, and just be.

Friendship; LA

At a trendy restaurant in West Hollywood,
Four former neighbors––a la Melrose Place––gathered to celebrate the Christmas spirit and share our resolutions for the new year.
While enjoying tantalizing food, festive (and fabulous) cocktails, and enough laughter to avoid sit-ups for at least two days, it was evident that we share a formidable bond.
Our relationship has endured more than a decade in Los Angeles––and through all of the transitions, job promotions, setbacks, and scene changes––we continue to seek creative and personal growth together.  As true friends tend to do.
These bonds are rare in LA, more precious than Oscar gold; and I’m not letting go!

How Much Is That Shih Tzu in the Mirror?

I’m staring at my dog as she watches herself in the mirror;
She’s trying to decide if she should attack her reflection––or play chase.
We make eye contact and she tilts her head sideways;
My heart melts and she gets bashful.
I can't comprehend people who don’t understand dogs––they are such honest, loyal creatures.

Christmas Weight

The holiday weight is over...
Christmas is just around the corner and if I keep overeating at every holiday party––I’m going to be large enough to replace Santa Claus.
Tis the season to be merry; and uncomfortable in clothing that doesn’t have an elastic draw string.
So, unless I’m ready to start buying my clothes at Walmart––I need to trim the holiday cheer.

Fireside Inspiration

Curled up cozy by my fireplace;
The warmth of the flames inspire happy childhood memories.
Raindrops tap lightly on the window;
The soothing rhythm provides background orchestration;
Perfect for writing.

No WhINing...

When you enjoy one too many glasses of wine;
You best expect to wake up and feel puffy, stuffy, and old...
You did it to yourself––so stop your whining and drink a lot of water!

Dinner Party

Dusting,
Vacuuming,
Prepping food,
Creating the perfect playlist,
Seating arrangment––it’s important to consider who’s NOT talking to who.
Lighting candles,
Stocking the bar,
Friends arrive:
Small talk, greetings, meeting new friends;
Drinks are served––now the fun begins.
Laughter, gossip, food, and more booze;
Tis the season to be jolly.
...tonight marks dinner party number FIVE... four more to go!

Listen

When people talk, they want to be heard.
Opinions, ideas, and reactions––even when the come from the right place––often confuse the conversation.
Sometimes a friend just need you to say, “I understand; I’m here for you.”
Silence speaks volumes.

Home; Back to Work

One puppy sits near my feet,
The other one rests by my thigh;
I pound at my computer:
Checking emails, connecting socially––and occasionally I get some creative writing done, too.
It’s good to be on the road working;
But it’s great to be at home with my family.
Business as usual this morning.
It’s important to honor the little things in life;
Every detail further enhances the moment.

Blessed

I make a living out of a childhood passion;

Creating art and paying the bills.

Life is good. 

Even if I have to travel across the country for a day...

Dance Life; Christmas Time

40 dancers,

12 hours,

24 pieces of choreograph,

1 sandwich

4 Starbucks Lattes

And partridge in a pear tree. 

Fear

It grabs you when you least expect it;
Releasing the emotional reaction to a situation helps alleviate the fear.
The unknown can be overwhelming;
Light will always conquer darkness––it just takes faith.
Past and future can only hurt you if you allow the feelings to stop you from living in the present.
Be here NOW.

Pounding

My head is pounding;
Still angry from last night.
Nothing but lies and dodging questions;
I will not exert anymore energy on this matter.
Sometimes you just have to walk away.

One Word

Done!

Contact; Pay It Forward

There is always time to share love;
A phone call, email––even a text message just to say, “Hello.  I’m thinking about you.”
We’re so consumed with acquiring money, fame, accolades, and material objects––but what we need is friendship, a shoulder to cry on, validation of our feelings, fears, and desires.
Contact; with a human, not a machine.
Warmth from another feeling being.
Take time to share your energy with someone today; it may change their entire outlook.

Secret Ingredient

My best work is done after three cups of coffee;
Starbucks is like Wheaties to me,
In fact, I think the dedication page in my next book will read like this:
Starbucks your loyalty (reward program) has kept me addicted since 1994;
Thank you.

Sunday

S

U

N

D

A

Yoga

The other letters don't matter after yoga.

Do It Yourself...

If you want something done;
Delegated the duties to your colleagues,
Discuss the findings in a conference meeting,
Accept that not everyone has the ability to meet deadlines,
In the last hour––realize that you have to do all the work yourself,
Complete a months worth of research and work in one hour and then move on to the next “fire”.

Holiday Balance

Sometimes balance means letting go of harsh expectations;
The holiday season always weighs me down––I gain a solid ten pounds.
The scales are tipped with delicious cheeses and spirits galore;
Come January, I’ll be lucky if I can squeeze through my front door.

December Cheer

The year is near an end.
Goals have been accomplished––or not.
It’s time to reflect and give thanks for the many adventures in 2016;
And to release the setbacks, disappointments, and overzealous demands.
The year was complete––exactly as it was supposed to be.
Now relax, give thanks––eat, drink, and be merry!

Done Deed

Silly that a piece of paper can be the difference between having a voice, and being permitted to use it.

Inevitably, change occurs when the circumstance demands a new direction;

Today, we sealed the deal on a new path—watch out to anyone who stands in our way!

Vindication

The moment you see your opponent crack and buckle;
Admitting their slanderous lies and accepting the defeat.
The truth is ALWAYS worth fighting for.

Fear Not!

The moment I exhale the negativity;
I’m reconnected with the Universe.
I once again remember that my path has already been cleared;
I just have to follow it and trust that God will provide me with the tools I need along the way.

Early Holiday

Despite my best attempt to stay motivated;
I’ve surrendered to my fate.
Ironically, I’ve spent the past two weeks meditating and deliberating on my mantra for 2017; the word I chose, surrender.
I spent last year developing the tools to stay present––regardless of circumstance––and I’m delighted that I found that peace almost every day.
It occurred to me that through the same presence of mind, I could release my need to overachieve, too.
It’s an ongoing struggle; but it appears I’m giving myself the rest of the year to begin implementation.
Cheers to surrender.

Stand For Something

My grandma always used to say, “If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for everything.”
That adage has continued to inspire me throughout my life;
Especially when my character has been called into question by people who will say and do anything to prove a point or “win” an argument.
It would be much easier for me to concede in order to avoid an unpleasant circumstance––at the same time, I would be enabling inappropriate behavior.
If I can be a champion––whether for myself or a disenfranchised group of people––I will always rise to the occasion.
What better way to use my education and opinion?

Stand Up To A Bully

Make sure to smile when you stand up for yourself;
It reminds the would-be bully that you are human.
The louder they get––the more your tactics are working.
Don’t be alarmed by empty threats;
Keep Faith and an open, loving heart.
And if all else fails; fight fire with fire.

Giving Thanks

Fifteen years ago today;
I cuddled up next to a fellow artist, theater nerd, dreamer, performer and I knew that I would spend the rest of my life with him, working towards our goals together.
I give thanks for him and all of my family and friends who continue to support and inspire me.
Following dreams requires Faith, family, and friends.
It also demands tenacity and a sense of humor.
I’m overwhelmed with gratitude;
I continue to learn, evolve, and dream.

Rest.

I'm tired;
I did absolutely nothing today.
I crashed on my couch with my family and watched Christmas movies––all day long.
Thanksgiving is tomorrow, but I started my practice early.

Any Press Is Good Press!

My book, So You Want To Be A Dancer, was mentioned by Jimmy Fallon on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon last night;
It was part of a segment that Jimmy rants about book titles that might not be a selling point.
The irony, is that my book is getting four times more attention thanks to his joke.
How did he (or his team) find out about my book?  Is it fate or just dumb luck?
Who cares–––I’ve been a fan of Fallon since he was on SNL.
When he started on The Tonight Show, I knew his voice and playful humor was going to resonate with a new crowd.
Now, my book––and potentially me (if he takes me up on my offer to teach him some fresh new dance moves) are a part of television history!
Despite being the butt of a joke on late night, my credibility as an author just skyrocketed.
Just ask our president elect...”any press is good press.”
P.S. Buy, So You Want To Be A Dancer here!

Not Just Books

Knowledge is a wonderful tool;
Inspiration, motivation, and brilliant ideas.
Putting that wisdom to work requires more.
Reading and researching is the beginning;
Action, is the application.

Need?

When I let go of needs,
I have so much more room to breathe;
Suddenly the space to be creative, adventurous, and in the moment––is everywhere.

Saturday Bingefest

Reality TV,

Bagels and coffee,

Cuddling puppies on the couch,

Yoga—then;

more TV!

Note To Self: Writing.

Staring at a blank page and a blinking cursor;
It’s either a wild adventure,
or
A dreadfully paralyzing creativity killer.
Focus on the story, not the screen.

Movie and a Meal

Afternoon dates are fun;
The theater is empty and the restaurant, too.
You can stretch out your legs, and eat as much as you want; guilt free.

Spa Day

Steam room,
Sauna,
Shower,
Salt scrub,
Deep tissue,
Steam room,
Sauna,
Hot tub,
Facial,
Pure relaxation detox;
After deep meditation and thoughtful consideration I’ve arrived at a fresh new outlook:
It’s time to surrender.

Surrender

At the end of a challenging work day––I encouraged myself to go to a yoga class last night;
The class was strenuous and pushed me past my breaking point.
I felt like giving up and walking out––but a voice inside continued to drive me through the pain, anguish, and physical weakness.
At the end of class––while lying in shavasana––I had a breakthrough.
As I melted into the floor, the word surrender entered my conscious;
I began crying uncontrollably.
I started to release the anger, fear, doubt, and frustration––and surrendered to the fact that the circumstances I was struggling with were out of my control.
Suddenly I was overcome with joy.
My tears of disappointed transitioned into tears of gratitude; enlightenment.
I’m finished with fighting;
I always thought I had to push myself past, through, on top of, etc.
The truth is: I just have to release.

Relentless.

Some people get what they want because they’re charmed;
The rest of us have to push, fight, climb, fall, beg, climb (again), push harder, negotiate, barter, beg (some more), crawl, sneak in the back door, drop to our knees, fight (tougher), shove, alienate, compromise, fall, claw, beg (with total desperation), threaten, bully, bark, beg, beg, beg, fight, fight, fight, climb, climb, climb––and finally we get to sit in front of a receptionist and wait...
Then the entire process starts again.
Passionately and relentlessly focused.
Never. Give. Up.

Friendly Reminder...

When you go looking for despair;
You’ll find it.
When you seek light;
It will be there, too.

You Are Here; Again.

The past and future are a distraction from the reality that is in front of me.
The moment is here now;
The past lives in shadows, and cannot be changed.
The future lives in projections, which cannot be controlled.
I can be present––or nothing.

Welcome Back, to Life.

Nothing like the sound of leaf blowers and dump trucks to remind you that you’re no longer on vacation.
Back in Los Angeles and back to the grind––of my teeth from all of the noise I’ve returned to.
Vacation can be a distraction from life, but the truth is, I’m happy to be home.
Creativity calls––and so does the yoga studio; time to work off the five pounds (okay ten...) I gained in Hawaii.
Life is back in session.

Hawaii Day 8

The time has come to sail away;
The sand, sun, and sea have been a gentle, loving, supportive reminder that balance is necessary for creativity; and my health.
I’ll be back in time, but for now, I’m going to savor the last four hours before I fly back to reality.

Hawaii Day 7

Not even Hawaiian paradise can assuage my feelings of disappointment––and if I’m being entirely honest––fear.
The people of America have confirmed that they would rather have an openly hateful, misogynistic, uninformed, wealthy white man––with no experience whatsoever––lead the free world;
Than a powerful, confident, intelligent––openly accepting––woman.
Now, more than ever, our country needs free-thinkers.  Artists, writers, activists, leaders––who will stand up for the people who may not have a voice in the very near future.
Yesterday, a majority in our country decided that the old way is better...
I pray that my freedom and equality will endure.

Hawaii Day 6

Seriously, I cannot get to the beach fast enough;
I woke up early to work––on vacation?!
Yes, even on a holiday, I have to answer emails.
Fortunately, in paradise, zen is only a breath away.
Now that my checklist is complete,
I’m going to enjoy the heat at the beach!
Aloha!

Hawaii Day 5

Even when the birds argue at 5AM, it sounds beautiful;
It’s hard to be upset in Hawaii.
The ocean waves act as an emotional eraser––gently absorbing unpleasant thoughts and washing them out to sea.
Conflict melts away in the warm salty air;
All that is left is Faith in paradise.

Hawaii Day 4

In the morning I add rum to my coffee and enjoy meditation by the beach,
In the afternoon I add rum to my iced tea and enjoy reading my the pool,
In the evening I add rum to my Lava Flow and enjoy gazing at the stars.

Hawaii Day 3

Just as the sun rises over the volcanic rock behind me,
My mind awakes and begins to stir;
Just as the ocean rolls in towards the sand,
My heart beats and I feel alive;
Just as the birds call to each other,
My soul sings out with gratitude.
In this moment, I am present and at peace.

Hawaii Day 2

Before the sun rises, I’m up and writing in my journal;
It’s hard not to be inspired in paradise.
Layered melodies from various birds call outside my window,
The perfect soundtrack to write.
Creativity flows as easy as multiple Piña Coladas––happily tipsy, I type.
The sun lifts over the horizon revealing a shimmering crystal blue sea.
Try to be upset in Hawaii––if you are, you’re doing life wrong.

Hawaii Day 1

I can smell the plumerias from LAX;

I'll be calm when we land, I just know it!

Breathe in the warm, soothing sea.

The aloha spirt welcomes me.

Creativity; Trust in the Process

Setbacks are a natural part of the creative process;
As artists, we often feel unworthy when something doesn’t go our way.
“They must not like my work.” “I must be doing something wrong.”
When in fact, “they” are probably so deep in their own process.
Creative collaborations can be an uncomfortable idea for many,
Likewise, helping another artistic person can feel like a sacrifice.
But rest assured, when the Universe realizes a magnificent opportunity;
The stars will align.
So, it is our duty to continue cultivating and refining our work with a sense of playful, stress free joy––and when the time is right––the work will take flight.

Observation

Watching 80s movies on Netflix;

I'm remind of what color teeth used to be, prior to bleaching trays. 

That Feeling...

When you wake up and sit down to coffee, eggs, and your face on the inside cover page of a magazine;
Of course “it’s not about the fame or money”, but it’s a completely validating feeling to see yourself in print!
I’ve invested more than twenty years pursuing a creative career––and these little highlights act as motivation to continue to training, auditioning, and evolving as a person and artist.
All in stride though––in three days this town will forget about the article, and demand that I answer, “what’s next?”
But for today, I’ll enjoy the spotlight!

It's Time...

I want to eat another breakfast burrito;
But the waistline on my jeans is begging me not to.
It’s time to reel it in.

Good Morning

It’s still dark outside;
A sliver of light cracks over the San Gabriel Mountains,
The birds chirping outside my window serve as a beautiful, calm wake-up call.
My puppies are still cozy in bed as I make my way to the office to write.
The smell of dew covered grass wafts into the house,
My serene Saturday has begun.

FALLing Rain

Pouring rain crashes to the ground,
A happy reminder that fall has arrived in Los Angeles;
Before long unnecessary fires will be lit,
And hipsters will be wearing tailored layers and scarves.
I’m okay with that––in fact, I’ll join in the fun.
The temperature might not drop below fifty degrees;
But in LA, it’s always important to dress the part!

Ode To Mexican Food

Just add the cheesy, deliciousness directly to my love handles.

Lick Your Wounds

I took my dog to the groomer yesterday,
They nicked her left paw and neglected to inform me;
I discovered it this morning, thanks to the trail of blood on my beautiful 800 thread count sheets.
She licks her wound,
While I scrub the blood from the Egyptian cotton.

Puppies, Come Out of the Closet!

Both of my puppies are curled up on my lap;
Neither one suspects what’s about to come.
They hear me fetch their leashes from the doggy drawer––
Nope, it’s not a walk Lily...
It’s time to get your hair cut!
Ginger, the Yorkie, knows what’s up.
She just took off to hide in the closet––
Trust me Ginger, I spent time in the closet, too;
You’ll feel better when you come out! ...You’ll look better, too!

Star–Studded Night.

Rubbing elbows with celebrities,
Is a lot like rubbing elbows with non-celebrities;
You're in an overcrowded venue trying to look your best, smile, and at "cool" while you push your way to the front of the bar...
Except you can't ignore the fact that you just nudged Steve Buscemi back into place.
Welcome to Hollywood.

Cats

I listend to the Broadway soundtrack of Cats last night;
Saturday night, belting show tunes by myself,
It was like me in high school––only with wine, a better voice, and more theater credits––so I’m legit.
It wasn’t until I attempted the dance break during Magical Mr. Mistoffelees that I realized:
I’m not in high school anymore... And maybe I should do fouetté turns while drinking.

Fact

If I worked as hard in any other profession, as I have on my creative endeavors, I'd be a millionaire ten times over. 

Letting Go of Yesterday

Moody and insecure,
I spent the day waiting for an answer from The Universe;
When I couldn’t hear Gods voice––I allowed the devil in my head to take control.
The creative process can be dark,
Add the complications and demands of life, and the heavy shadow is cast.
Thankfully, the voice in my head is no match for the spark in my soul––the flicker that woke me up today and said: Create! (And stop judging your work.  That’s the critics job.)

New Flash

If you spend more than three hours a day watching election coverage,
You might have a problem;
When you wake up from a nightmare screaming at Sean Hannity;
You seriously need to get help;
If the first thing you do after you wake up is turn on CNN;
Get help!

Find The Silver

A rolling cloud of darkness,

Invades the sky of my mind;

Cracks of silver remind me that past the violent shadows, there is light.

On Creativity

When you wait for someone to give you permission;
You’ve already missed the opportunity to take a chance.

Rain Day

The rain falls causing a familiar smell from my youth;
Being trapped in a classroom––playing Seven Up––because teachers didn’t want to be outside monitoring the wet, muddy, playground.
Heads down, thumbs up; it was fun for a moment, but the gravity would sink in...
No fresh air today––math class, reading, and an indoor game at your desk?
It’s like telling a child they get to skip school, and then informing them it’s because they have to go to the dentist.
As and adult I LOVE a rain day.
The perfect excuse to stay in my pajamas, curled up on the couch with a book; puppies on either side––sipping hot chocolate.
It’s good to be an adult.
Except for that “work” idea... that part is less fun.

Creative Coercion

Listening to music from my childhood,

Forced inspiration for writing;

Mission accomplished.

CNNooooooo

I’m fascinated by the Republican surrogates––especially the (mostly) blonde women who cheer and champion for a man who continues to attack the opposite sex.
Worse than a train wreck; I can’t turn off the television.
A man so narcissistic, he can simultaneously bash an accuser––based on their appearance––while declaring, “Nobody respects women more than I do.”
I can’t wait for this election to end;
In the meantime, I’m addicted to CNN.

Yoga Sculpt

I can get in touch with my Zen;
While toning my gut,
Now that’s enLIGHTENment.

Morning Ritual

Steam whistling through the tiny holes in a stainless steal tea pot;
The smell of bacon wafts past my nose.
I finish the last sentence in my journal,
Share my daily social media post––and adorable picture of my niece dancing;
And I stare at my computer screen.
Time to pour my emotion onto a blank page,
I’m going to need more bacon.

Six Word Essay on Starbucks

Corporate caffeine is my delicious downfall!

Afterthought...

Guilty,
The day got away––as they tend to do when your brain is overloaded.
Here I sit making excuses;
Forgive my lack of creativity.
...We can't be perfect every day.

Aftermath; Debate

Ego leads his every action––and reaction;
Interjecting and accusing like only a narcissist can.
The louder he gets, the bigger he lies,
Pacing the stage like a child who's lost a little league game;
Shoulders slumped, sniffling, and complaining,
It’s not fair!
His face, usually orange––now bright red with a tint of tangerine.
He is unabashed when he declares to the world that he is a good guy.
We’ve heard him say:
Racists, sexist, unimaginable things.
Remember, your actions speak louder than words.
The most frightening of all,
There are plenty of men––and unfathomable to believe, women, too––who agree with this man.
They are the America of yesterday; thank God.

Sunday

Starbucks,
Church,
Yoga,
Couch.
TV
Sleep
Cuddling my puppies.
I love Sundays.

Caffeine Drip

Drip, drip, drip.
I wait patiently for the dark bold liquid gold.
Impossible for me to brew ideas without caffeine;
Finally the machine rages with steam,
I rush to fill my cup.
If only there was a way to get the caffeine into my veins faster;
Definitely addicted behavior.

Rise and Shine

Not even the leaf blower, trash trucks, or construction on the house next door could stir me out of bed today.
The snooze button on my alarm is mad at me;
I continue to pound my hand down!
I’m up. I’m up;
I just need five more minutes.
I’m motivated to be creative today––I just have to convince my body to get out of bed.

Cinnamon Rolls Around my Waist

Gooey pockets of crystalized sugar and cinnamon;
The buttery vanilla icing drips into the sweet layered dough.
If I had any willpower at all, I would resist the spherical treat,
And avoid the rolls––around my waste.
Instead, I dive in for a second bite.

Disneyland

The best way to find the kid inside;
Is to act like a kid.
How can anyone fight the adventure that awaits at Disneyland.
There’s a reason they call it the Magic Kingdom;
All of the work that I think I need to do,
Will be waiting for me tomorrow.
Today––I’m going to play!

Energy vs. Earning

I spent twenty-five minutes on hold;
Waiting for AT&T to refund a ten dollar credit.
I have to ask myself, “Is the money worth the energy?”
Answer: The money is always worth the effort.
Like my grandma always said, “A penny saved, is a penny earned.”
As long as I have the time––I will fight for every dime that’s mine.

Write Now.

The longer I stare at my blank screen;
The more determined I am to create.
The desire to manifest something from nothing has continued to motivate me as a person and artist.
Now, if only I could convince my hands that I have a story to tell.

Describe Yourself In Three Words:

Passionate.
Loyal.
Outgoing.

Buttery Eggs

I throw three pats of butter into a warm frying pan;
Crack three eggs into a bowl and whisk with a fork.
Once the butter is gooey––but before it starts to sizzle,
I crank up the flame, pour the eggs into the pan and start to fold the eggs feverishly.
Once the eggs are completely cooked, but before they brown, I remove the eggs from the pan and place them on top of a piece of toast that has been adequately covered in butter.
These are the eggs of my youth;
The deliciously, buttery, eggs that my grandpa taught me how to cook.
Please note that eating your eggs like this daily may lead to high cholesterol.

Dear Media: Act Your Age

I started watching the news in high school, in an effort to stay informed, prepare for the “real world”, and to assimilate with the cool artists at the hip coffee houses I would frequent.
As technology advanced, I started collecting my news and current events from other sources––now the iPhone has an app that curates the news and information that might be important to me, based on algorithms I don’t even understand.
So when I turned on CNN today I was shocked.
I spent my life trying to stay informed and educated about world events, meanwhile the “news anchors” and talking heads go out of there way to bring the conversation back to a dialogue I might have heard during a lunch room fight among the cheerleaders and the nerds.
When did the media stop acting their age?

Six Word Essay on Leaf Blowers

The aggressive sound blows my morning!

Let's Go For A Hike!

Dump trucks on their morning route,
Birds chirping,
Squirrels chasing tail,
A black Mercedes speeds down the hill––late for an important meeting––not my problem.
“Slow down!” I yell as the driver passes.
Half jokingly––I stay calm (because it’s a beautiful day, I’m off and he’s not) but seriously––he could have killed someone.
My legs are sore from too much yoga.
This canyon breeze feels so good on my zinc covered face.
I love hiking in LA––it’s good to get out in nature and leave the business behind for awhile.

Burn Out.

My alarm rang all three times;
And all three times I snoozed through it.
I’m normally up before the sun;
I slept in today––the sun is high in the sky.
It’s noon;
My body says, “Thank you for the special treat.”
My mind says, “You wasted my day.”
My heart says, “Balance is key, breathe and move on.”
Still, I feel like a millennial;
Over rested and under motivated.
Time to start my day...

Hollywood; Golden

The sun rises over Sunset Boulevard;
Golden light bounces from the billboards.
Even the movie stars in oversized ads shine in this town.
The bright warm glow offers a false comfort;
Everything is beautiful in Hollywood––until you turn out the lights.

Lazy and Overflowing with Love.

Flopped down on my couch,
I’m ready to binge watch something on Netflix and fall asleep with my puppies; one on each side.
I overdid it in yoga––most a subconscious reaction to the amount of food I’ve been eating.
My stomach growls,
I cannot possibly be hungry;
More likely it’s my body readjusting to the idea of normal consumption.
My mind is obsessing about pizza,
But the love hanging over the side of my sweatpants reminds me that arugula would be a better choice tonight.

Oh, Shoot

Lights, camera, Dance Moms!

I'm sitting between two Broadway divas in a rental car on our way to the theater.

This is our Reality today.

It may not be the most glamorous TV show,

But it's a living! 

There's no business, like faux biz!

Talking Heads

Watching talking heads on the television;
The media never misses an opportunity to exploit a protest or a political cycle, now they have both.
Confused, misinformed, or uneducated soundbites from hysterical––dare I say extremist––they’re a misrepresentation of the America I know, on either side of the aisle.
Opinions on the street––further skewing an agenda.

Pool

Dive into the warmth of an extended summer;
It’s Fall on the calendar––but the heat and humidity would suggest otherwise.
Making the most of the delicious weather lounging by my pool.
Today, heaven is floating on an inflatable raft, while sipping lemonade.

Pros and Cons: Working Out

Pro: I would have more energy.
Con: I would have to get off my couch.
Pro: I would be taking positive action toward changing my body.
Con: I would pass by an In-N-Out Burger––and most likely get a Double Double as a “reward.”
Pro: I would be able to stop at In-N-Out Burger––and eat a Double Double without feeling guilty; because I worked out.
Con: I would have to get off my couch.

Starbucks; Observations

I sit in Starbucks watching people, instead of working.
I’m intrigued by the level of unconsciousness...
I watch a business man pick up crumbs from his lap and hurriedly shove them into his mouth.
A middle-aged women screams into her phone (presumably to a nanny) that her daughter forgot her lunch; she informs the receiver––and everyone else in Starbucks––that she’s on her way to the gym, so they would have to handle it.
A father and his daughter practice “high fives.”
And a muscle man checks out his body via the reflection in the window; he glances to make sure nobody observed this––I laugh in reaction.
The employees shout orders across the bar;
It’s just another Tuesday in Hollywood.

Emmy Inspiration

I endured the lengthy telecast last night looking for inspiration;
I found laughter in a few off-the-cuff jokes that Jimmy Kimmel made,
But more importantly, I found hope while watching so many first time nominees receive praise––in the form of a golden statue––for their achievements.
It’s promising to witness so many “unknown” talents, whom have been hustling for auditions and opportunities to work on television, earn recognition among so many well-know and established actors.
I was motivated in a new way watching the awards this year. I was reminded that no matter how old you are, what your race or sexual orientation––if you focus on the content, work hard, and stay relentless––everyone has an opportunity to succeed in the business of show!

Acknowledge the Present

Sometimes––when I’m feeling sad or I’ve give weight to the thoughts in my head––I allow myself to live in a space of negativity.
A destructive habit that feeds my ego, especially because I know that nothing creative or productive is cultivated in the type of energy.
With one breath and a gentle reminder, I identify the issue causing my negativity, release the fear, accept the current circumstances for what they are, and take action to get back on track.
The simple act of acknowledgement inspires positive action, creativity, and the ability to see that the past and future are no match for the present.

Media Madness

After spending the better part of my morning watching clips of this past weeks political coverage and commentary––I’ve come to the conclusion that:
The collective media has about as much control as a five-year-old kid in a candy shop––and even less concern about the longterm effect of their irresponsible behavior and the impact of this country––than a cigarette smoker has regard for their lungs.

The Mountain and The Mutt

The  warm mound of laundry––fresh from the dry––piled atop my couch;
My Shih-Tzu, Lily, conquers the fluffy hill, burying her head underneath the clean scent of fabric softener;
She disappears into the sea of sweatpants and is lost in the comfort of cotton.
I can’t blame her, even my workout clothes are very fashionable.

Let's Go For A Hike

Hiking through the canyons of LA I realized;
I love nature,
I don’t like rocks in my shoes,
Jackhammers are twice as loud at 8am,
And it’s better to stretch before a three mile hike––unless you enjoy muscle spasms.

Snooze

My internal alarm clock won't hit snooze;

When I'm up, I'm up.

I just need one more minute—it's like high school all over again.

Truth on Tour® (Again) 3.6

Now it's time to play, "Which Line Will Be Longer: TSA or Starbucks?"

The art of airport traveling; you have to make it enjoyable—or you'll turn into an evil monster. 

Truth on Tour® (Again) 3.5

I woke up this morning overwhelmed and humbled by the passion, honesty, and energy I felt during my residency with the concert dancers at Slippery Rock University.
We don’t always get to do what we love;
Some people never––and I make my living following my dreams.
I have been blessed with a lifetime of creative adventures;
I don’t take that for granted.
As much as I despises traveling––no matter how turbulent the journey can be sometimes––I am always grateful.

Truth on Tour® (Again) 3.4

Fifteen years ago;
I woke up to my roommate sobbing––shock, horror, fear, sadness, and confusion became our reality.
Never forget––became a motto for America;
And then, as time passed––the pain and sorrow, that was such a part of our day to day life, subsided.
But when I close my eyes and remember back fifteen years ago (which feels like yesterday), I remember every detail––I morn the loss of all of the innocent victims, I salute the lives of our heroes, and I pray for a country United again.

Truth on Tour® (Again) 3.3

Six hours of rehearsal yesterday;
Lends itself to an unwillingness to get out of bed today!
On the count of three I have to get up!
1. 2. Hits snooze––twenty minutes pass––3.
I’m up and in the shower.
Time to make the donuts!

Truth on Tour® (Again) 3.2

I woke up with that feeling of excitement and nervous energy––my stomach feels like I’m on a roller coaster at a Six Flags amusement park.
Working with new dancers is always a joy; the balance of trust, creativity, and enthusiasm––hard work, sweat, and hopefully NO tears.
I love sharing stories in which ever form I have the means;
Today I will channel that bright-eyed young man who moved to New York full of idealism and showmanship and work through twenty-years of insecurities and breakthroughs!

Truth On Tour® (Again) 3.1

The wake up call always comes too early;

My mind is up—my body will be after Advil.

Truth On Tour® (Again) 3.0

The fluorescent lighting of TSA reminded me that I'm back after a short reprieve; my life on tour continues.

Leaving my family in LA—I will miss the laughter and love.

Instead I'll find comfort in collaborating with creative dancers.

This trip will mark my first full-length concert dance piece; both exciting and overwhelming, but I'm ready for this journey! 

It's the packed airplane that has me sweating.

Back to School

The fall is here;

Big yellow buses line up along the school yard.

At thirty-eight years old, I still feel the anticipation and weight of September.

Summer is over—and so are the vacations, swim days, midday movies, and lazy TV watching.

The joy of picking out my "first day" outfit; first impressions count!

Meeting new friends, maneuvering around campus and classes; too much homework.

As an adult I appreciate the return of fall;

Crisp weather, layered clothing, and reading a book cozied up by the fireplace.

Occasionally waking up in a panic about finishing homework—and then I remember that I work for myself, and all is well! 

Family

A year ago today, we were celebrating my sisters birthday in a rehabilitation center;
Honoring her life––while she was fighting for her life.
Overnight, a virus took away her ability to walk, talk, or hold her daughter.
My sister has always been a fighter.
Her tough exterior guards her sensitive and loyal heart.
Some of our family doubted in her ability to recover––I never lost Faith;
They don’t know my sister like I do.
A childhood spent in pure laughter or passionate fighting; neither one of us is afraid of extremes; but we always had each others back.
We moved around a lot when we were younger, so she was always my best friend.
When we became adults we were both preoccupied with building our own future––and forgot to check in with one another.
My sister’s hospitalization was a wake-up call for me;
This indépendant, talented, intelligent, creative, emotional, women––mother, daughter, sister, and friend, is one of the most important people in my life.
My love for her is unconditional and pure.
I’m so grateful that she has made a full recovery––the future looks bright;
But all we really have is the present, which is perfect, because it’s my sisters birthday. Happy Birthday Shiree. I love you.

Grown Up Sunday

Starbucks and a walk with the puppies;

Church.

Yoga.

A two-year old's birthday party;

Bed.

(Please notice the lack of brunch with friends.)

Welcome to adulthood.

Find Yourself

There are plenty of people who will tell you why you won’t be able to accomplish a goal;
Even more who will remind you of your limitations––they see them as flaws––and believe they are helping you.
There is no use correcting their judgments––and even less use in proving them wrong;
Instead, surround yourself with people who inspire you––challenge you to do more than you think your capable of; the reward is not in achieving the victory, but in the pursuit of finding yourself in the dream.

Random Thoughts.

It’s midday and I’ve done very little;
Searching for creativity or motivation can be challenging on a Friday.

Programmed childhood patterns remind us that the weekend is near.
I want to be successful––at letting go.

Balance comes naturally; sometimes.
And then there are those moments when you have to force a hand.

Now, I’m going to force myself downward;
Dog––in yoga.
Maybe then I’ll have a clear mind and return to what I love.

Sofa vs. Bed

My pillow-top bed calls out;
Jealous of my down-wrapped sofa sectional.
Both have comforted––encouraged even––my Netflix addiction until the early hours of the morning;
But only one can provide the proper lumbar support necessary for a successful day of yoga.

Waiting Rooms

The smell of sick;

Annoyed receptions;

Phone calls—that should be placed outside—happening in the chair next to you, describing in full detail the sex life of a random stranger;

Magazines askew on a coffee table—but not one worth reading;

A toddler shuffles along from chair to chair, equally distributing his slobber and germs;

The door opens, your name is called—time to go sit and wait some more. 

Automated Call Centers!!!

The rage I experience when dealing with automated call centers is un-chartable.
Testing the growth and knowledge from every inspirational book and zen–yoga–mind–body–soul practice I’ve ever encountered.
There is no breath deep enough to help me move past the faux-human MONSTER that refuses to have a conversation with me;
No, I don’t want to press one––and thank you for pressing every boundary I’ve attempted to create, so as to stay in a happy place.

Dance Life

Standing in a room full of talented artists who tell stories with their bodies;
Men and women who have inspired me on my journey as a dancer–turned–choreographer, I take a deep breath and smile––I’m standing shoulder to shoulder with my heroes and we’re connecting, laughing, and sharing our passion.
We’re gathered to celebrate movement on television––and without it, where would I have found my passion?
I grew up in front of a TV set; studying the moves of my favorite actors, singers, and dancers; now I’m collaborating with them.
#DreamComeTrue

Now and Zen.

My morning used to start with caffeine;
Now it starts with a deep breath in and an inspirational thought––and then a big cup of caffeine!
I think any Zen master would agree: Balance is everything.

Lap-Dogs Will Be Catty

I’m watching my dogs fight over the food bowl;
Neither one is very interested in eating––it’s just a competition to see who can out intimidate the other––so basically it’s like a catfight on America’s Next Top Model.

Creativity; You Have to Do The Work.

Sitting on the floor in my living room staring at a blank computer screen;
Sometimes I’d rather see that annoying Macintosh rainbow hamster wheel––because at least then I’d know someone (or thing) was thinking.
Creative writing is like throwing a dinner party; it all sounds fun until you actually start doing the work––once your guests show up you all get drunk and have a fabulous time, when it’s over you have to clean up the mess and you swear you’ll never do it again––and then a few weeks later you miss the idea of a dinner party.

Hotel Hideaway.

Not even the luxurious pool can entice me into the scorching heat of the desert;
I’m swimming in a sea of blankets and shaded by blackout curtains in my hotel room today; because sometimes vacation is a date with room services and HBO programming.

Palm Springs Mini Vaca

I walked outside and my flip-flops melted to the sidewalk;
My head beaded up with droplets of sweat and my pits are soaking wet.
It’s the perfect poolside retreat.
I’m off with a book in my hand, zinc on my face and a handful of drink tickets:
Bartender I’ll take the bottomless Pina Colada’s please!
I love a mini vacation.

Balance

Breath

Alignment 

Light

Awareness

Nonresistance 

Calm

Engaged 

Find Your Light

The light is easy to find when you’re standing in darkness;
Often we run towards it naturally, as a way out.
But when we’ve hit the height of the day––people are tempted to run from the illuminating energy and seek shadows; afraid of what might be uncovered.
Those who remain exposed shine brighter.

Sunday

Coffee time with my family;
Our puppies cuddled in our laps––as we sip our caffeine and catch up on the current state of our lives.
We sit and read the news (online, of course) and discuss the fate of the world––just like grandma and grandpa used to do.
Lazily, we make our way to the bathroom and start to groom ourselves for whatever the day holds in store:
I may go to yoga––if I can rally and remind myself how accomplished I’ll feel afterwards;
Or, I might skip yoga and go to brunch with a friend instead.
I’ll need to find time to be with God––in His house or mine––it makes no difference, I just need to connect; it’s always beneficial to remember that there is a power greater than I can imagine in control.
In the meantime, I sit quietly on our sofa taking stock in the blessings I have. There’s no pressure to overachieve or attend to anything other than the present.

Moms Are The Best!

My mom leaves town today;
I’ll do my best to focus on the adventures we shared while she was visiting––rather than being sad that she has to go.
Her love and support have helped me shine through every single journey I’ve walked.
But what I miss most when she’s not here, is her sense of humor––her contagious laugh is like an opera.
My heart is warm when her eyes sparkle with a wild thought or cleaver remark;
Every witty bone in my body was passed down from her.
We both like to shop, too.
And of course, I will miss our quality coffee talks!
I love you mom.

Mani Pedi With Mom

A trip to the spa with my mom;
Bonding over a manicure and pedicure with a champagne toast.
Because who doesn’t love being pampered?
My mom has always been a fabulous shopping buddy, I’m a lucky guy––and I have the soft hands and shiny toenails to prove it.

Day Off

Everyone needs a break;

The food and sleep was great.

Lights. Camera. Action!

The rehearsals are done;
Lines are learned,
Costumes have been fitted;
I look the part.
Working with a talented cast and crew;
Today is a dream that will live for eternity on film––well actually it’s digital––but still, you get the point.
Rolling!

Rehearsal

I love the dark cool vacuum of a soundstage;
Scattered pieces of scenery––half familiar sets from movies and television shows you love.
The smell of burning lights.
Avoiding craft services to and from the dressing rooms––do you want to be in shape on camera or not?
Performers gathered in a corner of the set reviewing the choreography;
Laughter ensues, while I try not to sweat through my costume.
And then, action!
I love being on a set––living my childhood dream.

Forget Your Troubles...

Come on get happy!

Happiness requires the difficult ability to let go—and move on.

Becoming aware of the underlying anger is the first step; releasing it is the hard part.

But once this happens, you are present again.

Feeling Blessed

Early morning drive through Los Angeles;

The city is calm—I inhale the landscape and survey my life:

Family and friends are healthy;

I continue to follow my dreams and receive opportunities to grow as an artist;

And I seek balance through faith and awareness in the present.

Life is great.

Truth on Tour: 2.7

Goodbye's are always rough;

Working with so many talented people in such a short amount of time—you develope a unique artistic bond.

Emotions are high; our paths have crossed for a special reason, and I'm sure we'll cross again.

Until then, I hold fond memories.

Now, back to my family!

Truth on Tour: 2.6

Today is the last day with my Dance United family;
There are some jobs that are work––and others that are a pure joy.
Whether teaching class, sharing late night conversation with likeminded choreographers, or experiencing an adventurous hayride; every moment is filled with inspiration, laughter, and light.
Whenever I’m surrounded by the collaborative energy of these artists, my spirit soars.
Life on tour is always brilliant when the people you’re working with are seeking the same creative journey.

Truth on Tour: 2.5

When more than three choreographers gather by a pool two things happen:
A dialogue about transitions, technique vs. performance, and a terminology exchange;
And a choreographed water show in the pool.
I thoroughly enjoyed another fabulous evening with artists from around the world.

Truth on Tour: 2.4

The days are filled with dance;
The nights are loaded with food, friends, and more dance...
In my mind I feel eighteen;
Physically I feel like a grandpa––but I push through.
My soul feels alive, grateful, and at peace.

Truth on Tour: 2.3

The only disadvantage to working with talented choreographers and dancers from around the world is that once you’ve gathered for creative conversation and laughter––with plenty of wine involved––no one wants to go to bed.
I may not be getting enough sleep, but I’m having a marvelous time bonding with talented, intelligent, thoughtful people; and with all of that creative energy, who needs sleep?

Truth on Tour: 2.2

Waking up in your friends house instead of a hotel room, is a much more peaceful way to start in a new city.
A home cooked meal,
Soak in the hot tub,
Wine and lively conversation,
And crash in a comfortable bed, while watching Netflix.
It’s going to be a brilliant week.

Truth on Tour: 2.0

Standing in front of the gate agent desk for United;

First in line—but aware of the shady businessmen who congregate in the vicinity waiting to pounce, "I just have a quick question" they say.

Patiently I wait as they beg for their First Class upgrade.

Shameless—it's what I loath about society; entitlement.

A Trip to the Beach: Check List

Sunscreen with Zinc;
Two luxury terrycloth oversized beach towels––one for sunbathing and one to dry off with;
Healthy (but still savory) snacks;
A large bottle of water to stay hydrated;
A stylish but functional hat––to guard against skin damage;
A juicy summer book;
Several trashy tabloid magazines to warm-up the conversation;
An external speaker with BlueTooth technology;
A light summer hoodie for the crisp ocean breeze;
A positive attitude.
Summertime is meant for sand, sea, sun, and seriously outrageous laughter with friends!

Boy Scout Motto

Be Positive?!
I was a Boy Scout––and prior to that a Cub Scout––for over ten years;
I learned a lot: how to hold a knife, pitch a tent, climb mountains, cook in high altitudes, flirt with boys, and Be Prepared.
I can’t remember if be “Be Positive” is one of the Scout motto’s or not––but it should be.
I spent the better part of my twenties over-planning, worrying too much, and trying to force “life” to happen.
I’m so grateful that as I continue my journey as an artists and human being, that I’m learning the true meaning of life: Be Present.
To remain aware in each moment––a skill that requires positivity.
Regardless of the set back or situation, a positive mind set enables me to focus on the moment at hand; this in turn provides me with the ability to achieve my goals and stay committed to my resolutions.
The Boy Scouts taught me to Be Prepared––Faith has taught me that no amount of preparation will serve me better than a positive approach to living in the present.

A Day of Rest

Even on my days off I end up working.
Today, I’m hiding from the world, which includes:
Turning of my iPhone,
Ignoring my emails,
Avoiding social medial,
Hiding from responsibility,
Dodging my agents request for self-submissions,
Skipping yoga (okay maybe I’ll go to yoga––but only because I find the meditative exercise relaxing),
And binge watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Life is short: Find balance.

Find the Light

No, I’m not quoting Tyra Banks––in order to capture that perfect moment on film, models and actors have to “find their light”.
Imagine if the human collective could find the light, too.
Darkness exists everywhere––if you don’t believe me just turn on Fox News or CNN––depending on the angle you learn towards, you will see a slanted representation of anger, fear-based analysis, exploited “victims”, and sensationalized drama.
Too many people live in fear because it’s what they’re told to believe; conditioned over time to hate and challenge anyone who looks or thinks differently from them.
Now imagine if we (society) started to shine a positive spin on the spin cycle.  What if we took positive action––however small––against every negative emotionally charged circumstance that we are witness to?
In total darkness, even the smallest crack of light is enough to lead us to a way out.

Back on the Mat

After traveling for five weeks straight––with very little time for meditation or exercise; I’m looking forward to getting back into yoga.
It’s time to get downward-dog and get upward with my spirits.
The calming, peaceful, grounded experience that transcends work, ambition, and stress;
When I’m back on the mat––my life makes sense.

That's A Wrap

I'm saying goodbye to my fifth city in four weeks;

I'm officially exhausted.

Grateful for the opportunity to share my passion with future performers—I've continued to remind myself that a positive attitude is the best defense against the pitfalls of life on the road.

Still, I'm grateful that I've successfully completed another leg of my tour;

Only one more city, and then I get to take a break!

NYC Summer

The scorching heat and intense humidity;
How anyone looks good in the summertime is beyond me.
I shower, dress, and walk out of the comfort of a climate controlled apartment––and I’m a hot sweaty mess!

The Past

The past is behind us, and we all know that there’s nothing you can do to change that.
So it’s odd that artists spend so much time living in the distant memory of a life they’ve already lived.
I’m currently in the process of completing my second book; no small task.  Especially because this book is a very personal account of the crazy adventures  and random circumstances I’ve encountered in my life thus far.
In order to accurately convey my story, I’ve spent a lot of time reliving terrible moments in my life––similar to re-watching any movie from the 80′s––you know there’s comedy somewhere in the mix; but you have to sift through a lot of shit before you get to the gold.
Essential I’m examining my life from a more clear point of view, and the majority of events that have transpired feel almost dreamlike.
“That couldn’t have really happened to me, did it?”
The answer, of course, is always, YES.
That was your life and somehow you maneuvered around it.  Once I wrap my mind around that, I continue writing.
It’s oddly gratifying to liberate myself from past indiscretions; and also heartbreaking to relive a tragic moment.
In the end, the truth will always set me free.

Well Rested

I just slept for ten solid hours;
My obvious reaction––I must have really needed the sleep.
But I can hear my grandpa saying, “You can never catch up on sleep.”
He may have been correct with his evaluation, but my body begs to differ.
I feel so well rested and fresh;
I’m ready to conquer the day––and it’s a good thing too, because I’m teaching in a very big workshop in New York City!

Starbucks NYC

It’s been fourteen years since I’ve lived in New York City;
And it’s as if no time has passed as I write from the Starbucks on 40th and Lexington Avenue.
This was not my “home” Starbucks, but aren't they all the same?
I spent so many hours of my life (pre-marriage) journaling, dreaming, and plotting my career path in a Starbucks;
Surrounded by strangers who felt like family at Starbucks––we all shared common themes: aspiring actor–writer–director–students–without–air conditioning in the summer heat.
Which is very similar to my circumstances today.
While I’m much older––and can actually afford air-conditioning now; I am in a city that I no longer have a home––so I found solace in my family at Starbucks.
In between meetings and meeting up with friends, I happily hack away at my computer––finishing a chapter in my new book, and catching up on emails.
The traffic is at a standstill, but my creativity is in full-force;
That’s the beauty of New York––once you're here, you can’t fight the energy.
I’m delighted to visit NYC for a trip down memory lane, however, I’m so grateful that I achieved my goals in this city––with nothing to prove here––I enjoy visiting friends, working my gig, and returning home to my family!
I enjoy NYC, I LOVE LA.

River Walk with the Puppies

My dogs are always so eager to get out of the house;
Which is odd in this heat––I’m doing everything I can to stay in the arctic confine of my sixty-eight degree climate-controlled house.
If I even walk past the puppy drawer my Shih-Tzu, Lily, goes crazy––she knows where the harness is stored and she is ready!
After sleeping in until 7:30AM, I decided it was still early enough to go for a short walk along the Los Angeles river.
Once I was dressed and lathered from head-to-toe with SPF 100 with zinc, I gathered the puppies and we embarked on our journey.

Within three blocks of our house, my Yorkie, Ginger, had given up: she made her business and then demanded––via digging all four feet firmly into the scorching sand beneath her––that she received princess status in my arms.
Lily, on the other hand, was ready to trek the miles of California foliage that lined the riverbed; in search of a scent that was yet to be discovered.

Finally, after thirty minutes in the heat, Lily laid down in defeat.  Eager to get home, but not thrilled about carrying two furry creatures in the blazing sun, I found the shadiest path possible and laboriously made my way home.

Now inside the freezer box, I see Lily eyeing me, “Daddy, don’t ever make us do that again.”  My thoughts exactly.

Recovery Road

How many days does it take to recover from a three week tour across the country?
I might be able to answer this question more honestly if I weren’t so busy sleeping.
I’ve spent the past three days in and out of a bear–like hibernation; where I used to wake up early and conquer the world in three hours, I find myself accomplishing the smallest of tasks: like emptying the dishwasher––followed with a two-hour nap on the couch.
My grandpa used to tell me that you could never catch up on time––I’m not sure if that is scientifically proven (and I’m too lazy to open a new search window to Google it) but it makes sense.
How on earth am I supposed to recover from a month of fourteen hour days?
I need a vacation!
Instead, I’m going back out on the road.
No one said the glamorous life was easy.  Work hard, play hard, and sleep when you’re dead.

Back On Track

I’m not a total slacker, but it’s hard waking up early when I don’t “have to.”
While I was out on tour, I had set call-times that I couldn’t miss;
Now that I’m home, it’s a challenge to set an alarm.
My body wants to catch up on my sleep deprivation––but my brain knows that you can never recover from lost sleep.
I’m no stranger to a schedule and I know that accountability is key to success;
Now if I could just convince my body to accept its fate and get out of bed!

I'm Home!

Waking up in my own bed;
Puppies on either side––cuddling me with unconditional love.
After three weeks on the tour I feel recharged, but not yet ready for more;
Thankfully, I have three days in Los Angeles, before I go back out on the road.
The life of an artist is often lonely and always grueling.
On the one hand, we get to express ourselves through writing, dancing, painting, or performing––hopefully inspiring an emotion or thought provoking reaction in others; what we forget is how taxing that energy is to cultivate and distribute.
I’m always elated to share my journey;
And even more delighted when my journey brings me home.

Truth on Tour: Day 24

I slept through three alarms and a back-up wake up call;

After receiving a friendly (and slightly panicked) Facebook messenger call at 3:05AM—I shoved my toiletries in my suitcase, threw on my clothes   (which were preset—of course) and I was in the lobby by 3:15AM.

Arrived at the airport with plenty of time, and even in a rush the only thing I left behind was my Apple headphones.

A small price to pay—considering my emergence escape from my hotel room happened in total darkness.

I have three days at home, before I'm back on a plane; the glamorous life is truly insane. 

Truth on Tour: Day 23

Four cities in three weeks;
Hotel rooms have become my new home––thankfully tomorrow I return to my family and life in LA.
The pause button is pressed on the road;
Friends, family, and projects continue without you.
I set resolutions in an effort to stay focused on the positive aspects of my time away from loved ones––no distraction or goal is great enough to completely soothe the hardship that distance creates.
Still I found time to create, laugh, meditate, develop new friendships, perform, and collect a paycheck.
Life is full of tradeoffs;
Some are harder than others.
When I left Los Angeles I was overwhelmed at the daunting schedule that I had committed to; but I reminded myself to stay present and focus on one day at a time––in doing so, I found balance every day and the opportunity to evolve as a person and artist.
There is nothing more liberating than the power of awareness and the freedom of making a choice: stay present and make the best of every circumstance.

Truth on Tour: Day 22

Today is my last day of work on tour;
I get paid to sit at a table with industry professionals and share fun stories while watching the next generation of talented performers take stage.
It’s been a whirlwind journey full of laughter, creativity, backstage drama, egos, attitudes, adventures, and love.
Life on the road is not for everyone––I’m thankful that as I’ve grown older, I’ve learned how to us my time thoughtfully and continue to evolve as a person and an artist.
I’m not sure if I’m eager to sign up for another creative project that takes me away from my family and our home for more than a week; but like every true gypsy, I’ll decide that in the moment,

Truth on Tour: Day 21

Gearing up for another twelve–hour day in the theater;
After getting a solid four hours of sleep.
I’m ready to face the day with: positive energy and a lot of coffee.
Sometimes balance requires caffeine.

Truth on Tour: Day 20

My time on tour is almost done;
It’s hard to believe I’ve been away from home for a month.
Once you’re on the road you lose track of time and the days all feel like one gigantic scene in a movie––you wake up and you feel like you’ve already finished the scene, and the director is calling for another take.
Growing up I dreamed of this life; traveling, performing, late-night parties, hosted events, and the money––don’t forget the money.
I don’t take for granted how blessed I’ve been to travel the world; my childhood dream has been actualized as a career.
It’s remarkable what a person can accomplish when they believe that nothing is impossible.
I’m grateful that I knew what I wanted for my life at a very early age––moreover, I am incredibly thankful that I had a loving, supportive family and was surrounded by inspirational mentors who believed in me.
So, as my time on tour wraps up I can say without hesitation that I made the most of every day.  I stayed present, positive, creative, healthy––and though I worked hard, I enjoyed fun activities, too.
The best part, I am returning home to a loving family, a beautiful home, money in the bank, and a manuscript that is three chapters closer to being complete!

Truth on Tour: Day 19

When you have an omelette station in your green room before call time;
You wake up extra early to ensure your spot in the line.
Little things like warm, fresh food have the impact of three hours of sleep––so I’ll gladly lose an hour of shuteye to gain that eggsellent energy!
Plus, that leaves me even more time to make my trek to Starbucks, and when you’re staring down a fourteen hour day in the theater––that little green mermaid logo becomes your best friend.

Truth on Tour: Day 18

A brisk walk outdoors in Lake Tahoe is the perfect way to start a week of ruling hours;
Finding balance is difficult in life––and can be even more so when you’re on the road working in close proximity with the same people, doing the same job over and over again.  Some might call it insanity.
Luckily I’ve stayed on course with my daily resolutions and continue to find time to laugh, be creative, exercise, and get out of the theater.
Even now, as I’m sitting at the Starbucks in Heavenly Village I feel at peace;
Surrounded by gorgeous mountains and a pristine lake––how could I not be present?

Truth on Tour: Day 17

I haven't been to bed yet;

After wrapping our third city, we returned to our respective holding locations—where I sat up with a colleague and finalized the schedule for our next show.

Our car arrived at 3:30AM to deliver us to Newark Airport, where I now sit in an unopened knockoff version of a trendy New York eatery; a blaring security alarm penetrates my brain—reminding me that I haven't slept in well over twenty-four hours.

I struggle sleeping on airplanes, so today should be a fabulous test in mediation, patience, and kindness.

I dreamed about this life—and I'm living it; however glamorous may or may not be.

Truth on Tour: Day 16

There are times when you just need to blow off steam and let your hair down;
You can always count on the lively people on the East Coast to encourage a wild and crazy night.
I partied like a rock star last night––thankfully I was able to sleep in today.
Also cool, today is the end of the third city; three down, one to go!
Life tends to feel as though it moves faster when you’re on the road.
Probably because there are days when you never leave the hotel lobby, so you never know if it’s light or dark outside.
Yesterday, when we were finished with our show, I walked outside and like a vampire on True Blood I cringe when I saw the sun––this cannot be a positive reaction; I’ll be happy when that glowing ball of energy in the sky is a series regular in my life again.

Truth on Tour: Day 15

Past halfway;
The home stretch!
Staying focused, creative, and accountable.
A smile and some positivity goes a long way.

Truth on Tour: Day 15

Remember:
When the wake-up calls get tough, and you feel like blowing them off and sleeping in;
Remember how good it feels to accomplish your creative goals before going to be creative for someone else.

Truth on Tour: Day 14

Yesterday I was off my game;
I had a bad day––and I could not find my way back to a positive outlook.
Fourteen days into the tour; today marks my half-way point.
That’s cause enough to celebrate!  It’s also my anniversary and I’m away from home.
When you’re working, socializing, and sleeping (in the same hotel room) with the same people for an extended period of time––and you’re not married to them––things are bound to get bumpy.
Thankfully, I climbed out of my negative slump and I’m ready to laugh again.
I used my complaint card (we all get one on tour) and now it’s time to build a bridge and get over it.
No one wants to be around a bitter, jaded diva––unless you’re married to Shannen Doherty and you’re just after the money...

Truth on Tour: Day 13

Finding peace in chaos;
Meditation is possible, even with excess noise.
Breathe,
Tune-out,
Release,
Trust,
Focus,
Commit to the resolutions that have encouraged positive and creative energy.
Seeking balance is key to establish a drama-free time on tour;
When the cast and crew start to complain––shut up and walk away;
Nothing good will come from gossip––this isn’t the CW Network,
And I’ve got more important things to do.

Truth on Tour: Day 12

I’m eating an un-toasted bagel and drinking burnt black coffee, crouched behind a banquet-style folding table covered with a standard polyester hotel tablecloth; on top piles of merchandise stacked in neat piles is ready to be pillaged by hundreds of dance moms.
I have four hours of “downtime” until I teach a master class; with hundreds of eager young dancers––all just like I used to be: talented, idealistic, and hungry for fame.

If they only knew that the road to fame is paved in a swirly-mustard patterned stained ballroom carpet at [NAME ANY POPULAR HOTEL ACROSS THE COUNTRY].


Not that I’m complaining, I have loved every moment of my career––and I continue to remain grateful for every opportunity I get; sometimes they come with red-carpet treatment, and sometimes you’re just delighted that the carpet doesn’t have (many) unidentifiable red stains.

Truth on Tour: Day 11

Travel day;

There's always someone who sleeps in—while the rest of us sit on the bus complaining.

Airport TSA,

The line at the airport Starbucks,

Boarding with group 5,

Accepting the inevitable—that man who looks like he ate Big Foot—is sitting in your row, next to you.

The only day off between shows is spent traveling, this is the glamorous life.

Truth on Tour: Day 10

The last day in a city is always a blur;
Once you’re in the tour-machine you forget which day it is.
Alarms programed to wake you up in time for every event, show, and rehearsal.
When I stop and take a breath––I realize I’m almost to the halfway mark;
And then an alarm goes off, reminding me that it’s time to get back to work.

Truth on Tour: Day 9

Another early call;
Getting it all squeezed in.
I peel my eyes open and convince myself to get to work.
Sometimes balance requires sacrifice.

Truth on Tour: Day 8

The earlier the wake-up call;
The more disciplined you have to be.
Get up,
Get out of bed;
Get on your feet.
It’s pouring rain––the heavy drops collide into our window;
Echoing the tears in my heart.

Truth on Tour: Day 7

Gathered around the campfire; melting marshmallows and dripping chocolate––I resisted the temptation of S’more’s.  Anyone who knows me can attest, that was no small feat.
Celebrating Independence Day––or any holiday––away from home is often challenging; in a sick way, I crave the typical family bickering whenever I hear an explosion in the sky.
Like one of Pavlov’s Dogs, my mouth salivates for potato salad, dill pickles, hotdogs, and a family argument.
Last night the company gathered for music, delicious food, and a lot of laughter; just like home, minus the fireworks.

Truth on Tour: Day 6

One show down, four to go;
I stayed on target with my resolutions to remain healthy, creative, and positive.
No easy task while working a full-time show, too.
Finding balance has always been something I strive toward––only occasionally achieving it in my day-to-day life.
Thankfully, as I grow older, I find more room for acceptance and less resistance.
The grasshopper is finally becoming the grass?! Or something Zen like that.

Truth on Tour: Day 5

I was so eager to get up and get my day started that I nicked myself shaving;
Never use a razor when you’re in a hurry.
My face turned into one of those artificially flavored, yet juicy Gushers––the blood wouldn’t stop; so now I’m walking around with a wad of toilette paper on my face.
The good news is that we’re on camera today; so much for my extreme close up!

Truth on Tour: Day 4

Our show finished early yesterday; I stepped outside the theater door and I thought I was going to evaporate True Blood style.
It was a rare and precious opportunity to get outside while it was still light; not willing to waste a moment––I gathered with an intimate group of friends and we walked along the River Walk.
When I write “walk”, what I should mention is that dancers never walk, we choreographed an impromptu show––yoga video shoot included––while Plus-sized tourists gathered in curiosity; less like a zoo, more like a car accident.
After our spectacular spectacle we decided to enjoy a fancy dinner at an upscale (and delicious) American bistro.
I gorged on a steak that was prepared to perfection: with a ton of butter and salt; as passer-byes would stop and ask, “Are you those yoga people?”
Yes, I’d mumble with salty carcass falling from my mouth; it was a great night!

Truth on Tour: Day 3

I’m up.
It’s too early, but I woke up––I’m alive; which is a great thing.
It would be really difficult to pursue my dreams if I were dead.
I don’t remember the first time I heard the expression, “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” But I understand the wise words from either John Lennon or Allen Saunders, depending on what you believe on Google.
Humans spend so much time thinking, dreaming, scheming––looking for our purpose; even those who were born with a burning passion, a genius mind, or a remarkable talent sometimes forget the beauty of life.
Today is here; use it, or lose it.

Truth on Tour: Day 2

I woke up early and eager;
Yesterday I managed to accomplish all of my daily resolutions:
Post social media content, spend time writing my new book, give myself a yoga class, find time to read, journal, and still somehow I was able to work.
In order to achieve these tasks, I’ve accepted that I have to wake up before the sun comes out.
My body wants sleep, but my soul needs to feel fulfilled;
Sometimes balance requires compromise––while on tour, it comes in the form of a baker’s wake-up call.
...It’s time to make the donuts!

Truth on Tour: Day 1

The alarm rang ten minutes after I woke up;

It's rare that I get a good nights sleep before a travel day.

Showered, dressed, and kissed the puppies goodbye.

We arrived to an empty airport—apparently the only time LAX is calm: 4AM.

I reacted like a First grader when they lose their favorite toy when I discovered that Starbucks was closed, and wouldn't open until after we take off.

The drama continued when I realized that I'm going to be on a three hour flight sitting next to a man who smells like Robert Downey Jr's breath (before rehab.)

This is #TheGlamorousLife!

Life on Tour

I'm hours away from embarking on a four week tour of the US; teaching, choreographing, and adjudicating dancers in glamorous cities like New York, Chicago, Atlantic City, and San Antonio.

As if the idea of spending a month living out of a bag, eating lukewarm convention food, and tolerating the needless body pat-downs from power hungry TSA agents doesn't make you think twice about my chosen line of profession—imagine leaving your cuddly puppies, comfortable pillow-topped bed, and of course my husband.

Like a high school Math team, I've spent the past week trying to mentally prepare for my TOURnament, with meditation, "to-do" lists, and creating projects that will keep me distracted while away from home.

One of those projects is a daily account of my life on the road; my objective with Truth on Tour, is to stay positive and creative through a series of quips, videos, pictures, and blog posts.

With any luck, I'll be so overwhelmed with creativity and brilliant energy, that I won't be so consumed with missing my family.

But for today, I'm going to enjoy a puppy in my lap and the other cuddling up next to me!

A Trip to the Mall

Sometimes spending money encourages me to make more money! 

The Power of Positivity

Light and dark;
Positive and negative;
Good and evil;
The ability to remain present requires acknowledging the difficult task we face as people––the power of choice; to allow other people or circumstances to effect our ego, or release it and stay present.
Grandpa always said, “If you want to be happy, be happy.” Equally that must mean, “If you want to be unhappy, be unhappy.”
The choice is ours.

Reminder

I woke up and started writing in my journal (as I do every morning) and I started to feel overwhelmed––which is the opposite feeling that I expect when I’m releasing my emotions on a blank page.
I took a step back and realized that I was thinking about the next four weeks on tour; how long I was going to be out of town, and how little creative time I’ll have for my writing, acting, and choreography projects.
I paused and released the fear; I reminded myself that life is full of opportunity––when I give myself the opportunity to stay present and focus on what’s in front of me.
Release the past, let go of the future, and shine today.

Zen Accountability

In an effort to stay present on tour, while also finding time to exercise my body and my mind, I'm going to start a new social media experiment; which will encourage me to meditate and simultaneously maintain my mental and physical strength.
#TenMinuteYogaOnTour
The idea is simple: Whether I’m in an airport waiting for a connecting flight or in the Green Room waiting to go on stage; there is no reason why I cannot find ten minutes in every day to be mindful.  The bonus is that I can stay connected socially and encourage others to take positive steps in their mental, physical, and spiritual health, too.
I haven’t worked out all of the details, and I’m not entirely certain how to incorporate an interactive social presence––but like every new adventure, the path will become clear once I start the journey.
Regardless of the success of this new yoga based social experiment; I know that I will stay accountable and aware of my overall health––and that is a Zensation!

Outlook is Everything

I woke up later than I’d like to on my day off;
At first, I was upset and I started to think about all of the things I “needed” to do before I could actually “enjoy” my free time––and then I remembered how easy it can be to release all of the pressure, and just start doing things.
My grandpa used to say, “If you want to be happy, be happy.”
Yes, it really can be that simple––if you understand that we have a choice;
I can continue to tell myself that I’ve wasted time and the day is ruined, or I can remind myself that I was able to get the sleep my body felt it needed and now I can be more present during my tasks.
Life is short, and it goes by fast––be here now, and find happiness in whatever the circumstance may be.

Clear Mind

The last thing I want to do on my day off is clean; especially when I'm getting ready to go on tour for a month—leaving behind my family at home.

I wanted to spend quality time with Jeff and our puppies, rather than running errands and vacuuming.

While I was hunched over the kitchen table dusting, I came across a note that is written myself; "Be present."

Instantly smacked down with—yet another reminder that I am here now; tomorrow might not come (I know this sounds bleak, but it's true) so why not make this a fun memory?

I took a deep breath (a common theme lately), turned on Amazon Prime, and rocked out with Jeff and my puppies while we got our household chores wrapped up.

Simply stated: "Awareness leads to a clean mind!" 

Life; Evolution and Awareness

Like tastebuds, emotions evolve.
What an exhilarating moment when you no longer desire acceptance;
Instead, finding inner peace, gratitude, and awareness.
The ability to look back into the past with fond memories––without getting stuck there; simultaneously, looking toward the future––without losing the present.

Morning Traveler

When you arrive at the airport early and you discover that Starbucks isn't open—but Pizza Famiglia is;

So, I can get a slice but I can't get a drip?

Heartburn before caffeine just doesn't seem right.

Barnes & Noble

I’m on the road teaching and choreographing––which is par for the course for me during this time of year––surprisingly I have a chunk of time off to myself; so I decided to walk over to a Barnes & Noble to be creative.
The moment I walked through the threshold, I was transported to my earliest memories of the bookstore mega-chain.
When I first moved away from home, I spent most of my downtime in Chicago (when I wasn’t at the gym trying to bulk up to secure a place in the concert dance company I was apprenticing for) sitting in the alcove of books; searching for answers.
I was still in the closet, broke, and consumed with gaining knowledge on: art, history, acting, style, design, fashion, philosophy, and spirituality.
Hours would pass effortlessly as I combed through stacks of books and magazines––keeping detailed notes in my journal (prior to SmartPhones or a laptop.)
When I moved to New York City, I continued to find solace at Barnes & Noble––finally out of the closet, I hoped to meet my future husband; he would also love books and be passionate about wasting days drinking overpriced coffee while researching the latest ideas in entertainment and pop culture.
Finally at a point where I was open and honest with myself, I decided to dream big and I found inspiration to do so everywhere I looked.  I knew that one day I, too, would be an author with a book on these shelves.
(Hey, I kept a journal––and I knew that I had important things to share with the world. So why shouldn’t I think about becoming a writer?)
When I met my boyfriend (now husband) Jeff, we discovered early on that we had a mutual obsession with killing time in a bookstore.  It was my match made in heaven.
We moved to Los Angeles together several years later, and continued to find bliss in the Newsstand at the Barnes & Noble at The Grove.
So now, as I walk around the store today, I’m reminded of the journey that I’ve been on.  It’s bizarre to accept that twenty years have passed since I first fell in love with getting lost in a sea of words on a page.
I’m a published author now, and my book sits on the shelves in the very store I first decided that I could do anything I put my mind to.
The word surreal doesn't even begin to define my emotional reaction.
Not at all in the place I imagined I might be when I was eighteen, and setting my sights on a brilliant future––while I still feel that kid inside; I have evolved into a version of myself that God has designed, far more rewarding than any goal I had envisioned.
I have been blessed; and I just re-discovered that, in a bookstore.

Food For Thought

I wear a retainer at night in order to keep my teeth in place while I sleep;
If only they made a retainer for your tummy!

Ray Of Light

The vibrant golden line appears in my window––sending a warm amber ray of light; as if setting the stage for a rehearsed morning dancing.
I sit at my breakfast table writing in my journal, doing my best to focus on the present.
If this beautiful beam of energy, doesn’t serve as a reminder;
nothing will.
Trust in light, seek light, be light.

Cheesy Rhyming Poem: Day Off

When the sun is high and the sky is blue;
You better believe you will find me in our pool!
There's nothing better than a day off outdoors;
It's called balance, even if it means ignoring chores.

Just Say No.

Dairy is my nemesis;

I eat too much of it—and then complain about eating it.

The Time Is Now

I cannot accept the present if I continue to think about the future;
Likewise, my current situation will not evolve if I compare it to my past.
This moment is here now––regardless of yesterday’s victories or setbacks; and tomorrows challenges or accomplishments will come tomorrow.
Living in the present requires the Faith to be in this moment––and no where else.

Six Word Essay on Balance

Balance requires unplugging; now’s the time.

Peace

Humanity.
Violent and compassionate––we coexist with people who share vastly different backgrounds: politically, socially, religiously, and economically; it’s devastating when one disturbed individual plays God in the name of God.

Happiness

My grandma used to say if you have to cross the street for happiness, you've gone to far.

Similarly, she'd remind me often that money cannot buy happiness.

I know that my grandma was a very positive person—and I trust that she honestly believed that money would not add value to the quality of her life;

Still, I can only imagine how excited she would have been to be able to afford a fancy streak house dinner from time to time.

As I continue to explore my personal happiness, I question what motivates me.

I am a performer; an artist who is used to struggling—never entirely certain where my next job will be, or how much it will pay.

Now that I'm more established, I have more opportunities and financial independence—and I must admit, it's nice to have a refrigerator stocked with food, instead of cabinets full of Top Ramen. So in that regard, money has provided happiness.

Equally, I enjoy going to movies, wearing nice clothing, and traveling—all things that require money. However, I get to pursue my passion and earn a living.

I'm not sure that I would appreciate any of the fancy-pants lifestyle choices I make, if I were forced to take a job I loathed.

Moreover, I believe that if I lost every material procession, I would still go out of my way to find happiness; however insignificant it might seem.

So my conclusion (at least in this moment) is that I appreciate the things that money can bring—but I find joy in the fact that I continue to seek peace and gratitude in the relationships and opportunities I'm blessed with.

Soaking Up The Sun at Starbucks

Delicious coffee,
A random celebrity;
Starbucks after yoga.

On With The Show

On my worst day in this business––I still feel alive with passion;
The darkness and doubt is not match for the energy that rushes to my soul when I get to share my story.
Rejection is part of the larger pictures;
The success in in the journey.
Connecting with an audience,
Collaborating with other artists;
A magnificent body of work develops over time.
A moment of recognition;
No failure will overshadow the triumph of accomplishing a dream.

Six Month Check-Up

We’re supposed to go to the doctors office for regular check-ups;
So it makes perfect sense the I should follow up on my creative, mental, and emotional goals that I set in January.
It’s easy to start the year off with a newfound energy and inspiration; maintaining it throughout the year can be difficult.
Thankfully, I’ve tapped into a manageable way to stay accountable for my resolutions, without becoming insanely obsessive.
I’ve implemented a set of daily reminders to keep me on track without the crazy:

• Start each day with a morning meditation.
• Journal––to release my frustrations and talk through my goals.
• Allow no more than (5) goals or tasks on a list at a time; once I’ve completed an action, I can add a new objective to the list. (This helps me stay focused on the most pressing matters, and allow things to be resolved in order of urgency.)
• Remain positive; the moment I feel negative thoughts or energy, take a deep breath and refocus on a new action that incorporates positive action.
• Live in the now; accepting what is in front of me and making the most of it.
• Trust––maintaining faith that if I follow the steps above, everything will work out.

It’s important to check in with your goals regularly.  No one ever accomplished anything by chance or luck; there was a dream, which lead to a goal, that gave way to preparation, that later turned into opportunity.
Life is short––take action and be positive; everything happens with Faith, hard work, and positive action.

Balance Is Key

It’s a beautiful summer day in LA;
Blue skies, birds are chirping––not even the sound of the gardeners leaf blowers are a distraction.
I sit here contemplating my next step:
A. Continue writing inside?
B. Stop what I’m doing and go to the pool?
C. Take my laptop to the pool and be creative there?
I think the answer is clear.
Balance is key; and today I’ll be balancing my laptop on a pool chair!

Meet Me At The Mall

I’m sitting at the mall searching for creativity.
Drawn to the food court where similar Mac men and women peck at their keyboards, while people––who take the shape of characters from any random 80′s film––devour food-on-a-stick.
For every sentence I complete, I reward myself with a thirty-second scan of my surroundings:
Moms comforting crying kids,
Old ladies playing mahjong,
Old men playing chess,
Teenagers plotting their next takedown,
And me––fighting for my next great idea;
Maybe some MSG from Panda Express will help me?

I am Blessed; I am also a Baby.

Yesterday I threw a huge party for myself;
It was a themed party: Pity.
I allowed minor annoyances to cause a shift in my outlook––which in turn caused a major adjustment in the mood of my peers and coworkers.
There’s no doubt that one persons energy can impact an entire population.
I woke up this morning embraced at my lack of maturity;
I had several opportunities to take a deep breath and turn my day around yesterday; but like a small child who is demanding that toy in Target––I gave into my selfish side.
The beauty of life is that every day that we wake up, we have the luxury of a fresh start––we can decide to let the past dictate the future, or we can live in the present; a true gift.