Happy Halloween

The pumpkins are carved.

The treats are tricked out!

The alcohol is lined up...

The costume is on.

The music is playing.

The spooky sound effects are at full blast-

It's time for a hauntingly good time, full of spirits!

...followed by a trip down to the Halloween parade and Rocky Horror Show!

Happy Halloween!

The Great Pumpkin Carving

Halloween:
Making candied apples and haystacks with my mom.
Grandma's homemade costumes.
The Halloween parade and costume contest at school.
Trick or Treating...
The High School dance and haunted house.
But my favorite thing...
Pumpkin Carving!
No matter how old you get, there's something magical about scooping out the insides of a pumpkin and turning it into a scary Jack-o-lantern!
I'm not sure how scary mine is this year... but it sure was fun!

Bad Haircut...

Why can't people listen?

Since when did "take an inch off the top" turn into a buzz cut?

Ugh. Bad haircuts make me so angry!

Risk Everything.

The choice to share your unique and bold point of view-

Is what separates those who are willing to risk everything to achieve their goals.

It can back fire in the beginning,

But it's the only thing that will bring you success in the end.

Grandpa

I can't believe it's been a year.
I can still hear your laugh, as you point your finger my direction and say;
"Don't make dust!"
From time to time I'll call home, hoping to talk to you...
You shared great joy and wisdom to my life for thirty-one years.
The pain of losing you is deep-
My memories of you are strong,
they keep me smiling when the sadness becomes overwhelming.
I remember; "Don't be sad, Matt."
I'm doing my best-
I really miss you grandpa!

Tasty Pumpkin Scone!

Pumpkin scone-
Your beautiful little shape,
Your glistening frosted mound-
To decadent to resist.
Bit by bit I chip away,
Savoring every crumb.
But then too soon I devour you-
You're gone. And I am bummed!

Social Junkie...

I never thought of myself as a social junkie.
I prefer human contact to a computer screen.
Having said that, I must admit that I find it harder and harder to sleep through the night...
Has someone sent me an important email?
Did someone comment on that video I uploaded to YouTube?
I wonder if anyone has commented on my photo upload to Facebook?
In the past, I used to wake up, and the first thing on my mind was getting to the bathroom in time to pee-
Now, I skip right past the cramping bladder to check my Facebook page!
I'm beginning to think I need an intervention.
I'll let you know if it becomes a problem.
Oops, gotta go!
Someone just sent me an IM!

SUNday.

The title says it all...
The sun is finally back in Los Angeles!
After what felt like months, but was more realistically about two weeks...
the golden star has made it's come back!
Just in time for this beautiful fall Sunday in October.
It's hard to be upset on a day like today!

Butterfinger!

Little yellow wrapper,
one look is all I need-
Once a year at Halloween,
my taste buds start to bleed.

The sweet, buttery goodness,
crisp and light and flaky;
Smothered in a smooth, milk chocolate-
Pure heaven for such a devilish day.
One bag for me! ...one for the kids in costume!

Lame!

People pretending to be wealthy- treating others like shit!
So lame!

Taco Time!

Tonight I'm going to throw down;

As many Mexican delectable treats as I can-

Can't wait for Happy Hour!

Out of this world delight!

Sweet, savory, sexcellent! I love Taco's!

Let Go...

...and let God!
The wonderful thing about roller coasters is that at the bottom of every;
heart dropping,
pit sinking,
crap in your pants,
anxiety filled,
pulse cranking,
adrenaline rush-
You know there is going to be another hill to climb.
At least once you get, there you'll be on top again!
...for a little while.

At A Loss...

...for words.
I'm trying to stay focused on the work ahead...
Let go of the past,
and move forward-
But, man it can sure be tough!

Sad Realization About My Reality...

I'm obsessed with Reality TV!

Rain in LA... Again.

Rainy days and Sundays-
Always get me down...
Fortunately for me, I have a full day of activities planned...
...and I don't have to go to "school" tomorrow-
So I think I'll be okay.

How To Party in a Recession...

Pre-cocktail party at my place;
Dance to some fun songs,
Quick stop at Cookies to pick up the girls-
(Maybe a few more glasses of wine...)
On the way to the birthday party;
Dinner before: Mc Donald's!
...what can I say, times are tough!

Sad Little Dog...

The barking starts at 6 am.
That sad little dog gets left alone.
The barking builds throughout the day-
By 7 pm I'm on a rage!
Poor little lonely mutt...
Please SHUT UP!

Pizza!!!

Pizza!
Thin crust,
Fat gut-
So delicious!

People Piss Me Off!

Wow.
People really piss me off!
I'm baffled at how willing people are to screw others over...
Time and again, I go out of my way to accommodate people,
Only to be burned!
...then I'm the asshole?
Really?
What about you?
Where is your accountability?
Why am I the dickhead for protecting my ass?
But when you do it, it's "just business"...
Well Fuck You! How bout that?
I'm done with you!

My Little Gram

So cute and loving;
Cozy in her favorite chair-
Fighting sleep while trying to watch a movie.
The dog asleep happily on her warm lap;
He loves her as much as I do,
Unconditional and constant-
The most giving person I know...
I love her so much.

Don't Speak...

What's that old saying?
"What can't be said, can't be said; and it can't be whistled either."
I think it goes something like that...
It's true.
If I've learned anything in the past thirty-two years of my life,
It's to keep your mouth shut when it matters.

Six Word Essay on Going Home

Time with my family is golden!

My Pregnant Sister!

My little sister is all grown up-
I'm overwhelmed with joy!
It's unbelievable that a little baby girl is growing inside...
My sister will be an amazing mother;
She's dreamed about this her whole life.
Her glow is beautiful, and her baby girl will be too-
I intend to be the best uncle ever!

Last Minute Trip...

Woke up today missing my family.
I was supposed to be in Colorado visiting this week-
It's hard to turn down working with Ben Stiller...
After the shoot wrapped last night, I thought about a last minute trip!
Thankfully I had a reward ticket- and Southwest has amazing flexibility with changing tickets.
Five minutes on the phone, and a quick trip to the spa first-
And I was on my way to LAX.
I'm happy I'll wake up tomorrow morning and see my family-
Surprised to see me!
Perfect timing too. It's my dads birthday!
Life works out, yet again!

Lights, Camera, Ben Stiller- Action!

I'm so excited!
I was hired to choreograph for Ben Stiller on his latest project!
Today is the big day.
I met with him a few days ago to rehearse, and based on that-
I'm positive today is going to be a wild, crazy, hilarious adventure!
Ben is really funny, and a great dancer!
This business is so unpredictable,
...one day I'm freaking out about car troubles,
and the next I'm working with Ben Stiller!
No matter what, I love my life!

Ball-O-Stress

Work too much-
Paid too little.
Car problems again...
LA without a car?
That can't happen...
I might as well be a cowboy without a horse!
Trying to stay positive;
It always works out.
Still, the stress is building.
At least I'm doing what I love;
Too bad it's hard to enjoy with a migraine!
...I know, I know...
That's life!

A Day Late and A Dollar Short...

More like $3,500 dollars short!
I have the worst luck with cars-
Now more than ever, I wish my childhood "superhero fantasy" of being able to fly would come true!
I'm doing everything in my power not to rage...
But make no mistake, the furry is building inside!
Range Rovers SUCK!!!!!
Does it ever get easier?
...I'm beginning to think- NOPE!

Dear Blog

Dear Blog,
I've been writing daily entries now for almost a year-
I realize that not every post is amazing, or worthy of a large audience, and massive praise...
However, I expected by now, that I'd at least peak the interest of more than two people.
Given that I have well over 1,000 friends on Facebook (not to brag just to illustrate my point...)
Yet, here I sit with only two followers!
Then I realized this morning (thanks to the help of one of my best friends who tried to subscribe to my blog site)
that there is no easy way for random people to "follow" my blog or subscribe to my feed without signing up for their own Blogger account.
After further research, I understand that there are several third party applications that allow for an email subscriber list, and after spending twenty or more minutes signing up and trying to copy the HTML into my blog site, I was unable to reach a solution!
I thought the whole purpose for blogging, is an open form to share my thoughts, feelings and exciting news- without obligation.
I learned a valuable lesson today-
NOTHING works the way you hope it does.
At least I feel a little better about having only two "followers" almost a year into my blog adventure-
I'm grateful to the both of you... wherever you are.
P. S. Please tell your friends...
Because my friends and family could care less!

Plan For Plans To Change...

In life, what I've discovered time and again;
Planning anything is a waste of energy-
It seems the more precise I am with mapping out my future,
The more likely I'm reminded that my future has a different path.
As a kid, I used to get extremely upset over this little detail,
I'd rage if something didn't go as it was choreographed.
Now, I see so obviously that the best parts of life, much like my favorite rides at amusement parks,
are the ones where you can't see the track ahead...
So I'm done stressing about failed plans-
Because failed plans have lead me to the most wonderful opportunities!

A Visit From New York!

Today one of my closest friends arrives from NYC;
Who knows what kind of crazy adventures will have this trip?
Of course we're both geeks...
So we'll probably do the "Hollywood" thing:
Site seeing,
Star maps,
Hollywood Boulevard,
Universal Studios,
Griffith Observatory,
Malibu,
Plastic Surgery...
Okay maybe not the last one- it's too expensive.
One thing is for sure-
We will eat too much, drink way too much and party like Lindsay Lohan!

Friday Night Shoot.

Nothing sounds like more fun;
After all it's Friday night!
Date night.
Game night.
Party time in LA-
...hey friends...
What are you doing this Friday night?
Don't have plans?
...EXCELLENT!
Let's shoot a parody video!
Show up at 4:00 PM, we'll shoot until 10:00 PM-
and drink and party until midnight!
That's a wrap!

On Directing Children's Theatre...

Elementary school kids are the best thing in the world!
So full of life, hope and potty humor.
Every now and then they will astound you with wisdom or truth-
They hug and love and laugh...
They are wonderful.
Just wait;
Life will beat them down soon enough.
...Ever heard of Junior High?

Dinner Party Pain

Throwing a dinner party while in extreme oral pain isn't recommended-
However, if you're a professional... like myself;
All you need is four Advil, three glasses of cheap red wine, and the funniest friends you know!

I"M IN PAIN!

I'm in so much pain I can't even see straight!
My wisdom teeth are pushing through my gums, and because of it, my entire jaw feels like it's on fire...
Sending me reeling out of control on a self-doubt hate spiral!
I hate allowing negative thoughts or fears to enter my mind.
Making my eyes well up with tears, and my heart feel like it's breaking.
I have to "make it" soon-
If not just for the burning desire inside of me;
Then for better health insurance and more money!

A Tropical Heatwave

What is going on with the weather in Los Angeles?
And please don't say Global Warming-
I'm a believer! But really?
Fall is my favorite time of year in LA...
The crisp fragrant smell in the air combined with the layers of sweaters, tweed jackets and light scarfs-
It's amazing!
I walked outside in my favorite new fall layered look and nearly passed out!
Is it too much to ask for the seasons to be the temperature they're supposed to be?
It's ruining my entire fashion plan!

Pool Day in September

One of the most amazing things about living in Los Angeles, is the weather.
So why not take advantage of the fact that it's going to be 105 degrees today?
It's Sunday.
It's Hot.
and I have a friend with a pool!
You know what that means:
Pool Party!
Sometimes I worry that I might not ever grow up...
Then I realize: Why would I ever want to do that?
Happy Sunday!

Four People In A Car...

Go Little Mini-
Small and compact, parking on Beechwood is going to be a breeze!
Too bad I can't feel my legs in the "back seat"
Is this a clown car?
Nope-
Clown cars have more room.
But hey, I can't complain...
Luigi got us all there safe!
Sure enough, we found the perfect parking space.
In the hills of Los Angeles, that's a miracle!
Amy your car rocks.
Go Little Mini

I Hate Bars.

What's the point in going out to a bar?
Loud, smokey, drunk ass people-
In over-crowded outdoor areas.
So many people with a false sense of;
confidence,
charm,
beauty.
It's sad how many people rely on "looks" they think they have,
instead of being able to articulate or even maintain a conversation-
Everyone just looking to be discovered...
But who wants to discover an uninteresting, average looking person, with no personality?
I hate bars.
I wish my friends would have their birthday parties, going away parties and whatever other parties...
At a nice home or delicious restaurant!

Art Is Fun!

Stark white Hollywood sound stage brilliantly lit-
Killer artwork-
Excellent music.
Reese Witherspoon and Jon Hamm... So cool!
Top notch food and alcohol-
All donated-
All to benefit the nonstop battle against cancer.
Live Strong!
I'm proud of my friend Brooke for making magic happen for an excellent cause.

Too Tired To Think...

Ever have those days, where no matter how much coffee you drink or how hard you try...

You can't wake up from a foggy haze?

Well, I've spent the entire day going through the motions of life and everything feels like a cloudy dream.

My head is going to hit the pillow hard in T-minus 10 - 9 - 8 - 7 - 6 - zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Six Word Essay On Technology...

I'm completely over my damn computer!

Check Out The Latest Parody!

I grew up loving shows like; In Living Color and Saturday Night Live...

So it makes perfect sense that I NEVER get tired of dressing up in crazy costumes and putting sketches together with my creative and talented friends!

This is the latest in our The Real Housewives of New York City parodies...

Hope you enjoy it as much as we did shooting it! And pay attention for a very special reality star cameo!

To view this parody full screen please click HERE.

Dinner Party in The Hollywood Hills...

Amazing house;

Wonderful people.

The wine is poured;

Dinner is delicious!

Half finished Domino's game-

The foyer makes an excellent stage for a Sound of Music singalong;

Which blows up into a full Broadway review show!

Brilliant personalities fill the decadent home.

I love this group of people!

What an exceptional evening...

I Did Nothing...

Lazy.

I feel fat and gross;

Sat on the couch most of the day watching television...

I LOVE cartoons.

Hung over from last night-

I sure can't party like I used too!

Thank God for pancakes.

Note to self:

Self, you cannot continue to waste your weekends...

You're getting older, and life isn't slowing down!

But I've got to be honest, I really had a lovely day of nothing.

Saturdays rock.

They can be anything you need them to be.

I Love Production Days!

I love days like today...

I woke up in my beautiful house,

glanced out of the window from my bedroom to see a gorgeous sunrise over downtown Los Angeles, and continued to follow the horizon all the way out to a picture perfect view of Catalina Island.

Walked into my office and sat down to write the final touches on our next parody of The Real Housewives of New York.

Walked out into my living room, which has been turned into a temporary sound stage with Green Screen and all...

and we're getting ready to shoot our final scene!

Then, this afternoon, we'll edit the footage together in the comfort of our home office / recording studio- and by this time tomorrow, we'll have another episode of our Real Housewives of New York City Parody!

I'm truly grateful that I'm fortunate enough to spend my life creating the things I dreamed about when I was a kid!

Technology... Ain't It A Bitch?

I woke up today, and my computer decided that it didn't want to wake up with me...

Every day starts nearly the same for me:

I wake up.

Splash cold water on my face.

Do a quick workout / stretch / meditation routine.

Grab a cup of coffee.

Finally, around 10 am, I make my way into my office to; check emails, update my Facebook and Twitter accounts, write my daily blog post and work on my creative projects...

This morning was no different...

That is, until I walked into my office and sat down at my desk, and realized that my computer did not feel like waking up!

I have a very nice MAC book computer- and though it's several years old... there isn't a scratch on it! I take extremely good care of my possessions- Especially the expensive electronic ones!

There was no sign of malfunction in the hard drive, and no reason for it to stay locked in "sleep" mode.

Of course I have all of the information stored on my computers hard drive backed up on two different external hard drives, and a wireless back up floating somewhere in space.

So I'm not concerned about losing any of my information... I am however totally bummed that I'm not able to follow through with my morning ritual! Plus, I have a ton of writing to do...

I decided to take my computer to the Apple store and have them run a diagnostic test.

Luckily, I was able to get an appointment today, and was in the store within thirty minutes.

After arriving at Apple and explaining my situation, the Genius behind the counter headed to the back to run a complete test-

Several minutes passed, and when he returned, he had a big smile on his face. He informed me that everything checked out "A okay!" on their diagnostic, and continued to tell me that he reset the "motherboard" so everything should be "good to go!"

So I did just that. I walked out, relived that this trip didn't cost me any money, and I was assured that there was nothing wrong with my computer. It was just a matter of resetting the system...

I came home, plugged my computer in and sat down ready to get on with my social networking and online creativity-

...only to have the damn thing go to sleep in the middle of my blog entry!

Thankfully, I have access to another computer when it's not being used... Sadly, my blog entry was lost, and I had to write a new one (which is what you're reading now!)

What's worse- I have no idea what's wrong with my computer...

and neither do the "Genius's" at the Apple store!

It makes me really hate technology!

Directing Is Fun Too!

My life's ambition is and has always been about the creative process.
As much as I love to act and perform on stage, screen or living room-
I'm also deeply passionate about directing.
As an actor, I get to focus on the journey of the character I'm playing. I get to pretend to live in this imaginative world. I get to explore emotions I might not ever experience in my real life. I get to play out a fantasy, and people watch as the story unfolds...
Where as a director, I get to blaze further into the fantasy. I enjoy building an entire world on stage or screen and collaborating with actors, writers, set, costume and lighting designers to craft an artificial reality- It really is an out of this world experience!
Especially for an artistic control freak with big ideas, like myself. Directing is about bringing a writers imagination on the page, to life on stage or screen...
It is an exhilarating, frightening, (at times) overwhelming and wonderful process- but when everything comes together, for better or for worse, it's always an amazing feeling of accomplishment!
So I hope you'll check out my latest directing adventure...

Maggie Miguel ...a corporate american employee
Written by and starring the magnificent and talented Maggie Miguel.
It's a sexy, dirty, hilariously honest show that I'm extremely proud of in every way!

It's All About The Process.

It's tough remaining positive during the creative process;
Idea after idea, shot down.
Stretching your imagination for any hint of a fresh concept.
Focusing on active thought-
Weaving your way around road blocks along the artistic path.
To make matters worse, I'm dealing with a computer that freezes every fifteen minutes like clock work...
Nothing is more damaging to the creative soul, than technology.
I want to throw my computer out the window and stomp my feet like a child.
I know that won't solve anything-
But God, the rage that I could release!
That would be creative wouldn't it?
... almost like Performance Art!

Health, Health, Health.

I exercise because I have to!
Not because I enjoy it!
In fact, I really despise that very idea that in order for me to stay thin and "healthy" I'm required to keep my heart rate up for twenty minutes and stay active;
Anyone who knows me can attest to the point that I would much rather spend my day watching television or lounging by a pool- in either scenario I'd be sipping on wine and over-eating...
Nevertheless, I force myself to get up off my tired, flabby ass and workout. At least four times a week.
Today, I decided I should push myself-
So I took a twenty minute hike up a steep, but scenic road in the gorgeous Hollywood Hills.
I was so inspired by the landscape and the idea that I live and work in La La Land... that I decided to run/jog on the way back home.
I thought I was going to die. Right there on Sunset Boulevard.
I pushed through the pain and made it home...
My knees want to kill me! My back is twisted and torn, and my ass still feels flabby!
Sometimes you just have to ask: "What's the point?"
...But I trust that when I'm old and grey, I'll be happy that I stayed active.

Dear food,
I'm sorry I have to eat you less.
Counting calories isn't as much fun as gorging on you...
I made a promise to myself to remember that my health is more important than a second helping.
Not to mention I just love the way I look in my favorite jeans;
...vain I know, but honest.
So you see food, I just have to see less of you.
It's nothing personal.

Your friend,
Matthew

Peace

Today, I remember;
I pray for the victims, survivors and the men and women still serving to keep our country safe.
I celebrate our freedom.
I honor my responsibilities to contribute to a brighter, more peaceful, evolved global humanity.
I give thanks for the opportunities provided to me as a United States citizen-
I strive to encourage tolerance among people who continue to hate.

Rehearsal

Long hours working for perfection.
Creative juices flowing,
Emotions are high,
Tempers rage from people you'd least expect-
Drama, drama, drama!
The life of an artist is bitter sweet,
Giving one hundred percent of your passion, sweat and tears,
A lot of tears!
The end result is always worth it,
A beautiful masterpiece,
Over too soon.

MAC

Mad
At
Computers tonight!

Two Random Thoughts...

I can't believe how fast time goes while on vacation...
...and how slow it goes while sitting in the lobby of the doctors office.

I wonder how many times I'm going to re-learn the same "life" lessons, before I just trust that it always works out..

The Beauty of Water

Peaceful and mesmerizing-
I love the calm still feeling that surrounds me.
Floating on a zen cloud;
The deep blue blanket of night sky above me.
At first glance a bright star catches my attention;
Gaze deeper, and thousands of twinkling lights appear from nowhere;
Magic!
The water is nourishing;
It cradles me like a baby,
Careful though- water can be breathtaking.

Labor Day

Alas, the time has come;
The grill was used a lot this summer,
Too many hamburgers, chips and French onion dip-

Children everywhere are bummed;
Time to swap swimsuits and trips to the mall,
For backpacks and long hours in the library.
Remember the smell of a classroom?
Or back to school shopping?

I do love the aroma of fall though;
Wearing layers of clothing-
Football games.

Why do we get a special holiday for working anyway?
Isn't that what weekends are for?
Whatever. I enjoy any excuse for a three day celebration!
Even if it means that yet another summer is over!

Selfish.

Today is my sisters thirtieth birthday;
I'm sad I couldn't be with her-
When I turned thirteen she spent all of her allowance on me;
Balloons and banners, she hooked up our house.
She was only eleven at the time,
She was so excited to throw a huge party to celebrate my becoming a teenager-
I didn't even send her a card for her big 3- O...
To be fair... We both stopped exchanging birthday cards and gifts several years back.
Still- Turning thirty is a milestone.
My only excuse: selfishness
I promise I'll make it up to her.
Who doesn't like a surprise?!?

Vacation!

Two hour car trip;
Checked in early and unpacked my bags.
Quick trip to the supermarket,
Delicious dinner in the suite.
Late night lounging poolside-
The ceiling of twinkling stars was breathtaking!
Time to relax, enjoy, and regain some perspective-

Insomnia...

It's five o'clock in the morning...
I have not yet gone to bed-
My eyes are burning and will hardly stay open.
Yet each time I attempt to sleep, my brain starts working overtime!
I hate insomnia!
It's going to be a long day...

Six Word Essay on Happiness.

Staying positive is really tough sometimes.

Take Me Out To The Ball Game!

Let's go Dodgers!
Sadly, the Los Angeles Dodgers did not win their game against the Phillies-
Happily, I won my game of: Eat as much stadium junk food as you can!
"Buy me some..."
Peanuts- check!
Nachos- check!
Garlic French Fries- check!
Super Footlong Dodger Dog- check!  (Times two!)
...and of course no trip to Dodger Stadium would be complete without at least two beers- check plus!!!
It was a fun day all around.  Even if the Dodgers couldn't get a run to save their lives...
We had a blast!
Now I'm in a major junk food coma-
And I fully realize why we have an obesity problem in this country!!!
Americas favorite pass time is NOT Baseball-  It's FOODball!

I Love Auditions!

I don't care who you are, or how long you've been an actor in the entertainment industry-

You will never get used to the crazy world of auditioning.

Don't get me wrong, I love auditions!

An audition is an opportunity to work as an actor.

It means that you're doing something right...

You have "something" that "someone" in this business might want to use-

I'm thankful for every audition I get called in for!

Nevertheless, there are always those brilliant moments when an audition feels more like torture, than a fun, creative, potential job...

Today, I had the pleasure of auditioning for a small, but juicy role in an independent movie with a great script and some amazing talent attached.

The scene that I was auditioning for was extremely intense. The character I was playing gets shot in the leg, while on a wild chase through the woods. At the height of the drama, the character realizes that his allies might just end up switching alliances and turn the gun on him instead of saving him.

Of course the professional that I am- I spent a lot of time working on the scene. Because this was a big chase scene, with bullets flying through the air and a lot of over the top dialogue leading up to my character getting shot in the leg, I wanted to make sure that my audition would be honest and dramatic, without being cheesy...

I arrived in Santa Monica, only to realize, that the audition was being held in a makeshift "office" / living room in a 1960's apartment complex.

Now, this is not some random, shady casting director, that's going to ask me to take off my clothes on camera- This is a major casting director in the film industry-

So I was shocked, when I signed in, and was asked to, "keep the yelling down, because this room echos..."

Wasn't I auditioning for the crazy, gun happy maniac, who (according to the script) was yelling like a mad man?

If that wasn't strange enough, I start my audition, and because I've been asked not to yell, I'm making the "choice" to keep the dialogue extremely intense and intimate- Only to hear the casting directors iPhone ring during my line, "I think I'm gonna die if you leave me here..."

Oh, the good times!

As if it weren't difficult enough to pretend that I'm in the middle of the woods, with a gunshot wound, being chased down a hill, while sitting in a living room in sunny Santa Monica with a casting director sitting behind a folding table reading every other line in the script-

Now I have to compete with an iPhone?

God, auditions are a blast!

Risk Everything!

Enough is enough.

I'm extremely happy with my life.

However, there are things that I want-

That I expect.

This year has been about me leaping far beyond my normal comfort zone.

In turn- truly wonderful things have happened...

This is the moment of truth for me.

The only thing I have to lose in life- is opportunity!

It's time to re-invent the rules of how things are achieved.

I'm going for "it" full force now-

Me- to the max!

Carb Lover

Delicious and crunchy,

Each savory bite melts in my mouth-

The salty, creamy juices ooze from every pore.

God I love toast and butter!

Sunset Strip Music Festival SSMF 2010

Slash with Fergie.

Smashing Pumpkins.

Madness, music and AquaNet on Sunset Boulevard.

Fantastic!

Overeater!

Oh my God!

Very full right now,

Eating shouldn't hurt.

Really need to learn how to stop when I'm full!

Even if I took a break between bites to chew,

Always room for a second helping!

Truly sorry I ate that fourth cookie...

Excessive intakes of cheese are not that good for the gut;

Remember this next time!

Spaghetti Dinner!

Both of my grandmas are Italian, so you can imagine how wonderful Sunday Dinners are with my family. As a kid, I remember stuffing my face with endless amounts of spaghetti, meatballs, Italian sausage, braciole, various meets and cheeses... and more bread than you'd believe!

The dinner was more than just food though. It was a wonderful day of family, friends and fighting. (The fighting was not the best part, nevertheless, it was a major part of my childhood.)

As and adult, I love going home to visit my grams' and spend quality time with both of them in the kitchen. Over the years, I've slowly started to incorporate both of their techniques into my own unique hybrid of their delicious and savory recipes. (My food is never going to taste as brilliant as either of my grams' cooking, however, I'm not going to give up trying...)

Now, I look forward to having my own Sunday Dinners in Los Angeles. It doesn't happen as often as I'd like, but when all of my friends come together, our evening is a harmonious blend of laughter, food and yes even a little fighting!

Tonight, I'm hosting a spaghetti dinner. I've made over twenty meatballs, two pounds of Italian sausage, two pounds of stew meat, three pounds of spaghetti, all the appetizers you can dream of, and of course five bottles of wine!

The most important thing in my life is my family- and my friends are very much an extend part of my family.

I'm so grateful to both of my grandmas for sharing their love of food and family in perfect balance. It's the perfect Italian marriage!

I Want It...

More than ever!

Ouch!

I went to EZ Lube to get the oil changed in my car today-

...expecting to pay $25.99 with the special summer oil change coupon I printed on the internet.

I ended having to use synthetic oil, because my car is "fancy" and I also had to replace the battery because of a dead "cell..."

I walked out paying $188.00!!!

OUCH!

Sunset Music Festival 2010

Look out Sunset Boulevard! This weekend is going to rock your socks off!

Today I had the privilege of working the VIP table at the world famous The Roxy nightclub on the infamous Sunset Strip...

Of course I got all done up in my Rock Star gear...

Although, nothing makes me feel less like a rock star than to work in a killer scene like The Roxy.

That place has seen and heard it all- from Bob Dylan, Bruce Springsteen and David Bowie to Van Morrison, Avril Lavigne and the Red Hot Chili Peppers!

The fact is, the list goes on and on...

Even Paul Reubens introduced his Pee-wee Herman character in The Roxy Theatre!

...and I got to sit on my ass and hand out VIP passes for the Sunset Music Festival 2010!

So I played The Roxy too!

If you're in Los Angeles this August 26th through the 28th make sure to swing by Sunset Boulevard ( between San Vicente and Doheny ) and get ready to party with Slash, The Smashing Pumpkins and many more!

I Love Sunday!

Lazily, I snuggle up in my bed with my adorable dog Ginger;

No pressure to wake up and do anything-

Maybe we'll go to a movie today,

Or perhaps I'll take a hike through the canyon;

Who knows- I might just stay in bed and watch cartoons,

and cheesy 80's movies on Lifetime!

That's why I love Sundays.

Absolutely no rules.

I should go to brunch though.

That's not a requirement, just an excellent use of time.

Two Words about A Weekend in LA:

Thank God!

Really? This Is My Life Tonight?

What can I say? Sometimes you're livin' it up on a yacht partying like a Rock Star-

...and sometimes you're a cater waiter for a friend of a friends dinner party!
Tonight, you try and guess which one I was: Oh, the glamorous life in LA!

Do More!

Wanting it is not enough;
Dreaming about it is just the beginning-
Visualizing it starts the process,
Talking about it encourages growth,
Taking action excelerates the process,
Working your ass off keeps it moving forward;
Patience and faith keep you sane-
It will happen when it's supposed too!

Time To Kick It Into High Gear!

Today, I decided to take inventory of the progress I've made toward my 2010 goals and resolutions.
So far, it looks as though this has been an excellent year!
It seems that seeking the positive approach to every situation has proved to be the most effective way to achieve success.
I'm pleased and even a bit surprised to see just how victorious I've been in reaching the ambitious plans I set forth in January of this year.
Once again reminding me that positive action and faith will always triumph over fear and doubt.
Every time I've focused my energy and faith on a project or opportunity that I wanted to conquer- I soared!
Confirming that no matter what the task or goal at hand is, I can always approach it from a positive intention.
Regardless of whether the goal is met in the way I planned, I've opened myself up to a new opportunity to grow and create-
So, with four months left in the year, I've decided it's time to kick myself into high gear!
I plan on spectacular finish!
The foundation has been poured, the structure is sturdy and it's time to move in and take over the building.

Fat ass!

Full
Ate
Too much
Amazing
Shit
Sleep now!

Home Sweet Home

After a very long road trip along the beautiful Pacific Ocean...
I'm so happy to be home!
I've missed Los Angeles-
Of course I had a wonderful summer- traveling to exciting destinations;
On a yacht, and airplanes and yes, even cars...
I'm grateful for the next few weeks I have with my dog Ginger and all of my loved ones.
Adventure awaits around every corner for me,
and though my career dictates that I live a somewhat gypsy lifestyle-
Each crazy destination is part of saying yes to work as a performer;
I believe that no matter where you are, home really is with you in your heart...
Still, it feels amazing to be in my own bed for a change!

Road Trip- Day 4

Too much food.
Too much liquor.
Too much dancing.
Not enough sleep.
It was a long wild night-
Hour six,on our way back to Los Angeles;
I really thought three thousand songs would be enough-
Sadly, I think we've gone through each playlist twice!
One more day in the car tomorrow;
I think one road trip a year builds character-
...and constipation!

Road Trip- Day 3

Arrived in Salem,
Met friends at a bar...
Joined the drinking already in progress;
Intoxicated easily after a six hour car trip;
Partied all night-
Crawled back to the hotel room;
Six people packed in a room for two-
Early start at the gym today,
In order to pay for our sins last night!
It's time!
Bring on the wedding festivities.

Road Trip- Day 2

Little dumpy roadside motel;
I promise I'm not going to miss your nasty, stained carpet,
Musty moldy smell,
Unidentified splatter stains on the wall,
Scum lined shower- worse than any YMCA locker room I can even imagine,
Bath towels permanently discolored with a rich coffee hue,
Or continental breakfast with rotten fruit...
You get what you pay for- The bed bugs are free!
Now- back on the road,
Blasting rock music to drowned out the day terrors of last night.
Adventures are fun!

Road Trip! Day 1

Up at the butt crack of dawn;
Loaded up the car.
First, a pit-stop;
Quick fill up on gas and release of all bodily fluids.
iPhone playlist ready to rock.
Munchies within arms reach...
The 5 North all the way!
Nothing but hot, smelly cow pooh-
Awe, Central California- you're beautiful regardless of your stench!
Look out Tree People, here we come!

Ah-Mazing!

I had a truly wonderful time last night!

After spending the past three months impersonating her- I finally met Jill Zarin.

Let me just say that Jill could not be more wonderful, gorgeous or funny!

The night began with me getting dressed up (in full drag) as Jill Zarin from Bravo's The Real Housewives of New York City. Let me just be clear, I don't enjoy cross dressing or spending much time in women's clothing, make-up and wigs... However, as an actor, I will do anything for a great punch line! Due to the fact that our Real Housewives of NYC parodies are such a hit on YouTube, I thought I'd take advantage of the moment and play the scenario out...

I arrived at the famous Book Soup in Los Angeles (where the real Jill Zarin had a book signing) and as expected the media went crazy!

Once the real Jill Zarin showed up, it was a surreal but outstanding evening! Jill and I have talked via phone and email for the past several months, but meeting face to face was a dream!

Jill is such a great sport- in addition to sharing our parodies with all of her fans, she decided to make a cameo in our next parody! Which we shot last night after her book signing.

All I can say is- Just wait for that

next parody... It's gonna be OFF THE CHARTS HILARIOUS!

Until then I will share a few of the photos from last night... and send a million thanks to Jill Zarin for being an awesome person on the inside and out, and an amazing sport for playing along with a bunch of dorky actors and our skits!

Face to face...

Tonight is the night! I go face to face with the REAL Jill Zarin!
She'll be in Los Angeles at Book Soup to promote her new book, Secrets of a Jewish Mother: Real Advice, Real Stories, Real Love!
I'm dying to finally meet her in person. I just hope she recognizes me...
If all goes well- I'll end up in some of the trashy, delicious tabloids with her!
I think she's amazing for playing along with our parody.
Moreover- for allowing me to be on camera with her!
She gets it! Which is so cool.
Wish me luck!

Dear Monday

Monday, I'm sorry if you feel hated.
I don't mean to take you for granted,
It's just hard to get over the cool days-
Friday, Saturday and Sunday offer so much adventure;
What do you have to give?
Don't get me wrong-
I enjoy the possibility of a fresh new start.
It's just too bad you come on so strong-
Demanding me back to work,
Forcing me to deal with a new week,
Expecting me to be creative...
It's just too much right now-
Can't you just give me some space? Like Wednesday.
No offense Monday, but I'm over you already!

New York to Los Angeles-

Started today in New York;
Ending the day in Los Angeles-
Everything in between;
crazy,
wild,
fun,
with a splash of jet lagged...
But I'm happy to be home!

I Need A Vacation!

I've spent my entire summer traveling for work;
Okay, I admit- I may have had a few fun adventures along the way...
Nevertheless, I am ready for some much needed rest and relaxation!
I leave New York tomorrow morning. I cannot wait to be home.
Back to my life, love, Ginger and friends.
As usual, the past three months flew by-
At least I enjoyed the ride.
Now it's time to kick back and relax

New York, NY- It's A Wonderful Town!

I've reached the end of my week here in New York-
Though I will be sad to leave my friends, I have to admit, I'm ready to get back to my home in good ol' Los Angeles!
New York, New York- It's a wonderful town!
Until all of the hustle and bustle of tourist, traffic, and stress begin to pile up on top the steaming pile of stinky trash the lines the summer streets everyday... and I'm reminded of just how tough it is to live in New York!
Don't get me wrong, I had seven wonderful years here. And I love coming back to visit with friends and pick up the occasional job...
But as usually, the magic begins to wear off and all I'm left with is a rage beyond any emotion I've ever felt before.
I love NYC. I love the theatre and culture. The food and social gatherings. The parks and gorgeous architecture-
I've enjoyed this week, and now it's time to leave- before I decided to go ape shit on the next person who cuts me off getting on the elevator, or stops to answer their phone in the middle of a pedestrian sidewalk, or my favorite... people who move so slow getting on or off the subway that you get shut out, and have to wait for the next train!
Yes, I got my NYC fill... Now I'm ready to go home and enjoy the calm, California sun on the beach in Malibu!
New York- I'll see you next year.

I Do.

I'm proud of California. Yesterday "The Golden State" lived up to its nickname and officially joined the twenty-first century- by reversing the ban on gay marriage. Equality for all is now one step closer for everyone in the United Stares of America.

I'm especially moved by reading a portion of Chief United States District Judge Vaughn Walker's ruling; “the evidence shows Proposition 8 does nothing more than enshrine in the California Constitution the notion that opposite sex couples are superior to same sex couples.”
Walker also concluded that “gender no longer forms an essential part of marriage; marriage under law is a union of equals.”

I applaud Judge Vaughn Walker for understanding that every person regardless of gender or sexual preference should have the same rights.
Now all gay couples are entitled to share in the same sex-less, unhappy relationships of their straight counter parts!
I joke, of course- I'm truly grateful for the progress that we as a country continue to achieve. Moreover, I'm encouraged by the clarity and enlightenment that continues to grow in the human heart!
I'm anxious for the day I get to say: I Do!

NYC Subways- Too Hot For Me...

Sweaty,
Unbelievable heat with
Body odor;
Wrestling to find a spot near the air vent;
Assholes everywhere-
Yuck!

A Day in NYC.

Breakfast with friends;
Rehearsal;
Drinks.
Cab.
Dinner with LA friends in NYC;
More drinks,
Metro to bed!
I love this city!

New York City Food Is The Best!

Why does food always taste better in New York?
I swear I'm not a food snob, and I love LA...
But let's be honest- New York City has the best food in the United States hands down.
I say that with some authority after traveling to forty-nine of the fifty states!
From diner food to Three Star Michelin cuisine, NYC is where it's at!
I just ate the most unbelievable hamburger in Lower Manhattan...
Get a pen and write this down:
Zaitzeff
72 Nassau Street
New York, NY 10038
The next time your in New York City, do not miss this burger!
Trust me, your mouth will thank you!

Bright Lights. Big City.

I can feel the energy the minute I land;
The speed of the train rushing toward the city;
Until I'm here, I always forget how monstrous the buildings are-
The familiar surroundings trick my head into thinking time stood still.
Friends, lavish dinners, crazy nightlife-
I always forget how much I love this city!
In moderation of course-
It's amazing, until the summer heat, annoying tourist, and overpriced EVERYTHING gets to you...
Then you know it's time to go home.
I'll just savor this week!

Home Is Where The Heart Is...

I'm glad to be home after the never ending summer journey...
Sadly, I leave again tomorrow for The Big Apple!
Then off to Oregon for a wedding...
It seems the only thing at home, is an empty bed!
I can't wait to be back in Los Angeles for an extended amount of time-
I guess I'll have something to look forward to! ...in September!

Boat Trip!

Boat Trip in Lake Tahoe
Worth all the drama leading up to this!
Amazing-

Hung Over...

Head throbbing
Unbelievable pain
Need Advil
Good Lord!

One drink too many
Vomiting is near
Eggs with ketchup
Really need sleep!

Zen My Way

Peaceful morning walk along the lake.
The mind is calm.
Grateful for this beautiful view-
And the delicious caramel macchiato I'm gulping down!

I'm Not A Little Kid Anymore!

Have you ever woke up in the morning expecting to be in your childhood bedroom, just waiting for your mom or dad to come in and tell you it's time to get up and get dressed?
The moment feels so real- you forget that you're in the body of a thirty year old.
If only we could go back in time for a little "childhood vacation!"
I love being an adult; going where I want to go, eating what I want to eat, staying up as late as I please. Too bad I hate; paying bills, working and making tough decisions!
You always heard adults telling you to enjoy being a kid-
It's a shame you don't understand why, until it's too late!
Oh well! I have a great life-
Besides, who's business is it to tell me I'm not a little kid anymore?
Maybe the IRS? But other than them... I'm as young and carefree as I say I am!

Lake Tahoe

The brilliant aroma of pine fills the mountain air;
The vibrant, blue sky is crystal clear-
The gondola floats you up to the gorgeous Heavenly summit;
The lake is calm, crisp and magnificent-
Gods work is visible here;
I'm at peace- and getting paid for it!

Over It.

People who act like they care.
People who DEMAND respect, but offer none.
People who want you to "do it" their way, but make it your own.
People who forget they live in a glass house.
People who call themselves a friend, and offer no friendship.
People who take advantage- EVERY opportunity they get...
...and then act like you're the asshole for calling them out on it.
People who forget that we're ALL on the same "level" regardless of titles, money or
background- we're ALL human beings that deserve EQUALITY.

Introducing: Stand Up Storytime!

And now, for A Group Productions latest venture... I give you "Stand Up Storytime!"
It's the latest project I've been working on with my partner in crime Jeff Payton. The concept is simple and funny! (I hope...)
Each episode of "Stand Up Storytime" will be narrated by one of Los Angeles's hottest comedians and reenacted as the craziness unfolds!
For our first episode, I'm pleased to introduce straight from this season of LAST COMIC STANDING... The beautiful and talented Amy Claire!
With special guest appearances by yours truly, in addition to Jeff Payton, Maggie Miguel and the lovely Brooke Allison

A Letter to the Month of July

Dear July,

I know that you're usually a sunny, hot, celebration of beach and food;

But right now, you're really being a drag.

Then to go all "June Gloom" on us-

It really hurts!

I miss our summer fun!

When we were younger you took me to the lake;

we barbecued, went on long hikes, and beach days were a blast.

Now, you expect me to enjoy 65 degree weather in Los Angeles?!?

Well, I think you've lost your spunk...

I know you're coming down with the Global Warming and all...

But can't you just pull it together for one week?

I'll be on vacation soon- and I really hope you don't act like a total bitch then!

With all my love,

Matthew

I'm Back!

You know when you hear those stories of people losing their mind and going completely crazy off the deep end... and then in a life changing moment, they find their inner self again and have huge success?

Well that didn't happen to me, however, I totally understand how it might.

I'm not going to lie, the past three weeks were a little rough for me. Between moving into a new place, that was once my old place, and traveling every other week for work, I really let myself go! I gave into the negative energy, fear and doubt. Plus, I started overeating. Gross!

Fortunately, I intercepted the "dark side" before I completely derailed- or gained too much weight!

The frightening thing is, no matter how many times you've been in the thick of the storm, you never realize when you're heading right for it. It's not until cows, family members and ugly witches riding bikes are flying past your window, that you realize yet again that you allowed negative energy into your soul.

The good news is, I'm getting so much better at catching that negative oppression and killing it, before it kills me!

I made a promise to myself in January 2010, that I would stomp out; stress, negativity, fear and doubt the minute they entered my head-

Instead, I played right into the destruction during my move. No excuses. I fell victim to worrying about things that don't matter. In addition, I was working fourteen hour days judging talent competitions in theatres across the country, and forgot that I still had to pay attention to my goals and creative outlets.

Thankfully, after a long hike in the hills above all the glitz and glamour- I was able to take a deep breath, stand back and remember who I am and what I'm capable of. Beyond that, I was able to remind myself that I can either submit to the doubt or march forward with faith and a positive attitude.

Time and again I master the idea: It's always easier to give up. But the success and happiness in life come from enduring the set backs, rising to each new challenge and staying present along the journey.

"It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end."

-- Ursula K. LeGuin

So true- I'm glad to be back!

Lack of Creativity.

Woke up early today;

Planned on being proactive.

Between the distance from my bed to the shower-

I lost all energy to motivate.

Now I'm trying to create.

The key word: Trying

Strange how even the simplest tasks feel impossible when you're lazy.

I'll be happy if I get my teeth brushed before noon.

Okay, let's be honest, I'll be happy if I get my teeth brushed before I go back to bed!

Lindsay Lohan Ruined My Sleep!

Living where I do in the Hollywood Hills has it's major perks;

Great food, fun nightlife, shopping, and a beautiful view of Los Angeles!

Because of the great location a lot of celebrities live here too... Usually it's not an issue.

This morning however, I was rudely shocked out of a beautiful dream because four annoying helicopters continued to circle above my house for over an hour, starting at 7:45 a. m.

Why?

Just trying to get that one great shot of Lindsay Lohan leaving her house on route to the Beverly Hills courthouse where she would surrender herself for an earlier drunk driving arrest!

I was pissed!

Why do people care so much about seeing a washed up, bi-sexual, former child star, with crazy parents and an abusive relationship with drugs and alcohol drive herself to court?

Lame!

What's worse... the fact that NBC, ABC, Fox and CBS actually had helicopters to catch that RED-HOT MESS check herself into jail instead of covering important news!

What's The Big Ikea?

I don't know how they do it... and I don't care!

I love Ikea!

From the minute I walk into the big blue and gold fortress I'm surrounded by value!

How can they possible sell a Wok for $4.99? Which I might add is down from last years price of $7.99 as notated on their signage!

It doesn't matter to me that the majority of their products are made from pressed wood and self-assembled. The final picture is that of a clean, neutral and modern piece of furniture, that usually functions as a multipurpose piece!

Not too mention you can grab some delicious Swedish meat! You heard me, the Swedish Meatballs are amazing and you get a whole plate with all the fixings for just $4.99!

God bless the Scandinavians!

Perfect Cocktail!

Nothing says; "Perfect Dinner Party!" Like a delicious summer cocktail.

Tonight, I'm pleased to present:

A crisp Gin and Tonic with hand picked fresh mint, raspberries marinated in red wine, and a twist of lime!

Crisp. Fresh. Delicious.

Go Summer Dinner Party!

Cat Nap

Heavy eyelids struggling to read an adventure novel;

I sit upright in my comfy bed,

Loving the cool ocean breeze that brushes against my legs;

all the hairs stand on end-

Outside the aroma of a neighbor grilling on the BBQ;

No stress, no work, just decompression.

An HBO movie playing in the back ground;

The daydreaming begins.

My head jerks right to left waking me up-

only enough to reposition myself with a fluffy pillow.

I love Saturday afternoon cat naps!

Dinner Parties Are Fun!

Arrive at a lovely home you've never been to before;

Usually in the valley...

Enter into a group of people already happily socializing-

Wine, wine, wine;

Small appetizers passed,

Outdoor dinning room, perfectly landscaped-

One guest always brings that "Next Best Thing" in Hollywood-

She makes you laugh too hard-

Industry talk until everyone is "over it..."

Desert comes with more wine!

Everyone is merrily carrying on-

Dinner Parties are Fun!

Life's A Beach and Then You Marry One!

Remember those amazing T-shirts from the 80's?

Bright neon colors with "rad" slogans most of which involving the beach...

My favorite was "Life's A Beach and Then You Marry One!"

Of course I was around twelve or thirteen years old at the time, so I'm sure I only half knew what it meant. Obviously I understood the implied- calling your wife a "beach" and getting away with it, however, it wasn't until I got out on my own that I realized the many layers of that T-shirt!

I'm not sure why I thought of that saying today. It could be the fact that it's 85 degrees in Malibu and I could really use a beach day!

I know I've mentioned it several times in my blog posts, but the last month has wiped me out! I was on a creative high with our Real Housewives of New York City parodies, and then with the grand move, and the out of town work engagements have left me feeling uninspired, fat and lazy.

So, I've decided to get up off my uncreative, inactive, lackadaisical ass and get back on board the game of "life!" The first place I though of on a sunny day in Los Angeles: Malibu! The sand, sun and salty air might be just what I need to refuel my juices!

Today life is a beach! ...as for the rest of the slogan, I'm not sure I'm in any hurry to marry one!

Summer... and I'm Working!

I'm so ready for a fun summer adventure!
All I've been doing the past three weeks is either moving or working... or working on something I've moved!
I'm over it!
And I'm freaked out that summer is half way gone!
So, today was the last day I've allowed myself to work on any projects involving my apartment.
It's time to get my mind refocused on new creative projects and fun summer trips!
First stop; a trip to the beach tomorrow. Followed by a fun, action packed, summer movie Friday. Wrapped up with a day of summer pool partying on Sunday... That should put my mind at ease for a moment.
Just long enough to realize that I still have a trip to Lake Tahoe and New York City this summer...
Both are for work! But believe- I'm gonna do my damnedest to have a little summer adventure time too!

Starving At Home After A Long Days Work...

Thank. God. For Thai delivery!

Where Is Summer Going?

If you take too much time to think about how fast time is passing-
Then you've already lost too much time thinking about something that cannot be stopped.

Wedding Day...

When attending a wedding it's important to remember to make friends with the bartender...
I've realized that they're either your best friend, or your worst nightmare!
In the case of Jacqueline and James Snyder's beautiful wedding today...
our bartender Jolie hooked us up!
Congratulations Jacqueline and James! The wedding was perfect. The two of you were beautiful.
And everyone had a blast!

The Glamorous Life

Pounding headache,
Crusty dry eyes-
Aching knees and numb lifeless feet,
Lower back in full spasim-
Bloated gut full of junk food!
Sometimes living a glamorous life is less than desirable.

Six Word Essay on Summertime

Working so much I'm missing out!

Work Hard. Play Hard.

I take after my Grandpa Smith in my outlook toward my career...
My grandpa is the type of guy who never stops. He works hard and plays hard. He loves to remind me that, "there is plenty of time to sleep when you're dead!"
I completely agree!
I'm in Las Vegas judging a national talent competition-
The days are long.
But I promise the nights are longer!
When we're not in the theatre judging talent, we're in the night club- judging people.
There might be some drinking and dancing too...
I have to say- I have an amazing job.
I take it for granted from time to time, but I'm aware that I have a blessed life.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have a foot-long margarita waiting for me!

Freelander... I Don't Think So!

Do you think there's a rule in the universe that when everything seems to be going swell, and you finally have a little money that you're planning on putting aside-

Disaster sets in?

Even after moving into my new apartment, paying bills, buying some new furniture, and paying for my license and registration on my car... I had a little "pocket money" that I was so excited to finally tuck away into my savings account and earn some interest-

Just when the thought popped into my head, I heard a massive screeching sound from my the front breaks in my car.

Of course! I think there is some unwritten rule that anytime you get too delighted about finally feeling caught up... You have to pay a toll-

In this case the toll is: $452.oo!

Making me wonder why my car was named by the Range Rover company; The Freelander?

I think The Freeloader would be a better car title.

Slacking Off!

I'm a total slacker when it comes to my blog this month!

I've written several entries a day late and cheated and posted them with the correct date...

I'm pretty sure that was not a part of my resolution-

So I commit to posting something on the correct day!

...unless I forget.

Running on Empty...

I keep promising myself that I'll take ten minutes to write more than three sentences and call it a "blog post."
Sadly, I just feel like I'm running on empty...
Between moving and traveling for work, I don't have much time to spare.
I feel uncreative too-
So I don't see the point in wasting time forcing myself to compose a long contemplative essay or even a short story.
I'm fully aware that the entire goal of my January 2010 resolution (to write a blog post a day) was to stay fresh and keep the creative juice flowing...
So here I sit, fighting the urge to go organize something in the bathroom that needs to be arranged, or catching up on some desperately craved sleepy time...
And the funny thing is even now as sit here at my computer, I feel the drive to get my mind back on track!
Too bad I leave town again tomorrow for another week of judging a national talent competition in Las Vegas. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for the money and the free trip to Vegas (where I'm positive I won't sleep and I'll spend all my free time by the pool drinking) but, I just hope that by this time next Sunday, I'll be ready to complete a July project-
Other than rearranging the book shelf in my living room!

Happy Birthday America!

Today I'm thankful for my freedom.
It may not be perfect, but it's as close to perfect as I've seen anywhere else!
Happy Birthday America!

Work and Drink

Bed at 4 am.
Wake at 6 am.
Work until 7 pm.
Drink until 2 am.
Wake up and start again!

Pool Time in Orlando at One AM

Party
On
Orlando
Livin'

What do Dancers Really Eat?

I love how I like to pretend that I'm a healthy eater...
And then spend the day in a theatre judging dancers with amazing bodies, while eating a tub of peanut butter M&M's and a gallon of Cherry Coke!
Hey I don't have to look good! ...this week.

Talent Competitions

The hardest part of judging talent competitions is sitting on your ass in a hard theatre seat all day...
The best part... All expense trips across the country!
I'm at the Disney resort in Orlando for a fun filled week of talent, fun and fireworks!

Five Reasons I Love Coffee.

1. The smell alone brings a smile to my face.
2. It's amazing hot or cold!
3. It's a brilliant substitute for food.
4. I can't actually function before five am without it.
5. It reminds me of home.

Free at last!

The shackles of moving have been removed! We're in and very happy!
My favorite part- the view.
Los Angeles shines even brighter from above. It's crazy, from here I can actually see my dreams coming true!

Oops!

Moving sucks! But I'm finely finished...
And of course I was so overwhelmed that I forgot to post!
I promise I'll be creative again soon!

Done!

The boxes are in...
The unpacking begins...
I'm pooped!

RAGE!

RAGE IS NOW UPON US! I can't even form complete sentences!
I want this move to be over.
It was supposed to be one day!

Moving Sucks Part 5

The rage continues to build inside of me...
Why don't people do what they say they're going to?
Why do contractors lie about time, and then lie about lying?
Why did I ever think it would be a good idea to move?
Why did my new downstairs neighbor (who is obviosly going to be an issue) decied it was okay to walk into our apartment without asking?
I HATE moving!

Moving Sucks Part 4

I have spray paint in my eye...
IN MY EYE!
Moving sucks.
But staying sucks more...
So you've got to do!

Moving Sucks Part 3

Yesterday we helped an elderly couple move out of the place we're moving into;
Boxes of books.
Mounds of clothes.
Furniture covering every square inch.
We packed, carried and conquered!
I felt incredibly sad for the couple-
If it were my grandparents I pray someone would have done the same for them.
Now it's time for us to move our stuff-
It's going to be a long week!

Moving Sucks Part 2

UUuuhhhhggggg!!!
I just spent three hours on the phone and internet trying to update my new address for the move-
I was reminded just how much I HATE automated phone prompts.
They never work.
Why does every little thing take hours to accomplish?
Why can't moving be easier?
I know I'll love the new place...
But right now all I can do is RAGE!!!
Moving Sucks!

Brunch!

Brilliant
Refreshing
Unbelievably
Necessary
Champagne
Happiness

Getting Paid To Judge People...

I get paid to judge talent competitions from time to time, and I can't help but wonder-
Do the contestants I'm judging- judge me for making money off their talent or lack there of?

Moving Sucks! Part 1

After five wonderful years in my beautiful Hollywood Hills bungalow... I'm moving!
To an even more breathtaking Hollywood Hills Penthouse! With a view that spans all of downtown Los Angeles all the way to Malibu! Plus a washer and dryer and NO MORE LOOKING FOR PARKING!!! I'll have my own underground parking spot!
But the most amazing part- I'll be paying less than I pay now!
Thank you poor economy! (Hey, it's the only plus in this economic climate!)
But enough of the bragging-
Because as thankful as I am to move... The actual process sucks!
Phase one began today, when my asshole of a landlord came by to "inspect" the place...
I just love when people expect you to return things in BETTER condition than when you first moved in! He has a poor memory of what the place looked like five years ago- But never fear! I have the pictures to remind him of all the amazing things I've done to make the place more livable...
In fact today I spent two hours patching holes and painting... How many tenants do that before they leave?
I assure you- not many in LA!
This move is going to wreck me... I'm kind of a freak about needing my home to be perfect ASAP, but because I'm traveling out of town so much, I have a feeling this is going to be a move in phases...
Uhg! I'm so not looking forward to the loading and unloading. I'm thankful the move is only one block away- and I've already got a jump on the packing. So I'm going to do my best to stay positive and stress free.
Ha! We'll see how long that last! Hopefully by July 4th I'll be ready to throw a big party...

The Real Housewives of New York City Parody Part 2!

Because of the success of our first Real Housewives of New York City Parody... We decided to shoot another one right away! Watch below or to view in full frame on YouTube click the title link above! Hope you enjoy it as much as we did making it:

Wine!

Wonderfully

Intoxicated

Nice

Envorniment

That's Show Business!

Well as they say; "That's show business!"

Our parody did not make Watch What Happens Live last night...

Of course I'm a little disappointed, nevertheless I'm still totally thrilled that we were contacted by the producers! Plus, the parody is still doing well on YouTube!

So, no time to sit and be upset-

It's on to the next creative adventure!

Because in this town, you're only as good as your next project!

Amazing News!

I just found out today that the Real Housewives of New York City Parody that I co-wrote / directed / acted in and produced is supposed to air on Bravo's Watch What Happens Live tonight after The Real Housewives Reunion Show Part 2!

I can't even begin to describe the rush of adrenaline I experienced when we received a call from one of the producers over at Bravo!

Hopefully this is just the beginning of the next journey in my life!

Either way, I'm so proud that something that I c0-created with the brilliant Jeff Payton is getting such a great response from viewers and positive attention from people in "big" places.

As I've mentioned time and again in my writing- this industry is full of ups and downs. One minute you think you're never going to work again, and the next day you book a project that takes you on a new journey...

I'm pleased that I'm finally at a point in my life and career, where I just appreciate the small successes as they come to me, and I trust that so long as I continue to create and grow as an artist- the journey will lead me to my ultimate dreams in life!

Pride

Pride is in the air!
Everywhere I look-
Happy men, women and children at peace.
Families, friends and supporters;
Proud to be a part of that...

TGTIO!

Thank

God

Today

Is

Over!

...not that I'm not grateful for every day. However, today was a long, painful day-

Friday!

Friday is here!

So is UNBELIEVABLE news!

...can't say anything more-

But it could change everything for the better!

Truly haven't ever had a feeling like this!

I'm numb with happiness, so much so that I can't even type!

Life is beautiful!

I Love the Icing!

Despite how crazy and wonderful the month of May was for me- it looks like June has decided to give my birthday month a run for it's money!

So I say, "Bring it on!"

I'm so beyond ready to advance to the next step on the board walk in the game of Life!

Of course, I really try to enjoy each day for what it brings. I believe that if you follow your dreams, set goals and work to accomplish them, great things can happen.

I'm just in shock that it actually happened!

It's such a validating feeling to create a piece of work or project that you are proud of, and then release it into the universe- But I have to be honest, it's even more rewarding when that project receives an overwhelming response!

I'm beside myself with gratitude and joy from all of the excellent reviews and words of encouragement we've received with our little parody!

Who knows? Maybe, just maybe, this might be the project that opens a few more doors!

The entertainment industry is unexplainable- to call it tough or bone crushing would be an understatement! In fact, I just don't think there are any words that can describe what EVERYONE who is in this business faces at least once in their career.

You never know if you're ever going to work again, so you are always trying to live in that moment, but secretly you pray that another gig will come.

Then, of course, there are the layers... i. e. I hope people like it. What will they think? How can I use this to help get me more work? Do I look okay? etc...

So- I've really spent a lot of time reminding myself that I'm in this industry because I love acting and creating... Then I surround myself with exceptional friends and family and focus on enjoying LIFE. Anything that comes as a result of my career is just the icing on the cake!

...and let me tell you: over the past four months the cake has been rich and the frosting is decadent!

Busy...

Busy. Busy. Busy...

No time to write, talk or eat.

I'm trying to make the dream happen here people!

A Phone Call From Jill Zarin...

How surreal! I just got off the phone with the REAL Jill Zarin!

Honestly, she is super cool and could not be more gracious about the fact that I impersonated her in The Real Housewives of New York City Parody.

In fact, she gave us a thumbs up and said that the parody is, "fantastic" and she "loves" the impersonation I did...

She even asked me to do my impersonation for her over the phone and laughed!

So cool!

I love that I wake up everyday and get to create fun projects. I'm even happier when people I don't know watch and enjoy them... But I am truly honored that someone from the actual television show- watched it, and liked it enough to reach out and share their reaction personally!

What a complement!

I believe it's true: "Imitation is the sincerest of flattery." -Charles Caleb Colton

and I'm flattered that Jill Zarin is "flattered" with my impersonation of her!

Up Too Early...

It's four in the morning.

I can't sleep.

I've got a lot on my mind, for no reason at all.

The past five months of 2010 have been magnificent!

I've somehow managed to keep all of my New Year's resolutions, in addition to enjoying the added surprises that come up along the way.

Of course it's in my nature to be upset or disappointed in something-

which explains why I'm up right now...

I guess my mind is trying to find something to be fixated on, and because things are (for the most part) right on course for me, my mind is unable to accept this as a good thing.

It's common for me to try and make something better. When in fact maybe I just need to relax and savor the moment. I have achieved a ton in the past five months. Most of all, I've experienced a level of faith and accomplishment in myself as an artist and person.

Nevertheless, the battle remains- to accept where I am today, and grow from here. I know that it's a never ending fight to appreciate each day for what it brings. Some (days) more than others... I'm okay with that. It's just a matter of checking in and reminding myself that good, bad or in between I can shine if I just stay focused on positive energy.

Hydration is key!

When lounging poolside, it's important to stay hydrated...

That's why my friends and I drink vodka infused Crystal Light with electrolytes-

I love weekends when I don't have to work!

I know that all I do is lay around eating too much and getting drunk...

But honestly, what else could I be doing? Writing? Working out?

...no thanks! That's what Mondays and Tuesdays are for!

Poolside!

Plenty of alcohol.

Outrageous appetizers.

Off the charts music.

Laughter

Serious sun.

I love Summer.

Dripping wet.

Ecstasy!

Jazz in LA!

Summer is here...

...and with Summer in Los Angeles, comes one of my favorite FREE activities!

Tonight marks the first of the outdoor series of Jazz at LACMA!

Every Friday during the Summer months, LACMA hosts an amazing evening of Jazz in the outdoor North Plaza between the beautiful Broad Contemporary Art Museum building and the Ahmanson Building.

It's the closet feeling to New York City's Central Park vibe during the Summer. People from all over LA gather on picnic blankets (there are also chairs available on the pavilion) for those not as adventurous! It's one of the few times in Los Angeles, where you see a truly eclectic group of people drinking, eating and dancing in a harmonious blend! Plus, it's an excellent opportunity to take in some museum time too!

For anyone that has doubts about the culture in Los Angeles- this event should be toward the top of your list! Don't even get me started on the Summer Series at the Hollywood Bowl- that's coming up soon!

Anyway, I'm not only looking forward to a delicious picnic basket of fried chicken and potato salad, many bottles of wine, and amazing music... but tonight, we're also celebrating the birth of a close friend! So I'm positive the laughter and stories will continue well past the Jazz concert... which usually wraps up around 8 PM!

Laundry!

Hamper stuffed and pilled high,

No clean polo shirts to wear;

Going commando for three days straight,

Searching for anything from this decade to grab;

Can't be caught in the same thing... again!

People think it's my uniform;

Yep- I have to do laundry...

Now!

Addicted to Tattoos!

I'm not going to lie. I'm a huge fan of tattoos! I'm not even sure where the fascination with them came from, but I remember sometime around the age of thirteen- I knew that as soon as I turned eighteen I would get an entire sleeve of them!

When eighteen rolled around, I was living in Chicago and dancing in a professional dance company- I took my best friend at the time (Maria Tucker) with me to a small tattoo shop in Evanston, IL for my first tattoo! I knew I was in trouble from that point on! I was ADDICTED! I loved the rush of adrenaline, the sound of the buzzing needle and the spiritual high I got.

There's something about the permanency of a tattoo that makes me happy. I know many people see them as ugly and regrettable...

However, I find tattoos beautiful works of art and self-expression. Over the years I've continued to build on my body art- I'm up to six tattoos. All of which are extremely meaningful to me. Each represents a moment in my life, and add to the greater story of the journey I'm on.

Sure, there are those connotations connected with a permanent mark- the Holocaust and life as an inmate. But lets not forget that tattooing dates back to the Neolithic times, dating from the fourth to fifth millennium BC. Tattoos have long served as a spiritual practice- marking devotion, bravery, rank, and pledges of love!

Last night I was excited to share in my friend Amy's first tattoo experience! Amy had been contemplating the idea of a tattoo for well over a decade. She always knew what she wanted, however, she wasn't ready to take the next step. But like with most people, when it's time- you know it! (I know I sound crazy, but tattoos are something that really are more than just Pop culture or a Disney character you pick off a wall when you're drunk in the Bahamas!)

Anyway, Amy has a birthday coming up- and she was ready to mark this step of her journey-

I got to hold her hand last night as the needle sunk into her skin! She was nervous, but extremely brave! Amy- Welcome to the club!

Six Word Essay about Facebook...

Overwhelmed looking at my computer screen!

A Good Review...

I spend my life trying to create projects that others will enjoy- as an escape, release or just for a good laugh...
There is nothing more wonderful than the validation from a random stranger.
I know that you're not supposed to give much attention to a review... good or bad, because the work alone should be enough... and I can honestly say it always is!
Nevertheless, I'm grateful when someone takes notice of my creative efforts! In this case the awesome website TheFrisky.com
re-posted a parody of "The Real Housewives of New York" that I created with my talented friends... and I got a special glowing review! Check it out and if you haven't already... take a look at the parody too:
http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-real-housewives-of-new-york-city-parody/

I LOVE Hollywood

The thing about Hollywood is- all the things you see in the movies really do happen.
It's strange. But somehow, even the most outlandish stories have a way of manifesting!
For example, I never thought I'd find myself being invited to hang out at a gorgeous compound in Palm Springs over Memorial Weekend and get to sleep in one of the guest houses that Dean Martin slept in...
and yet I'm writing this while lounging poolside!
I have friends in other parts of the country who think that it's like this everyday for people that live in Hollywood... I always laugh and assure them it's not...
But I guess I finally realized...
It kind of is!
And I'm grateful for every crazy adventure I've been lucky enough to enjoy!

Viva Las Vegas!

I'm in Las Vegas for a quick gig and I had a few hours to kill last night on the Vegas Strip...
While I was out walking I noticed that almost every guy in Las Vegas either looks extremely gay or like a wife beater... And all the girls are either overweight with a hot face or skinny with huge boobs?! What's even crazier is that it all turns me on a little bit...
Viva Las Vegas!

Will Summer Please Stay Put?

I have to admit I'm over this Summer sun tease...

It's been a strange weather year all around for those of us who live in Los Angeles-

One day violent rain and wind, the next day the sun is out with nothing but blue skies...

Then of course there's "June Gloom." I think the name says it all... Los Angeles usually gets to enjoy a sunny April and May and then with June we get the gray!

But this year, almost every other day has been gray!!

I'm over it! I want to wake up everyday and know that I'm going to be hot and sweaty! I want to know that the sun is going to bake my skin to a golden perfection! I want to wear shorts until 11 pm! I'm sick and tired of freezing in LA!

Will the Summer sun please stay put!

Oh My Face!

Puffy, pudgy, bloated, swollen.

Itchy, red, inflated eyes.

Sheet marks running across my cheeks-

...lets just say I'm glad the crazy week is winding down!

I don't think my face can take another all-nighter.

The Parody of The Real Housewives of New York City

Without further ado I'm pleased to present: The Real Housewives of New York City Parody-

Please note: due to the ratio of the YouTube player and your computer screen, you may not be

able to see the full view of this video. Please click the link above to watch in full screen via YouTube.

Disappointment...

Disappointment ensues...
This is the second day I didn't write my blog in time!
I can make a million excuses and mention that I was running back and forth between rehearsals for two different shows I'm directing...
However, I'm upset in myself for dropping the ball! We all have the same twenty-four hours in a day, and I didn't use mine properly.
Never fear! I will make up for it in tomorrows blog!

Mondays

It doesn't matter who you are or how long you've lived through them...
Mondays are almost always a drag!
Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful to be alive-
I just have such a hard time starting my week.
I'm sure it has something to do with the fact that when we were kids, Mondays meant going back to school.
Nevertheless, Monday is here and I'm already so far behind on my week!
Oh well, it's almost nine o'clock and I'm ready for a drink!
Bring on the wine... I'll worry about today tomorrow!

Six Word Essay on Dinner Parties...

Overeating Mexican food gives you gas!

The Real Housewives of New York City...

Well, I made it through stand up and I made it through the shoot of The Real Housewives of New York City parody!

Now I'm off to sit in a theatre all day- let's just hope I can stay awake!

Here's a sneak peak of the character I play, Jill Zarin:

Wow!

Well, I made it through my stand up return... and I must admit after nearly four years on hiatus- I'm happy with the job I did! Most important I had a blast on stage and felt right at home! That, and nobody booed me off- so that's a good sign.

I'm on a performance high and writing today's blog really early! I can't sleep. Which is too bad, because I have to get up tomorrow for my next creative venture!

It's a busy week, but that's how I like it!

I'm eager to share this next project I'm working on... I'm co-producing and acting in a parody of The Real Housewives of New York City! That's all I will say for now...

I've got to force myself to get some sleep. I've got a full weekend, and I want to be able to enjoy as much of it as possible!

I know that this is probably the lamest blog entry to date- But I can only be funny, cleaver, smart or insightful for a certain amount of time each day. Since stand up sucked the life out of me yesterday and I've got a fourteen hour shoot today I hope you will all understand.

...and by "all"- I mean you mom!

Tonight's The Night!

Well, tonight's the big night...

My official return to the stand up stage in LA! I'm excited and nervous all at the same time, it's like the first time I had sex, only I don't know how this is going to end!

I'm actually really looking forward to it! Though I haven't done as much prep work as I might have done in the past, I think this new found approach just might work- plus I think I have a few funny stories that should make people laugh.

In the end, for me- it's really just about getting up and putting myself out there! I know that this is going to sound super lame and cheesy- But my whole life, I've enjoyed performing and making people laugh. It's what I've spent all of my energy and almost everyday pursuing, so no matter what, I'm grateful that I live in LA and I continue to live my dream.

Wish me luck! ...I'll let you know how it goes!