I Love Auditions!

I don't care who you are, or how long you've been an actor in the entertainment industry-

You will never get used to the crazy world of auditioning.

Don't get me wrong, I love auditions!

An audition is an opportunity to work as an actor.

It means that you're doing something right...

You have "something" that "someone" in this business might want to use-

I'm thankful for every audition I get called in for!

Nevertheless, there are always those brilliant moments when an audition feels more like torture, than a fun, creative, potential job...

Today, I had the pleasure of auditioning for a small, but juicy role in an independent movie with a great script and some amazing talent attached.

The scene that I was auditioning for was extremely intense. The character I was playing gets shot in the leg, while on a wild chase through the woods. At the height of the drama, the character realizes that his allies might just end up switching alliances and turn the gun on him instead of saving him.

Of course the professional that I am- I spent a lot of time working on the scene. Because this was a big chase scene, with bullets flying through the air and a lot of over the top dialogue leading up to my character getting shot in the leg, I wanted to make sure that my audition would be honest and dramatic, without being cheesy...

I arrived in Santa Monica, only to realize, that the audition was being held in a makeshift "office" / living room in a 1960's apartment complex.

Now, this is not some random, shady casting director, that's going to ask me to take off my clothes on camera- This is a major casting director in the film industry-

So I was shocked, when I signed in, and was asked to, "keep the yelling down, because this room echos..."

Wasn't I auditioning for the crazy, gun happy maniac, who (according to the script) was yelling like a mad man?

If that wasn't strange enough, I start my audition, and because I've been asked not to yell, I'm making the "choice" to keep the dialogue extremely intense and intimate- Only to hear the casting directors iPhone ring during my line, "I think I'm gonna die if you leave me here..."

Oh, the good times!

As if it weren't difficult enough to pretend that I'm in the middle of the woods, with a gunshot wound, being chased down a hill, while sitting in a living room in sunny Santa Monica with a casting director sitting behind a folding table reading every other line in the script-

Now I have to compete with an iPhone?

God, auditions are a blast!

Risk Everything!

Enough is enough.

I'm extremely happy with my life.

However, there are things that I want-

That I expect.

This year has been about me leaping far beyond my normal comfort zone.

In turn- truly wonderful things have happened...

This is the moment of truth for me.

The only thing I have to lose in life- is opportunity!

It's time to re-invent the rules of how things are achieved.

I'm going for "it" full force now-

Me- to the max!

Carb Lover

Delicious and crunchy,

Each savory bite melts in my mouth-

The salty, creamy juices ooze from every pore.

God I love toast and butter!

Sunset Strip Music Festival SSMF 2010

Slash with Fergie.

Smashing Pumpkins.

Madness, music and AquaNet on Sunset Boulevard.

Fantastic!

Overeater!

Oh my God!

Very full right now,

Eating shouldn't hurt.

Really need to learn how to stop when I'm full!

Even if I took a break between bites to chew,

Always room for a second helping!

Truly sorry I ate that fourth cookie...

Excessive intakes of cheese are not that good for the gut;

Remember this next time!

Spaghetti Dinner!

Both of my grandmas are Italian, so you can imagine how wonderful Sunday Dinners are with my family. As a kid, I remember stuffing my face with endless amounts of spaghetti, meatballs, Italian sausage, braciole, various meets and cheeses... and more bread than you'd believe!

The dinner was more than just food though. It was a wonderful day of family, friends and fighting. (The fighting was not the best part, nevertheless, it was a major part of my childhood.)

As and adult, I love going home to visit my grams' and spend quality time with both of them in the kitchen. Over the years, I've slowly started to incorporate both of their techniques into my own unique hybrid of their delicious and savory recipes. (My food is never going to taste as brilliant as either of my grams' cooking, however, I'm not going to give up trying...)

Now, I look forward to having my own Sunday Dinners in Los Angeles. It doesn't happen as often as I'd like, but when all of my friends come together, our evening is a harmonious blend of laughter, food and yes even a little fighting!

Tonight, I'm hosting a spaghetti dinner. I've made over twenty meatballs, two pounds of Italian sausage, two pounds of stew meat, three pounds of spaghetti, all the appetizers you can dream of, and of course five bottles of wine!

The most important thing in my life is my family- and my friends are very much an extend part of my family.

I'm so grateful to both of my grandmas for sharing their love of food and family in perfect balance. It's the perfect Italian marriage!

I Want It...

More than ever!

Ouch!

I went to EZ Lube to get the oil changed in my car today-

...expecting to pay $25.99 with the special summer oil change coupon I printed on the internet.

I ended having to use synthetic oil, because my car is "fancy" and I also had to replace the battery because of a dead "cell..."

I walked out paying $188.00!!!

OUCH!

Sunset Music Festival 2010

Look out Sunset Boulevard! This weekend is going to rock your socks off!

Today I had the privilege of working the VIP table at the world famous The Roxy nightclub on the infamous Sunset Strip...

Of course I got all done up in my Rock Star gear...

Although, nothing makes me feel less like a rock star than to work in a killer scene like The Roxy.

That place has seen and heard it all- from Bob Dylan, Bruce Springsteen and David Bowie to Van Morrison, Avril Lavigne and the Red Hot Chili Peppers!

The fact is, the list goes on and on...

Even Paul Reubens introduced his Pee-wee Herman character in The Roxy Theatre!

...and I got to sit on my ass and hand out VIP passes for the Sunset Music Festival 2010!

So I played The Roxy too!

If you're in Los Angeles this August 26th through the 28th make sure to swing by Sunset Boulevard ( between San Vicente and Doheny ) and get ready to party with Slash, The Smashing Pumpkins and many more!

I Love Sunday!

Lazily, I snuggle up in my bed with my adorable dog Ginger;

No pressure to wake up and do anything-

Maybe we'll go to a movie today,

Or perhaps I'll take a hike through the canyon;

Who knows- I might just stay in bed and watch cartoons,

and cheesy 80's movies on Lifetime!

That's why I love Sundays.

Absolutely no rules.

I should go to brunch though.

That's not a requirement, just an excellent use of time.

Two Words about A Weekend in LA:

Thank God!

Really? This Is My Life Tonight?

What can I say? Sometimes you're livin' it up on a yacht partying like a Rock Star-

...and sometimes you're a cater waiter for a friend of a friends dinner party!
Tonight, you try and guess which one I was: Oh, the glamorous life in LA!

Do More!

Wanting it is not enough;
Dreaming about it is just the beginning-
Visualizing it starts the process,
Talking about it encourages growth,
Taking action excelerates the process,
Working your ass off keeps it moving forward;
Patience and faith keep you sane-
It will happen when it's supposed too!

Time To Kick It Into High Gear!

Today, I decided to take inventory of the progress I've made toward my 2010 goals and resolutions.
So far, it looks as though this has been an excellent year!
It seems that seeking the positive approach to every situation has proved to be the most effective way to achieve success.
I'm pleased and even a bit surprised to see just how victorious I've been in reaching the ambitious plans I set forth in January of this year.
Once again reminding me that positive action and faith will always triumph over fear and doubt.
Every time I've focused my energy and faith on a project or opportunity that I wanted to conquer- I soared!
Confirming that no matter what the task or goal at hand is, I can always approach it from a positive intention.
Regardless of whether the goal is met in the way I planned, I've opened myself up to a new opportunity to grow and create-
So, with four months left in the year, I've decided it's time to kick myself into high gear!
I plan on spectacular finish!
The foundation has been poured, the structure is sturdy and it's time to move in and take over the building.

Fat ass!

Full
Ate
Too much
Amazing
Shit
Sleep now!

Home Sweet Home

After a very long road trip along the beautiful Pacific Ocean...
I'm so happy to be home!
I've missed Los Angeles-
Of course I had a wonderful summer- traveling to exciting destinations;
On a yacht, and airplanes and yes, even cars...
I'm grateful for the next few weeks I have with my dog Ginger and all of my loved ones.
Adventure awaits around every corner for me,
and though my career dictates that I live a somewhat gypsy lifestyle-
Each crazy destination is part of saying yes to work as a performer;
I believe that no matter where you are, home really is with you in your heart...
Still, it feels amazing to be in my own bed for a change!

Road Trip- Day 4

Too much food.
Too much liquor.
Too much dancing.
Not enough sleep.
It was a long wild night-
Hour six,on our way back to Los Angeles;
I really thought three thousand songs would be enough-
Sadly, I think we've gone through each playlist twice!
One more day in the car tomorrow;
I think one road trip a year builds character-
...and constipation!

Road Trip- Day 3

Arrived in Salem,
Met friends at a bar...
Joined the drinking already in progress;
Intoxicated easily after a six hour car trip;
Partied all night-
Crawled back to the hotel room;
Six people packed in a room for two-
Early start at the gym today,
In order to pay for our sins last night!
It's time!
Bring on the wedding festivities.

Road Trip- Day 2

Little dumpy roadside motel;
I promise I'm not going to miss your nasty, stained carpet,
Musty moldy smell,
Unidentified splatter stains on the wall,
Scum lined shower- worse than any YMCA locker room I can even imagine,
Bath towels permanently discolored with a rich coffee hue,
Or continental breakfast with rotten fruit...
You get what you pay for- The bed bugs are free!
Now- back on the road,
Blasting rock music to drowned out the day terrors of last night.
Adventures are fun!

Road Trip! Day 1

Up at the butt crack of dawn;
Loaded up the car.
First, a pit-stop;
Quick fill up on gas and release of all bodily fluids.
iPhone playlist ready to rock.
Munchies within arms reach...
The 5 North all the way!
Nothing but hot, smelly cow pooh-
Awe, Central California- you're beautiful regardless of your stench!
Look out Tree People, here we come!

Ah-Mazing!

I had a truly wonderful time last night!

After spending the past three months impersonating her- I finally met Jill Zarin.

Let me just say that Jill could not be more wonderful, gorgeous or funny!

The night began with me getting dressed up (in full drag) as Jill Zarin from Bravo's The Real Housewives of New York City. Let me just be clear, I don't enjoy cross dressing or spending much time in women's clothing, make-up and wigs... However, as an actor, I will do anything for a great punch line! Due to the fact that our Real Housewives of NYC parodies are such a hit on YouTube, I thought I'd take advantage of the moment and play the scenario out...

I arrived at the famous Book Soup in Los Angeles (where the real Jill Zarin had a book signing) and as expected the media went crazy!

Once the real Jill Zarin showed up, it was a surreal but outstanding evening! Jill and I have talked via phone and email for the past several months, but meeting face to face was a dream!

Jill is such a great sport- in addition to sharing our parodies with all of her fans, she decided to make a cameo in our next parody! Which we shot last night after her book signing.

All I can say is- Just wait for that

next parody... It's gonna be OFF THE CHARTS HILARIOUS!

Until then I will share a few of the photos from last night... and send a million thanks to Jill Zarin for being an awesome person on the inside and out, and an amazing sport for playing along with a bunch of dorky actors and our skits!

Face to face...

Tonight is the night! I go face to face with the REAL Jill Zarin!
She'll be in Los Angeles at Book Soup to promote her new book, Secrets of a Jewish Mother: Real Advice, Real Stories, Real Love!
I'm dying to finally meet her in person. I just hope she recognizes me...
If all goes well- I'll end up in some of the trashy, delicious tabloids with her!
I think she's amazing for playing along with our parody.
Moreover- for allowing me to be on camera with her!
She gets it! Which is so cool.
Wish me luck!

Dear Monday

Monday, I'm sorry if you feel hated.
I don't mean to take you for granted,
It's just hard to get over the cool days-
Friday, Saturday and Sunday offer so much adventure;
What do you have to give?
Don't get me wrong-
I enjoy the possibility of a fresh new start.
It's just too bad you come on so strong-
Demanding me back to work,
Forcing me to deal with a new week,
Expecting me to be creative...
It's just too much right now-
Can't you just give me some space? Like Wednesday.
No offense Monday, but I'm over you already!

New York to Los Angeles-

Started today in New York;
Ending the day in Los Angeles-
Everything in between;
crazy,
wild,
fun,
with a splash of jet lagged...
But I'm happy to be home!

I Need A Vacation!

I've spent my entire summer traveling for work;
Okay, I admit- I may have had a few fun adventures along the way...
Nevertheless, I am ready for some much needed rest and relaxation!
I leave New York tomorrow morning. I cannot wait to be home.
Back to my life, love, Ginger and friends.
As usual, the past three months flew by-
At least I enjoyed the ride.
Now it's time to kick back and relax

New York, NY- It's A Wonderful Town!

I've reached the end of my week here in New York-
Though I will be sad to leave my friends, I have to admit, I'm ready to get back to my home in good ol' Los Angeles!
New York, New York- It's a wonderful town!
Until all of the hustle and bustle of tourist, traffic, and stress begin to pile up on top the steaming pile of stinky trash the lines the summer streets everyday... and I'm reminded of just how tough it is to live in New York!
Don't get me wrong, I had seven wonderful years here. And I love coming back to visit with friends and pick up the occasional job...
But as usually, the magic begins to wear off and all I'm left with is a rage beyond any emotion I've ever felt before.
I love NYC. I love the theatre and culture. The food and social gatherings. The parks and gorgeous architecture-
I've enjoyed this week, and now it's time to leave- before I decided to go ape shit on the next person who cuts me off getting on the elevator, or stops to answer their phone in the middle of a pedestrian sidewalk, or my favorite... people who move so slow getting on or off the subway that you get shut out, and have to wait for the next train!
Yes, I got my NYC fill... Now I'm ready to go home and enjoy the calm, California sun on the beach in Malibu!
New York- I'll see you next year.

I Do.

I'm proud of California. Yesterday "The Golden State" lived up to its nickname and officially joined the twenty-first century- by reversing the ban on gay marriage. Equality for all is now one step closer for everyone in the United Stares of America.

I'm especially moved by reading a portion of Chief United States District Judge Vaughn Walker's ruling; “the evidence shows Proposition 8 does nothing more than enshrine in the California Constitution the notion that opposite sex couples are superior to same sex couples.”
Walker also concluded that “gender no longer forms an essential part of marriage; marriage under law is a union of equals.”

I applaud Judge Vaughn Walker for understanding that every person regardless of gender or sexual preference should have the same rights.
Now all gay couples are entitled to share in the same sex-less, unhappy relationships of their straight counter parts!
I joke, of course- I'm truly grateful for the progress that we as a country continue to achieve. Moreover, I'm encouraged by the clarity and enlightenment that continues to grow in the human heart!
I'm anxious for the day I get to say: I Do!

NYC Subways- Too Hot For Me...

Sweaty,
Unbelievable heat with
Body odor;
Wrestling to find a spot near the air vent;
Assholes everywhere-
Yuck!

A Day in NYC.

Breakfast with friends;
Rehearsal;
Drinks.
Cab.
Dinner with LA friends in NYC;
More drinks,
Metro to bed!
I love this city!

New York City Food Is The Best!

Why does food always taste better in New York?
I swear I'm not a food snob, and I love LA...
But let's be honest- New York City has the best food in the United States hands down.
I say that with some authority after traveling to forty-nine of the fifty states!
From diner food to Three Star Michelin cuisine, NYC is where it's at!
I just ate the most unbelievable hamburger in Lower Manhattan...
Get a pen and write this down:
Zaitzeff
72 Nassau Street
New York, NY 10038
The next time your in New York City, do not miss this burger!
Trust me, your mouth will thank you!

Bright Lights. Big City.

I can feel the energy the minute I land;
The speed of the train rushing toward the city;
Until I'm here, I always forget how monstrous the buildings are-
The familiar surroundings trick my head into thinking time stood still.
Friends, lavish dinners, crazy nightlife-
I always forget how much I love this city!
In moderation of course-
It's amazing, until the summer heat, annoying tourist, and overpriced EVERYTHING gets to you...
Then you know it's time to go home.
I'll just savor this week!

Home Is Where The Heart Is...

I'm glad to be home after the never ending summer journey...
Sadly, I leave again tomorrow for The Big Apple!
Then off to Oregon for a wedding...
It seems the only thing at home, is an empty bed!
I can't wait to be back in Los Angeles for an extended amount of time-
I guess I'll have something to look forward to! ...in September!

Boat Trip!

Boat Trip in Lake Tahoe
Worth all the drama leading up to this!
Amazing-

Hung Over...

Head throbbing
Unbelievable pain
Need Advil
Good Lord!

One drink too many
Vomiting is near
Eggs with ketchup
Really need sleep!

Zen My Way

Peaceful morning walk along the lake.
The mind is calm.
Grateful for this beautiful view-
And the delicious caramel macchiato I'm gulping down!

I'm Not A Little Kid Anymore!

Have you ever woke up in the morning expecting to be in your childhood bedroom, just waiting for your mom or dad to come in and tell you it's time to get up and get dressed?
The moment feels so real- you forget that you're in the body of a thirty year old.
If only we could go back in time for a little "childhood vacation!"
I love being an adult; going where I want to go, eating what I want to eat, staying up as late as I please. Too bad I hate; paying bills, working and making tough decisions!
You always heard adults telling you to enjoy being a kid-
It's a shame you don't understand why, until it's too late!
Oh well! I have a great life-
Besides, who's business is it to tell me I'm not a little kid anymore?
Maybe the IRS? But other than them... I'm as young and carefree as I say I am!

Lake Tahoe

The brilliant aroma of pine fills the mountain air;
The vibrant, blue sky is crystal clear-
The gondola floats you up to the gorgeous Heavenly summit;
The lake is calm, crisp and magnificent-
Gods work is visible here;
I'm at peace- and getting paid for it!

Over It.

People who act like they care.
People who DEMAND respect, but offer none.
People who want you to "do it" their way, but make it your own.
People who forget they live in a glass house.
People who call themselves a friend, and offer no friendship.
People who take advantage- EVERY opportunity they get...
...and then act like you're the asshole for calling them out on it.
People who forget that we're ALL on the same "level" regardless of titles, money or
background- we're ALL human beings that deserve EQUALITY.

Introducing: Stand Up Storytime!

And now, for A Group Productions latest venture... I give you "Stand Up Storytime!"
It's the latest project I've been working on with my partner in crime Jeff Payton. The concept is simple and funny! (I hope...)
Each episode of "Stand Up Storytime" will be narrated by one of Los Angeles's hottest comedians and reenacted as the craziness unfolds!
For our first episode, I'm pleased to introduce straight from this season of LAST COMIC STANDING... The beautiful and talented Amy Claire!
With special guest appearances by yours truly, in addition to Jeff Payton, Maggie Miguel and the lovely Brooke Allison

A Letter to the Month of July

Dear July,

I know that you're usually a sunny, hot, celebration of beach and food;

But right now, you're really being a drag.

Then to go all "June Gloom" on us-

It really hurts!

I miss our summer fun!

When we were younger you took me to the lake;

we barbecued, went on long hikes, and beach days were a blast.

Now, you expect me to enjoy 65 degree weather in Los Angeles?!?

Well, I think you've lost your spunk...

I know you're coming down with the Global Warming and all...

But can't you just pull it together for one week?

I'll be on vacation soon- and I really hope you don't act like a total bitch then!

With all my love,

Matthew

I'm Back!

You know when you hear those stories of people losing their mind and going completely crazy off the deep end... and then in a life changing moment, they find their inner self again and have huge success?

Well that didn't happen to me, however, I totally understand how it might.

I'm not going to lie, the past three weeks were a little rough for me. Between moving into a new place, that was once my old place, and traveling every other week for work, I really let myself go! I gave into the negative energy, fear and doubt. Plus, I started overeating. Gross!

Fortunately, I intercepted the "dark side" before I completely derailed- or gained too much weight!

The frightening thing is, no matter how many times you've been in the thick of the storm, you never realize when you're heading right for it. It's not until cows, family members and ugly witches riding bikes are flying past your window, that you realize yet again that you allowed negative energy into your soul.

The good news is, I'm getting so much better at catching that negative oppression and killing it, before it kills me!

I made a promise to myself in January 2010, that I would stomp out; stress, negativity, fear and doubt the minute they entered my head-

Instead, I played right into the destruction during my move. No excuses. I fell victim to worrying about things that don't matter. In addition, I was working fourteen hour days judging talent competitions in theatres across the country, and forgot that I still had to pay attention to my goals and creative outlets.

Thankfully, after a long hike in the hills above all the glitz and glamour- I was able to take a deep breath, stand back and remember who I am and what I'm capable of. Beyond that, I was able to remind myself that I can either submit to the doubt or march forward with faith and a positive attitude.

Time and again I master the idea: It's always easier to give up. But the success and happiness in life come from enduring the set backs, rising to each new challenge and staying present along the journey.

"It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end."

-- Ursula K. LeGuin

So true- I'm glad to be back!

Lack of Creativity.

Woke up early today;

Planned on being proactive.

Between the distance from my bed to the shower-

I lost all energy to motivate.

Now I'm trying to create.

The key word: Trying

Strange how even the simplest tasks feel impossible when you're lazy.

I'll be happy if I get my teeth brushed before noon.

Okay, let's be honest, I'll be happy if I get my teeth brushed before I go back to bed!

Lindsay Lohan Ruined My Sleep!

Living where I do in the Hollywood Hills has it's major perks;

Great food, fun nightlife, shopping, and a beautiful view of Los Angeles!

Because of the great location a lot of celebrities live here too... Usually it's not an issue.

This morning however, I was rudely shocked out of a beautiful dream because four annoying helicopters continued to circle above my house for over an hour, starting at 7:45 a. m.

Why?

Just trying to get that one great shot of Lindsay Lohan leaving her house on route to the Beverly Hills courthouse where she would surrender herself for an earlier drunk driving arrest!

I was pissed!

Why do people care so much about seeing a washed up, bi-sexual, former child star, with crazy parents and an abusive relationship with drugs and alcohol drive herself to court?

Lame!

What's worse... the fact that NBC, ABC, Fox and CBS actually had helicopters to catch that RED-HOT MESS check herself into jail instead of covering important news!

What's The Big Ikea?

I don't know how they do it... and I don't care!

I love Ikea!

From the minute I walk into the big blue and gold fortress I'm surrounded by value!

How can they possible sell a Wok for $4.99? Which I might add is down from last years price of $7.99 as notated on their signage!

It doesn't matter to me that the majority of their products are made from pressed wood and self-assembled. The final picture is that of a clean, neutral and modern piece of furniture, that usually functions as a multipurpose piece!

Not too mention you can grab some delicious Swedish meat! You heard me, the Swedish Meatballs are amazing and you get a whole plate with all the fixings for just $4.99!

God bless the Scandinavians!

Perfect Cocktail!

Nothing says; "Perfect Dinner Party!" Like a delicious summer cocktail.

Tonight, I'm pleased to present:

A crisp Gin and Tonic with hand picked fresh mint, raspberries marinated in red wine, and a twist of lime!

Crisp. Fresh. Delicious.

Go Summer Dinner Party!

Cat Nap

Heavy eyelids struggling to read an adventure novel;

I sit upright in my comfy bed,

Loving the cool ocean breeze that brushes against my legs;

all the hairs stand on end-

Outside the aroma of a neighbor grilling on the BBQ;

No stress, no work, just decompression.

An HBO movie playing in the back ground;

The daydreaming begins.

My head jerks right to left waking me up-

only enough to reposition myself with a fluffy pillow.

I love Saturday afternoon cat naps!

Dinner Parties Are Fun!

Arrive at a lovely home you've never been to before;

Usually in the valley...

Enter into a group of people already happily socializing-

Wine, wine, wine;

Small appetizers passed,

Outdoor dinning room, perfectly landscaped-

One guest always brings that "Next Best Thing" in Hollywood-

She makes you laugh too hard-

Industry talk until everyone is "over it..."

Desert comes with more wine!

Everyone is merrily carrying on-

Dinner Parties are Fun!

Life's A Beach and Then You Marry One!

Remember those amazing T-shirts from the 80's?

Bright neon colors with "rad" slogans most of which involving the beach...

My favorite was "Life's A Beach and Then You Marry One!"

Of course I was around twelve or thirteen years old at the time, so I'm sure I only half knew what it meant. Obviously I understood the implied- calling your wife a "beach" and getting away with it, however, it wasn't until I got out on my own that I realized the many layers of that T-shirt!

I'm not sure why I thought of that saying today. It could be the fact that it's 85 degrees in Malibu and I could really use a beach day!

I know I've mentioned it several times in my blog posts, but the last month has wiped me out! I was on a creative high with our Real Housewives of New York City parodies, and then with the grand move, and the out of town work engagements have left me feeling uninspired, fat and lazy.

So, I've decided to get up off my uncreative, inactive, lackadaisical ass and get back on board the game of "life!" The first place I though of on a sunny day in Los Angeles: Malibu! The sand, sun and salty air might be just what I need to refuel my juices!

Today life is a beach! ...as for the rest of the slogan, I'm not sure I'm in any hurry to marry one!

Summer... and I'm Working!

I'm so ready for a fun summer adventure!
All I've been doing the past three weeks is either moving or working... or working on something I've moved!
I'm over it!
And I'm freaked out that summer is half way gone!
So, today was the last day I've allowed myself to work on any projects involving my apartment.
It's time to get my mind refocused on new creative projects and fun summer trips!
First stop; a trip to the beach tomorrow. Followed by a fun, action packed, summer movie Friday. Wrapped up with a day of summer pool partying on Sunday... That should put my mind at ease for a moment.
Just long enough to realize that I still have a trip to Lake Tahoe and New York City this summer...
Both are for work! But believe- I'm gonna do my damnedest to have a little summer adventure time too!

Starving At Home After A Long Days Work...

Thank. God. For Thai delivery!

Where Is Summer Going?

If you take too much time to think about how fast time is passing-
Then you've already lost too much time thinking about something that cannot be stopped.

Wedding Day...

When attending a wedding it's important to remember to make friends with the bartender...
I've realized that they're either your best friend, or your worst nightmare!
In the case of Jacqueline and James Snyder's beautiful wedding today...
our bartender Jolie hooked us up!
Congratulations Jacqueline and James! The wedding was perfect. The two of you were beautiful.
And everyone had a blast!

The Glamorous Life

Pounding headache,
Crusty dry eyes-
Aching knees and numb lifeless feet,
Lower back in full spasim-
Bloated gut full of junk food!
Sometimes living a glamorous life is less than desirable.

Six Word Essay on Summertime

Working so much I'm missing out!

Work Hard. Play Hard.

I take after my Grandpa Smith in my outlook toward my career...
My grandpa is the type of guy who never stops. He works hard and plays hard. He loves to remind me that, "there is plenty of time to sleep when you're dead!"
I completely agree!
I'm in Las Vegas judging a national talent competition-
The days are long.
But I promise the nights are longer!
When we're not in the theatre judging talent, we're in the night club- judging people.
There might be some drinking and dancing too...
I have to say- I have an amazing job.
I take it for granted from time to time, but I'm aware that I have a blessed life.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have a foot-long margarita waiting for me!

Freelander... I Don't Think So!

Do you think there's a rule in the universe that when everything seems to be going swell, and you finally have a little money that you're planning on putting aside-

Disaster sets in?

Even after moving into my new apartment, paying bills, buying some new furniture, and paying for my license and registration on my car... I had a little "pocket money" that I was so excited to finally tuck away into my savings account and earn some interest-

Just when the thought popped into my head, I heard a massive screeching sound from my the front breaks in my car.

Of course! I think there is some unwritten rule that anytime you get too delighted about finally feeling caught up... You have to pay a toll-

In this case the toll is: $452.oo!

Making me wonder why my car was named by the Range Rover company; The Freelander?

I think The Freeloader would be a better car title.

Slacking Off!

I'm a total slacker when it comes to my blog this month!

I've written several entries a day late and cheated and posted them with the correct date...

I'm pretty sure that was not a part of my resolution-

So I commit to posting something on the correct day!

...unless I forget.

Running on Empty...

I keep promising myself that I'll take ten minutes to write more than three sentences and call it a "blog post."
Sadly, I just feel like I'm running on empty...
Between moving and traveling for work, I don't have much time to spare.
I feel uncreative too-
So I don't see the point in wasting time forcing myself to compose a long contemplative essay or even a short story.
I'm fully aware that the entire goal of my January 2010 resolution (to write a blog post a day) was to stay fresh and keep the creative juice flowing...
So here I sit, fighting the urge to go organize something in the bathroom that needs to be arranged, or catching up on some desperately craved sleepy time...
And the funny thing is even now as sit here at my computer, I feel the drive to get my mind back on track!
Too bad I leave town again tomorrow for another week of judging a national talent competition in Las Vegas. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for the money and the free trip to Vegas (where I'm positive I won't sleep and I'll spend all my free time by the pool drinking) but, I just hope that by this time next Sunday, I'll be ready to complete a July project-
Other than rearranging the book shelf in my living room!

Happy Birthday America!

Today I'm thankful for my freedom.
It may not be perfect, but it's as close to perfect as I've seen anywhere else!
Happy Birthday America!

Work and Drink

Bed at 4 am.
Wake at 6 am.
Work until 7 pm.
Drink until 2 am.
Wake up and start again!

Pool Time in Orlando at One AM

Party
On
Orlando
Livin'

What do Dancers Really Eat?

I love how I like to pretend that I'm a healthy eater...
And then spend the day in a theatre judging dancers with amazing bodies, while eating a tub of peanut butter M&M's and a gallon of Cherry Coke!
Hey I don't have to look good! ...this week.

Talent Competitions

The hardest part of judging talent competitions is sitting on your ass in a hard theatre seat all day...
The best part... All expense trips across the country!
I'm at the Disney resort in Orlando for a fun filled week of talent, fun and fireworks!

Five Reasons I Love Coffee.

1. The smell alone brings a smile to my face.
2. It's amazing hot or cold!
3. It's a brilliant substitute for food.
4. I can't actually function before five am without it.
5. It reminds me of home.

Free at last!

The shackles of moving have been removed! We're in and very happy!
My favorite part- the view.
Los Angeles shines even brighter from above. It's crazy, from here I can actually see my dreams coming true!

Oops!

Moving sucks! But I'm finely finished...
And of course I was so overwhelmed that I forgot to post!
I promise I'll be creative again soon!

Done!

The boxes are in...
The unpacking begins...
I'm pooped!

RAGE!

RAGE IS NOW UPON US! I can't even form complete sentences!
I want this move to be over.
It was supposed to be one day!

Moving Sucks Part 5

The rage continues to build inside of me...
Why don't people do what they say they're going to?
Why do contractors lie about time, and then lie about lying?
Why did I ever think it would be a good idea to move?
Why did my new downstairs neighbor (who is obviosly going to be an issue) decied it was okay to walk into our apartment without asking?
I HATE moving!

Moving Sucks Part 4

I have spray paint in my eye...
IN MY EYE!
Moving sucks.
But staying sucks more...
So you've got to do!

Moving Sucks Part 3

Yesterday we helped an elderly couple move out of the place we're moving into;
Boxes of books.
Mounds of clothes.
Furniture covering every square inch.
We packed, carried and conquered!
I felt incredibly sad for the couple-
If it were my grandparents I pray someone would have done the same for them.
Now it's time for us to move our stuff-
It's going to be a long week!

Moving Sucks Part 2

UUuuhhhhggggg!!!
I just spent three hours on the phone and internet trying to update my new address for the move-
I was reminded just how much I HATE automated phone prompts.
They never work.
Why does every little thing take hours to accomplish?
Why can't moving be easier?
I know I'll love the new place...
But right now all I can do is RAGE!!!
Moving Sucks!

Brunch!

Brilliant
Refreshing
Unbelievably
Necessary
Champagne
Happiness

Getting Paid To Judge People...

I get paid to judge talent competitions from time to time, and I can't help but wonder-
Do the contestants I'm judging- judge me for making money off their talent or lack there of?

Moving Sucks! Part 1

After five wonderful years in my beautiful Hollywood Hills bungalow... I'm moving!
To an even more breathtaking Hollywood Hills Penthouse! With a view that spans all of downtown Los Angeles all the way to Malibu! Plus a washer and dryer and NO MORE LOOKING FOR PARKING!!! I'll have my own underground parking spot!
But the most amazing part- I'll be paying less than I pay now!
Thank you poor economy! (Hey, it's the only plus in this economic climate!)
But enough of the bragging-
Because as thankful as I am to move... The actual process sucks!
Phase one began today, when my asshole of a landlord came by to "inspect" the place...
I just love when people expect you to return things in BETTER condition than when you first moved in! He has a poor memory of what the place looked like five years ago- But never fear! I have the pictures to remind him of all the amazing things I've done to make the place more livable...
In fact today I spent two hours patching holes and painting... How many tenants do that before they leave?
I assure you- not many in LA!
This move is going to wreck me... I'm kind of a freak about needing my home to be perfect ASAP, but because I'm traveling out of town so much, I have a feeling this is going to be a move in phases...
Uhg! I'm so not looking forward to the loading and unloading. I'm thankful the move is only one block away- and I've already got a jump on the packing. So I'm going to do my best to stay positive and stress free.
Ha! We'll see how long that last! Hopefully by July 4th I'll be ready to throw a big party...

The Real Housewives of New York City Parody Part 2!

Because of the success of our first Real Housewives of New York City Parody... We decided to shoot another one right away! Watch below or to view in full frame on YouTube click the title link above! Hope you enjoy it as much as we did making it:

Wine!

Wonderfully

Intoxicated

Nice

Envorniment

That's Show Business!

Well as they say; "That's show business!"

Our parody did not make Watch What Happens Live last night...

Of course I'm a little disappointed, nevertheless I'm still totally thrilled that we were contacted by the producers! Plus, the parody is still doing well on YouTube!

So, no time to sit and be upset-

It's on to the next creative adventure!

Because in this town, you're only as good as your next project!

Amazing News!

I just found out today that the Real Housewives of New York City Parody that I co-wrote / directed / acted in and produced is supposed to air on Bravo's Watch What Happens Live tonight after The Real Housewives Reunion Show Part 2!

I can't even begin to describe the rush of adrenaline I experienced when we received a call from one of the producers over at Bravo!

Hopefully this is just the beginning of the next journey in my life!

Either way, I'm so proud that something that I c0-created with the brilliant Jeff Payton is getting such a great response from viewers and positive attention from people in "big" places.

As I've mentioned time and again in my writing- this industry is full of ups and downs. One minute you think you're never going to work again, and the next day you book a project that takes you on a new journey...

I'm pleased that I'm finally at a point in my life and career, where I just appreciate the small successes as they come to me, and I trust that so long as I continue to create and grow as an artist- the journey will lead me to my ultimate dreams in life!

Pride

Pride is in the air!
Everywhere I look-
Happy men, women and children at peace.
Families, friends and supporters;
Proud to be a part of that...

TGTIO!

Thank

God

Today

Is

Over!

...not that I'm not grateful for every day. However, today was a long, painful day-

Friday!

Friday is here!

So is UNBELIEVABLE news!

...can't say anything more-

But it could change everything for the better!

Truly haven't ever had a feeling like this!

I'm numb with happiness, so much so that I can't even type!

Life is beautiful!

I Love the Icing!

Despite how crazy and wonderful the month of May was for me- it looks like June has decided to give my birthday month a run for it's money!

So I say, "Bring it on!"

I'm so beyond ready to advance to the next step on the board walk in the game of Life!

Of course, I really try to enjoy each day for what it brings. I believe that if you follow your dreams, set goals and work to accomplish them, great things can happen.

I'm just in shock that it actually happened!

It's such a validating feeling to create a piece of work or project that you are proud of, and then release it into the universe- But I have to be honest, it's even more rewarding when that project receives an overwhelming response!

I'm beside myself with gratitude and joy from all of the excellent reviews and words of encouragement we've received with our little parody!

Who knows? Maybe, just maybe, this might be the project that opens a few more doors!

The entertainment industry is unexplainable- to call it tough or bone crushing would be an understatement! In fact, I just don't think there are any words that can describe what EVERYONE who is in this business faces at least once in their career.

You never know if you're ever going to work again, so you are always trying to live in that moment, but secretly you pray that another gig will come.

Then, of course, there are the layers... i. e. I hope people like it. What will they think? How can I use this to help get me more work? Do I look okay? etc...

So- I've really spent a lot of time reminding myself that I'm in this industry because I love acting and creating... Then I surround myself with exceptional friends and family and focus on enjoying LIFE. Anything that comes as a result of my career is just the icing on the cake!

...and let me tell you: over the past four months the cake has been rich and the frosting is decadent!

Busy...

Busy. Busy. Busy...

No time to write, talk or eat.

I'm trying to make the dream happen here people!

A Phone Call From Jill Zarin...

How surreal! I just got off the phone with the REAL Jill Zarin!

Honestly, she is super cool and could not be more gracious about the fact that I impersonated her in The Real Housewives of New York City Parody.

In fact, she gave us a thumbs up and said that the parody is, "fantastic" and she "loves" the impersonation I did...

She even asked me to do my impersonation for her over the phone and laughed!

So cool!

I love that I wake up everyday and get to create fun projects. I'm even happier when people I don't know watch and enjoy them... But I am truly honored that someone from the actual television show- watched it, and liked it enough to reach out and share their reaction personally!

What a complement!

I believe it's true: "Imitation is the sincerest of flattery." -Charles Caleb Colton

and I'm flattered that Jill Zarin is "flattered" with my impersonation of her!

Up Too Early...

It's four in the morning.

I can't sleep.

I've got a lot on my mind, for no reason at all.

The past five months of 2010 have been magnificent!

I've somehow managed to keep all of my New Year's resolutions, in addition to enjoying the added surprises that come up along the way.

Of course it's in my nature to be upset or disappointed in something-

which explains why I'm up right now...

I guess my mind is trying to find something to be fixated on, and because things are (for the most part) right on course for me, my mind is unable to accept this as a good thing.

It's common for me to try and make something better. When in fact maybe I just need to relax and savor the moment. I have achieved a ton in the past five months. Most of all, I've experienced a level of faith and accomplishment in myself as an artist and person.

Nevertheless, the battle remains- to accept where I am today, and grow from here. I know that it's a never ending fight to appreciate each day for what it brings. Some (days) more than others... I'm okay with that. It's just a matter of checking in and reminding myself that good, bad or in between I can shine if I just stay focused on positive energy.

Hydration is key!

When lounging poolside, it's important to stay hydrated...

That's why my friends and I drink vodka infused Crystal Light with electrolytes-

I love weekends when I don't have to work!

I know that all I do is lay around eating too much and getting drunk...

But honestly, what else could I be doing? Writing? Working out?

...no thanks! That's what Mondays and Tuesdays are for!

Poolside!

Plenty of alcohol.

Outrageous appetizers.

Off the charts music.

Laughter

Serious sun.

I love Summer.

Dripping wet.

Ecstasy!

Jazz in LA!

Summer is here...

...and with Summer in Los Angeles, comes one of my favorite FREE activities!

Tonight marks the first of the outdoor series of Jazz at LACMA!

Every Friday during the Summer months, LACMA hosts an amazing evening of Jazz in the outdoor North Plaza between the beautiful Broad Contemporary Art Museum building and the Ahmanson Building.

It's the closet feeling to New York City's Central Park vibe during the Summer. People from all over LA gather on picnic blankets (there are also chairs available on the pavilion) for those not as adventurous! It's one of the few times in Los Angeles, where you see a truly eclectic group of people drinking, eating and dancing in a harmonious blend! Plus, it's an excellent opportunity to take in some museum time too!

For anyone that has doubts about the culture in Los Angeles- this event should be toward the top of your list! Don't even get me started on the Summer Series at the Hollywood Bowl- that's coming up soon!

Anyway, I'm not only looking forward to a delicious picnic basket of fried chicken and potato salad, many bottles of wine, and amazing music... but tonight, we're also celebrating the birth of a close friend! So I'm positive the laughter and stories will continue well past the Jazz concert... which usually wraps up around 8 PM!

Laundry!

Hamper stuffed and pilled high,

No clean polo shirts to wear;

Going commando for three days straight,

Searching for anything from this decade to grab;

Can't be caught in the same thing... again!

People think it's my uniform;

Yep- I have to do laundry...

Now!

Addicted to Tattoos!

I'm not going to lie. I'm a huge fan of tattoos! I'm not even sure where the fascination with them came from, but I remember sometime around the age of thirteen- I knew that as soon as I turned eighteen I would get an entire sleeve of them!

When eighteen rolled around, I was living in Chicago and dancing in a professional dance company- I took my best friend at the time (Maria Tucker) with me to a small tattoo shop in Evanston, IL for my first tattoo! I knew I was in trouble from that point on! I was ADDICTED! I loved the rush of adrenaline, the sound of the buzzing needle and the spiritual high I got.

There's something about the permanency of a tattoo that makes me happy. I know many people see them as ugly and regrettable...

However, I find tattoos beautiful works of art and self-expression. Over the years I've continued to build on my body art- I'm up to six tattoos. All of which are extremely meaningful to me. Each represents a moment in my life, and add to the greater story of the journey I'm on.

Sure, there are those connotations connected with a permanent mark- the Holocaust and life as an inmate. But lets not forget that tattooing dates back to the Neolithic times, dating from the fourth to fifth millennium BC. Tattoos have long served as a spiritual practice- marking devotion, bravery, rank, and pledges of love!

Last night I was excited to share in my friend Amy's first tattoo experience! Amy had been contemplating the idea of a tattoo for well over a decade. She always knew what she wanted, however, she wasn't ready to take the next step. But like with most people, when it's time- you know it! (I know I sound crazy, but tattoos are something that really are more than just Pop culture or a Disney character you pick off a wall when you're drunk in the Bahamas!)

Anyway, Amy has a birthday coming up- and she was ready to mark this step of her journey-

I got to hold her hand last night as the needle sunk into her skin! She was nervous, but extremely brave! Amy- Welcome to the club!

Six Word Essay about Facebook...

Overwhelmed looking at my computer screen!

A Good Review...

I spend my life trying to create projects that others will enjoy- as an escape, release or just for a good laugh...
There is nothing more wonderful than the validation from a random stranger.
I know that you're not supposed to give much attention to a review... good or bad, because the work alone should be enough... and I can honestly say it always is!
Nevertheless, I'm grateful when someone takes notice of my creative efforts! In this case the awesome website TheFrisky.com
re-posted a parody of "The Real Housewives of New York" that I created with my talented friends... and I got a special glowing review! Check it out and if you haven't already... take a look at the parody too:
http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-real-housewives-of-new-york-city-parody/

I LOVE Hollywood

The thing about Hollywood is- all the things you see in the movies really do happen.
It's strange. But somehow, even the most outlandish stories have a way of manifesting!
For example, I never thought I'd find myself being invited to hang out at a gorgeous compound in Palm Springs over Memorial Weekend and get to sleep in one of the guest houses that Dean Martin slept in...
and yet I'm writing this while lounging poolside!
I have friends in other parts of the country who think that it's like this everyday for people that live in Hollywood... I always laugh and assure them it's not...
But I guess I finally realized...
It kind of is!
And I'm grateful for every crazy adventure I've been lucky enough to enjoy!

Viva Las Vegas!

I'm in Las Vegas for a quick gig and I had a few hours to kill last night on the Vegas Strip...
While I was out walking I noticed that almost every guy in Las Vegas either looks extremely gay or like a wife beater... And all the girls are either overweight with a hot face or skinny with huge boobs?! What's even crazier is that it all turns me on a little bit...
Viva Las Vegas!

Will Summer Please Stay Put?

I have to admit I'm over this Summer sun tease...

It's been a strange weather year all around for those of us who live in Los Angeles-

One day violent rain and wind, the next day the sun is out with nothing but blue skies...

Then of course there's "June Gloom." I think the name says it all... Los Angeles usually gets to enjoy a sunny April and May and then with June we get the gray!

But this year, almost every other day has been gray!!

I'm over it! I want to wake up everyday and know that I'm going to be hot and sweaty! I want to know that the sun is going to bake my skin to a golden perfection! I want to wear shorts until 11 pm! I'm sick and tired of freezing in LA!

Will the Summer sun please stay put!

Oh My Face!

Puffy, pudgy, bloated, swollen.

Itchy, red, inflated eyes.

Sheet marks running across my cheeks-

...lets just say I'm glad the crazy week is winding down!

I don't think my face can take another all-nighter.

The Parody of The Real Housewives of New York City

Without further ado I'm pleased to present: The Real Housewives of New York City Parody-

Please note: due to the ratio of the YouTube player and your computer screen, you may not be

able to see the full view of this video. Please click the link above to watch in full screen via YouTube.

Disappointment...

Disappointment ensues...
This is the second day I didn't write my blog in time!
I can make a million excuses and mention that I was running back and forth between rehearsals for two different shows I'm directing...
However, I'm upset in myself for dropping the ball! We all have the same twenty-four hours in a day, and I didn't use mine properly.
Never fear! I will make up for it in tomorrows blog!

Mondays

It doesn't matter who you are or how long you've lived through them...
Mondays are almost always a drag!
Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful to be alive-
I just have such a hard time starting my week.
I'm sure it has something to do with the fact that when we were kids, Mondays meant going back to school.
Nevertheless, Monday is here and I'm already so far behind on my week!
Oh well, it's almost nine o'clock and I'm ready for a drink!
Bring on the wine... I'll worry about today tomorrow!

Six Word Essay on Dinner Parties...

Overeating Mexican food gives you gas!

The Real Housewives of New York City...

Well, I made it through stand up and I made it through the shoot of The Real Housewives of New York City parody!

Now I'm off to sit in a theatre all day- let's just hope I can stay awake!

Here's a sneak peak of the character I play, Jill Zarin:

Wow!

Well, I made it through my stand up return... and I must admit after nearly four years on hiatus- I'm happy with the job I did! Most important I had a blast on stage and felt right at home! That, and nobody booed me off- so that's a good sign.

I'm on a performance high and writing today's blog really early! I can't sleep. Which is too bad, because I have to get up tomorrow for my next creative venture!

It's a busy week, but that's how I like it!

I'm eager to share this next project I'm working on... I'm co-producing and acting in a parody of The Real Housewives of New York City! That's all I will say for now...

I've got to force myself to get some sleep. I've got a full weekend, and I want to be able to enjoy as much of it as possible!

I know that this is probably the lamest blog entry to date- But I can only be funny, cleaver, smart or insightful for a certain amount of time each day. Since stand up sucked the life out of me yesterday and I've got a fourteen hour shoot today I hope you will all understand.

...and by "all"- I mean you mom!

Tonight's The Night!

Well, tonight's the big night...

My official return to the stand up stage in LA! I'm excited and nervous all at the same time, it's like the first time I had sex, only I don't know how this is going to end!

I'm actually really looking forward to it! Though I haven't done as much prep work as I might have done in the past, I think this new found approach just might work- plus I think I have a few funny stories that should make people laugh.

In the end, for me- it's really just about getting up and putting myself out there! I know that this is going to sound super lame and cheesy- But my whole life, I've enjoyed performing and making people laugh. It's what I've spent all of my energy and almost everyday pursuing, so no matter what, I'm grateful that I live in LA and I continue to live my dream.

Wish me luck! ...I'll let you know how it goes!

Life Flies On!

Yesterday while sitting at Starbucks working on my stand up material, and allowing myself to get all worked up about nothing...
I saw two baby birds on the ground behind a big flower pot planter. It was clear that their nest had been damaged, possibly from the unseasonable rain we had-
One of the baby birds was dead, its sibling was alive and frightened.
I felt so sad and helpless.
After a few minutes a larger bird flew in and I thought it was going to attack-
Instead, I realized it was the "momma" bird- and she was trying to feed her soul surviving off spring.
The "momma" bird flew away after a few minutes leaving the little bird to stand guard-
I continued to watch, wishing that there was something I could do.
After thirty or so minutes, the remaining baby bird stretched out its wings and attempted to fly up to the four foot planter that its mother stood watch on. Several failed flight endeavors finally lead to success!
Momma and surviving bird flew off leaving their fallen family member behind-
Sad.
But life moves on-

An Apple A Day...

An apple a day isn't always a good thing!
Let me explain...
I'm sitting at the Apple Store... Again!
I LOVE my iPhone! When it works...
Don't even get me started on AT&T- The Worlds Worst Phone Company!
The iPhone is such an amazing device-
It thinks for me, it remembers everything for me, it even does my laundry...
But when one little thing goes wrong- my universe stops completely!
...and lately- that has been happening too often!
So I beg you Apple- stop trying to reinvent the wheel...
And just perfect the one we have!

Chaos or Creation...

With chaos comes creation...

Or at least that's what I'm telling myself today!

It's funny, I'm the type of person who says "yes" to as many projects and activities as possible.

Because if I've learned one thing in this industry, it's the truth:

When it rains it pours! ...and when there's a drought- you can't get a job to save your life.

So I strive to live in a constant downpour- My thought, continue creating energy and the energy will continue to flow in your direction...

This week is no exception! I'm not going to lie, I'm excited and nervous all at the same time.

This is the week I make my re-entrance into the wonderful world of Stand Up comedy!

My show is at Room 5 in Hollywood May 20, 2010 at 9:30 PM!

If the stress of being funny for seven minutes alone on a stage wasn't enough... I'm also co-producing a video parody of The Real Housewives of New York City, and I'm still directing the musical Mamma Mia!

I guess I've learned to really be great at juggling activities and I try to bring my "A" game with me to each of the arenas I'm tackling... There are times when I fall flat, or the project doesn't turn out the way I'd hoped. Nevertheless, more often than not, I'm proud of what I've accomplished and I've made another step in the right direction.

Let's just hope that when I arrive at my final destination, I'll be able to look back and have a reservoir of wild adventures, wonderful memories and creations that stand on their own!

Wine Tasting...

Wine tasting;

Hours of laughter and swirling,

Pairing with delicious cheese and chocolates-

Intoxicated conversation afterwards;

Everybody is lit,

Loving the atmosphere-

Head splitting with pain;

The entire body aches,

Maybe we had too much fun last night-

Remember When...

...Twenty-five dollars seemed like a nice chunk of change?

I just dropped twenty-five dollars on a small bottle of laundry soap (on special) a four pack of Target brand toilet paper and a three pack of Target paper towels!

I miss the good ol' days when $25.oo meant a fun night out at the movies, or a dinner for two, or a tank of gas, or four bottles of drinkable alcohol...

Wow. I sound like my father... I totally get it now! I'm not sure if it's because of the recession, or I'm just cheap- but I miss the lavish lifestyle! You know, when I could blow twenty-five bucks on a days worth of coffee at Starbucks!

Sunset Boulevard Gets a Facelift!

My sleep for the past week has been ripped away from me every night because of the "beautification" project on the Sunset Strip!

I don't know who's responsible nor do I care! All I know is that someone thought that the entire stretch of Sunset Boulevard from Crescent Heights to Doheny needed a facelift...

After all, it is LA and no one or nothing can look like it's over sixteen years old!

It's too bad- part of their "beautification" meant tearing out forty year old trees! Not too mention the strain it's putting on all of the business that are already struggling to get people in during this economic hardship...

But the true crime (lack of sleep aside) is the parking lot formerly known as Sunset Boulevard! Don't even think about using it as a street- The traffic is backed up from sun up until sun down every day... And guess what? This project will not be done until August 2010!

Guess who else is going to need a facelift after this "beautification" project is done?!?

Chain Food Hangover...

So now I totally remember why I try not to eat out at chain restaurants too much!

I'm left with the worst hangover- Literally, my belly is hanging over my pants!

I think that's going in my stand up act!

Uuuhhhggg, I have to go to the gym now and get on the treadmill! I might not get off until next week...

The truth is: those "casual dinning" restaurants just give you way too much food. All of it is over salted (to taste incredible) and no matter how full you are at the end of your meal...

the picture of that damn mile high chocolate cake with hot fudge and ice cream is always right in front of your face! So you have to order it, and it every last bit!

I'm on a food detox!

Just say no to chain restaurants!

...until next month when I forget about the nasty feeling and 'am lured back yet again!

Chili's!!!

I know, I know... no one likes to admit that they eat at chain restaurants!

It's like admitting that you think Ryan Seacrest is actually pretty good at what he does...

But who cares? I think there is a time and place for everything...

And tonight at 7 pm the place to be is the Chili's Bar and Grill in Encino, CA!!!

I have a group of friends who are all funny, smart and sophisticated-

...and we LOVE to meet at Chili's and overeat!

After all, it's an American pass time!

Plus, the have awesome meal deals, and let's not forget we're still in a recession!

So stop judging, and support a local chain restaurant today.

Everyone is doing it!

Expert Shaver...

I never imagined just how much I'd hate having to shave...

I remember spending summers with my grandparents in Colorado-

I used to love waking up early with Gram and Gramps! They'd fix me a cup of "coffee" which had several heaping teaspoons of sugar, a ton of milk and a splash of Foglers coffee...

I'd sit at the table watching them read the morning news paper and laugh over the comic section, and then it would be time for them to get ready for the day.

I relished in the opportunity to watch them transform into Gram and Gramps! My grandma would sit in her dressing gown at the custom vanity she had built in the bathroom and begin to "put on her face" as she would tell me stories from when she was a kid. As she steadily worked from one side of the face to the other, applying just the right amount of blush that only years of experience can afford- my grandpa would stand at the sink next to her and shave...

(This was my favorite part!) I was fascinated with his expertise. In less than ten minutes he could wash his face, brush on a perfectly even coat of shaving cream and with a precise and swift flick of the blade, his beard would magically disappear! I was in awe...

When it became time for me to start shaving, I remember numerous attempts at copying my grandpas choreographed routine- always to no avail. I would end up looking like my face got into a fight with a box of razor blades... As time passed, I became more successful at removing the stubble with fewer amounts of blood. Still, I was no expert!

Now, I'm thirty-two years old, and I continue to question when I'm going to master the art of shaving like my grandpa did? Yes, I've been able to trim the time it takes to shave down to an impressive ten minutes- however, I still can't seem to achieve the results my grandpa was able to accomplish! I always end up with an ingrown hair, a nick or an entire patch of unshaven stubble on the underside of my chin...

I know I'll never achieve the level of wisdom that my Gramps possessed! He was my hero!

...I just hope that one day, when I'm shaving in front of my grandchildren, I will be able to impress them as he impressed me... Without the blood!

Sit Down Comedy...

I'm currently in the process of writing my new stand-up act...

For various reasons (that I have mentioned in several past blog post, but I'm to lazy to go back and look them up and link them here...) I stopped doing stand-up a few years back.

However, just recently- I realized I still have a lot to say, to a lot of people. Things I need to get off my chest, and I find that my ranting and raging comes off as funny in a room full of strangers...

...not at all crazy (which is probably a little closer to the truth than I care to admit.)

Anyway, while I was sitting on my couch working on my act, I started to laugh out loud at one of my favorite new stories (I like to tell funny stories, less one liners...) and for no reason at all I started thinking about why comedians feel the need to stand up while they deliver their act...

Would comedy be just as funny if the comedians performed: Sit-down?

Irrational!

I know I'm acting like a three year old...
I know it's completely self-centered...
I know I'm irrational...
I know that there are starving children not getting adopted by Angelina Jolie somewhere...
I know it's Mother's Day, and it's not about me anymore...
I know ALL of that!

And still I'm incredibly pissed and in such a bad mood today!
I know that it's ninety percent because of the fact that my birthday weekend is coming to an end...
I'm being such a brat! I'm behaving like a selfish shit! ...and I can't stop!
Add to that my HATRED of AT&T, and that all day I have been unable to call my mom or grandmas' because their service SUCKS!!!
And now I'm ready to force myself to go to bed!

goodnight. Tomorrow is a new day!

Really?

Los Angeles traffic sucks even late at night!

Now Thatsa Lotta Meata Ball!

Wow!

Okay, let me just say that I have so much more respect for both my grandmas!

Who knew that all of the amazing family reunions, Christmas gatherings and Sunday dinners took so much time and effort?!?

It's no wonder both my grams would rather eat out than have holidays at home anymore!

I just spent the better part of two hours; chopping onion, fresh basil, tomato and hand mixing three pounds of ground beef and pork with fresh bread (hand torn), Parmesan cheese, herbs and egg to make TWENTY-TWO perfectly round meatballs!

Then another forty minutes browning them to even perfection!

Oh the lengths we go through to please the people we love!

I have to say, it smells like heaven in my kitchen... Not quite as good as it does in either of my grandmas' kitchens... but I think all of energy, love and butter will be a HUGE SUCCESS!

Happy Birthday Bug!

Full Circle

Full circle.

No looking back, just full steam ahead;

There are no mistakes-

Release the fear and trust your path,

So far, not so bad;

A full life awaits!

Thirty-Two!

Can it really be?

My birthday has come and gone-

In the blink of an eye I'm a year older!

Thirty-two!

I don't feel any different. Yet the calendar says I am...

It's just a number.

But why do the numbers change faster as we get older?

It's just like Grandpa said; "It goes by too fast Mattski. Enjoy every minute- because one day you'll wake up seventy and stare at an old man in the mirror!"

I missed him yesterday!

He was right. It seems impossible that I'm a thirty-two year old man!

I knew this day would come, and somehow I feel completely unprepared!

...so basically I feel exactly like I did when I turned twenty-two!

I made it then, so I'm sure I'll make it now too!

Yesterday was a good day.

I'm alive and that's the beauty of celebrating a birthday-

The gift of life for another day on this planet!

It's My Birthday and I'll Smile If I Want To!

Thank God for the creation of Facebook!

Nothing makes you feel better when turning thirty-two, than to click on your Facebook page and see all of the amazing love you get from your friends!

I was overwhelmed with the kind words and well-wishes!

It's no surprise to anyone in their thirties and beyond, how fast the time goes!

I wasn't sure how I was going to feel today, turning another year older...

But I can honestly say that I have a smile from ear to ear, thanks to all of the amazing people I have in my life!

I was reminded today, thanks to Facebook and all of my friends that; "Wherever you are, it is your friends who make your world." -William James

I love that quote! The use of the word "wherever" resonates loud and clear.

No matter your age, occupation, successes, failures, adventures or anything else life throws at us...

Our friendships see us through until the end!

Question?

Should I be worried that I spent the entire day yesterday, with a drink in my hand? Or should I be more upset about the fact that I don't even have a hangover...

Don't get me wrong- I'm not complaining. I'm just not very proud that I have mastered the art of drinking all day long on a Sunday, and can still wake up Monday morning bright eyed and bushy tailed!

In all fairness to myself: I don't party like that every weekend... (It is my birthday week!) Plus, for every glass of alcohol, I drank a glass of water- so I'm only like 50% drunk...

Oh well, it is what it is! ...and I have at least another week of celebration! Don't even get me started on Cinco de Mayo! I'm just going to have to chalk May up as "The Party Month" and plan on getting things done in June!

Birthday Brunch!

What's not to love about brunch?

It's the best of both worlds... You get all of the satisfying breakfast food, topped with a layer of lunchtime favorites, splashed off with mimosa's galore!!!

There's something so wonderful about meeting up with friends on a Sunday around 11:30 and sharing in juicy conversation while stuffing your face and getting drunk in broad daylight!

When done well- brunch should stretch through the early evening and right into at least another three or four bottles of wine!

Today, I'm having a birthday brunch- there's no telling what crazy adventures are in store!

I just hope one case of champagne is enough!

May Day! ...and my Birthday Month!

May 1st! May Day! Or as I like to call it, the first day of my Birthday Month!

Yes, that is correct...

I'm a May baby. May fourth to be exact.

However, I'm the type of person who thinks birthdays should be celebrate all month long...

Is that too much to ask?

I guess I have my family to blame-

They always threw a huge parade in my home town every year on my birthday...

It was a weekend long celebration that rivaled something Disneyland would produce!

Marching bands from across the state, a city block's worth of culinary delights, banners and streamers hung across Main Street, a petting zoo, baton girls, clowns, a face painting booth, arcade games and carnival rides galore!

The fact that the parade was actually a "Blossom Day Parade" and not my "Birthday Parade" was something everyone in my family kept a secret from me until I could read, and finally asked how come all the signs didn't have my name on them?...

You can imagine the shock when I realized that this parade which had marked the kick-off of my birthday for so many years, was not for me, but for some stupid "blossoms" on trees that the entire city felt needed more attention than my birth!

I guess I really never had a chance at a "normal" life after that...

I mean really-- Once you've been lead to believe a three day festival of decadent food, brass bands and lavish floats is all in honor of your birth... an ice cream cake from Baskin Robins and a small gathering in Grandma's back yard is just not the same!

Action!

I'm up early for a 7:30 call time to set...

Thank God I'm just helping produce this web-series,

I don't have to be in front of the camera-

Believe me, the camera would malfunction if it had to shoot me right now!

In my opinion the only downside to making movies-

THE CALL TIME!

It's not that I don't like waking up at the butt crack of dawn;

I just don't like talking to people this early!

...that, and it's much harder to look like a movie star at 6 am!

Nevertheless, it's a sacrifice I'm willing to accept!

I LOVE to make movies!

Six Word Essay on Life

If I were rich, would I care?

I Hate Bad Haircuts!

How annoying is a bad haircut?!?

...I know, I know- it's only hair. It will grow back. But really?

I've spent a lot of time learning how to be very specific when talking to the stylist;

1/2 inch off the top,

no texturing please,

nice and tight around the sides and back,

taper the back,

no razor,

please don't touch the sideburns.

I don't think that's a lot to ask!

I will watch whoever is cutting my hair listen to the directions, smile and say, "No problem!"

And it's always a problem.

Stylist see my hair, and they love to fuck it up!

So even thought it's only hair, I have to spend the next month looking at it- too short on top, not short enough on the sides, textured worse than Clay Akin, and my sideburns take FOREVER to grow back in fully!

UUUUhhhhhggggg! There's not enough pomade, gel or paste to make this haircut work!

God- I hate bad haircuts!

...and a week before my birthday! I just wanted to look fresh and clean...

Now I look like Ryan Seacrest!

Lazy!

Laying in bed,

A lump,

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz,

Yearning for energy to do anything!

The French Can Dip...

Haute couture, delicious cheese, bold wines-
The French know how to do almost everything to perfection!

But are they really responsible for creating my number one favorite sandwich of all time:
the French Dip?
...I think not!

Shocking I know, I was surprised to find out that the sandwich I have worshiped and adored since I was weaned off the nipple was in fact created right here in sunny Los Angeles! Though two restaurants in Los Angeles have been fighting over who was Le Original since 1908... My vote goes to Philippe's!

No matter how you slice and dice it... there are very few places that can destroy the beauty of thinly sliced beef, wedged between decadent French baguette and dipped in au jus!

So no offense to France- I still love champagne! But when it comes to sandwiches, I'll take a French Dip over a Jambon-buerre any day!

(But I'd like a side of baguette and butter to go please!)

Long Day!

It's official!
I'm old...
It turns out, I can't do an "all-night'r" and roll into work for a
14 hour day...
I'm beyond tired.
In fact, I can hardly keep my eyes open...
So little blog post,
I'm afraid this is as good as it gets!

Whoops!

I knew the day would come...
I'm sad. But on April 24 2010, I forgot to post a blog entry...
So all I can say is I'm ashamed and sorry to myself!
...and I will do my best not to let it happen again this year!
I'm cheating and posting this now... With yesterdays date!
Because I'm that kind of guy...

Saks Fifth Avenue!

I'm not ashamed to say it-

I'll admit that it is true;

I want to be rich and famous,

and shop at Saks Fifth Avenue!

Happy Earth Day!

I'll admit I'm not the "Greenest" person on the planet... In fact, I really HATE those energy efficient light bulbs! I find them to be sterile and ugly! I love the soft glow of amber light while reading in my bedroom....

Nevertheless, I am very aware of the change in our environment- and I want to be more involved in the effort to keep this planet I love gorgeous! I watch Life and Planet Earth on BBC... I see how lucky we are to live on such a beautiful planet, so I want to stop taking it for granted!

Check out these links for excellent (and easy) ways to help save Mother Earth:

Light Bulbs:

http://www.environmentaldefense.org/page.cfm?tagid=609&campaign=480

Recycling:

http://throwplace.com/

http://www.bottlesandcans.com/

http://earth911.org/

No more plastic bags:

http://www.reusablebags.com/

Reuse your bottles:

http://www.epa.gov/reg3wcmd/solidwasterecyclingfacts.htm

So there you have it! Thank you to my amazing friend (and Greenest person I know) Amy Claire for compiling this list of links! Go Big Green!

Memory Lane...

I just took a wild trip down memory lane...

I spent the morning scanning old family photos onto my computer and archiving them to a floating satellite in space somewhere...

This way, regardless of whatever act of nature that might one day inflict itself on my home...

i. e. flood, fire, earthquake, etc...

I will always have a digital copy.

I REALLY stress out about losing things. On top of that, I suffer from OCD (self-diagnosed) and so I feel the need to have multiple copies of everything achieved, labeled, cross-referenced and stored.

Plus, a bonus advantage was getting to upload all the goofy family photos to Facebook-

I mean if you can't embarrass your family on a social website, when can you?

The crazy thing is all of the emotions that came up while scanning the pictures! Seeing myself at age one, ten or fourteen is wild... But nothing in comparison to the pictures of my mom and dad with my sister and me before their divorce. It's startling- because I'm an adult now and both my mom and dad are happily remarried and have been for years. Nevertheless, it was a reminder that at one point in my life, the four of us were a perfect, happy family!

It was also tough to see pictures of my Grandpa Shaffer. He's been gone now for seven months, and it's just another revelation of how fast time passes!

That's the beauty and reality of life- The moments we share are special gifts in time. We can look back on them with fond memories, but once they're gone, all we have left is a peace of paper or a digital copy and whatever we remember in our minds...

Dirty Laundry...

I used to love doing laundry!

It's easy when you live at home with mom and dad in your comfy home, with their nice laundry room that's loaded with detergents, fabric softeners, stain removers and a beautiful front load washer and dryer!

Then you move out into the real world... where you're lucky to live in an apartment complex that has one ghetto washer and dryer in the dirty, dark, wet and moldy basement- sharing with all of the nasty tenants that live in your building. (You don't think they look nasty when you say hello and goodnight to them in the elevator...)

But boy do they prove you wrong in the laundry room;

gross hair clogging the never cleaned lint trap, random unmatched dirty socks laying in a puddle of water in the center of the room, empty soap bottles thrown everywhere (except the trash can that is over stuffed with rancid fast food containers...) Revolting!

And of course, some buildings don't have a laundry room so you're forced to go to a laundromat!!! Which I don't even want to get into!

Uhhhhggggg! I dread walking to my hall closet to throw my dirty clothes into the bin... because I'm reminded that I'm one step closer to needing to do a load of laundry.

Alas, I can put it off no longer! I HAVE to do a load of laundry today, or I'm going to have to wear my swim suit and a blazer... because I have no underwear left and all my shirts have stains on them!

Addicted to Pork!

Bacon, Pork Chops, Ham, BBQ Ribs, Pulled Pork Sandwiches, Pork Tender Loin...
It's just not fair that something that taste so amazing,
comes from a cute little animal-
...and that it's so bad for you!!!

But I love Pig!

Salt, juicy, crisp and delicious- The key to everything savory: Pork!

D. C. Vacation Day Three

I hate good-byes!

Today is the last day in D. C.
Our group lead the party like pros!

All and all it was a beautiful wedding and an amazing trip!
I think we had a most excellent adventure-

From an 80 degree sunfilled day touring The Mall, to a wild night of drinking and dancing at the Columbia Country Club and now freezing our asses off waiting for our shuttle back to Dulles Airport...
I LOVED every minute of this three day friend-fest!

D. C. Vacation Day Two

Hungover all morning...
Starbucks at 12:30 pm
Lunch in Bethesda-

...now a pre-wedding champagne toast in the hotel with the gang!
Congrats Ellen & Brian! We love you!

...and I love D. C. vacations!

D. C. Vacation Day One

Wow! Red-eye flights suck!
You know how you think you're gonna sleep the whole flight,  but then you remember that you can't sleep sifting upright on a full flight with no air for four hours...

But day one of DC vacation is off to an excellent start!
There is nothing more fun than traveling with close friends to a destination wedding...

Today, after landing at six in the morning...
We took the metro to the hotel we were staying at and because of a really nice hotel employee... We got to check into our rooms and freshen up!

After a ten minute Metro ride-   we did a ten cent tour of D. C. From the U. S. Capitol to the Lincoln Memorial... We covered The Mall and everything in between; the U. S. Botanic Gardens, the Smithsonian, and a glimpse of The White House...  Somehow we even lucked out and did not have to wait in a line through the National Archives!

We finished our two hour race through D. C. at a popular bar in the area and got nice and toasted by 3 pm!
Just in time to make it back to the hotel in time for a quick shower and costume change before our rehearsal dinner!

Yes. I think vacation day one is off to a beautiful start!  ...and the night is young! It's only 5:30 and there's an open bar until 10!

The Art of Packing...

When I was nineteen and on tour with Girodano Jazz Dance Chicago my eyes were opened for the first time in many ways-

I'd never been to Europe, I'd never been drunk before and I never traveled with Christie Kitchen!

The later, Christie Kitchen, was my roommate on tour.

The artistic director of the company thought it was a wonderful idea to have each of the company members share a room with their counterpart off stage...

This way when you have a shitty performance, you don't just get to hear about what a terrible partner you are in the wings off stage- but the conversation carries into the hotel room in Europe, where you very quickly realize, you will no longer be sleeping...

But, the point of this story is not to talk about all the drama that can happen between partners on tour- instead, I'd like to focus on the reason I'm most grateful for my roommate and dance partner for three seasons on tour! ....Christie Kitchen and The Art of Packing!

Christie, could pack a suit case like no other! All this, before airlines started charging for; food, water, aisle seats and of course.... bag check!

Christie was a pioneer! Her favorite thing to do off stage was unpack and pack...

I was always amazed at what she could get in the soft-sided duffel suit case!

My favorite highlights:

The fold and roll. Self-explanatory really, but the idea is to fold along the seems (to reduce wrinkles) and then roll toward the collar or waist to form a small "fruit roll-up" like shape. Allowing more room to stack shirts, slacks, and even sport coats!

and

The shoe stuff! Again, very simple idea... stuff whichever pair of (multi-purpose) black dress / sport shoes with all of your under garments and socks- Providing support for the shoes, so they don't lose their shape, and allowing perfect storage space for the necessary unmentionables!

Small steps like this take almost no time at all, save space and make traveling a little less complicated!

So Christie- You'll be happy to know that every time I leave town, I think of you! We had our ups and downs on the road- however, the gift of teaching me how to pack, is one that has saved me numerous headaches, and will keep me traveling efficiently for a lifetime!

....even if you did make me cry while you were screaming at me for bring two suitcases on a three month tour of Europe for my first time!